Does reading my words make you feel things you wish you could alter?
I know you hate to know this but I've kept the truths of what you've all done watered
and yes on your side of the fence by your hands the roots were slaughtered
you all screamed my name with each of my innocent saplings you hacked and quartered

but that was only half of them, you all missed some in the corner, so now ladies and gentlemen ready yourselves for a tour to behold this tortured orchard

where the fruit rots and the fruit spoils
where the tree limbs twist and the tree limbs coil
where the ground has shards of glass and shrapnel in the soil
where the sun's so hot every drop of rain and dew begin to boil

liars and thieves
liars and thieves
the invaders who brought the plague that burned the leaves and replaced each of my succulent crops with piles and piles of thorny weeds
you all tried to force the fruit down my throat grown from your poisonous seeds
I realized now not everything that says it's human and has a heart bleeds

you guys who sniffed things through a cut straw that looked like powered chalk
you girls who'd give ***** looks and lift your hands to hide your lips as you talked
learn to keep my name out your mouth and to leave my page unstalked
cause if y'all can't stand me why do you stay looking at my posts from an account with an @ like a bot?

How does it feel? to know I remember the things you forgot
to know he's truly just my friend but has more fun with me than you even when you're giving him backshots
I laughed at you and found it really pathetic how you made your friend check my tiktoks
and honey... that natural deodorant doesn't work for you, even week old dead fish smell better at any fish mongers dock

The girl who had mice feet running over her children's silverware, your husband's a ***** and so are you if you're unaware
For fun you drink nyquil and it's not less ****** sipped out of earthenware
you used to say "I hate him this time of year, even the way he stupidly stares"
well this is the rest of your life honey, aren't you scared? and also if no one's told you please stop cutting your kids hair

And the ex I spoke to last November, I asked if you were excited to marry her, do you remember? well you left me shocked when your answer wasn't yes because with her in life you want to forever venture, my jaw dropped when the only thing you said you were excited for was being a child's predecessor and I hope you know one of my life's biggest treasures is knowing it wont be my precious blood that's shed to give you a successor. Oh, and your wife knows we talked, right? You did happen to tell her?

Either I've added to the lore or I've been talking to a wall, either way- you all make sure you come back to visit and take another tour of the tortured orchard next fall.

it’s… okay

sitting there with seven people who know me best surrounding me

eating cucumbers with salt and strawberry cheesecake ice cream

little bursts of laughter ringing out at updates at our lives

impromptu staring contests breaking out with one of the strangest and funniest men i’ve ever known

“how’s the fam”s and “i missed you guys”s cropping up every once in a while

it’s more than okay

it’s another home

i’ve always thought that home was supposed to be just one place, one location or person in which your soul blossoms like sunflowers in the summertime. i don’t think that now. your home can be with your cat with the upside down heart on his face, and with your mom whose hands smell like cool lotion and kindness, and your dad who sings paul mccartney too loud, and with your brothers who share tiktoks with you and laugh at your terrible jokes. your home can be with your friend with purple dyed hair, or your friend with red dyed hair, or your friend with the mustache, or your other friend with the mustache, or your roommate who gives too much, or your friend who wears big jewelery, or your friend with the round glasses and big smile. your home can be with your curly-haired soulmate hundreds of miles away. your home can be with a girl you met online who you overshare with every day. your home is expansive and all-encompassing and everything that makes you feel safe and warm and fuzzy and all the cheesy stupid things rom-coms are supposed to make you feel but not in a romantic way just in a

comfortable way

home is comfort

home is safety

home is home

2 tablespoons general anxiety

1 large worry, finely diced

¾ cup internet memes

3 unfinished books, opened facedown on already cluttered surface

2 heaping teaspoons anger that I keep making too-watery iced coffee

1 dash missing my friends

8 large handfuls shame that i’m not being productive enough, roughly chopped

1 pinch writing everyday being harder than i’d anticipated

14oz thinly veiled joy of being trapped inside

57lb tiktoks that are entertaining but also rotting my brain, peeled

107g fear that i’ll never be great at anything, thoroughly rinsed and drained

72kg reliance on my boyfriend’s affection to substantiate my own sense of self worth

0 knowledge of how recipes are written for garnish

salt to taste