Those little blue, grape-like flowers
They remind me of childhood.
Sweet, soft, soothing childhood.
I would spend a warm afternoon,
picking the little bead-like petals off the stem,
for no reason in peticular, just to have them.
They were fun to hold in my hand.
Pretend they were little grapes.
Of course, those “grapes” I never ate.
My brothers would say they are poisin grapes.
They remind me of childhood.

Childhood, so sweet, innocent and good.
No drama, no homework, nothing to worry about.
Just playing house, jumping rope, learnign the ABC’s.
Every year, it was exciting when the time came around
when all the bright golden leafs fell to the ground.
pre-school, kindergarden, 1st grade...there comming now.
We’d be happy, getting older...we’d think
while jumping up and down.

But back then we had no idea, no clue at all,
how much we’d miss those carefree days,
our sweet, soft soothing childhood.
It will all seem so distant later on.
But some memories just wont be gone.
Sometimes you will see that flower,
the flower that reminds you of childhood.

This one was different. Not the kind of different you hear about from Hollywood. Not the kind of different that’s only in fairytales, where the farm hand has a heart of gold and the duke wants to steal the maiden’s gold. No; not this time. This was a bad different. But one that felt…so good, so right, one that simply couldn’t be ignored. He may have been the cast to her broken heart, but I suppose we’ll never know.

The first one’s kiss tasted sweet. Sweet to match his chocolate eyes, sweet to match the music that he created, sweet to match the tenderness of his heart. But his sweets belonged to another, who turned and bloodied his back.

The third one’s kiss was nothing particular…almost bland to the taste. But his was warm and comforting and addictive to taste…he drew her in with lips like roses coated with the ashes of a smoked off drug. He kissed her once…then again…and again…and again…and again…he drew her in, he coaxed her and drew her close to him, letting his fingers gently pull her chin, her hands…and he left her when he had healed her and when he was breaking, and she returned to save him with his own poisin.

The second one’s kiss was the different one.
How so different was his.
It drew her in...or perhaps it was her broken heart...but her drew her in and she backed away into the sweet lies of his persistence. And she gave him her all, every last drop of loving, anguishing blood, and she left him without a clue, without a sign, without a hope...

And yet, his was different.
But that’s all that should rightfully be said.

Trauma sits heavy upon my chest, decreasing my ability to express.

My hurt is big, my shame is thick,
My behavior can be so toxic.

I am so sorry this darkness flies out
From beneath my shackled chest

And I am so horrified, that it is with you
My painful poisin comes to rest

Still my beating heart this time,
Stop my breath before I speak.
My eyes are growing heavy,
My knees have gone weak.

Close your fist around my throat,
Cease the flow of blood to my brain.
Your presence drove me crazy,
But your absence made me insane.

I cannot sleep in the dark of night,
Whenever I rest my weary head.
My mind stays fixated on,
Those last words that she said.

Someone please send me a prayer,
That it will all end tonight.
I pray to god for a car crash,
That may bring darkness to the light.

Forbidden love,
with an angel above me.
She walks by my side,
telling me that she loves me.
I still believe her,
Deception of misconception
lethal weapons to my mind,
a hollow shell,
as people surround me,
In my internal hell,
I burn and flail,
failed communications.
I'm in a jail cell in my thoughts,
broken props on the floor,
like useless couture,
you words are a ghost of my past,
I chose to ignore.
Piercing my veil,
I put you on a pedestal,
called you my holy grail,
then you shook my world up ,
so all I can do is wail.
I feel like I failed.
I can't get it through to you,
so I blew it off,
now what am I supposed to do?
I planted a seed of love and then,
I dug all my roots into you,
just for you to turn and say the feeling isn't mutual,
I love you boo,
Nothing in this world could get me over you.
I'll struggle too,
keep ahold to you,
I get emotional,
potion plus the poisin,
burns my heart,
but I'm stuck,
Devotional,
it hurt to hear you say it,
and my likes to replay it,
and you got me going crazy,
where'd you go baby?
I got that lost feeling and everything is hazy,
my vision isn't clear,
faintly shinning the days away,
eyes pour tears gravely,
bravely I look you in the eyes everyday,
and I say the things I do,
I couldn't voice them other ways,
I praise god almighty,
for sending you my way,
to pull me from that ledge,
I shoulda been gone that other day.
I am who I am,
my past is why I'm here today,
I will say this only once,
never again or other days,
My love for you is to deep,
so dont throw it all away.
there is more I want to say,
but to put it in rhyme would take the meaning away.
I really don't know what else to say.
I'd tell you I love you, but really, what would it change.
I don't want you to leave. So hopefully you will stay.
Romeo is dying to live through this play.

Imagine, glass body
Rich and full
Of reflections, call it character
Worn and cracked over a lifetime
Once smooth, replaced with sharp ridges
Cutting those who attempt
To wash away sins

Blow for blow against this cold world
Equal parts damage dealt
And recieved.
Accumulation of battle scars
Leaks an absolute darkness
A radiant aura of poisin clouds.

Hit hard and hit back harder.
Asking for the final blow,
Over the edge and out of control.
In a resonating scream
Shards of flesh burst into light
Twisting with bad vibes
Reborn, arise full and tempered.

When I
Think of you
My
Heart swells to a size
Larger than
The average man's fist
You'll **** me at a young age
You disease!
These pills
Are poor medicine
To me
Finish me!

No...
Long ****

You slowly peel
Off my life
Like
Pages of a calender
How long will it last!
I hope this is my last summer
I cant take it
I cant make it
I cant break this habit
I'm an addict
I panic at interventions
And take it way too personal

"What!!?
You want to take
My precious pain away!!?"

Never!
I'll indulge
Until this buldge in my heart burst
I'll die a thousand times
Just to relive the feeling
Your poisin
Is killing me gently
And I love it
You hate me
But I know
You only hate because
You love me
I'm not kRazy,
I'm obsessed!

An i'm upset
You'd mistake
The final breath
I'll take
Would be for the sake
Of attention

No!
It's simply for the pleasure of pain
From the object
Of my affection

your hand around my neck
tries to keep me from breathing
pushes my heartbeat to slow
leaving me begging & pleading

your lips caress my body here
makes me feel like screaming
tingles being sent all over  
finding it all quite pleasing

your eyes lock with mine
creates the feeling of dreaming
staring at the sweat drip down
feeling the breeze of freezing

your mouth says sweet words
thought up with out meaning
they disappear in the morning
and you leave my heart bleeding

your looks send dopamine
through my body while believing
at first you'd want to stay
but looks can be deceiving

your memories teach me lessons
of a love I won't be receiving
I'll remember you like the others
but know all poisin is miss leading

lay on the  
                                     shadow
   black
                    grass
rise up and rekindle all the memorys that  
                       hath
    been
                           harassed
listen to the  
                sorrowful
          howling
                                     wail
for all those who  
             contiue
   to  
                            fail

the red cresent moon rising  
               high
and  
                               bleeding
the limp, dead body's cast a warning  
        to
                             be
   heeding
one shattered soul takes in the
             blood
  and  
                          flesh
her blood stained hands still  
                                 crimson
         and
fresh

the only thing more dead is the hole  
                     bored
                in
      her
                                           head
to be her you must know what it is when a soul's dead
       to
be
                           truly
              alone

to out live all the blood  
          stained
                                      ties
to                    home
a black cloak and veil cover the  
    ghastly
                                                 skin
she's a being that  
           shouldn't
   have
                                                 been
always wearing an unseen mask
           no
one
                     was
                able
                                       to
       ask

what tragedy had been  
     in
                     her
past

no one could ever have guessed how long her  
                    pain
                                          could
         last
a past the world never gave her a chance
                      to
       forget

as if the world feels her  
                             death
  filled
                regret

bearing the cruel curse she  
         had  
been
                        given
in a way she is  
                always
      living
like a poisin dart embedded in the  
                                  soul
          domain
slowly eating away till the
            body
                                          only
                 remains

can't count all the blood lined roads  
       of
                    her
              war

the deaths fall down onto an unmarked score
                a
   girl
            forever
                         sixteen

to her life is  
       cold,
hard
                                        and
                   mean
her chance was taken away
        never
                      to
                be
   **returned

I lay there dead and numb inside,
While you drew me in just like a tide.
I really don’t know where to start,
But you pulled a knife and cut my heart.
And in that moment then I knew
I could never ever stop loving you.
Even though your bad for me,
You make me feel alive and free...

Lost in a quiet moment
I lay there with darkness
All around me
Ana's grip is just too strong
I cant seem to make
Her strong grip disappear
She seeps through my veins
Like poisin
Sooner or later
She will send me to my grave

There is no gn to my head
There are no plls in my hand
But a slow sucicide is my poisin
Small smiles
Tight laughs
Small cuts
"Partying"
Slow sucicide is how I die
Playing in snow
Eating air
Sleeping days
Caffine nights
Slow suicide is my choice
Silver pens
Red paint
Smoky lungs
Whisky breath
Slow suicide is a petty death
Braclet wrists
Long sleeves
Empty ribs
Cold hands
Slow Suicide