Fluffy puppies all around
Hiding bones underground
Failing to not make any sound

Inside, outside sniffing the air
Of their surroundings they are aware
They don’t do it to give you a scare
They want to show you that they care

Chihuahuas, Chow Chows, corgis too
Enough breeds to fill a zoo

Too many breeds to name
I love them all the same

While every puppy is great
Mine was brought to me by fate
Not a moment too late

My puppy makes my heart full
Life with him is never dull

While my dog may drive me crazy
He is forever my baby

The Queen and Princess Treacle
were sitting in the bath
The Queen let off a raspberry
while Princess Treacle laughed

The Princess dropped a hot one
the bubbles like perfume...
the Queen was quite disgusted
and stormed out of the room...

Treacle was quite perplexed
so laughed a little more
'til Queenie shouted oh so loud;
' You filthy royal ***** '

Treacle released a sinister laugh
a ***** she might be...
Yet Philip didn't seem to mind
removing her dungerees

he done her in the palace gardens
late one summer's night
Treacle was but a young lesbian
but he sorted her out alright

As Treacle's secret garden doors were
opened, under the light of the moon...
Queenie did bellow for her corgis
searching from room to room...

but all she found was Philip
shafting Treacle on the lawn
so they had a royal *******
then watched some German ****

wanted;  
Liverpudlian rock stars
to sing fer me - the Queen,
I'll pay yers all in corgis  
and transfuse ya wiv - caffine,
I've gorra a bloke called Ringo  
fer the bingo - inbetween,
support act - Chewbacca -
and Macca - in yella submarine.

We've been
Through a lot
You and me
Best friends for
How long?
Over ten years
And that's at
Eighteen.

Last week
You told me
That if you had
All the money
In the world
And could give me
Anything
You would buy me two corgis
Because that's what
I deserved.

But if I
Could give you
Anything

I would give you back
Every tear
You ever
Considered crying
Whether or not
It actually fell
All sealed up in a
Case of fancy glass
Bottles
For you to toast with
At your pleasure.

And I would find every
Single
****
Person
Who ever
Hurt you
And make them
Feel pain
Kick them
Directly through the
Stratosphere and leave
Them to die
Choking
From a lack of
Oxygen
On the moondust
Of who you
Would have been
Without their hands
Around your neck.

I would
Wind the clock
Backwards
Fast forward through
Your entire
Missed
Childhood
And find some kind
Of cosmic compensation
Celestial retribution
For every lost
Second
Every tainted
Home movie that
Still plays
On the screen
Of your eyelids
At night.

Speaking of night
I would hand you
Every sleepless
Hour
You ever lived through
Refund the three a.m.'s
You gambled
And lost to
Anxiety
Smooth away
The tiredness
Soaked into
Your very
Existence.

And I would hurl
Every
Last
*******
Lie
You ever believed
About yourself
Down into the
Hellfire and brimstone
Where it came from.

Because all you ever
Deserved
Was peace of mind.

My "girl" is in fact a man, built ram tough inside the wrong body.
My boyfriend is such a talented musician, his ability to pick up on things so quickly never ceases to amaze me.
He  is ******* the outside but soft on the inside, and I'm so glad he let me know the softer side of him.
My man knows how to make me happy when I'm down, smile when I want to frown, and remember why I'm alive when I no longer want to be around.

He loves poetry and Spider-Man. ******* he loves Spider-Man. Corgis are his weakness, if he's ever sad I'll know to come home with a corgi puppy to cheer him up. I want 5. No. Scratch that. I want FIVE HUNDRED CORGIS. I WANT TO DROWN IN CORGI KISSES.

He smells good as ****. It's not perfume, it's just him. He smells like home and I get so ******* homesick sometimes. He likes McDonald's chicken nuggets but they make him burp. I saw ew and act like it's really gross but I don't really give a **** I think it's funny. Such a large burp coming out of such a tiny person. Adorable.

His hand in mine makes me feel like everything is okay. Even when I'm having a mental breakdown in a car before an exam his silence comforts me. His thumb rubbing my fingers keeps me sane with hope that it will be better later. Or maybe even sooner.

His touch makes me crazy. I can go from forehead kisses to kissing **** in like two seconds. He makes me feel young and pure sometimes, but he also makes me feel like such a woman. Like *******, he knows how to turn me on.

His eyes are intense, a deep brown I could look into forever. His lips are soft and kissable, but could also be used to destroy someone with words. He knows how to speak his mind. His teeth are SO adorable. I never thought I'd find someone's teeth cute. He as the most precious smile. Crooked and goofy, foolish and loving. I've never met a person so intriguing.

He listens to my words, absorbs them and loves me even if I say something completely whack. He listens to music for me, and jams to Meghan Trainor in the car just because it reminds him of me.

Saltier than New York pretzels, sweeter than chocolate. His personality is so complex. I can't wait to know everything about it. He's quick to anger but he has so much patience with me. Cools me down when I'm angry, doesn't let me go to bed sad or upset. He thinks emotions like crying and being moody are super ***** and he doesn't generally enjoy admitting when he has an issue or when something hurts him, but I like to think that he's glad he got it out after he says it. After all, I'm always here to listen. He thinks a lot of it is stupid but I don't. Nothing he says is really stupid (with the exception of "I want to try this elmers glue" and "shave your chin hair").

AND HES SUPER CUTE LIKE WHEN HE USES EMOJIS I WANNA DROWN IN HIS PRESENCE. AND AND WHEN HE SQUEEZES ME SUPER TIGHT AND PRESSES HIS CHEEKS TO MINE HIS CHEEKS ARE SO CUTE. GOD. IM 1.1 YEARS IN AND IM SO CUPCAKE STAGE STILL. I LOOOOVVVEEE HIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMM

Maybe a photo of her favourite corgis
Or, a foil-wrapped dog biscuit?
Surely, a collapsible crown.
A fold-up tiara  would be
more practical -  I guess.
Her Majesty loves horses, so a
carrot or two is de rigueur.
Spare ******  would not go amiss.
Emergency use false teeth? Possibly.
As much as one can surmise,
pearls would not surprise.
Predictably, a ready made speech
on neatly folded vellum  beginning
with the words: "My husband and I."

If I could be so bold – Ma'am -
I suggest a personal alarm.
A spare pair of gloves too;
all those sweaty handshakes.
But so as not to make you huffy,
in case The Poet Laureate may know
What's in The Royal Handbag?
I’m going to ask Carol Ann Duffy.

I have a theory
About conspiracy theorists' query
That our lizard queen
Living on a flat earth, as seen
Do flat-earthers,
Furthermore furthers
That believe in a heaven, or a hell
Are these places, flat as well?
And are we so brainwashed
We cannot see, our vision kiboshed
That we are also flat
Somehow magically, just like that
Is the lizard queen
Not a human being
Is actually from an alien race
That look like Corgis, with a dog face
And that all of this, is an illusion
That proffers no simple conclusion
Just asking
Not multi-tasking

by Jemia