My life is a conflict,
for instance, I'm anti-
prefix and I print thou
sands of leaflets to end
waste and promote recy
cling.

Is nothing sacred? No
thing ventured, nothing gained.
Even the cows appre
ciate the milk of hu
man kindness. Nothing is
sacred. The snare drum in my
heart has lost its tautness, the
springs have become strings that
are pulled not by heartwarm
ing scenes but the slowly
chilled grip of calipers.

a cloudburst, penetrated our world
with thrusts as deep as the eye of our
storm, coasting over us in heaved
passion; unleashed with each
dip and sway

bombarding...

our core in showered felicity; tasting
euphoria's longing, titillated to the tips
of our toes; saturating her soft spots,
her rain and I were one curled, pelvis
to hip

sliding in out as hands caressed in rhythm,
wanting to taste her rain once again;
cultivating in her delicacy, nibbling tautness;
remembering moments our lips said hi

besieging me...

as her raindrops seeped, causing our
steam to rise, each drop in hunger;
I'd delve deeper into oblivion,losing
myself in raged deluges of her

rain's cloudburst...

Then there was the sudden stillness
of thousands of birds on the telephone wires
strung like records of our transgressions
in an unquiet pattern against
roiling gray sky.
How had they come there, how
in their alien dance had they conceived
this tautness, this bizarre
and malefic solidity
from their own selves,
a tension like a hand
on the small of your back, at the nape
of your neck.

Then there was the sudden stillness
of thousands of black birds on telephone wires,
black stones on a string, a long dash
on granite sky—

A universe that breathes its natural joy,
through geysers, and the summer sprinkling
of sugar atop burning crimson oranges.

Which finds necessitude,
in orbits of tender frequency.

Which finds contempt:
in vacuous headlands
and marshes filled with spider's legs.

Which seeks unity:
by golden dusty saturation
and celestial chapels
strewn with haunted bursts
from depressed musical chimneys.

Where I am,
futilely seeking to dethrone myself.

["Your mothers and your fathers,"
said he, at the AA meeting beneath
the musty and deserted Anglican church.
"Where the rooms and the furniture breathes
a sigh of relief as you enter.
Where your bodies succumb
to violent pangs of movement,
movement that is nothing other
than the tides of the ocean
and the tautness of a kite string by the shore.
Where three hundred white silken dancers
trot in flowing garments
Dutch windmills to catch the wind
and flow closer to omnipotence."

Before him, a child sadly sings.]

Words are like sharks’ teeth—
rows upon rows of them
sitting like pews in an empty cathedral—
the light playing through the stained-glass windows of the gill slits—
glinting through the busy, flitting motes
of plankton dust.

Words are like sharks’ teeth—
endlessly guarded,
but easily discarded,
flipping like coins in an Italian fountain—
sinking into the cerulean abyss
of the Adriatic Sea.

Words are like sharks’ teeth—
a fatal phalanx
oft dismembered,
seldom remembered
except as but an evolutionary assemblage—
a prehistoric assembly line.

O, but
words are like sharks’ teeth!

The edge takes,
the point drives home—
the carnal hunger of the gums
resonates throughout the jaw,
compelling the incisors
to test their power
against the defenseless tautness
of the prey’s flesh.

The eyes roll back,
the neck jerks.
The water fills with a crimson miasma—
a hemoglobin ecstasy—

a feeling of God
flowing through the machine.

Words are like sharks’ teeth.

I feel so full of movement words
and language that skips and spins and slaps
as movement does
expression and silence and quiet screams
the tautness of my lungs
like in a dream when you can't
quite
speak

so full of wooden unopened doors
that lead to dusty rooms
with sparse shards of light
coming in through boarded up windows
from the outside that is my imagination
but it, too, has a yellow sun

and aggression that leads to unsavory thoughts about
people I don't know
who don't deserve my tightness coming out at them
through narrowed eyes behind a blank expression
just because I can't break the dam--
make a pinprick hole in my brain balloon
to relieve the pressure of my chest bursting at the seams
with angry love for everyone I don't know
but I do love them
don't you doubt it

and in my fullness I question
what it is that all in there was made to do
to write or dance?
and maybe do I want to sing?
pen music, words, be on a stage
or behind the curtain, mouthing what is heard
is that the needle? with which
I can make the hole
to empty out the art
that causes so much tightness
that I can barely close my hands,
my fingers can't come together

and then I want to paint so fully
that I don't need a canvas, I have skin
and can't I be a moving dancing writing painting?
that sings her own lyrics badly
and plays an invisible piano with dexterous fingers
self referential to a painful fault
whose badness screams
THIS IS ART
because, why is it not?
and it empties me out
I am no longer taut

The moon owns all women:
We feel it's tautness, as it's pulling us
Into the fertile loam fields, of reproduction,
A year at a time, until high tide finally arrives.

And at birthing time, we can sense it's shadowy silver fingers
Prodding us, wanting us to deliver to it's schedules only;
Like it orders the oceans to and fro, with it's nearness
And animals sense it's fog of breath behind them, urging them on to madness.

At certain times of the month, and it is such an on-again off-again sort,
Either completely out there, or hidden like a thread of light, barely showing
Through hidden doorways tiny cracks; unwilling to reveal a centimeter more
All the while influencing a million more invisible things we would never associate
At all; and makes one almost willing to believe in astrology's claims.

And once I saw the moon beside your face, and could no longer resist
It's pulling; and when it told me to go into your arms, I obeyed-
Because I knew it was more ancient and  more powerful, than any of our sawdust brains.

Weak static creates an uncomfortable tautness in the air.
A sound emitted from the screen is heavy, weighing.
Muted light grips to ions which imperceptibly moss over the dusty glass monitor.  
A world within a dish.  
Slapdash pixilation.
Fragments—just fractions, part in snaps.
No image takes form in the storm of digitalized points, indistinctive refrain is absently composed.
The apartment, thick with a cloudy green hue.
Stripped, pink shoulders, a flush which spreads in a subtle frenzy—
Bleeds across an exposed chest.  
Vulnerable core.  
Noticeably contracting, beating the high concentration of life from one source
Into branched capillaries.
Into plush, coy lips—
Hush.
Sinews tear, a dark liquid pools, liberated from perforations.  
Flowing from the source and staining porcelain teeth.
Indulgence.
The innate capability to devour proves true outside feasting.  
Femininity of unbridled ******* and echoing amusement,
Eternalized.
Cataplexies pressed and dried upon blank, white pages which prove difficult to turn—
only facilitated by the hand of time.
A vast expanse of briny depths outstretches further than what’s perceivable.
Waves rock a feeble coo which escapes from child’s lips at the spectacle of a mother.
*Cri de Coeur

Here I am again, another message to a world
That never wrote to me, so I sit with fingers curled
Around this pen, remembering when it used to be so easy
But life is change, I’ve learned, it’s strange
I think love poems are so cheesy, but this is one, I've met someone and, uh…  
Now my words are freezing  

Cause she’s gorgeous, but I can’t describe the things she makes me feel and
She’s so cool, but words won’t imbibe the meanings, make this real
Cause I can’t see her intentions, to be fair, she can’t see mine
Another thing I’m learning is to take what we call time
And just sit down, breathe, relax, believe
Something out there's got my back
Because for me, what you'd call love, seems to hit hard and fade fast
Cause I'm the jealous type and Christ, I know I ****** this up before
Oh, if I had just been different, had learned a little more
But that awe inspiring feeling, I simply couldn’t make it last
And I'm so aware of my faults, I swear on all meaning I've amassed
That I've learned enough by now to leave my mistakes in the past  

But once again I feel that tautness in my chest, oh so familiar
And I hate to even indulge these trains of thought
As if there's nothing real here and I'm ******* being played
And she's just some surreptitious oxytocin dealer and
It's all a stupid fantasy and so much wasted effort made  
And to be honest, I am afraid right now, and it makes me feel
Like shutting down and drinking, there's no ******* appeal
In lying up all night and combing through these useless fears
I know I need new ways of coping instead of pouring sweet, sweet beer
Down my throat, but hey, we're all here dying, ***** is just a longer rope
At least I feel slightly less lost and I can ignore what you'd call hope
Because I've seen it surfacing and silly me thought it was clear
But now I'm not so sure again, so I'll just ******* sit right here and  
Try to figure myself out, and now I'm sweating and can't hear
Over the tumult of these words that I know aren't real or even right
And the uproar of these thoughts, it ******* keeps me up all night
But I don't know how to say them, or even if I should
Cause hope keeps building things up, I knew that ****** would
But it reminds me of that feeling you get at the top of a roller coaster
And if you need to hold on to someone, come closer, I’m right here
Forget all those nagging notions, it's much more fun when you’re near  

And this girl, she is so funny, says she wants to learn  
Everything about me, the way my neurons burn to make this human being
That she says is hard to read, well then just let me say this, because I wear my heart on sleeve
If you ever want to know me just speak or read my poems, I’m not hard to figure out
And if you ever want to feel me, there are other uses for a mouth
Our conversations roam from vacuum cleaners to dimensions
Including all else in between, and this ******* ****** tension
But is it even real, I swear it's like the best **** dream that
I've ever had because she's just too **** amazing, too good to really be true and my pessimistic mind
Persists, won't stop insisting there's no way she’s really into you  
So I'll just keep my ******* mouth shut and let that temporal river run
Just enjoy the moment, I'm actually having fun talking about whatever
Just being with this someone and I want it to work out, but my constant apprehension
And this pernicious doubt, I try to trust but just don't know, cant really see what it's about or if she even feels my
Energy when fingers touch her, cause I can't help but think my hands are substitution for another's
So until something shows me I’ll just try not to care too much
Cause I hate being disappointed, close to there or feeling such
But now that conversation, I can't pull out of thin air, especially if the answer is something I don't like and
Life is back to ****** feelings and just drinking Labatt ice and smoking **** till I just ******* nod out and fall asleep
It’s been so long since things seemed clear, so let's see if it will keep
Because I'll be the first one to admit that during struggles I've succumbed to that ****** we call fear, and I'd rather just be numb but
I said I feel it now, it's so ******* ugly and too near
But thankfully I’ve somehow learned to see it from above
And all around, so instead of just being its **** glove, I can actually breathe again, I'm not afraid, because
I now know that even God’s just another person craving love
It just pretends that it's all knowing, but it's just another soul, even if it knows the end, how could it's beginning be controlled?
And even though its awareness may be on a different plane, it’s still a conundrum, it's still looking for the same
Things that we all do and probably feels pretty lame, so I cant help but smile, I cant wait to play this game
And I'm saying game because it should be fun, no pressure, we can walk or run
Or hell, let's skydive for all I care, as long as there's space for me and you, let me be your parachute
Cause God is totally just as confused as I am, sitting here at this bar with someone new
I hope I don’t turn out disappointing, but I don't know what else to do
Because that mystery, it can’t be me
Can't you see that it is you?

And I really just want to tell you advice I give to myself, though
I don’t know if you even want it
Don’t know the things you’ve felt, but I want to learn
Which is the same thing you said to me, I want to intertwine with you and
See how happy we could be, and if I seem hard to read, I just don’t want you to run away
I’m probably just breathing, but I know things will be okay
So don’t you disappear because I’m your friend, together we'll get through
What we call life, and now I see the world did write to me
That letter's you

There’s a give in here. A give I hand to you,
a slacking of rope or tautness of need or demand that I offer begrudgingly.
I act like there’s nobility, but I have no wings to carry me above the likes of you
and we both know I want too much to begin with.

You are a hot blade, an inevitable change, something that will fade or drift from me and I will continue to grasp for you throughout my life.
I will grab and grab and come up with empty hands.
I will be ninety and still clutching outward, gnarled fingers searching for you.

Your softness is mine in my head. I am probably delusional.
I will always be delusional. Someone too insecure, too needy, too much, but never good enough for you.
You keep rising like the sun and I am keening and bending toward you like a woman at worship. You are not all of me, but you are a part of me.
I want to keep you.
I wish I could lock you up inside my breast. I want to cage you within my ribs
and let you flower there, collecting your petals in my stomach until you fill me.
Until I am old and full of crisp, browning flora.
Let me help you grow. Let me push you upwards and out. I want to unlock all of you.
I will give you all of me, a gift of trust and rawness.

Unwind yourself and curl up within me.

You are out of reach to me.
Sometimes we meet and my chest collides with yours and my stomach pushes against the softness of yours and we are just as close as if we could actually hug or press against one another.
We find a likeness or a difference that becomes an adhesive.
I think sometimes you resent me for holding on too tight.

By: James Xander Young, August 19th, 2013

A righteous act a fallen love a plaything from above. She saunters forward just an inch edging nearer and nearer still I feel my breath increase and my pulse stir. Damp droplets of lust arrive, within my furrowed brow. I do exhale and languish for the svelte god from above. Ever nearer drawn in close, a soft shading about her face, a be speckled eyes and concentrated bliss she is. Poignant and stark she smiles and creates her own light tight and designing with liquid legs and tangled expectations. She is a beauty to behold, to hold once is to be foretold a trembled hand upon her back a silky tough touch between her thighs. The auburn beauty finds her knees a soft caress upon her face a lollipop stare a thoughtful gaze upon her head. Held in tight he takes flight. An anguished release and moment of contorted gesticulations fallen spent he decries. ‘’’ Oh, oh, oh I love you. You love me, you are me, we are we, please, please me. Shining bright she readies her smile and steadies her breath a carnal desire now post hence she lingers lucidly with one thought in mind. This is her time her due. As she stands to undress, I note the beauty in her every movement the caution in her hands with great anticipation the wispy willow stands and sheds her silky svelte like silhouette and moans siloquis in pleasure and soft lifetimes lived at the pleasure and firmness of my touch. The pressing pin ****** and tautness tight silky skin begins to scratch along my jaw as I make my explorations of the coalescing curves of her most exquisite landscape and a crescendo of ecstasy ensues to ensure as two twisted tangled bodies lie dormant as though hiding throughout the billowing fields of lavender and jasmine raging a torrid raging flame filled field of fire. The respiteful rest lasts just momentarily until the action is forced once again by the beauty of her presence. This time soft slow and casual lingering upon every follicle though each were supercharged and trying to break free and burst through the pleasure mounds of non burden, the ecstasy increases still. They moan heavily and languidly like they were without care living the moments of moments in each touch and kiss, or lick, and flick of the synapses angled upon their bodies. They play and laugh imagining a perfect world and countless dreams are flashed before their very eyes as though connected on that level like lightning across the night sky. With warmth between her thighs and then they drift and weave in that nocturnal embrace once again reliving every caress, every embrace every flip, and every turn that was firm.

and white noise.
The fall in which
I fell in to love

I feared nothing –
your
Plutonian force
closed in on me.
Your body followed,
I buried my head in to the tautness
of your hipbone
and I smiled.

You were taken aback, surprised
that anyone could be that close to you
and still want you,
so you smiled too.

We lasted 10 months
to the dot.
it seemed almost comical
how a relationship
could be so self contained.
i wondered-
looking at the freckle on the flat of your hand
whisky coloured on the smooth brown expanse—
if giving too much was really a problem I’d have to solve by myself.
the redlines we’d both crossed
reappeared in your eyes
i couldn’t understand where the stress the pressure summoned itself
begging to blow you up
but I could understand your hopelessness when you said you don’t want me to disappear.

it was only after that early morning walk to Starbucks together where
for fear of
wasting a weekend of sun
mourning
us
i debased myself
holding your hand, putting you piggyback  and running
like if i could make it to the finish line you’d give me a consolation prize and take me back.

watching videos in your halfway home
feeling your heartbeat
slow in my arms
believing it meant
this coldness was going to
melt away and
we’d rematch and be free

Until you spoke so casually
about the life you’d now get to live
unbound & free
the tautness of my heart
snapped me back to reality
cursing until my tears choked me.

i remember
packing myself away
you standing over me asking

“How are you feeling?”

like a taunt
with my fingers
grasping through the clothes
I brought to spend
in the sun
pushed to the back of
the suitcase
I stood and
unleashed all the truths
and half truths
and lies
unspooled
months
of love
in moments
to try to leave you
scarred and raw;

“you never loved me you never meant it really you want to be free you aren’t sick you don’t want to be my friend you don’t know what you want you were lying to me and now you wont even fight for me”

but you stood glacial -
and I realised it  -
was hopeless you had already moved on -
and all ive done was -
sentence myself to exile -

Feeling imperfect, I am constantly striving to perfect the
way I look into your captivating eyes. It's like skipping
rocks on the symphony of tears that sometimes grace your eyes,
patiently waiting for the melody of your beauty to
reverberate back in the echoes of your love.
Your essence envelopes me like a sanctuary of celestial beings
each time our lips meet in a kiss. The moment you lashed out at
me with a bat aimed at my knees, I found myself unable to bat an
eye, at the sudden weakness that overcame them.

Our love story isn't the picture-perfect fairy tale, but nevertheless,
let's endeavor to make it extraordinary. Whenever weariness
overtakes you, I will be the place where you can seek solace and
reprieve. Even in the wetness of our shared kisses, there is
a power that could extinguish flames, yet not the passionate fire
that blazes fervently in the silent yearnings of our intertwined hearts.
And when we do dare to verbalize these desires, our words
take on the cryptic language of love, whispered in the secret
lexicon of our shared passion. Embracing each other, the space
between us is transformed into a warm cocoon of affection.

Struggling to contain myself, clutching onto the tautness of
my pants, these garments serve as a vessel to bring vitality to
the depths of your being. With every fiber of my being,
I seek to erase any remnants of you from all fabrics, so that I
may intimately discover you within the confines of your very pores.

Sing to me that serenade of love, a melody tailored for our
intertwined souls. Even if the lyrics slip from my memory,
the everlasting chorus echoes loud and clear, proclaiming,
"My darling, I am profoundly in love with you."

I savor the smooth richness
of your masculinity,
to disappear in your magically strong muscles,
to immerse myself within your wondrously
wild web of alluringly defined rhymes,
your lean affectionate arms,
longing to dance in the naked taste of your treasures,
to drink your sweet, creamy nectar,
to lick your suave, thick neck, your broad and tawny chest.
I wish to enter the tunnel of your **** abs,
inhaling your vivacious formation,
the detailed, elegant shapes of your creation,
traversing away into the brilliant, unbounded skies
of your absolute, warm-hearted, and gilded frame,
basking in your immeasurably fine and poetical invention,
losing my world in your surprisingly ****** dreams
of immense steam.
I crave to consume incredible truths and intelligence,
to proofread the many pages of your insightful history,
taking notes as I flow inside your distant and dreamlike symphony,
smelling your misty masculine scent
filled with citrus, lavender, a hint of sandalwood,
and patchouli, evoking a feeling of inexpressible happiness.
I’m addicted to your earthen existence,
the hairs under your arms,
the fascinating tattoos on your youthful, sun-kissed skin,
to fantasize about your fetching foundation,
let your hands seam my desires like a piece of fabric,
fold my soul so elegantly like a stack of clothes,
and store me deep within your core.
Let me somersault inside the tautness
of your body,
luxuriate in your astonishing hotness,
imagining a galaxy beyond another galaxy
where you charm me with your heart,
with your dope boy spark,
falling and landing in the grandest gateways
of sleek sensuality,
your personality so amiable, gregarious, and passionate,
engulfed in the city streets
of your aesthetically appealing handsomeness.