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Cunning Linguist Dec 2013
Immerse yourself until wholly submerged
in my unholy divergence;
Poor form tormented soul - 
Roll your pain in a J
then dip it in chloroform
Embrace my urges to purge
the remnants of sanity,
Spilling and screaming
all these profanities at humanity

Confuddling all posers
with my bastardized prose ~
Please, continue badgering
and nagging me
with your ****-******* menagerie
of trivial drudgery
I’m in misery so
go ahead and bludgeon me
Square in the noggin’
So that I can jog it,
whilst juggling all these nails
from my coffin

I’m awfully harmful and cruel
got these scoffing jealous skeptics
Acting a fool,
coughing up a lung-full of fuel
for all of the putrid mind puke I spew
My mixing *** skull’s
where the ingredients accrue
Just stew with me for a little
while longer though won’t you

I’m a cancer-ridden addler
babbling mad adages,
ravishingly tenderizing my meat
Laced with some dust from space, yes, no lackage/absence of it lining
within my nasal passages see
spun off some of that absinthe
In a cloud of burning trees
Please tell me you feel me

It’s staggering how I’m both crazy batshit,
**** smooth as rotten laxative cheese
Brain’s melting acidic beef
I’m like Randy Savage I got
Bombastic fat ******* in heat
Straight making my **** go flaccid post-weep

Don’t get offended women
just imagine
How painfully average the package
is within my lap that I’m packin
But now it’s wrapped
and I’m ready to fucken
fully send it no cap
My turnaround is lightning fast
In and out of your *** quick as a wink like The Flash

Faces contort in ghastly panic, actually
Dastardly antics unleashed in vast swarms
Plague the masses in pandemic proportions with them massive casualties factually once more
Give ya some relaxing action 
And skull-**** y’all
with such a passion *******
Your corpse falls to the floor
and right through the trapdoor

Candid, my pen-chance enchants
Heavy-handedly inanimate
in suspended animation
Supplant reality augmentation
Machinations of my imagination;
Implicating **** ransacking  
and seafaring through crab infestations 
Wreaking havoc and bequeathing vengeance
I’m a fire breathing grim reaper reeking of ****** ~

- Off is the nearest direction in which to ****
Dissect my ******* with your tongue
Turnt up ******* plumpies in the rumpus 
Just for the fun of it until I erupt
Remember, I’m avid for dismembering appendages
I expect you’re exceptional at accepting
a barrage of septic bombardment
Chance of success: logistics analysis zero percentage
(Cos I done ******* on all those *******.)

Superbly superlative and speculative
So fast on Adderall
I make Mad Hatter’s head spin
Quicker than you can snap: 
Giving your family heart attacks
Smack you in the face, 
While fapping my fabulous lap rocket

Thunderously plundering under covers
Spring-loaded with faux pas’ so hot
Make your mother’s ***** pop out
and say “hello”
like a Jack-in-the-Box

& U kno Those foxy grandmas
be jaxing off my **** -
Bingo wings beckoning me to flock
Choppin’ up rocks round the clock
with the glock in my pocket til I rot 
Undoubtedly
Caught em wit the molly-whop eyeballs pop out they sockets all dramatically
Whole squad **** swap the rod, on God
Blow my whole *** when I start spitting them double entendre fatality snowballs
Zippity-zop like Cosby’s special BBQ sauce
Bet I’ll dip my puddin’ pop and stay fresh with the drip til I drop
Y’all just holler when you want me to stop

Palpable, these **** butts malleable as putty
Barbarically barrel rolling into dat ***
rip it to shreds like confetti
Power Pole extend
Face pressed into your *******
Inhaling the wafting aromatic stenches
of distant French fish factories

Clearly getting dome from your dearly betrothed violently
Now she bridal and my seeds spiraling virally
Vital signs finalizing
Bounce that *** like jello
Swell; I’m in your hair like gel
Now swallow my jollies and don’t bother
Unless you hollerin’ and giving me dollars
Zealots idol my harlotry

If nose goes go slow grow low
Throwing those yoloing hoes out windows
This ***** simply bonkers
I conquer fear me

***** DON’T HARSH MY MELLOW
SWEAR I’LL MARSH YOUR MALLOWS
Zetolgam Aug 2020
Got the kids and stopped *******
Four times a year you get *******
Forcing yourself for my pleasing
Truth is that you **** at *******
Leaving me always for fapping
So many years still not knowing
At least do a bit of upskilling
Go online and get on reading
Use videos if you prefer watching
My cues are also worth listening:
- Comment as you're tasting
- Time to time pause for starring
- Be generous with licking
- Also do a bit of *******
- Do not finish up spitting
- Kiss me if not swallowing
If you can't handle the praising
Let's instead do some facesitting
Head slotted onto your opening
A lesson on oral I'll be teaching
Devouring until you let go shacking
Anyway, in parallel, *******
Get those pleasure juices flowing
To see you orgamiscaly smiling
Set of rhymes for my wife
Àŧùl Oct 2016
So what if I ain't present in Denmark?
These cookies are in my mouth...
Delicious Danish Cookies...

They melt inside a mouth...
Maybe better than having ***...
But very surely better than fapping!
HP Poem #1226
©Atul Kaushal
zebra Mar 2019
raw lagoon
desires shadow
of tribal waves
mango river spills
a cupped dark bleed of wandering skin
burning lucifer's silver tongue
in a *** slave slow dance
of torrential foot adorations
and road side moans
fapping moist hyperaesthesia

scrummed forehead
and eye bright glued
an immaculate conception
her back a twisting cat
tongue like a curved Sahara
in whirling toothless loops

a feeding pilgrimage
of erudite kisses
drool of her womb
the word made flesh in combustion

a **** swollen lullaby
saints of libido feeding
upon each other
like tangled everglade snakes
boiling in a chain of volcanos

Vulcans lair
heads between knees
a gargoyle of peeled oysters, serpents
and torn mouths
blown from bed to bed
Sam Temple Sep 2014
stolen verses blanket the floor space
encircled by the inspiration of others
tastelessly faceless
pests controls fail
as the numbers overwhelm
everyone thinks there are special
and the selfies are there to prove it
zit faced miscreants misrepresent mankind
in asexual fodder and anthropomorphic
suburban camo
turban wearing wash-outs
hold court over newbies
attempting to sew again
hippy seeds
their stench, deafening –
sandaled dirt clods
scamper
seeking selfishly surrogates
someone to birth their ideas
raise and tend the dreams
fund the movement
all the while recognizing the futility  
feverishly fapping the frail phallus
frequently finding foolish ****-tards
flipped in their folly –
******* the finale
freakish frogs filibuster
night creeps in as the soft sound of mating toads
fill the air
stars dot the moonless night
complete in its absence of clouds
only the wash of the milky way
holds hearts –
pandering to the philanthropist
looking longingly in giving eyes
for a scrap of dignity
and bread –
MJ Feb 2014
pinning wine bags to the walls
another pair of puckered lips waking me up at 4am
coming home to *****'s dry pint
surrounded by pieces of my soul embodied
arms that go numb under half a night's sleep
bodies that move into each other,
unaware of boundaries
british accents, slapping and fapping
kissing secretly by a coffee ***
a dark room with that wonderful young sting
and grit of alcohol
on top of alcohol
on top of lemonade
legs kicking up, world upside-down
the consistency of blurred laughs, real laughs
the feeling of a girl or a boy
the warmth of being on someone's mind
this is happiness
this is what i've looked for
last year, summer, for a long time
Tony Luxton Jul 2018
We drove the kids North East to
our adopted hinterland
of moreish moorland, the Brontes
heath and heather hiding-place,
near peacock splendid Castle Howard.

Town kids need more stimulation,
animal animation.
A newly opened zoo park
offered flamingos in the pink,
fapping, fluttering, squarking
round a stinking muddy pool.

We splashed about, rain soaked,
licking mud spiced ice creams,
shivering, slipping, thinking
it's what you try to do for kids.
Michael W Noland May 2013
Those **** me eyes
And partial smile
Have me dying inside
And getting wild
She could ****** me up
In the ****
She defiles
With that smirk
And i hurt
To bleed her
To break her
Make her ***
Need her
Take her
Share her none
She could be mine
And happy
If only once
Keep her
Tweak her
Fapping after blunts
Summers starting
summers ending
A summer of love
Share it
Fair it
For what its done
We are
We were
We will be only one
She ***** me
I **** her
We pass out drunk
She might
But i cant get enough
She shakes when shes happy
And likes it rough
She fights
She bites
We growl when we ***
Cut her
Bruise her
Breathe into her lungs
Whispers
Promises
All the above
Tend to her
Caress her
Give her what she wants
Marry her
Praise her
Swear to her love
Keep her
Need her
Ill wake up
Had her never
Or even ever
But i feel the loss
Saw her
Paused unto her
Still shaking it off
Shes gone
She walks
She walks away
I'm here
Shes there
And will likely stay
For now
For ever
For whatever we make
Im there
Shes here
We know our place
croob Nov 2018
men
frogs are jumping, buns are *******,
men are wanting, grunting, hunting.

dogs are yapping, cats are napping,
men are fapping, snacking, lacking.

snails are leaving trails behind
while men are killing off mankind.
Ghostlizard Jan 2019
Who among you to know my game
Wood leg gaggin two good lames
Old man nick’s been burnin dreams
Till I come out, settle in the seams

Purps on the news I duck my head
Home to cookin, feel good dread
I'm in my zone, the throne ceramic
My buddy Nick, he calls panic

Tells me now “come’re you wannit”
I duck flows I’m barely onnit
To pass a day a daily life
Feel fists fapping, fury fright

My "friend" nick ain’t seen him so much
**** come hither hits so blunt
I’m on the floor his sucker punch
Can’t remember my past three lunch

Cereal on the beach
Seeing now that what I preach
Over yonder my future’s bleak
Blue so ocean yet I’m so weak

Call my name again won’t do
It’s not bad I’ll make it through
I’ll see you on the other side
Where lust and beauty don’t collide
Kelly McManus Oct 2021
Daylight's flickering
flock of birds fapping their wings
clouds are darkening

                               Kelly McManus

— The End —