I wake in bed, 'neath twisted sheets,
full throated sings the thrush
and with it, the scrape of knotted
twigs, scratching at my window-pane,
which doubtless served to bring me
up, from that release of dreamless
sleep.

I turn my head upon the pillow,
hoist me up the patchwork quilt,
but struggle how I may in lust
of the peerless prize of sleeps
recapture, I end, as well perhaps,
I might have known, with naught
to show but bated breath, and rest
lost, in want recalled.

Throwing off the strangling sheets,
pushing back the weighted quilt,
I rise, abandon hope of sleep,
shiver, in the morning's chill;
the dawns of Spring as
Winters days.

I move to light a candle,
watch the flickering flames arise,
draw up a chair to the window,
set the candle at my side. I
sit there, dreaming wakeful,
mind weary, gone, astray, as
the minutes pass in silence,
and the hours slip away.

At length, as long I lie there,
reclined in soulful apathy,
lost in boundless sympathy
as to the state of self and Being,
I rouse myself, and stir, eyes
red, begrimed and straining,
for I sense a subtle lessening,
in the aura of the dark.

Then at last, as I sit watching,
I and the herald thrush, at
last, oh long awaited! the
gleam of the dawning Sun.
I rise and gaze in gladness,
tears welling at the brim,
for it seems to me I never saw
more splendid a sight than
this; sublime, celestial
vision, balm to my hearts
desire.

I move towards the door,
all weariness forgotten,
push back the latch and
turn, forward in the
lambent dawn.
I stand amidst the sunlight,
golden gleam effulgent,
and all the dew-drops
glittering, resplendent in
the shine.

I marvel to myself in awe,
at the magnitude of
the world, as if the
colors' cool irradiance,
or the fragrance of
the vernal dawn,
were not but seeming
new, but were, verily
new-made in glory,
set to lighten paradise,
for the coming of
Thoughts firstborn.

I breathe deep, in and out.
Thoughts clear I gaze,
out still, amidst the reaching
light, yearning ever to glimpse,
into the heart of the Sun,
and see there, as I know I
shall, the patterns of eternity,
Imprinted upon my eyes
and memory, full-writ
in endless time, before descends
the final black.

At last, I sit, back straight,
against the old and ivied wall.
Eyes farseeing, gaze lost,
beyond the reach of mind
and men, I waver not, from
that point of infinity, lost to
the horizon, and yet near,
so near...I am lost, adrift,
in a golden sea of light,
and of nothingness,
which is everything,
and eternity.

Lost, amidst the bright expanse;
peace, in endless change.

And I sleep, amidst the
dawning light, at last,
in blissful solitude;
and my soul is far,
and gone from me,
gone, within the fractals
of infinity, and in the
sempiternity of joy,
and of endless light;
for a moment,
and for forever,
in Time.

Anaïs Nin once wrote;
'And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.'

Life has been a roller coaster, few words
describe this journey, taken,
swaying from belief to imperforate betrayal,
doubting all I am, do
and in, an unfathomable manner, enticing myself,
to the darkness, where I may find resolve
allowing me to not only, wholly, scratch the surface,
but dig deeper into the skin,
cutting through skin, membrane, muscle
I delve right into my bones,
the veins in my body flow,
with rhetoric and rhyme, infiniteness
climbing up the walls, the skin tears
a sempiternity of knowledge pours,
red sanguine fluid,
purge my body, pierce my mind
a carcass remains, ready
for devour.

© Sia Jane

Please feel free to learn more about me and my writing on the Facebook page I just started.
My poetry at present is really concerning the fears I have about finally widening my audience to my work.
https://www.facebook.com/Siajanewords

Why did you hold out the hand of friendship
When you didn't feel a sense of kinship
why did you try to get acquainted
When you felt like " love is tainted"
You told me you are rectitudinous
comely and pulchritudinous
Why did you hold my hands with alacrity
When you didn't want them till sempiternity

In 1983, a team of deeply pious scientists conducted a radical experiment
They found a willing volunteer with merriment
They believe a human without any senses or ways to perceive stimuli
Like what would happen when you die
Except he will be alive
He would be able to perceive the presence of God & survive
They theorized that the five senses clouded our awareness of eternity
And live in the mind sempiternity
There a human could actually establish contact with God by thought
The only one to volunteer was Scott
His wife passed away, he has no family, so he decided to give this a shot
To purge him of all his senses, the scientists performed a complex operation
Scott was heavily under sedation
When every sensory nerve connection to the brain was surgically severed
There was no going back, ever
Although Scott would retained full muscular function, his speech may be impaired
When he awoke he could not see, hear, taste, smell, or feel, & felt scared
He realized he was not, with the ramifications, fully prepared
But it was too late, its permanent, never to be repaired
With no possible way to communicate
All he could do was wait
With no sense the outside world, he was alone
He began to cry and moan
Scientists monitored him as he spoke aloud about his state of mind
He spoke of flashing light, though he was blind
In jumbled, slurred sentences that he couldn’t even hear
He felt in a in closed in a tomb & spoke of fear
Assuming it was an onset of psychosis, they paid little attention to Scott’s concerns
The next few days, he’d lose consciousness & then mumble as he returns
On the fourth day, Scott was unknowingly lying on a bed
When he claimed to be hearing hushed, unintelligible voices in his head
Then he heard a voice, it was Kimberly his wife & although she was dead
He cried out, that he could hear his dead wife speaking with him
And even more, he could communicate back to Kim
The scientists were intrigued, but were not convinced
Until Scott started naming dead relatives of the scientists, that they could not dismiss
He repeated personal information that only their dead family member would have known
Some of the things he said freaked them out & sent a chill to the bone
So a sizable portion of scientists left the study
The only ones left were Ronan, Judie, Stefan and Buddy
A week of conversing with the deceased through his thoughts, Scott
became distressed
Saying the voices were overwhelming, making it hard for him to rest
In every waking moment, his consciousness was bombarded by so many voices
They refuse to leave him alone, even with his wife he no longer rejoices
He frequently threw himself against the wall, trying to elicit a pain response
While the scientists were nonchalance
He begged the scientists for sedatives, pleading and weeping
So he could escape the voices by sleeping
It worked for 3 days, until he started having severe night terrors & woke up screaming
Scott repeatedly said that he could see & hear the deceased even when dreaming
Only a day later, Scott began to shout & claw at his non-functional eyes
hoping to sense something in the physical world, but the scientists did not empathize
The hysterical Scott now said the voices of the dead were deafening
Speaking of hell, the end of the world, their voices were strengthening
At one point, he yelled “No heaven, no forgiveness” for five hours straight
He continually begged to be killed, but the scientists decided to wait
They were convinced that he was close to establishing contact with God
Seemingly mad, at his flesh he started to bite chunks & clawed
The scientists rushed into the test chamber & restrained him to a table
With the restraints, to hurt himself further or attempt to **** himself, he will be unable
For two weeks, Scott had to be manually rehydrated due to the constant crying
They were so close & couldn’t risk him dying
After another day, Scott could no longer form coherent sentences or even a word
It was all very blurred
After a few hours in restraints, Scott halted his struggling & screaming, he was silent
The scientists came closer to Scott since he was no longer violent
To check his vitals and if he wakes up what's the first thing he will say
But he was still silent, until the next day
He was staring at the ceiling as though someone watching the stars in space
Then teardrops silently streaked across his face
Eventually, he turned his head & despite his blindness, made eye contact
The scientists didn’t even know how to react
“I have spoken with God, and he has abandoned us” Scott said with his last breathe
Then his vital signs stopped, there was no apparent cause of death.


Based On An Urban Legend