"depersonalisation" poems
Spring lasted especially long this week.
I
danced alongside the tall grass,
wondered about butterflies breathing the same air as me,
competed with the rays of sunshine.
But even in spring, there were storms.
I knew it would end.
So, who's next in line?
Autumn? Winter? Summer?
Winter.
It was pitchblack.
The night came too soon.
So I threw my ashes into the fireplace
and it lit up the room for a little while.
Autumn.
I saw red
eyes like autumn leaves.
Last night
I couldn't fall asleep,
so I held a candle to the devil.
Summer.
I heard myself breathe.
My palms shouldn't slip out of what I was holding on to.
and sweat shouldn't taste like metal.
I.....
I tasted metal and I SAW
RED
It watched me rearrange everything in my room
but nothing was put in place.
Clothes weren't the only thing that were folded
and these creases I wear on my skin couldn't be ironed out.
The blizzard took everything away.
It was pitchblack
I swear I saw myself in the mirror,
but I wasn't there.
And I swear you were there,
but I wasn't.
I breathed.
Tried to do so quietly.
Not wishing to leave any footprints in the sand,
I ended up bringing a shoe full of sand home.
That night,
I watched the sandcastle I build crumble into thin air.
IT WAS PITCHBLACK. Where am I?
I HEARD MYSELF BREATHE. Stop breathing.
I SAW RED. There's a hole in the wall shaped like a fist.
I HEARD MYSELF BREATHE. I can't look into your eyes.
IT WAS PITCHBLACK. Where is everyone?
I HEARD MYSELF BREATHE. I'm sorry.
I SAW RED. I saw blue too
I watched the tides wash the bones I used to carry
and the skin I used to wear
away every night.
Red. Pitchblack. Breathe. Pitchblack. Pitchblack. Red. Breathe. I'm sorry. It's not my fault. I'm sorry. BREATHE. BREATHE. BREATHE.
I watched the seasons change against the sun's will.
I waited
for the calm after a storm.
I wished for them to stop.
I do not want spring, summer, autumn, or winter
Just give my skin and my bones
back to me.
Dec 26, 2014
Dec 26, 2014 at 8:36 PM UTC
I have always lived
Deep inside my head,
I have only ever been
A visitor in this reality,
My mind's eye resides
Within a multiverse--
Universes and Dimensions
That coexist separately
Alongside this numbing reality --
Through all of the beautiful,
Messy chaos, I see
With an extraordinary vision
And clarity.
I suffer with P.T.S.D,
O.C.D, Panic Disorder
And Depression;
A Chemical Imbalance
Causing Severe Anxiety.
This is my identity
In this, here, cold, numbing world;
These are the reasons
For my vulnerability.
A gift, or a curse...
To live inside my head?
To see beyond what my eyes see...
To be able to escape
Deep inside my mind,
Slowly stripping away reality....
Watching it slowly, but surely, shed?
In my head
My mind is entrenched,
Time is nonexistent
As is limitation...
I validate theories
Using frequencies,
Vibrations, colours, numbers
Intuition and telepathy.
Only whilst visiting reality
Do I ever feel detachment,
Disorientation, depersonalisation, Derealisation and dissociation --Otherwise known as
Debilitating Anxiety.
By Lady R.F. (C)2018
Jun 28, 2018
Jun 28, 2018 at 4:11 AM UTC
*Dissociation
Depersonalisation
Derealisation
Detachment
Mental and Physical Paralization
This is the complete story
Of my life's disinclination
Severe Anxiety
Panic Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Depression
My disorderly indispositions
Not being in any form of
Chronological succession
By Lady R.F. (C)2017*
Aug 27, 2017
Aug 27, 2017 at 6:03 AM UTC
Copy yourself,
make something other
a binary you,
in a world
of starships and code
and the fact that death
doesn’t really mean anything here.
Right here,
we don’t need
oxygen or food,
in this world
of falsity and fantasy
and the sweetness of hallucination
that aches behind your body.
Stand still,
headset firmly on
and breaths calm,
a new world awaits your better self
where you forget the depersonalisation
of still always being human.
Copy that,
you’re the captain
of false starships,
hurtling through uncertainty
with virtual reality comforting
you when you realise that
you’ll never be like this.
Another you,
version fifty-three
in a chain,
never changing yourself
or becoming something better
only sticking in mistakes
and pretending like it’s improvement.
Copy yourself,
make another other
for another self,
forget your body
and transmit human signals
to other fake-people
who tell themselves aching stories
of a reality
that we daren’t change.
Aug 4, 2020
Aug 4, 2020 at 7:40 AM UTC
This girl
Is a construct,
Out of a fairytale.
She sounds wonderful,
Charming
Charasmatic to boot.
So, why did she leave?
Alone,
In this shell of a body,
This mask of a face,
And a voice so disjointed.
Out of place
Out of time
Out of memory
Out of love
Out of comfort
Out of hope
Look at all the old photographs,
No one could ever be so happy.
Burn to feel warm
But to no avail.
Myself?
An unreachable host
Look in the mirror
See nothing.
Oct 14, 2017
Oct 14, 2017 at 10:57 AM UTC
The ancient future of a misbegotten conception is likened to a diametrically opposed depersonalisation of incarnate resilience, don’t you think?
Although the far reaching corners of the end resound her mystically alluring and pessimistic chords across galactical ponds of ecstatic connection which are currently unable to establish the depths of vocabulary; can we now consider the possibility of becoming mindful of our present moment of uncertain awareness, where forbidden dreams shed their lubricated skins in a mass *********** where consummated liberty is alleged to loose her bonds of socio-political confinement?
Nightfall has now dawned and cast her circle in this ignorant awakening of insulted intelligence.
Knowledge has perceptual degrees of boundless limitation, where regulation and relinquishment bow their soul in reverence to a spirit of learning beyond that which we have been taught, if this makes sense?
Feb 5, 2016
Feb 5, 2016 at 2:14 AM UTC
Lets squeeze out the juice in my head
Hope your stomach is empty
The cups are ready
When my eyes are awake
My body curls like a shrimp
And my heart is weary
My trust in you and everyone
Has turned to rust
Though, this loneliness
Echos in the vastness
Of this universe
Into another dimension
And this pain
Reverberates inside my flesh
And my brain has a gift
Of making me travel
Out side my body
Its one i am not fond of
Me
I am lost
At dawn
I am gone
Nov 23, 2020
Nov 23, 2020 at 1:13 PM UTC