you and your moodswings
swing dancing, swinging me to the ground,
swing swing swinging

you and your moodswings
make me drink myself to sleep

Don't get wasted,
you'll get stringed.
acting like a god,
is an act of sphinx

**** your mind outings,
until you realized the pages of your sheets.
reap what you sow
and realize you are a bull.

give another cheap shot,
pretend you are the weak, bleed.
sensitivity is a blessing
you never carried.

cut your insecurity,
burn your malicious thinking.
bring your flamboyant buddy,
immaturity is what your bringing

**** your mind outings,
until you realized your pages and sheets.
reap what you sow
and realize you are a bull.

Bias 
Is a little ***** 
The alliteration is merely a coincidence 
But it is
Everyone has their own views 
Their own opinions
Their own perspective 
Negative or positive 
Like the moodswings of a mother in menopause 
It's still a *****
Hah just like your mother , jk
Bias is everyone 
Everyone has a bias
It's their perspective 
No matter their age, their IQ, or the amount of muscle mass on their perfectly chiseled body
They have a bias
It's rarely good 
So look out for that *****
Bias
It'll bite you in ***

You need to reach out
- that's what I was told

I confided in a number of people

Sat across a lot of wise spectacles
Sympathetic coffees
Blank invites
Dispassionate loves

You need medication
- that's what I was told

I popped a number of pills

Over months,
White, long
Yellow, small
A number of nights
Crazy eyes,
Erratic behaviour
Strange moodswings

You need a change of scenery
- That's what I was told

Miles and miles of sand
A sea extending into the sky
My heart became the feather
That landed on waves
And sank
Far below
The understanding of humanity

Went to the hills
Stream flowing by
Which iced over at night
Bare apple orchards
Green and stone
Woke up at 4 AM
From where I stood,
I couldn't see the sunrise

My spirits
Shattered and fell
Along with some rocks
Off the cliff's sheer face
As I ended up
On my hands and knees


You need to meditate
- that's what I was told

Pure silence at 4 AM

That's what I woke up to
And I sat for an hour everyday
Trying to focus on
The "om" I was told about
With the last echo
I was left bereft of purpose
Vision and energy
I couldn't move on
With the day

I like him tall,
slim and,
built,
a man who can walk the walk,
more like talk the talk,
a man whose not afraid to sweep
me off my feet,
make love like a real man,
a man who knows how to please,
I want to wake up to breakfast in bed,
he has to always hold my hand,
when I'm feeling scared,
talk to me with respect,
and always be be prepared,
to face my unexpected moodswings,
everyday.
I need him to love me,
like his afraid to lose me,
kiss me like a hunger,
needed to be fulfilled,
treat me like his
Queen,
I want to be his first priority,
cause if he doesnt fulfill my standards,
that would make the worst thing that every happened,
in my life.

The door is shut and I'm
Thinking usually
About a system that doesn't work
A tire that is broke
When payday will be
And about a guy lately
I'll tell myself I need to write
It's been hard to concentrate
Like I was tapping my feet
Contorts into strange positions
Like an acrobat
Rusted pinecones
On the sidewalks curve
Pine trees dark green
Christmas lights and the
Colorado flag with the red C
Draped on balconies
Tilted driveway with
Small patches of ice
Telephone wires scrape the sky
And the poles line the streets
Sometimes there's screaming
On the concrete stairs
I'm lost to myself and everyone
Else when abrasive moodswings
Speaking in contradictions
Plague my weary mind
Like I'm running away from Someone else
Like they forgot my name that
I call myself
And there's no cave deep
Enough
No storm volatile enough
No words clear enough
People everywhere in my
Peripherals
Spacing out in broad daylight
Like I've never heard of a
Clock
Winter fell in love with the
Idea of Summer
And tried so hard to capture
That lofty breeze
Dreaming of palm trees and
Oceantides and tanning
Under saphire skies
But
Winter means hot coco and
Layers of blanket
And when Winter tried to change
He was heartbroken when the
Icicles persisted in spite
I guess I should know
Like do old couple's constantly
Question if they're in love?
No.
They don't.
It's unspeakable.
I must be blind maybe
Like when I worry about how
You feel when you're sitting right
Next to me
Sometimes I freak myself out
Looking for a semblance of
Safety in us
I guess I should know
You're never homeless for
Earth's your home
It's the air you breathe
When your home is under
Your feet
And they call the shelterless
"Poor"?
What is family anymore?
It became glimpses
From the present to the past
To the future
Still like a hearse
In technicolor
Revolving doors passengers
Slide through
Just passing by for a little
Bit of time
Mesmerized by candlelit
Pictures on shelves
By books only passerbyes
Glance at.

By Arcassin Burnham


I got no time for all your mess and all your bickering,
I know i messed up in the past it could be sickening,
the mistakes of letting go I can't forgive myself,
when it's bright at dawn I change the padlock to my
heart and dreams,

I got no time for all your mess and all your bickering,
I found love at the lake it smelled like Irish springs,
I just gotta say.... where were you when I needed help,
heads not on straight to the sound of the music and the
lighting of the solar beams.


/


Cute dress with a smile and a cup of coffee
Sitting on the dock of the bay,
Stand still woman , I'm trying to get your
Eyes right,
According to my artful bouquet,
I was...
Thinking about the days where we would make
A perfect day into nights,
Use to pray you would stay,
And I......
Would love the lipstick smell engraved all over my skin
With the joy of really seeing your face,

Pressure is pressure it will never change,
Don't know where you come , can't encourage pain,
Aiming for the base of your heart like a gun range,
Don't trade in moodswings just to have the strain.

I feel frozen inside
My body froze over when i knew i couldnt hide
I feel hot inside
My heart burned when there was anger inside that made the flames grow
I feel numb inside
My body lost feeling from a sudden shock to my veins
I feel dizzy inside
My head spins as i try to hold before i fall
I feel broken inside
My body falls when my bones shift to pieces
I feel anxious inside
My lungs collapse when there is weakness in my chest
I feel anger inside
My body shakes as my nerves get tangled
I feel hyperventilation inside
My stomach turns as the waves inside push me down
I feel confused inside
My eyes are crossing as i get lost and cannot see
I feel depressed inside
My moodswings wont stop changing and messing with my mind
I feel scared inside
All my fears block me from moving, and so i feel trapped inside;
I trapped myself by losing control

I created episodes like you would see on a tv show;
but mine were real
I became crazy like you would see in a thriller movie;
but my moodswings wasnt an act
I cried like you would see a baby in tears;
But i was hurting
I screamed like you would see in a horror film;
But my fears and demons are chasing me
I was out of control like you would see in an action movie
But my actions wouldnt lie
i would be silent like you would see in a mute person;
But my voice wont allow me to speak
I wouldnt listen like you would see a deaf person;
But my ears wont allow me to hear
I couldnt look like you would see a blind person;
But my eyes wouldnt allow me to see
I couldnt breathe like you would see a heart stop;
But my lungs kept me hyperventilating with anxiety
I became distant like you would see miles away;
but i actually disappeared

Do you ever just try and give up on taking that hard,
tasteless candy that controls your mind
You want to stop just to see if you can control yourself
with nothing stabilizing your insides
But then those withdrawals of being calm;
To feel life again, & not to be numb
But then you know its fake;
The good behaviour, & no more mistakes
The anxiety; gone, the moodswings went calm
The self conscious had been forgotten about,
& no more of the addiction to self-harm
Those worries within, & those darkest fears
No more love for being alone, & no more nightmares
I saw what that tasteless candy can do
It made me change, & unlocked my room
The mind has been ruined, tortured & abused
The heart has been broken, thrown around, & used
Even though the high milligrams corrected my mind
I wasn’t the one who actually changed myself inside

I forced the tears out to be spoiled
A little girl everyone was used to
It was only a fuss
It was only water with salt
And then i brought on a thousand headaches
Whining
Screaming
Yelling
I knew how to make mom and dad crazy
I didnt know;
I just knew how to get my way
Older;
A little distant now
The tears were made out of selfishness
Things became thrown
Doors were slamming
My way, or no way;
I knew how to yell
I knew how to scream
I knew how to silence everyone until i came home
The tears came out for nothing
A little weaker now
My eyes;
Wide open
I introduced a weapon
Now i learned how to really cry for something
Broken thoughts became tinier
And then the cuts turned into scars
I needed an escape
Sorrow had replaced happiness now
Not when i was a baby
Not when i was a little girl
Memories remain
Pictures remain
And my tears drown me with pain
I felt so alone
But i loved being alone
And then suddenly i knew what alone really meant;
So then i understood what crying was really about
I broken heart,
A broken soul
A dead heart,
A dead soul
A goodbye forever
A hello to my fears
As i wake from my nightmares,
I cannot see
My eyes are shut tight
And then i became scared to open up to see
I couldnt breathe
Drenched with sweat, i was going crazy
And then i felt the tears again
Now im out of control; i bleed
The harm i force on myself,
I just want myself to leave
As i release such hateful tears,
The mirror i stare into shatters my body and makes me broken
I learned how to bleed;
I learned another way to cry
The fears have taken over now
My mind became my enemy now
The past that was broken never got repaired
Now is when I memorized what crying is
As i close my eyes i think of what i have done, what i lost, and what i continue to do
Hyperventilation,
Anxiety,
Depression,
Moodswings,
Self-mutila­tion
The tears from my childhood didnt make me understand;
It made be spoiled and silenced
Now i understand,
Now i learned
I learned how to cry the hard way
For pain
For loss
For scars
For the past
For harm
For memories
For the blood i lost when i couldnt cry anymore

Do you ever just try and give up on taking that hard,
tasteless candy that controls your mind
You want to stop just to see if you can control yourself
with nothing stabilizing your insides
But then those withdrawals of being calm;
To feel life again, & not to be numb
But then you know its fake;
The good behaviour, & no more mistakes
The anxiety; gone, the moodswings went calm
The self conscious had been forgotten about,
& no more of the addiction to self-harm
Those worries within, & those darkest fears
No more love for being alone, & no more nightmares
I saw what that tasteless candy can do
It made me change, & unlocked my room
The mind has been ruined, tortured & abused
The heart has been broken, thrown around, & used
Even though the high milligrams corrected my mind
I wasn’t the one who actually changed myself inside

I took a break from that sugarless candy,
The one that makes my mind sane
I was calm but triggered at the same time so it was time for me to quit
It happened, that I broke down again
A mental breakdown that was at its worst
My uncontrollable emotions made me scream like I learned a new tone
My body wouldn’t stop moving from the demands my brain was signalling between my bones
My heart felt all the abuse
And my whole body was breaking
I felt like something took over me, I was a different person
Out of control and crazy; my actions came before thinking
I felt like all these years my mind came back with revenge from being tamed
It was like I had all the symptoms starting from the beginning as if I was clueless;
Back to square one, where I didn’t recognize who I was anymore

The anxiety was too intense
My chest was too tight; with cramping
Then I forgot how to breathe
I was out of control with every small trigger
The darkness mind had woken, though I thought it was dead
Only sleeping, waiting for an opportunity that always was waiting for me to give up once again
My screams made me deaf
My actions made me scared
I had days that I was unmedicated
And those days were the best I’ve ever had;
loving the symptoms of a broken, crazy person

After some time, my mind cooperated after I broke
I took the pill again, but at a higher dose
It created another problem, that I had absolutely no control
The anxiety was at its worse once I began taking the pill
Felt like it was doing more harm; I wanted to feel normal without those milligrams
I felt my heart beat at its fastest
And then my chest started cramping all over again
I felt so sick to my stomach;
Enough that food was forbidden; to stop eating
A few days, my body was empty
Anxiety was in control; demanding my body go unnourished
I saw nothing but evil
That’s when I wanted to break each mirror I looked in
Cause deep down I couldn’t save myself all over again
Deep down I didn’t want to save myself and make the darkness end
I hated the dizziness, while I loved it
The feeling of being drunk, but I never had a sip
I endured a great weakness inside
Physically I felt something that I was forced to hide
I looked at my face, my skin, and body
I looked at my tears; the salted water that had me drowning

I was going back to how I was;
The silent stranger that he once helped me escape from
This is round two of a dangerous breakdown
He came to my rescue again from all my demons
It was the exhaustion of anger outbursts,
The exhaustion of nervous breakdowns,
It became physically obvious from a problem that was emotionally painful

I had my days of emptiness;
Those moments of anger & anxiety
I had my hours of darkness;
Those moments of loneliness & fear
I had my minutes of sadness;
Those moments of drowning in my tears
I had my seconds of moodswings;
Those moments when I lost all control

I was at my highest of losing control, my body became so exhausted
Like a toddler having a tantrum, I didn’t care who I disturbed, who I hurt, how I sounded, and how I looked
My heart made an entrance; but weak
It finally warmed me up, but I still wasn’t free
With the lack of food, It was hard to laugh; so my muscles were weak
My chest was tight, and it was hard to breathe
As I tried to speak, it was an unrecognizable hoarseness from the screams that took over my vocal chords
I knew my body was weak
I knew my mind failed me all over again
The exhaustion of anger outbursts,
The exhaustion of nervous breakdowns,
It became physically obvious from a problem that was emotionally painful
I did it one last time just to feel the pain from the inside out
I suddenly had a calm breath that stopped me
Then I finally realized, this shouldn’t be me