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Nico Reznick Feb 2016
When did news parody
stop being funny?
Was it somewhere between
Alan Jackson’s 9/11 cash-in
and Donald Trump’s hair?
Was it BoJo stranded on a zipline over London,
or Cameron’s alleged porcine relations
(bizarrely black-mirroring fiction)?
When did the news
start doing Chris Morris’ job for him?
When did they start
pre-satirising the headlines?
“No evidence mermaids exist,” says US Government.
Swimming pool evacuated after prosthetic leg is mistaken for *******.
Robots follow Marco Rubio to South Carolina.
I swear, I didn’t
make any of those up.
The actors on Saturday Night Live
are more statesmanlike
than the Presidential Primary Candidates they’re lampooning.
How the hell do they breed these
creatures?  These gurning,
overgrown foetuses with their
conveniently dead ****** sisters to get
all wet-eyed and tumescent over,
their boomingly hollow controversy and
their total, catastrophic
crashes of personality.  
These loathsome
organic constructs who would seem
more relatable and trustworthy if
their image consultants made them wear
Nixon masks for every
public appearance.  

When did it all become
this strange, sick spoof
of itself?

Is there no one left in Britain who can make a sandwich?
Man dressed as penguin receives more votes than the Liberal Democrats.
Piers Morgan given jail time for illegally hacking ‘phones and gloating about it.

Okay.  
I made the last one up.
If anyone hasn't seen "Brass Eye" or "The Day Today", you really ought to.
neth jones Feb 2022
attendance                                                  
fumb­ling my entrance               array                                      
passionately late            i pull off my tie          
               and crashing      here without apology
                 all-ready     a crowd sweated room
                                  low ceiling   candy glass munching underfoot          
the senses are rushed upon   fuming                                          
                ­          lit up and strobing    with the chaotic humour                
                                     and tumorous smells
furious ingestion                                            
     swellings       and releases    
  pelling and girling     with the dances         
hectic music    making hero's of uz all
a steaming sot lady  lands before me laughing
        she climbs me  till her bare feet find ground
      naked   from the waist up  
her dress has fallen  into a trampled magpie tail      
         doughy  features unfocused
    my heart is gurning with ruckus      
                installed with an addicts engine      
   it caves and puffs for attention
   these are my people  
these are my people                                                
                                now that they're reached their peak
of ******* inebriation          
     and raving chorus
i am drawn imediate     into the density
A W Bullen May 2021
Landfall...

a progress
nipped by headwind,
though his bullish heart
has flickered clear of drowning,

so he's dusting down
Saharan surplus, hawking
off the sea-sick yachts,
ensconced in royal chiffon,

appealing for that magnet-tug
along the pollen flyways
pulling homeward..

and
I wonder
if he sees me,
-mid shipped twitter
post Johannesburg-

a gurning
plate of swan-necked
adulation, craning skyward

that I should pin
my yearnings to his
cloud-encrusted orbits
caws of folly..

more fanciful
than summer being
borne upon his wings...
Giuseppe Stokes Sep 2016
Enter discreetly, and proceed to take a pew;
Artsy fartsy culture camo lines the wall
like morning dew. A raptured window
sits atop a glazing gall, enthralling all;
As fetished hook propels, sinks in and pulls you through.

Decked obsequis with dire strands of self set, alight;
Mixing murmers; Churning, gurning grunts and groans,
stoking sight. Essence blossoms
effervescently, into warbled drone;
Symphony of souls, atoned, erupting, blood accrued might.

Dark set eyes behind the counter, counts another crop;
Foppish foolery as skin set sore adored
by boorish mop; Head of hair
aligned, entwined, principle annulled but ******;
Evoked Muse's invocation, released enormous slop adored.

Finally a noise devoid of touch, howls reified;
Chair despair sets into tumbled, mumbled call,
plea defied. Shoddy surgeon's hand
demands, gropes alleyway to shadowed hall,
Sits abreast infernal mechanites for deified brawl.

Creeping shadows come'a'peeping, Uncle Tom'a'weeping wonder,
blunders through the choice of sticky sheen
Resists the proper plunder. Whirring warrior
begins assault on castles primly stoked for seen;
Seams amended, blackened blood serene provoking chunder stream.

Followed Zeitgeist back to Black. Slow daunter back to blue;
Repairs conceptions of the Self within the mirror visored stew;
Anew the reckonings of where and why, Oh how freshly do they die
As left to see another in thyself, and loudly to decry:
Decry the aspects of bad health, no longer put upon the shelf
Stealthy pox and watermarks depart to leave aesthetic wealth;
Dealt in depths and crepts of cunning folk behind the trademarked lens
Obssessed with visibility, maneuvures us towards our end(s).
Harry Roberts Sep 2018
When I Call There's No Response,
I Reply To His Need & What Wants,
In This Absence Emptiness Haunts,
A Beautiful Face But It Just Taunts.

When I'm Ill I Care For You,
Tears Still Spill I'm There For You,
All My Love Left Spare For You,
Was I A Joke A Dare To You.

Was I A Game To Play For You,
A Flame To Fan Man Shame On You,
I Was Young & Thought The Best,
Now I See You're Like The Rest.

I Was Angry & Burning Out,
You Was Banging & Earning Clout,
Left Me Hanging I'm Gurning Gums,
Now I See You Churning Sums.

Finger ******* Finger Licking,
All These Men They Get To Tricking,
When Confronted They Are Bricking,
But Their Lies They Just Aren't Sticking.

I Thought You Were Mine,
I Bought You Some Time,
Double Jeopardy Commits The Same Crime,
Dropping A Thousand To Pick Up A Dime.

I Am A Diamond That Is A Dog,
I'm In The Clear Have Fun In The Fog,
I Can Still Hear When You Huff Like A Hog,
I'm Without Fear While You Rot In A Bog.
Harry Roberts - A Game © 20/09/18
Stanley Wilkin May 2018
I kissed my true love
Beneath the gurning sun,
I caressed my true love,
Until the sun was gone.
I planted seeds in my true love’s garden,
Employed my eager ***** all day long,
I dug and dug in my true love’s garden
Until the planting was done.
Each seed became a flower,
Each flower became a sigh,
Pressed into her languid bower
As the night drifted slowly by.
In the morning, refreshed by the new sun,
In my true love’s garden bright
My work was finally done,
And I left with a horticulturalist's delight.
David E Oct 2020
I was sixteen, and my girlfriend was maybe five years older me. Living at my parents, theirs a phone near the bottom of their stairs, for emergencies and intentionally, placed so everyone could hear.

The night before, very quietly, "We need to talk, in-person". We paused in the conversation, in the middle of the bridge on the estate. Me on the way to school and were she dressed a red for work after being out all night.

We need talk in person "I don't know how to tell you this, you gave my chlamydia", "you better get checked, and the doctor said you had gave it to me".

Unwashed was ordinary and second-hand clothes. I avoided "I'm ok; my mum sorted it". Her mother bought smells of the food coming upstairs, with cold *** cheeks on the bathroom floor, with the door locked. My girlfriend, next lying down next to me, only kissed "I think my mum’s coming" repeatedly until the food was ready.  

Very quietly, I nodded my head, held down by books weighing heavy on my shoulders. Crossing the bridge, the wind blew in my face while cars piled on and passed bye.
Leaning toward, I then sat at the back of the class; friends were gurning on ecstasy. If you showed promise, you gained access to the library for free, especially during lunch.
I stay with the boys that stole the money, but thinking of the library, I thought I didn't know chlamydia (a noun) was or why or "no more kissing".

The next day, alone waking to school while the cars continued below, I then joined the back of the class. My first girlfriend, I had given her an STI ?? naively as a ******.

I lost my self in that room at sixteen. I'm now surrounded by different books that have weighed on me during many years. She was never my first girlfriend, but the first with an imagination. I was poor.
Sam Lawrence Jan 2020
You skidded
Sideways to a stop
Gravel sprayed
Like shooting stars
Looking round
Standing proud
Astride your bike
Grinning gurning
Wide eyed
Lights behind you
Along the coast
Reflected out to sea
We laughed and skidded
More recklessly
Until you planted your face
Into the ground
Too high to care too much
A calm concern blew us
Up to A&E
We laughed
A&E
That's what we'd had
You told the nurse
As she plucked
Gravel from your cheek
With tweezers
I left later
Tumbling down
Walking home
With a tale to tell
In the morning
Physically unscarred
But properly
Mentally mental
Yenson Nov 2020
Even in numbers they still flounder
seeking solace in gainsay ventriloquisms'
the puppets of absent mothers and fathers
now raking jingles for scroungers and bandits
looking for spurs to ride mice at the tournaments
hosting the regalia of the unwashed in whispered cabals
while shivering in the smite igloos of icy hot snow blindness

Power doth not stay hidden in shame
to voice the talk is walking the walk in light
to carry a lion heart means to face the lion and duel
know sweet point of the ****** means to know your aim
thousand arrows of twigs are banes of dishonourable hunts men
in lemmings fare the language of scrawling hordes is but saps' gabble
revealing from within  toneless rendition of admiration guised in fear

Show me the brave peasants with guts
attested and ready to stand the barricades fronts
not ****** snivelling hicks with brambles hiding in hedges
alas in years of heaves and bumps its recreants and fools on watch
drunk on sour mead with brains in broth gurning madly like witches
casting spells with fish and chips talking of see-saws like kids at fairs
laughable limpets off-springs of hay-gatherers never to amount to much
if conviction in truth is affray then man posts and lance with honour and truth

— The End —