*******
i thought i already knew what it felt like
to lose someone forever.
and yet, i still sit here shellshocked
stunned.
in my mind i imagine
the crunch of metal
grinding in my ears
over and over.
you were probably
asleep in the backseat.
one moment, dreaming
the next,
gone.

last year
i lost a bet with you
"you have to go out
to get hotpot with me
at least once"
you said.

last week
you told me
you weren't feeling so well
-- not sick --
just sad.
and though you mentioned
suicide,
you brushed it off
"nah you're right,
we haven't gotten hotpot yet.
i can't just die"

but then you did.

last night
at 5:20pm
you texted me
"this car ride is so longgggg
i made a meme
do u wanna see it"
i didn't respond until
the next day,
but last night
by 6:47pm
you were already gone.

and i sit here now
in the steam of hotpot for two,
hands pressed against my eyes
i can feel my eyelids trembling
bitter bitter tears dripping
into the broth.
but it makes no difference to me.
hotpot will always
always
be bitter
without you

Men seeking men,
when did that happen?
Men seeking Women,
swimming in dangerous waters.
Women seeking men,
again when did that happen?
Women seeking women,
more dangerous swimming.

I refer you to a line in a piece of my poetry,
'I think the bedroom
should be a forum
for a woman
to show
a little decorum'

Of course
those with dinosaur views
will
in the end
like
the dinosaur
lose.

Some people wrap themselves up in a book
some in a bottle of wine
some people seek that perfect romance,
but mostly most don't have the time.

We get dressed up
to get messed up,
can you see a blind date?

'Rate this now or later'
five words are
the new fornicator.

Everyone is looking for someone
it's a world full of find or we sweat
everyone wants to be so cool,
but we get hot and then we forget.

Finally,
It's absolute insanity
I reach out
into the hotpot of
society
hoping to find
someone to
live
their life
out with me.

like the transition from work clothes
into nightwear, good book in hand
like slipping, trembling, into bed after a hard day and
being overwhelmed with warm slumber
sinking into the mattress
pillowed, soft, safe and caressed
- thats how I feel, held close to your breast

a hotpot over a stove, cinnamon steam
rising, curling, condensation at windows
reflecting black and illuminating snow
drifting, heavy, while the chill waits outside the door
and the house breathes heartily
and the cat curls up even more-so
- thats how it feels when your arms wrap around my torso

the northern lights dance just for us
and the sahara sands swirl
the oceans, each seven, perform and twist
in our honour; countless
clouds serenade our connection
a tornado blows through Kansas, just to see us closer
and mountains smile, and bow from their hips
-thats what I see when you kiss my lips

and all the cosmos
floats in your irises
colour kaleidoscopes, the genes of ink to water droplets
stains on paper skin, the prettiest of each
character of you, and
from the pool of my gut bursts forth a constant trillion butterflies
- thats what can be seen when I look to your eyes

it just feels so easy to love you
it was so easy falling in love with you

mutton lagoon fuss
hotpot stray
pumpkin toy kelp

mutton lagoon jazz
hotpot cost
pumpkin steal toy

back then he wor nobbut a sapling,
kindling
grown to be the new King,
spawn of the mill and the pawnshop
and when the workhouse would be his
last stop,
he dreamt on.

In the home where the hotpot was bubbling
and the door locked so as not to let no trouble in
dad sat grumbling,
dad always did when grandma had hid his baccy.

Milltown memories underneath tall smoking chimneys
where even the poorest fell in love.

I stopped work on Wednesday
I’ve been indoors 3 days
I’m getting pretty bored now
To amuse I’ve found some ways
I’ve played fetch with my doggy
I’ve washed all the clothes I own
I’ve had a shave and shower
And I’ve called Mum on the phone
I made some food and ate it
(I’ve done that quite a lot)
From cheese sandwich with some onion
To a very rich hotpot
Now I’m sitting on the sofa
With some tea and some hot toast
Feeling lazy and relaxing
Watching the Netflix I like most
So while you have to stay home
Try to do a bit of stuff
Because sleeping 19 hours a day
Will make you feel quite rough

There is too much turmeric and cumin
and now I need to make room in
the kitchen cupboard,

there's
enough pasta to last a lifetime
rice for weddings galore
two of last years Christmas pies
I can hardly close the door.

I'll get rid of the tuna and sweetcorn
and make a salad for Saturday tea,
the corned beef can go in a hotpot
the whole tin just for me.

A crisp ashen smell
Waves in greeting,
And the hotpot bubbles
It’s spicily warm curtsey.

A sliding, wafting heat
Caresses your skin
With it’s cottage comfort,
And the small light
Finally reaches your sight.

Too long have these lonesome winds blown,
But now your company dashes in.
So, welcome home.

Jesus took the day off
went to Brighton by the sea
took the holy scriptures
but
didn't bother telling me,

sinner though I may be
I have rights enshrined in law
so
I'm gonna sue his *** off
and give the son of man what for.

I'll go to hell via Bridlington
the lobster capital they say,
but Yorkshire men say
owt, tha' knows,

no, it's in
Lancashire that
I shall retire
to wait on fate
and
hotpot too.