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Neha D Jun 2014
When complexities increase in number,
brashly jerking me from slumber,
When dilemma stares me in the face,
dragging me into the modern rat race,
I simply ask myself, what would Holmes do?

When there is a downpour of worries all at once,
forcing me to gaffe about and act like a dunce,
When diabolical questions pop up now and then,
making me ponder how and when,
I ask myself,what would Jeeves do?

If only Mr. Holmes were to be my guide,
and the inimitable Jeeves were by my side,
My remotest feelings to them I'd confide,
without having them rebuke or chide,
because Holmes and Jeeves would know what to do.

While Holmes would take the bull by its horns,
Jeeves would provide against obstacles and thorns,
Holmes would know  what to say,
Jeeves would put in a tactful way,
because Holmes and Jeeves would know what to do.  


So, when headaches and woes come in fleets,
I go in my mind to those London streets,
I consult them with a problem or two,
Because Holmes and Jeeves know exactly what to do.
Tommy Johnson Mar 2015
Now, if you think I am the only writer or poet of my kind in this New Age Millennium, you are mistaken

There is me that is, Sammy Kendricks and my crew of reject ragtag writers extraordinaire who are going to change this world

First on the roster we have Haden Zanders, a poet who tackles topics from a humorous but  intelligent and eloquent way

Then there's Zach Nichols my personal shaman, he's into paganism, mysticism, alchemy and spirituality as a whole
His writing is out of this world, literally and add to it he's a musician who is single handedly innovating the neo tribal music genre

Next In Derek Neman, a poet and musican close to my heart, a bit younger than the rest of us but still hold his own
He is loving, caring and has a strong spirit that I know will take him wherever he goes
His words can make mountains weep

Then there are Kaspar and Otto
Kaspar is a poet of the romantic variety, hopelessly devoted to love
Otto is a writer who can sum up any topic in a matter of a few lines
But powerful lines they be
Short, sweet and to the point

Up next is my good friend Jeeves, Jeeves isn't his real name
His real name is Nat but that was too boring so we all call him Jeeves
He is one of the mad ones, stricken with a severe case of wanderlust and wonderment
He served in the navy for three years
Now he's back and writes of his travels and his loves and losses
He paint, plays bass and philosophizes the human condition

Of course how could I forget Pete, a clean cut good 'ol boy
Always down to meet woman and have a drink and make a night out of a day
He writes rhymes like I've never seen
So vibrant and addicting

We all have that friend we **** heads with and Sonny is that friend for me
We're opposites in every sense of the word
You all know me so imagine the reverse
But his writing is political, realistic, stoic, emotional and completely him
I love him to death, there will come a day where we throw down

Now finally last but not least
You know him
You love him
You hate him
It's the Don Juan of Dumont
The one and only
Quincy Valero
His writing reads as fast as he lives
A mile a minute
Girls, cars, drugs, food, parties
Excess and excitement
Memories and mistakes
Highs and lows
Yes

But of course we have other non writing friends
Zeik Adams my engineering friend whos gonna be rich someday
Nyal Jensen our dancing friend who always brings it to the floor in every club we hit
Ahio Rikashi our best bud from the far east, romantic and deep
Kyle Filmore my trippy drummer
And Mike Neman, Derek's younger brother and one of my closest friends

We've all shared pain and laughter
Trips, drunken evenings
Road trips, meals
Quarrels and misunderstandings
But we all care about each other
And all of our writing and our goal to always be there to check the pulse of this world
Hell, even start it up when it wains off every now and then
We're here to give this generation a kick start
A reminder of what we can and will do
We can revitalize our world with knowledge, understanding and unity
We are the pulse generation
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2017
the ones that **** tend to deem those that talk ***** to be without a ****... mr. censor, please, i do not come between your ******* and your take on eating stake... so, can you please retract from "moralising" me in terms of vocab? let me **** an invisible ***** with my tongue, while i allow you to keep your gynocentric whoop-de-la-outlandish fetishes... don't school me... i've had my schooling, a real society doesn't school men beyond the appropriate age of being schooled... please don't suggest a reinvention of a ******* schoolyard; vocabulary adheres to no notion, of being deemed a / made into a monopoly.*

i hate these people, well, comics,
they always start off a joke:
a friend of mine... who's muslim...
mate... you don't have a muslim
"friend" within a mile strong radius...
sand-****** / camel-jockey ref.?
schoolyard ****,
spoken by a Hindu...
   he wasn't my friend, and never
will be, and i will never expect
the excuse of a muslim "fwend"
to tell a joke...
                 can't believe these people
turned into gnats rather than
comedians...
i'm like a cow imitating
a *torero" with a red cape "that's" its tail...
the excuse of having a friend,
that you don't actually have,
to simply tell a joke and cushion
the offended police? ain't working.
just today i was walking if a nekken-ekken
bottle and a police car stopped on
the street:
          i have to admit, a little nervous,
since drinking alcohol in public
in england is illegal,
so the cop in the car asked me:
did you call the police?
no, i'm just passing through.
all i can think of is an angry woman
wasting the police budget
describing me as an angry drunk
throwing beer bottles in the air...
while breaking the law:
texting while driving...
               the police seem to be nibbling
on my toes...
  i don't mind them, i find them
to be the most agreeable type of people...
i get to drink a bottle of beer
and never get harassed...
     unless in the vicinity of a public
house that sells alcohol...
     i still don't get the jokes
by comics that reference having
"friends"... stop bullshitting and just say
that there's a pre-punch line of:
     i don't actually have a muslim friend,
but it'll sound better if i "have" one,
so you can forgive the joke...
       sand-****** and camel-jockey are
actually Hindu terms derived from
the schoolyard...
                me? i'm just borrowing...
i had muslim friends, once upon a time,
but then that once upon a time
turned into: the reality of, right now
and crispy Jeeves: no, not anymore.
                            why fake it?
oh, i have this muslim friend...
   the stereotype stings, but it's true:
i had a jamaican "friend",
he dealt me the illegal, psychotic
soros skunk...
                             mind you,
he also asked me to teach his daufghter
layla (acoustic) on the guitar...
            yeah, "friend"...
               do we really have to be
so ******* friendly all the time to
merely tell a joke?
these comedians, who are they fooling?
you're as much friend with a muslim
as i am with a, ******* ostrich...
     and pigs will fly... yeah:
i've made a bet on that improbability...
watch me rein in the millions of cooties,
******* skint rats...
                      anorexia didn't evolve
past "entertaining" women, rodents would
know.
                 why is it suddenly o.k. to
tell a joke flaking it over with a:
so i have this friend...
                            bash it silly with
a bare fist or a silly-glove that's designed
to produce the plum lip smacker version
of a botox insertion...
        pucker... plum lip to lip balm kiss;
next time i believe these comedians
i'll have a ******* orangutan on a leash
*****-******* a chimp, calling it: Nancy.
my raspy
voice is
euphoria but
revere sole
of she
that rejoice
with spontaneity
and invariably
my unrehearsed
vocal is
flutelike always
depict its
comp as
discretion with
a valet
in Wodehouse
novels indirect
A song with soul
JJ Hutton Jun 2014
a thigh gap
a peering spine
a cat eye
a cerulean highlighter
all of this and more
all of this, yours
21 mind-blowing *** tricks
5 ways to convince your doc you've ADHD
all of this and more
hack your closet
hack your pantry
your cellar door
all of this, yours
an e-thank you note
Facebook status remorse
an it's complicated
all of this and more
self-checkout
automatic hand dryer
automatic towel dispenser
automatic doors
all of this, yours
ask Siri where to bury the body
ask Jeeves where to buy the Molly
Google "the triumph of death"
and salute it with Bacardi
all of this
all of this
42 celebrities who used to have braces
8 Instagram hotties we love
42 gin recipes sure to inspire envy
all of this and more
how to love yourself
how to be a gentleman
how to make sure you marry the one
all of this yours
******* that read Angel Off Duty
boxers that read Reporting for Duty
ride the escalator all the way to
Jesus's heaven
fist bump Little Richard
and that kid from Malcolm in the Middle
watch St. Peter wave all the **** sorority girls
who've recently died in drunk driving accidents
to the front of the line
breathe, in from the nose out from the nose,
pick up a copy of Men's Health and read
an article titled
69 ways to incorporate gravy into the bedroom TONIGHT
all of this and more
all of this, yours
Donall Dempsey Mar 2016
AHHH....AMI!

"Je cherche le mot..."

Her left foot
had gone

. . .asleep.

The rest of her
still

. . . wide awake.

The net curtains
she noticed idly

needed washing

blew back
in an almost

theatrical( how
dramatic)fashion

& there
stood Death

large as life
( so to speak ).

Death itself
like an old fashioned butler

"Almost a Jeeves!"
she chuckled softly

to her self.

"Madame, if I may
...have a word?"

"Oh, Mr. Death
surely not yet...not yet?"

Death smiled
obsequiously.

"Le Roi, s'amuse. . ."

The unfinished Maupassant
falling from her hand.
Lawrence Hall Apr 2019
If you annoy a Sicilian woman
She will fling herself at you shrieking,
Her hair and eyes wild with rage; she’ll plunge a dagger
Into your heart three times before you fall

And then she’ll spit on your corpse and curse your memory

If you annoy a French woman
She will fling at you a stiletto heel
Or a saucepan (with sauce veloute’, oui!)
Either one will take you down, mon ami

And then she’ll dial a friend for company

If you annoy a Russian woman
She will make a discreet telephone call
And when in spring the ice of the Neva thaws
Your frozen body will at last pop up

And then she’ll write a poem in your memory

If you annoy an English woman
She will smile sweetly, and poison your tea
And as you collapse, gasping desperately for breath
She will smile again, and ask if anything’s wrong

And then she’ll ring for Jeeves to tidy up

Finally:

A Canadian woman  (I’m telling no tales) -
You mess with her, and you’re bait for the whales!

                               -fin- (so to speak)
Your ‘umble scrivener’s site is:
Reactionarydrivel.blogspot.com.
It’s not at all reactionary, tho’ it might be drivel.

Lawrence Hall’s vanity publications are available on amazon.com as Kindle and on bits of dead tree:  The Road to Magdalena, Paleo-Hippies at Work and Play, Lady with a Dead Turtle, Don’t Forget Your Shoes and Grapes, Coffee and a Dead Alligator to Go, and Dispatches from the Colonial Office.
Lawrence Hall Sep 2021
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com  
https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

                           Trousers, Gentlemen, Trousers!

          “There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself,
            'Do trousers matter?'"

            "The mood will pass, sir.”

                     ― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

Had you visited the post office today
You might have heard an elderly man say
(After opening his newspaper, by the way)

“Trousers, gentlemen, trousers”

For there in black and white, on the front page
Was pictured each and every schoolboard sage
Attired in shorts, in deference to the age

“Trousers, gentlemen, trousers”

While one appreciates our volunteers
Who serve our schools for free (let’s give them cheers)
The vision of old men’s legs must lead to jeers

Their veined and wrinkled knees – is this a tease?
“Trousers, gentlemen, trousers – please!
Time to put on the big-boy pants, okay?
Donall Dempsey Mar 2019
AHHH....AMI!

"Je cherche le mot..."

Her left foot
had gone

. . .asleep.

The rest of her
still

. . . wide awake.

The net curtains
she noticed idly

needed washing

blew back
in an almost

theatrical( how
dramatic)fashion

& there
stood Death

large as life
( so to speak ).

Death itself
like an old fashioned butler

"Almost a Jeeves!"
she chuckled softly

to her self.

"Madame, if I may
...have a word?"

"Oh, Mr. Death
surely not yet...not yet?"

Death smiled
obsequiously.

"Le Roi, s'amuse. . ."

The unfinished Maupassant
falling from her hand.
betterdays May 2014
'free butlers for everybody'**

yippee!! hooray!! huzzah!!

i would so love,
somebody to follow me
around all day.
doing the mudane and
boring things,
all that daily guff.
to be at my beck and call,
for just about anything at all.

but then,
if there are 'free butlers for all'

would my, butler,
not have a bulter, of his own
to order about from,
his butler throne
and so on and so forth
and if we all had butlers.
would anything, ever,
really get done?

OR, would we all be,
passing ***** laundry
about in a neverending,  
linen chain.
drinking tepid tea from each others ***** tea cups.
polishing silver for some one other than us ...
would i end up,
being a bulter to you.

my god!  

this, idea of

'free butlers for every one.'  

is spiralling,  out of control

this  factotumnal conudrum,
is going to  drive me insane.

JEEVES ! please, please be so good
as, to bring me a calming tisane.
this, was inspired by an advertising blitz campaign for a cruise company... one of the main selling points...
was "free butlers for everybody"
got the noodle thinking and this doodle the product.
Paul Butters Sep 2020
In Cyberland, Microsoft is King
And we all pray to Google.
There is an Apple Resistance,
And Yahoo keeps on yelling,
But Microsoft is King.

Where did Jeeves go?
Remember him, you oldies?
A smiling Hitchcock fatty
You could ask things.

Remember Bebo and MySpace too.
But now we Snapchat through the day
And ask folk WhatsApp.
All in an Instagram.
(My Custom Dictionary
Is filling with new words).

So now it’s time for Tik Tok.
(See what I did there?)
That’s if the Americans allow it!
And much more no doubt.
Instagram Gratification
Flashing images
And clips.
No time for tedious talking
On landline phones
Or, heaven forbid,
Face to face conversation.

Writing – or rather typing – too is clipped
With lols & rofls & tbfs.
Lazy language
Tweets in textese
Fast and fleeting.
Facebook Funnies
With bouncy banter.

As a loyal subject of Cyberland
I do confess
To many an hour
Sifting through Facebook Memories
Even improving old posts
With coloured backgrounds
And sharper edits.
Addictive Internet indeed.

Yet
In years to come
Will we laugh loudly
At the mention of Google
And all the names I’ve said
Like we snigger at Bebo, MySpace
And Nokia Mobiles now?

The tsunami of technological change
Sweeps over our heads
Smashing the past:
Leading us
To who knows where.
For better or worse
Who can say?
Wherever we are going,
We are well on the way.

Paul Butters

© PB 17\9\2020.
By Google!!!
kirk May 2018
It's hard to pick one hero, for a true felt dedication
Fantastic people you all are, great words of inspiration
Choosing will be difficult, I may need my medication
The selection process is so hard, without the legislation

Let me see what I can do, I shouldn't really fidget
Big recognitions I would give, not like a little ******
My Daily Reading List I'd select, using a computer widget
A special girl that comes to mind, our leader known as Bridget

So very kind and beautiful, she's also known as shout
She keeps the group together, there's no shadow of a doubt
A very fair complexion, she's never down and out
All her words are supreme, a skill when shouts about

And then there is Syeda, well what can I say
Things would never be the same, if she every went away
Whenever she appears on screen, she's like a sunshine ray
Just like Bridget both of them, will brighten up your day

My main man he's quite a guy, the one who's known as Rick
His antics come second to none, he's one guy I would pick
He never gets too boring, or getting on your wick
Such a great fun fellow, who really is quite slick

So now we get to Devesh, he's a fantastic guy
When he's about the air is fresh, and he doesn't even try
Full of youthful knowledge, but he sometimes asks you why
Without you Dev lives would be plain, and a bit less high

A world without Maresa, I believe that I would quit
I don't want to be without her, not even a small bit
Such a charming lady, her sparkle makes a dull room lit
Without her presence, all our lives simply would not fit

A very distinguished fellow, is our Poet of Heart's
An excellent written quality, split into many different parts
For me his words of wisdom, will always top the charts
An accomplishment in many forms, including poet arts

Now there is quite a member, that makes me go ecstatic
Very pleasing to the soul, and so very charismatic
I'd love to say your excellent, your always so pragmatic
I think you may know who you are, of course it's Enigmatic

I get down to the music, but I'd fall just like a skittle
If we didn't have that crazy chic, that splendid Rock A Little
It wouldn't be a stable place, not meaning to sound fickle
We all need A Little Rock, or things would get too brittle

Our group would suffer a great loss, if we didn't have J C
Without him in the reading list, I don't know were we'd be
I know I speak for everyone, I know it's not just me
Everyone would be upset, coz J C A is nice to see

A gentleman of high regard, I just want you to know
Your a great guy I respect, I always will Pedro
With a personality so large, you have that certain glow
We all love it when your there, so don't you ever go

The voice of youths refreshing, It's not easy rhyming Rooster
Cogburn is your second name, I know it isn't Brewster
The music clips that you present, are such a happy booster
A clever poultry kind of guy, your just like Jeeves and Wooster

All the Roses that we have, such a lovely bunch flowers
Your beautiful fragrances emanate, a charm of beauties powers
I'm smitten by your intellect, I could talk to you for hours
A testament to poetry, hearts falling from high towers

Swathi, Mermaid and Imkahy, you set my heart on fire
You all shine like diamonds, like Pasiphea and Pure Dezire
Max, Melanie and Sooth, three souls that I admire
Heart's floating with Astrerai Goddess she's a beautiful high flyer

A dedication for the rest, that I didn't get to mention
I'm honoured by your presence, I hope your paying close attention
I wish to send you all my praise, this is my full intention
To all at the daily reading list, and any new extension

No one is less important, no one's better then the rest
You all deserve a mention, your all simply the best
Our group is quite fantastic, everyone has got the zest
So I'll honour every member, so please all be my guest

So many fantastic people, my head is in a mist
I'll always keep returning, because it's to hard too resist
Your all amazing writers, I hope you get the gist
All the people I admire, at My Daily Reading List
A Dedication to the poetry group My Daily Reading List
Today
( because there has always been one )
no one believes that there was ever such a thing
as Wooster and Jeeves,
it's as if they're denying an age,
as if in the coming of this age that age
never existed.

what has that got to do with it being Thursday?
sod all if you ask me,
ask the butler.
Lawrence Hall Sep 2017
The Saunter of the Penguins

Across our lives the Penguins saunter along:
The Odyssey, The Ministry of Fear
Parade’s End, Penrod, To a God Unknown
Ragged with study, stained with tea and beer

Saint Augustine’s Confessions, Whitman’s Leaves
Tennyson, Wordsworth, The Alexiad
Monsignor Quixote, Wooster and Jeeves
And Yevtushenko – he was quite the lad!

Dog-eared and all crinkly, Scotch-taped with age -
Each Penguin is a wise, eternal sage
Penguin paperbacks
though a might bit out of vogue
   years after chart topping renown came
since attainment sans high water mark of fame
one combination amongst, who made a name
for himself countless other scenarios
   could be drafted incorporating addressing same
song titles arranged in an alternate combination
   from the GREEN DAY audiofile playlist,
   hoop fully you get my aim.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As an atypical GREEN DAY fan, when exorcising
mailor daemons along the boulevard of broken dreams
easily misconstruing myself as just another American Idiot,
who mentally, frantically, emotionally veers away from
painful memories linkedin with when September ends.

This mid dull aged mwm accidentally poured 409 in his
coffee maker as proof positive that he iz a basket case.
All the time now (and for about the previous 1000 hours)

carousing Fitbit gremlins housed inside luckless oaf release
trigger, where 21 guns fire banking, bidding, bumping
uglies good riddance to this atheist. Jesus of suburbia waits
with waxed wings, when I come around to recant my ******
babble (attempting to appear as resident of Bend, Oregon.

This faux gad shill Norwegian bachelor redoubt patriot)
indicative of mine sigh lent kickstarter impression that
casts me as off kilter (psychologically), when I strive
to affect the to become welcome to my paradise. This
vantage point (especially atop Mount Everest) offers

the longview sans the big bang theory, where a deafening
cosmic blitzkrieg taught scattered mortals the best way
to know your enemy amidst camouflage, espionage,
hostage taken, yet key modes to keep still breathing
(soundlessly) without being detected.

Minority held opinion if flapjacked, highjacked, kidnapped,
await an opportune circumstance before thrusting out
your thumb vis a vis *** pen to reach sought after
destination (i.e. Lillies of the fields) hitchin' a ride
ideally before experiencing a 21st century breakdown.

While stranded amidst Foreigners, (who exhale Earth,
Wind and Fire) donned as Goo Goo Dolls), perchance
some buzz feeding, gabbing human Beatle browed
Beastie Boy, who doth sport Hair re: Kinks, a patented
trademark of The Village People) will trumpet.

Heed call to arms, via revolution aery radio broadcast
thru the Smash faced mouthpiece of a Ludicris Prince
too dumb to die. Meanwhile Straycats (on the outlook
page number two:

for a stray heart, and potential mate fo Cinderella)
slink into a Soundgarden sanitarium remaining stock
still as Indigo Girls doppelganger. Pseudo surveillance
(controlled by an AC/DC Lumineers progressive Tumblr
Youtube filmed vanity fair, yet essentially shape
shifting ing flickr ring into a tiffany shaped lamp

adorned capriciously, elegantly, garishly invoking
kooky, loopy, lubriciously monied popinjay. Soliloquy
spiel squawking prurient mumbling Jeeves only adds
further confusion to an otherwise totally tubularly
uneventful Rainbow coalition gathering.

This impromptu razzmatazz inadvertently manifests
into a state of the art IdentityGuard espying anyone
with an aim to **** the Dee Jay. He rose from the ranks
as a working class hero, and under the private tutelage
of Saint Jimmy elbowed sought out top honors to be
the ring leader for the upcoming Macy's Day Parade.

This honorific guest feted endowed duty stipulated
that Geek Stink Breath be remedied with any reason
able over the counter breath freshener. Once outfitted
for this fountainhead title (where Atlas Shrugs before

moseying off to Buffalo) hopefully locates whatser
name (an awesome bejeweled charming dame with
a Heart of Queen Latifah). Many admirers and suitors
of said Mademoiselle reckon she ranks as Last of
The Mohicans, as well The Last of The American Girls.

She (this Lady GaGa holds out against pledging her troth
at the countless hot-mails knowing full well, that
nice guys finish last. Oft times behavior of this
Super ***** ping Cheap Trick playing Jewel

appears as a walking contradiction, though nobody
ever faulted said Uber Lourdes for remembering
the forgotten twittering Mama's and Papa's,
whose influence 2,000 light years away prompts
even the staunchest cynic to claim west assured,
cuz East Jesus Nowhere to be found.
Now ma nada twirly (to early) twittering
condolences to the esprit de corps, qua
(just recently) late John McCain, and his
surviving family suddenly damning original
way word odd did see, whence (mere
moments ago) shore lee levee ming pondering...

     (ma river rent stream
     of consciousness weighs wise)
how to encapsulate, distill,
     or cull poetically
     evoking local or global
     political and/or
     other phenomena ayes

wanna heron, now tern
     over every stone
     (ill eagle or otherwise)
     as a stool pigeon tattler personifies
(basically thee entire
     planet) well nighs
with forthrightness do willingly,
     seriously, and eagerly advise

those unsuspecting readers popularize
the convincible credible essence fortifies
bereft Trump Taj Mahal
     tower of blatant lies
     news outlet at (of him...D.K
     Americans - ought via
     auto-da-fé) ostracize
the mischievous, merciless,

     and malodorous aggrandizer
     in chief i.e. Trump, who,
     undermines, tramples, and lowly hies
brazenly, deplorably and smugly
    hugely belittles and belies
most every liberal
     minded, Matthew Scott Harris
     colluding against blatant

     infringement on free speech,
     fostering this rhyming grievance,
     and upholding virtue
editorialist aye hypothesize
     via stealthy sequestered infomercials
     honestly (by trekking exercise
     zing straightaway obvious,
     where crew kid ness did rise

to urban jungles) advertise
(even those news gatherers
     risking life and limb storied
     public funded stations) as "FAKE"
     worthy tidbits, eye
     assess and apprise
my general tactic involves choosing,
when initially ferreting material

(invariably a nigh opening headline,
     which screams and cries
     ****** friggin ******),
     whereat my coo wing
     dove vine cognition tries
to tease out, even among
     plethora of hawkish excell lent
     power fully pointed graphic,

     morbid, or repulsive atrocity
     to frequent (ideally Hollywood
     joyous ending) human interest
     sordid themes, though
     this chap admittedly viz blindsided
     by gory infamous killings espies
topics that generate "buzzfeed,"
nonetheless salutary anonymous

good samaritan allies
all to quickly go bye byes
     virtuous deeds thrive and rise,
     to the occasion, sans
     heart warming happenings
     compete against overshadowing
     violent crime, the latter spurring
     (by Jeeves) all stops pulled

     as printing presses
     go into overdrive
     anticipating record breaking buys
moost oft times occurring
     within the outer term limits,
     at the edge of night no lies
perpetrated by gals or guys,
(thus mine pet peeve against

     mass communication),
     focusing more so
     about what premeditated
     hideous ruse ill fate plies
an oblivious innocent victim
     (such as how or why,
     some innocent promising    
young person, eco-system,
     animal unfairly dies).
Mild dystopian cracks open
cobwebbed laden figurative door
to my super charged
subconscious shrouded self -
portal carelessly left ajar
steeped in dark shadows,

wherein spooky monsters creep
along edge of night,
outer limits of twilight zone
serve as makeshift restraining: bar
21st century alchemist busily massages
a fictional holographic projection
to contemplate car

re: ying the terrestrial firmament
into spasms of expiration, which whim far
fetched since the following conjecture
contrived within overactive imagination
of yours truly - such peculiar notions par
for the course sans striving

to become adroit
teasing out ethereal material
analogous to embrace
plasma up holding star
reed cosmic funereal invocation
loosing prognostication silencing war.

So without further ado
I offer to continue
embellishing literary above
iterated missive anew
for ye to ponder and brew
from a mister wordsmith
comprising wife as counterpart
complimenting beastie boy
aptly named duo motley crue,

whereat dwells within complex edifice
housing he who begat
offspring numbered uno and deux,
whereby this husbandly spouse i.e me
resembles a cross eyed
cryptogram solver
geeky long haired pencil necked geek
artificially inseminated yik yak
with fertilized egg of emu

unbeknownst to many edified readers
might consider myself brain cells few
explainable from being
chomped on by a carnivorous oldish gnu,
nevertheless unaffecting ability
to sire female progeny
re: guarding biological process
concerning human reproduction
viz ova linkedin with seminal glue

swimming swiftly via viscous hue
biological processes extant
from equator far north
to Inuit housed in igloo
nonetheless, genetic heritage
comprised predominantly of Jew
genealogy heritage indeed
Ask Jeeves, cuz he knew
with one very late Uncle Lou

who suffered mad cow disease,
and considered hims
a milch cow and frequently did moo
calf full when bovine brand new
which found me to rue
what comprises reality to be true
that all humans originated
from the primate zoo.
Cannot Wall The Will Of Catapulting Mice

A titled unwritten poem requiring
little effort to dip and dive
I accidentally, inadvertently,
and unexpectedly scrolled up in digital archive
among various and sundry literary endeavors,
eh, maybe about a bajillion and five,

in various stages of completion kept alive
on life support, and one non entitled migrant idea,
that unwaveringly, incessantly, dost connive
clamorously, cetera doth buzz inside my head
(aswarm like angry bees in a hive)
constitutes how ("FAKE") president Trump

emits asynchronous vibe that dost not to jive
with best interests of American people even Ivy
League scholars found yours truly ruminating,
how mine "avid groupies",
would deem to warrant duct taping
me whole body, asper drive

ving figurative written wedge, sans
my blunt opinion against commander in chief,
subsequently finding me literally diced,
hashed, minced, et cetera as an endive
or more palatable onion's relative chive
into a million little pieces,

thus better angles with me strongly advised
(along with voice of Robert Mueller) best to arrive
at less controversial topic, hence I will strive
even if blindly chased by Farmer's wive
to express (with rhyme,
but no reason), and douse

or simply avoid trumpeting, scathing,
flickr ring potential conflagration
reject as acceptable carouse
zing which resultant virtual wildfire,
would most likely lack adequate Whitehouse
funds to extinguish, this phrase

e'en thee spouse
would elicit, and expect
no readers to grouse
finding your truly making
bee line to dormouse
which doubles up (at least

for this poem) as cathouse
captivated by entertaining antics
of common house mouse
(Mus musculus), a rather mundane
alternative fur this louse,
yet I (Stuart Little)

attest tubby powerhouse
as one athletic creature
among mice and men
able to leap over tall blocks of cheese
in a single bound, ease
zee as...app pull pie by jeeves,

or prayerfully taking wing
yup...even within the uber jungle of Belize
ideally on heels of strong breeze
even on command staying stock still
if asked to freeze
for a selfie while juggling...please

do not distract, no...no..no...
without question do not dangle keys
and if shivering with cold
avoid knocking knees

so me and nest of pestiferous pals
can earn opportunity to earn fame
and fortune nothing to sneeze
at...at...at...chew, and
contract deadly disease.
Advent of mass electronic
     (not necessarily fail
proof), nonetheless spellbinding
     how earthlinked communications
     sent and/or received information
     quicken er than one exhale
     technology over hill and dale
activated on a broader
     (nee global) scale.

A mere six degrees
     of separation dust achieve
world wide web
     bed humanity linkedin,
     though mind boggling
     and hard to believe
e're since Adam and Eve,
no matter this nonestablishmentarian

     atheist doth heave
such paradigm aside - by Jeeve
his comprehension cannot leave,
to imagine each and all
persons across,
     amidst avast ball
loo ning global schema,
     an arbitrary person can call

upon contact per
     son number one, -
     (a bajillion generations
     since the prelapsarian  fall
crumb, when a dam fool
     with excess gall
on a mid summer
     night's eve) hall
loosed dill lewd did prurience...

Supposedly six relational
     links ironically sea
     ming lee (engulf) you
then according to profound view
and/or me from said initial
     individual numeral uno,
which supposition
    attests to be true

the idea that all living things,
     and everything shoe
fits in "lock step,"
     he/she iz six,
     or fewer steps away,

     (though eighty steps
     to Jonah IMDb)
seems kinda far fetched to rue
min in nate
     each other so that
     a chain i.e. (exempli gratia)
     "a friend of a friend."

In a world of six point six
     billion people, aye
find mind blowing by and by
the precept defy
ying believability
     by Jeeves this guy
queried Google,
     and got substantiated - no lie

thee primary, secondary,
     tertiary, quaternary,
     quinary, and senary
     bitty bing well nigh
re: codifying above tubby

     the same thing app ply
ying enumeration and sigh
ting one, two, three...
     six amaze zing thy
and thou unwittingly
     connected, how or why
the human race linkedin.
Strong armed marshall law decrees
(at a buoy good gull... lance)
across airwaves blare
constant detrimental exhortation
buzzfeeding populace analogous
to pollination instinctively
wrought courtesy bumblebees

to help combat
mortal pandemic disease
explaining governmental freeze
industries shuttered just ask jeeves
who will corroborate
deadly symptoms characterized

by severe chills inducing knocked knees
stricken unfortunate victim
beseeches with plaintive pleas
as their feverish body temperature
surpasses bajillion degrees
innoculation looms closer on horizon

as fatigued learned scientists squeeze
every detail how coronavirus (COVID-19)
transmitted, disseminated, contracted...
moost definite deadly germs spread,
when one and/or individual doth sneeze,
meanwhile palliative care workers seize

every opportunity to appease
tortured souls (suffering
worse fate than death),
plus plumb depths how said microbes'
molecular and/or atomic biochemical keys
activate, integrate, propagate...

painstaking labor to scrutinize and tease
burning midnight oil exhaustive energies
altruistic individuals ofttimes sustaining
their weary lovely bones
with crackers and cheese

moost likely forgoing adequate sustenance
also robbing sleep slowly
transforming them into zombies
apropos trailing appellation
describing unnaturally surreal spooky
haunting spectre as people
perish in twos and threes

mystery if initial epicenter
pinpointed among Chinese,
or perpetrated (my hunch) perhaps by aliens
slightly resembling infinitesimal
peace loving groovy hippies
pervasive during nineteen sixties.
Lawrence Hall Nov 2021
Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com  
https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

                            Okay, So It’s the End of the World

                “What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?”
                “There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter.”

                                             -P. G. Wodehouse

Okay, so what if this is the end of our world
Windblown sands where Ozymandias once ruled
Or dying like Charn in The Magician’s Nephew
Pale and sere under a fading red sun

Let us not meet it pajama’d on a couch
Videogaming upon a telescreen
And suddenly marveling that the power has failed
As a moving hand writes across the skies

If the world is going to end today
Let us dress properly for the occasion
Unseen enemy invades my body
with platoon of green berets air
rating, and enfilading immune system viz
Hib bully knock and sock kin me
courtesy roebuck seers sucker punches
mightier than stormy daniels wallop
from an indomitable
haversack being carrying
courtesy giant bully bear,
whereby cyclopean ogre

freighted hallucinatory dreams
popped up, dunkin noggin - donut ask
clouding ordinarily outlook clear
via this germane, foo fighting earthlinked,
googly eyed live prodigy
also smart **** derriere
(ha – at least sense of humor still intact),
when rest only respite against e’er
gang num of good n plenti
supreme warriors decimating

heralding, lobbing, pulsating fanfare
for this common man
ordinarily robust healthy Donald,
with Machiavellian bravado –
leaving said prince charged with impedance
unable to muster commando egg flu Jung
undermining capacity to brandish
barren grinchlike ******* prestige
self anointed reputation as grandpoobear
smacking dagnabbit fearlessness

sync king, limning, and feigning
to be among magnificent seven
donning follicles slicked
in imitation of greaser
coiffed swept back blond hair,
where (if one could zoom
and magnify manifold)
tom tom club melee
evincing, hammering and
juxtaposing sterling rods

bamboozling schlepper
with molecular size bots
trumpeting atomic bombs
leveling MineCraft concentration
with piercing arrow marks
intrepid invisible microscopic organisms,
attack in Cingular
hardened gear entity,
aggregate, blasting billingsgate, congregate,
gravitate as best buy,

capital one egghead, albeit flimsy
groupon heir inherited
courtesy Don Ask Jeeves throne –
as one BuzzFeed linkedin
uber twittering shutterfly on my Bing
viz, said lothario tumblr hotmail
happened tubby barren some fancy feast,
where gimlet eyes cling aspirin, Bufferin
with super acting non-glue tin,
NOR NON GMO guaranteeing LifeLock

on par with pinteresting illuminaire
hand crafted glittering gold earring
overlaid with anti-semitic,  
egotistic, and misogynistic veneer
invaders re: Avast itsy bitsy potpourri
of foreigners re: survivors
without remorse to fling
helter skelter infectious germs
flittering to and fro hither and yon
within mine corporeal

cerebral domed gummed hell
hounded integral kickstarter
i.e. complex edifice pell mell
twittering, SnapChatting, Ringling Brother  
Barnum, Banks, Bailey & Bittle
inherited deadly killjoy Bluetooth to quell
defensive IdentityGuard
courtesy from mothers -
little helpers – satisfaction generating
excellent skill casting a spell

binding heavenly gilt free,
progressively deteriorating conditions,
where William Tell
Overture played over,
and over incessantly within –
no let up waking in cold blood, sweat
and tears unwelcome viz zit
by archers in dark hoodies
wielding bowed slings and arrows well
aimed at apple of heart,

ratcheting up a notch,
this feeling feathery tarred,
and essentially un well,
where microbial infrastructure
bound me with fluted
strep throat drumming,
thus disallowing me
to imitate rebel yell.
Spiritual tranquility (uber visionary)
     welcoming yuletide zen,
sans relinquishing down
     lyft ting thoughts
     to state of minimal
mental activity, when
after some
     few minutes elapse,
there imperceptibly arises ten

den sea for light
transcendent state
to materialize quite
by easing away
     from deliberate concentration
coaxing insight, and detaching
thoughts to any plight
ordinarily feasting on consciousness,

     and rendering me into
an anticipatory anxious
state outright
clutched by imagined fears
     analogous to hearing,
and seeing monsters
     (albeit 10,000 maniacs)
during the night,
which lumbering beasts

conjured with very
little (if any) might,
but imps of the pervert
     (figure of speech)
scatter like cockroaches
upon dawn's early light
leaving me noggin
scrambled from vivid dreams

afflicting this good knight
wracking mine toes
to head approximately
seventy inches in height
which latitudinal measurement
of this man
doth displease,
cuz imagining myself

     bigger methinks defending
myself from bullies,
would hove been ease
zee to manage,
     yet in reality,
     this lix lifelong man
remembers as a boy,
how he did freeze

even during heat of summer,
and at that time
no Ask Jeeves
existed, thus scared
     and lonely yours
truly accumulated
daily inter leaves
of poker red hot anger,

     and rage against the machine,
     viz human unkind,
thus these latter days
crowded with dis please
zing pained memories,
that doth seize

this reclusive **** sapien,
whereat in mine hovel
nobody can tease
me, only during slumber
     nasty, brutish and short
Hobbesian ghosts
disrupt my zzz's.
Cold front brings August respite
upon cusp of autumn quite
natural palliative to forget monetary plight
relieving spate of dog days of summer
seasonal crisp balm appeared overnight
evidenced of late by Jeeves

cool temperatures at night
temporarily bumping ugly
global warming with moonlight
sonata courtesy mother nature
perfect bonfire weather courtesy lignite
kept burning chaste cheerful pro bono

strong arm moored Sir Lancelot knight
sinewy physique, muscularly lean
apropos appellation applied Jack Lite
doubling up as Jack Frost
i.e. old man winter based
on Farmer's almanac

forecasters, who possess
sixth sense insight
predicting harsh winter, yeah right
as if standing atop shoulders of giants
towering, rivaling, overshadowing...
Jack and beanstalk re: fabulous height

seedy tale Aesop pose ghostwrite
ten and/or retold by Flora Annie Steel
fanciful imaginative flight
first appeared as The Story to delight
kids all ages of Jack Spriggins and
the Enchanted Bean in 1734 quite

similar to goose that laid golden egg
wishful thinking miniature
cogs and wheels spin
furiously at midnight
fantasizing escaping out
maws o' penury plight

accepting hand to mouth existence
experiencing pleasant distraction
as fall weather doth excite
reminding me seasonal change
could kindle potential playwright
within, which storyline outright

fabrication trumpeting rich mogul
comprising make believe webbed world
frees yours truly 24/7 nightmarish fright
one forlorn ****** groveling along...

holding transformative amulet tight
precious stone of malachite
imparting deep energy cleaning,
bringing healing powers that
powers love delight.
Knead dull brows knitted;
belief system I cogitate
gearing thee ordinary bipedal hominid
acquiesces to deck the halls
of the mountain (dew) king with boughs
of sister golden haired
sprinkling angel dust
from cremated remains
in bleak midwinter
unwittingly interweaving pagan rituals

tacitly accepted yet quietly jeered
as anathema to march of the kings,
who instilled obedience or death
which layman forswore, whence his loss
of life or limb as mass of cries neared
resounding like tortured souls
self flagellating their inherent
joy to the world,
whereby unsuspecting cynics among
the madding crowd paired
amidst common everyday folk

beckoning ad lib lip-synced first noel
extemporaneously grafting customs
taught when reared
as just a little drummer
boy/girl pipsqueak, since
straying from mainstream religious
parameters scared the silent night
with unimaginable ogres
on the warpath to smite mortal
man/woman with flaming torches
angering unfriendly beasts tiered

inside the city state panning labyrinth
ready for total mortal kombat
while shepherds watched their flock –
as the latter veered
away from getting fleeced
such as this writer,
who might be lambasted
for verging on the brink
of being sacrilegious and/or weird
after forking over a tidy sum
a million bucks? Not by a far stretch.

Please keep on the que tee i.e. hush
regarding this soupy poetic fabrication
bravely bursting buttucks amucks
thus haint wise to mess wit me
lest cha wanna split high knee
a fate worse than death
with hen whoopsy tipsy
daisy excuse employing
faux pas impairment via this Gypsy.

Diabolical harassing lurked
poised – ready to strike yours truly,
when he obliviously frolicked,
during his boyhood carefree
before the onset of self loathing.

Drunk with knowledge
whither hearing, vis (ideally,
liberal commentators I adore),
asper "NON FAKE") news,
more than weather, latest sports score
or reading, (yes of course
out loud applying index finger de rigueur
of right hand as pointer)
poetically mentioned once before
ditto via select publications
(oh...alright TIME Magazine, The Nation,

and/or Mother Jones) all of which boar
like a mellow red bull at four
after midnight, nonetheless, who decrees
(hmm... maybe ludicrous
to ask Jeeves courtesy deplore
able basketcase, but inquisitiveness persists
what body electric discriminates furthermore
freedom of what gets published, or
determines permissible broadcasts
made by Federal Communications Commission
allowing, enabling, and providing galore

of choice morsels pollinating
mass media buzzfeeding popular culture
additionally permitting opinions
shared by *******
investigative journalists,
putting life and limb at risk
nonetheless inherent within constitution delimiter
i.e. bureau to censor radical, subversive, more
treasonous than Socialism
with Iron Maiden on tour
must serve as kickstarter

to stifle: tyranny, mutiny,
anarchy, et cetera and shore
up defenses (perhaps in guise of a
reinforced wall) toward those who ignore
codas defining complex edifice of government
trumpeting defiance, uncivil disobedience,
insouciance, et cetera in an attempt to restore
totalitarianism stripping away inalienable
rights of life, liberty and pursuit
of happiness endowed by a smoothbore!
Donall Dempsey Mar 2020
AHHH....AMI!

"Je cherche le mot..."

Her left foot
had gone

. . .asleep.

The rest of her
still

. . . wide awake.

The net curtains
she noticed idly

needed washing

blew back
in an almost

theatrical( how
dramatic)fashion

& there
stood Death

large as life
( so to speak ).

Death itself
like an old fashioned butler

"Almost a Jeeves!"
she chuckled softly

to her self.

"Madame, if I may
...have a word?"

"Oh, Mr. Death
surely not yet...not yet?"

Death smiled
obsequiously.

"Le Roi, s'amuse. . ."

The unfinished Maupassant
falling from her hand.
Ryan O'Leary Sep 2020
Here upon a condominium
locking down at pandemonium
Foaxs are wearing masking tape
What bothers me is how they vape.

The TV's full of more new cases
They know this by track and traces
There are no figures of those who died
The Mayor of Nashville said he lied.

In the holy mass I can't understand
why body and blood goes hand in hand
To me it is anything but humanitarian
It's for carnivores and not vegetarian.

But as I've said many a time and oft
it is all a hoax but then you scoffed
Face book doesn't wear a mask
Don't believe me, give Jeeves and ask?
Basking in a supine position
with eyes wide shut
while the space heater churns out
fast moving molecules of heat
solitudinarian drowsy thinker fêted
by miniature fantasy
of tropical island paradise
accompanying and populating slumber
courtesy flickering, mesmerizing,
undulating barenaked native nymphs

tricked out as miniscule floaters
drifting across field of vision
striking atavistic memories,
where yours truly revels
within toasty warm bedroom
succumbing into deep sleep
resurrecting dormant primal hallucinations
redolent of Neanderthal forebears,
who huddled around the hearth
lo and behold discovery

evident after eldest sister of Harris tribe,
videre licet raw bits of genetic material
submitted saliva specimen
to 23andMe
since shut down by the FDA
because of the said
company's aggressive marketing
and refusal to resolve
outstanding data issues.

Impossible mission to stay awake
and fend off feeling sleepy
analogous to being drugged
not even long enough
to attend a yawning festival,
thus once upon a time
approximately half life
of Matthew Harris ago
indefatigable body of mine
weathered blistering fatigue
with endurance to dance the night away,
where lively contra dance music
played onstage and participants
tirelessly whooped up with energetic glee
experienced the equivalent headiness
linkedin with physical *******.

Now as a sexagenarian to boot,
who recently underwent a makeover
former trademark characteristic
of baby boomer no longer sports
talking head being hirsute
subsequently analogous to Samson
powerfulness of body,
no greater than a newt
while I lay me down to sleep
cerebral cogs and wheels troubleshoot
envisioning yours truly (me)
reincarnated donning myself

wearing a broad-shouldered drape jacket,
balloon-leg trousers,
and, sometimes, a flamboyant hat
decked out sporting,
what came to be recognized as zoot suit
generally worn by the following:
white Americans, police officers,
and U.S. Soldiers, the suits
became a symbol of excess,
anti-patriotism, and
anti-American sentiment,
as well as gang affiliation.

I get tired of being tired
hence ask the missus to make high test coffee,
which jolt of caffeine finds me wired
but back in the day
I acquired a gold card
patronizing General Nutrition Center
and bought one product in particular,
which affected me with outcome I desired.

And thus I crafted sub verse,
whereby yours truly conceives
poem titled Guarana Mo by Jeeves.

Most of the following (fictitious)
quintessential balderdash
ranks as sorry excuse for originality, writ
nevertheless mishmash qualifies
according to humble opinion of mine
reasonable rhyme for mediocrity,
benignly, essentially, and honestly to wit
to test skill at heart felt fabrication like me,
thus exempting bing considered, judged,

and labeled tubby unfit
wall henna burst of
playful tulles toy warren peace,
bawling contrived sketched
piddling potchking pusillanimous
Monty Python's Flying Circus twit,
this once upon a time pablum child,
aye practically spit
out (from inxs of carrot juice),

now dost daringly be hove
brave reeder to comprehend
as great literary endeavor
by this hare reed rabbit,
head, (non adult tryst) pit,
nor posthumous fame, worm ma obit
chew wary verbosely probably re:nouns,
abominable attempt as Unitarian
worthy reading material

so great English lit,
and moost unlikely tuff hind,
nor e'en garner this hare reed
ole Union Jack of a one hit
wonder poetic laureate,
nonetheless this (o'
waa hare did me bunny go),
perhaps to Britain endeavoring merely
to join United Kingdom.

Now let yours truly whoop
focus to address main intent,
(sans for quick pick me up)
and nary drop of coffee,
nope not even one molecule
to fill thimbleful sized cup
I reach for bottle of Guarana,
(one serving of
coffee per capsule)

fo' this aging pup,
who attests that caffeine
(liquid and/or
encapsulated), the sole vice
(except for barbiturates, *******,
"FAKE" opioid, et cetera),
which overdose nearly found me
nearly a grateful dead – thrice
occasions, where circumstances

of mouse self
(Stuart Little reincarnate -
with an insatiable craving for cheese
laced with Guarana, Paullinia cupana,
a climbing plant in the maple family),
which bean sized seeds
affordable at an acceptable price
many times larger than puffed rice.

— The End —