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Cordelia Rilo Sep 2015
Candide
with his mind full of optimistic thoughts
appeared before God with his arms held forward,
palms up.

God,
the large black man that he was,
leaned down to Candide,
his throne shaking the heavens.

Candide spoke softly
as to not upset the almighty powerful God,
"God," he said,
"I have lived my life to the best of my ability.
I have hurt no one and keep a faithful and honest mind,
may I enter the heavens?"

God,
having heard Candide's words
appeared very angry
and slammed his large fist against Candide's head.

His strength was so
that it plummeted Candide past purgatory
and into the pits of hell
where the Devil had been anticipating his arrival.

Satan,
the small white man that he was,
walked over to Candide laying on the ground,
hurt and bleeding from his fall and said,
"Welcome home."
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2016
.i. if Kant could have his von Kleist... well... who else to juggle juggernauts if not me? as a task of redeeming that poor soul who succumbed to the terminator of all poetic ambitions, with his systematisation off-the-page, as eccentric and punctual as a sunset on a sundial at 16:11... and in case either the spring of sunrise, or the autumn of sunset... but so many hours after exacting a sunset... that gluttony of the eyes to stare at it... 16:11 is the zenith of a sunset in november the 15th... much prolonged when warmer... supersized sun when setting in summer, and all that whiskey-copper wiring for the eyes to stare at it: oh for goodness sake, who really cares for Ikea likened assembling of words... we're not putting together a coffee table, we're looking for Darwinistic entrapment, we're scared of the aeons and yawns... we're trying to create a Darwinistic entrapment saying what segregates us from apes! that's how anti-Darwinism works - if they can easily call you a poet and a technophobe... then that hardly makes you a merchant with a Quran... to encapsulate the language of our modernity we're doing everything against writing the onomatopoeia of our beginning... monkey ooo! monkey ooo ah ah! or a gorilla grunting and then snorkeling... we're encapsulating our language more and more... because beginning with ape and then looking at history, and then looking at the consensus of the contemporary: Darwinism's greatest enemy is not theology... it's history... Darwinism and history are not compatible... oddly enough Darwinism and theology are compatible, simply because they are dynamically equal for the case of furthering both arguments in debate... but Darwinism is an odd starting point to argue, given that physicists argue from the perspective of prior to dinosaurs, prior to all things formed.

how can i begin this? it will leave me having to
write it for two days,
the anti-narrative sketch first, then filling in
the gaps sober... just to get second opinions...
i might have to cook a quasi-Hungarian borscht
and fry up a few potato flattenings to a crispy
yum... first the narrator comes in to describe what's
in store, a bit like a translator comes in and says
of Joyce: that's Irish... well, yeah.
               hence the italic preface...
as some would say, the person who wrote these
sketches worked quicker that an algorithm in asking
and also quicker to copy & paste the required
atomic encoding... e.g. ч and ch
                   э and euro and epsilon...
      once upon a time there was nothing prior
to Copernicus, then the somersaults came,
    h ч y        what coordinates where?
    well of course perfecting the encoding of something,
if things weren't stated awry there would be
no optometrists either...
                  it's not hard to read, it's hard to
remember how to read, given that being literate reached
the omnipresent velocity, the new powers had to
include some new power struggle...
mingling Latin and Runes, Greek and Cyrillic...
     and the proto-Latin of additional diacritical marks...
they exposed the entirety of humanity to literacy
within the framework of post-industrial society,
after hitchhiking a ride on the 19th century donkeys
they suddenly had to reveal their power-secret of
being literate, and by the account of women:
corset bound and bored in salons...
      but something else appeared that didn't really fascinate
them: that over-complication of Latin with
punctuation marks above letters: or diacritical
distinction, crowns over letters, subatomic particularisation
of once favoured: universal applicability...
as a narrator? i have to make a complicated
introduction, the sketch lends itself to do so,
it suggests that not all writing can be as simple as
a nursery rhyme, not all writing can actually
    **** memory, not all writing desires being remembered,
not all writing can be remembered,
                in the mediation of the two chiral opposites
there's fiction, which is suspended in an armchair of
pleasurability... but on the opposite side of a nursery rhyme
or a well versed poem? writing akin to arithmetic...
  something truly painful for those competent with
lettering, but not really competent with ten digits...
      as a narrator who has already read the sketch,
i'm trying to not write a "filling in the gaps" to the sketch
like an art-critic might do to a painting deviating from:
brushstrokes were employed. well... d'uh!
variation of italics as in transcending the pause that
implies a condescending variation of taking a pause,
also excluded are: dot, comma, hyphen, semicolon
and colon.                         dot-dot-dot is not joining up
the dots: it implies a variation of how to anticipate
a punchline: drummed: tu-dum wet snare!
     i am actually a narrator who is trying to find
that other part of me that might digest this sketch properly,
     and return fully competent to pick up another
sketch... if ever there was a narrator in this sketch,
it has to be me, after the sketch has been scripted,
and i am left to suggest a need for a dot-dot-dot connectivity
of the strokes of the pen...
i warned myself: do not overdo the introduction in italics,
you know how picky people are...
whether pickled pineapple of cucumber...
i swear Turks invented pickling chillies...
         oh look! an inflatable gazebo filled with helium!
no one's laughing: only because i didn't mention vegina.
narrative puritanism? you get distracted a lot...
but this sketch is really a thesis for narration,
all i have to do is find the antithesis of narration in it:
an actual narrative!          it stretches for ~30 pages...
   well that's me turned archaeologist with a Grecian urn
with a snap of the finger... because that's how this
sketch looks like: ancient -
                         but understandably modern.
              so .  ,  - and ;
        were racing... out came the world record
             9.58(0)         the full-stop is the bracket-bound
0... i.e. it actually happened: hence the pinpoint...
or in Formula 1 a timed nonsense of ave. m/ph
     noted to three decimal points: 130.703...
                                    or chicane cha chicane cha cha!
as said, this is an actual representation of a narrator
encountering this sketch: so before you lose your head...
i've lost mine!
  look at the correlation though!
we've gone way past atoms with the atomic bomb
and encountered subatomic particles...
    we're not going to get beyond subatomic particles
because we're going to encounter the already apparent
reality of obatomic particle: namely our bodies,
   the perceived ******* (ob- is the antonym
                                                  prefixation of sub-):
             that's were the microscope adventure ends,
    and this is parallel to cutting up a second with
three decimal points, as the safetynet suggests:
                                                              π / 3.14;
yep, the obstructive - hence we can't spontaneously
combust... but then again Goethe's Werther did:
  out of love... down the spiral: you sweet little *******.

~ii. i'm actually too lazy to write the sketch and fill
in the blanks... so i'm going to fill in the blanks as i go along,
  or that's what's called the rebellious stance of narrator: mmm,
work in progress, could you see that coming?


ii. a beer in between glugs of whiskey - runes
combined in the ******* / sigma, variant of agliz or
the rune-zeta extended toward a dark shadow of the rebirth
of Ishrael: zoological enclosure; sigma *******
sigma ******* sigma *******, sigma *******...
rune-zeta... we cannot say there are ******
mathematicians and poets akin,
not then one optic encoding states
     a b c d e
         another states f u þ a r
yet another а б (ρ) в г
  α β γ δ:
for worth of gamma into a trill only because of
   a wave, that's ~ approx. on the side of the letter
   e.g. г & r.
   or rho upside down? what the ****?
did Voltaire write this? reading Candide,
i hope he ****** did!
you the problem is pixelated paper? if you know
how you enter a deciphering mode...
                    but you require a personal library to boot,
all that dos formatting,
                       well there's formatting in the humanity
outstretch of this white medium too...
after it isn't all ******* white when all the psychiatric
pills are white too... i have really found something better
than the Bermuda Δ...
       Greek, Latin, Cyrillic and Runes...
i could say neo or proto otherwise,
but i still haven't unearthed the sketch, that
is probably puzzling the Danes, with Cnut on the forefront...
                    but the arrangement of numbers is universal,
but it's not universal, given the particularity of
how language is encoded and why some people are
richer than others...
            but it's still a beer between glugs of whiskey that
makes more sense...
i said, retype the sketch and go to bed...
and i figured: that's probably the wisest of all possible
events stemming from this...
    that's ~27 pages of notes to retype... and i'm already
in a disclosure mode as to expect what's to be jargoned...


p. 1        cкεтч       /      σкεтχ
   necessity of                        (acute
a-       -the           (ism)
is that of language structure,
          only from the use of one's language does
a deity present itself: from within the noumenon
ground work, not the reverse, as in from
(pp. 2, 3)
                 a phenomenological exercise in
the use of language: Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, (etc.)...
       e.g. Islam is a phenomenon,
  it's not a noumenon: or a thing-in-itself...
  for the Islamic god to emerge from Islam's-in-itself
Islam will have to prevent itself from being-outside-itself...
or overpowering other in-itself contentions
but still: to no apparent success narrative of true intention
as satisfactory appropriation and hence lending itself
to a widespread nod of approval.
  challenging space: word compounding, or the space
between conjunctional deficiencies: nod-of-approval (e.g.).

p. 2    concussion (great film, Alec and Will, 2015, NFL)
concussion... Blitzkrieg Alzheimer's....
brain is fat.... dementia = attacking proteins...
  steroids... the noumenological use of language:
e.g. that ****** is an enigma,
therefore his views will not go viral,
and he'll not become fashion trendy...
it's not individualistic idealism, it's reality.
as will die sonne satan - orbis reach more than 5K
views... so... clap clap... clap, clap.
           what i meant about the a-     and -the
and the ism is following a sentence that sort of
does away with conjunctional fluidity,
apart from the big words, i treat all minor words as
categorically conunctional... and, the, a, is, to, too...
given the sentence: brain fatty *****,
brian organic giraffe wall... ******* hieroglyphic...
           stood above the rest, rest assured.
  dementia: invading protein cells
   (bulging prune of the opportune: purely
digestion?) no thought to eat or eat itself like,
cannibalistically. the brain is fatty...
not fat in muscle for mmm, schmile and flex
for the selfie. how about a protein inhibitor?
(by now, rewriting the sketch, i've lost the page count,
it's actually p. 5 of note paged toward 27).
how about the explanation that we're living in
times of post-industrialisation and thanksgiving
feminism? to me post-industrialisation has created
a class of meaningless white-collar workers
and no blues... it's what the Chinese blues call
the Amazonian nomads: ******* happy...
no amount of crosswords or sudoku will exert
your body to do things for others...
   no amount of mind games will actually tell your
brain to be equipped with: a bunch of hyenas... run!
dementia is a result of creating too many
white-collar jobs (thanks to feminism)
and exporting the blues to China (thanks to feminism
and: oh i broke a nail, can i get a Ching plumber to
fix my heating while i get a ****** to **** me up my
****?!) - maybe i'm just dreaming...
it's great to censor dreaming, i mean: you stop dreaming,
you get to see reality, and you don't even need to
read Proust on a ricochet.
  - so we have brain as fat, and invader cells as protein...
protein digests fat... and creates cucumbers out
of people... where do the carbohydrates come into play?
it can't be at the point of a.d.h.d., can it?
     i'm blaming post-industrialisation, the complete
disappearance of the blues (formerly known as the reds,
in the east) for the whites...
or that old chestnut of: my god you're goon'ah luv it!
   to till for worth from the sweat of yer brow -
funny funny funny... to earn your loaf of bread
you will toil...
                   and toil until you are physically assured
that not ghostly / mental life can enter your world /
books... that went well... didn't it?
   i should be tilling a potato plateau rather than
be bound to be writing this epic (by modern standards)
poem...
             but that's the curse of exporting all the blue
collar jobs to China, then importing mindless
white collar jobs to the west, what the hell do you think
would happen, not the pandemic of dementia?
if you do not exert the body, and then you do not
exert / exhaust the mind... do you think
you can secure a narrative with a post-industrial
westerner on the premise of that person simply being
able to solve a crossword? well... i believe in santa
claus too... but i don't believe in him giving out
presents... because to me, in my oh-so-called maturity
that's called an anagram of satan's clause: which is a legal
term for: i can turn civilisation into shrapnel
of what's said and what's to be said: and what's not to be
said. people can't expect to turn honest labour
for the recreational run on the treadmill in a gym...
and they can't expect photocopying in an office space
to replace Newton's curiosity, and then compensate
all this distraction with mind-games...
          can they? well... they did!

poets are gagged by writers of prose,
no wonder they write so sparingly,
      they are gagged in the sense that they write
as if asphyxiated: they need breathing room.


well sure, if he can revive the Polish steel industry
and i can go back to steel plates and pillars,
then the rust belt will get a polishing also.

or what's called: shrapnel before the waterfall of
narration: darting eyes, and poncy **** all the way through...

     muse... muse...

        well, how about we take the fluidity out of language?
declassify certain words into one grammatical broth,
say words like i and they
                              a  and the    are all conjunctions?
how about that? let's strip it bare, after all: what categories
of words exist for us to primarily speak (let alone think)?
     nouns, verbs, adjectives... adverbs?
       but all those words in between are so jungly classified
into a tangle that i'm about to sprout a handshake
          of a Japanese vine grip: and never let go...

an actual extract from the sketch:

      https that doesn't recognise UCS
                   and insists on IPA cannot be deemed
       encyclopaedic


              i need runes for this! i need runes for this idea!
i don't need transliteration right now...
                but hey! that's an idea, etymological transliteration...
bugly term, sure, but the previous night i was thinking
  of transcendental etymology, as you do, likened to
carbohydrates... so it was transliteration after all...
but a dead end when it comes to geometry and Pythagoras...
      
    three words... and they are computerised (i guess you
have to buy a decent book to decode this), a bit like
buying paint in a d.i.y. shop...
       16DE (dagaz / d) 16DC (ingwaz / ŋ / grapheme of n & j)
                  16DF (ōþala / Valhalla / o / ō = oo),
in total d'njoo / d'nyoo - even i concede the fact that this
is a ******* mind-******... it's a ****** congregation of
four optic encodings of phonos... i moved away from
the ancient greek fetish for the logos... i'm looking at
the phonos... not the logos with Heraclitus et al.
               φº θ þ фª f

ªgreek
  ºcyrillic                ever see a prettier pentagram?
                      i haven't.

(false original title:
škic / cкэтч / φº θ þ фª f: thespian pandemic - pending)

looking at the phonos is painful, actually painful,
it's like reading a book with a myopic pair of glasses:
a ******* aquarium blurry right there, befor...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

'e'? were you: was i, looking for an 'e'?

i can say this much...
what do you get when you mix a shot
of whiskey with a shot of bourbon:
i'm moving between bottles...
it's nearing christmas eve and i'm a ripe
taoist... i.e. i better this world:
by not having the world mind me...
on the odd occasion: oh... you're still here?!

yeah... i'm still here... i have glued-to-fascination
with my shadow... i'm just waiting
for the atom bomb to relieve me of a body
but ensuring my shadow is kept intact...
as if it were a Monet signature on a wall...

but i lament... the momentum has vanished...
i don't even know why i'm so idiotic as
to presume that: from the hour 22:00GMT
to the hours 00:00 circa 00:30GMT...
something will land into my lap,
my lisp... my cranium the oyster shell
my tongue the oyster...

it will not... i can't simply **** anything into
an existence that doesn't want to exist...
perhaps lurking in a canvas of:
"lost luggage" in an airport...
perhaps "there"...
i could be excused my... lethargy...

when was this written? back in 2018?
so i was thinking about teasing cyrillic even then?
wasn't i?
sketch cкэтч or?

what do you get when you mix a shot of whiskey
with some bourbon?
a Burguandian whisker...
i am not going to sound witty...
Ron's key...

that's still a cyrillic "or"... isn't it?
шкиц: škic...

i'm... deflated... nothing "new" has come my way...
i would have thought that...
reading some Knausgård would have /
could have... invigorated me:
reading him was supposed to be my:
dialysis my transfusion!
my zombie-go-to-literature...
it has proven an exhaustive enterprise
to begin writing again:
i became too comfortable
in reading - i almost forgot
the agony of writing...

alas... a contemporary of mine...
and someone well adjusted to prose...

notably: who would have thought
that death in june - the calling (MK II)
was something to be recorded in 1985...
for one: i wouldn't...

but i did begin: back in november 2016...
begin what? to tickle the cyrillic alphabet...
which is way before i discovered my reply
to the runes... to the ancient greek...
and this... "ancient", ahem... still in use...
latin script...

that script that went into the molloch couldron
of being invested in to code...
pristine as the hebrews cited:
how many holes in it?
to write onto a canvas of 0?
q Q R O o p P A a D d g b B...
which leaves...
W E T Y U I S F H J K L
Z X C V N and M "out of the equation"...

škic / cкэтч / φº θ þ фª f: thespian pandemic (pending):
i better rename it as... circa 2016...
that's way before i even acknowledged
the cyrillic text applying diacritical markers...
i thought them too crude at the time...

beside borrowing outright from greek...
the already at hand oddities of glagolitic,
notably: Ⱎ...Ⱋ...

it's only a single word i'm using...
i have abandoned all notions of metaphysics
in favor for orthography...
i'm not going to burden myself
with: what's after the physics...
i'm after: what's now...
in the respective tongues...
2 tongue deviations from
the original latin and greek...

what came with the runes and what
came with the glagolitic scripts...
what was ****** and had to succumb
to inter-breeding...

come 2020... i will have one clarification
to base my existence on...
pronouncing the growth of my ****** hair...
i will hope to aim at a length of beard
that will forever hide the neck...
i will aim at... somewhere to the level
of my heart... when i will then manage
to turn my beard into an orchestra's
nieche of violins when i procrastinate with it...

since 2016...
i have identified russian in ******...
i've seen it... finally!
зъaрт... i.e. żart
and the "hard sign" becoming a "soft sign"
in źrenica: зьрeницa...

i still think the russian orthography
is... as... primitive as the western slavic...

after all... зъ = ż...
зь = ź...
the balkan slavs have a caron...
which is neither a hard or a soft sign / acute...

their caron is... ч (č) or cz...
CHeaper in english...
and their caron is ш (š) or sz...
SHeep...
or the two together...
and always шч (šč): szczekam...
i'm barking...

pu-shch-air... a rare example in english
of the puщair...
but then lookie lookie 'ere:

CZACHA... skull...
ЧAХA...

perhaps this is my "revenge ****" on russia?
hey! boris the kremlin mascoot...
come and 'ave a look...
with how i disect your orthography
on the / with the language that asks
too many metaphysical questions and no
orthographic curiosities!

i'll meet you in Warsaw... given that you're
probably moving from Novosibirsk...
and i'm either in Stockholm...
Edinburgh or the outskirts of London:
Warsaw will be halfway for both of us...
you don't have to like Warsaw...
i only like it when the Ukrainian smugglers
and the Mongols appear
in the West Warsaw coach station...

smart as who? i am discovering this for
the first time myself...
i was only teasing it back in 2016...
way before i found the right sort of accents
in mother russian...

i do know that that crescent oddity:
above the ja: йa... is what it is...
if you only cut off the head in english... ȷ...
again: it's я given that most russians
are pulled toward an anglophile world-view...
they all see the window to europe...
the baltic and st. petersburg is somehow...
London... and the atlantic...
like hell it is...

i guess i feel it was a waste of time to
have re(a)d Kant, simply because:
i'm not here for the schematics...
i want to know how my thought my labyrinth
building architecture is coming along...
but with no one to talk to about it?

i found the categorical imperative most
dissatisfying... i didn't want to abide by universal laws...
poetry is already shoved out of waiting room
of the republic...
if my "poetry" is not a categorical imperative...
and it's not quiet a a hypothetical imperative...
it needs to be sharpened on a thesaurus
and some grammar...

categorical (adjective)... imperative (adjective)...
well two adjectives never imply much
if there's no noun involved...
and i'm pretty sure that... if i sharpen
the next word i'll compound with categorical-
in that hyphen construct that's only
allowed in oxford dictionary english:
since it's not: propergermannonhyphenfaustian:
i.e. carboxylic (carbo-xylic) acidity...

poetry doesn't belong in either
the categorical imperative focus...
nor the hypothetical imperative focus...

i.e. i must write a poem... to feel better...
i must write a poem... to organise my thoughts...
no! a poem is not a maxim is not a categorical
imperative! a language of poetry is not
a language of morality: it's a language
of experience - or a lack / a lackey's "sentiment"...

i need a... categorical: impetus!
it's not enough to have read kant's critique of pure
reason... it must also involved
having re(a)d the: groundwork of
the metaphysics of morals...
but i'm a democratic reader...
i need to hear the other voices...
i can't be a kantian scholar...
a snippet 'ere, a snippet v'ere (funny how
THETA disappears when making the posit:
THERE - ver!)

who needs metaphysical absolutes...
when orthography (or a lack of it)
in english... spreads open its legs...
and the tongue remembers its tongue-brain-phallus
stage of co-existence in the oyster?!

i'm pretty sure that a categorical imperative
is by no means a categorical impetus...
this had to be written,
but it had to be written in order to disregard
anything a priori... prior to it...
a poem is a shady concern for action or inaction...
it's a deviation from the cartesian crux:
res cogitans (thinking thing)...
into the cartesian levy (res extensa)...
it's an action of inactivity...
as much as it's an inactive activity...
"the rest"...

impetus is not an imperative...
an impetus sources its meaning in a per se
investement... of itself - in itself - for itself...
an imperative?
in pronouns... impetus: i want... i will...
imperative? you want... you will...

an impetus is self-dictative...
an imperative is: indicative...
someone would rightly claim...
those that mourn indicatively...
will don the right garments for the process
of mourning...
which is indicative and devoid of
the per se manifestation of mourning...
it is an imperative when compared to
the impetus to mourn -
which is self-dictative...
which does now shallow itself in
grief by making a socially agreed to fiasco
of a very specific choice of wardrobe...

basically: however you like it...
an IMPERATIVE ≠ IMPETUS...
the year is almost over and i want to break-off
the dust from the thoughts that fudge-packed themselves
as worthy of occupying the minor instance
of having to count a depth of:
not dead within the year of being written.
Peeka Aug 2014
Wisdom teeth- you're out.
Sneaking four, about to commit a heist- no doubt!
Fuzzy and tingly- then darkness consumed the high.
Awoke, the sting of absence felt.
I've taken my drugs- cried and iced.
I caught ya. Wisdom teeth.
I will plead for sleep.
Gone now, but if I ever lose my molars?
How wicked would that be?
My wisdoms couldn't aid me!
I'll accept the philosophy of Candide.
For "all is for the best" arguably,
In "the best of all possibly worlds" supposedly.
Wisdom teeth out today! Finally feeling better. By the way, all should consider reading Candide. :)
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2016
it's understandable, they confused by complex bilingualism as schizophrenia; oh sorry, it's not actually a scary word, before people start to theorise the mono-lingual pre-maturity of a condition that affects older people, they should seriously begin to listen to what a person is saying; there are tales of surgeons leaving surgical equipment in bodies during surgery... well... at least the physicality of such blunders is more pronounced than leaving regression variations of negated ease (disease) in man... (uncouple that compound and you'll find the subtler alternative)... when psychiatrists make mistakes it's not a heart surgeon making a mistake, the mistakes psychiatrists make are far more profound, given the nature of the mistake being seemingly trivial in comparison... yet these mistakes make our mental life worse by disrupting the narrative, psychiatry, being a science, primarily disrupts the (cognitive) narrative; it's hard enough to find yourself in your mind, let alone a worthy narrative that you encompass... it's hard to reemerge with a good enough narrative when you're branded like an ox, a ******* during the height of Christianity, or registering a car for road tax... it's ****** hard.

so they (i've lost the paranoia additive of this pronoun
a long time ago) thought my bilingualism
was worthy the label of schizophrenia...
well... d'uh, isn't bilingualism a split-mind scenario
in itself?
                    bilingualism is more complex than you think,
it reaches to the depths of each language,
it's not a multilingual acquisition, a polymath hooray!
it's bone deep,
                        bone deep, it goes as far into identity
as all conceivable points of psychological architecture;
which is why my bilingualism was so well
established that i became a bit difficult to society:
my upbringing was to match the difficulty -
i was never supposed to utter a single intellectual
disparity, given my stature i was supposed to be
a manual labourer - a position i'd have gladly undertaken
but (see my earlier entries), but...
                                i never really felt a need for
an animosity toward the English -
                                           i loved everything about England
(or at least London) -
                                                 i left my native country
early enough to sponge-up the new culture,
                   but of course when our family was applying
for citizenship we were the obscure minority,
                 after the floodgates opened and the less
creme of the crop entered these shores,
       i was forced into a spiral reinvention, i was no
longer was the British termed "exotic"...
exotica, hmm, funny how i imagine things exotic as
things in sunny places, slaves in the Caribbean,
the platitudes of certain African Savannahs...
something Voltaire might find befitting to write about
like he did in Candide - there's this neurotic passage in there...
                the passage to India... a book i'll
never read: why? can't be bothered, the t.v. series *Indian Summers

does it for me;
                                  plus i do like cooking curry,
so there's the f                        u                            to take-away
curry...           i have an arsenal of spices and i bomb Kashmir
with whiffs of the stuff...
                                    that part of my is what the intended cultural
assimilation was intended for: the rest? n'ah ah.
                               what spurred me to write this poem?
Heidegger's concept of someone moving and integrating
into a different culture: to be honest, the country i was born
in was uniquely pressed to turn its habitants into nomads -
      it was a town primarily based on the steel industry -
now it's a town of pensioners - the steel industry fell to ruin
and people had either the choice of: elsewhere in Poland,
or abroad.
                                    still, things were much nicer
   when the barrier was up... selfishly said? i agree, but then
i had enough air to breathe as a sole artefact of the ethnicity,
and a good enough reputation as a person needing to
persistently learn... had i been a crook? well, now i find
my ethnic background elsewhere, in a near mythical place
in Scandinavia - not that i want to, but i don't actually
have an atypical (a typical) physiognomy of a Slav -
so that's a plus...
                                     but what really spurred me on
was what Heidegger describes as the threshold and indeed
the essence of integration: to learn the language,
to use the language, nothing but language in terms of
being considered a certain noun - in this case, British;
so this is a German perspective from the 20th century...
the British perspective in the 21st century?
                         kinda like **** Germany...
language? forget it... you can speak with a ****** accent
and even ******* grammar... what's at work here
is ethnic cleansing, on a spiritual side of things -
language can rot in hell for the English, what they want
new citizens is to: a. eat fish 'n' chips
                                  b. talk ***** when *******
                         c. lick the **** of Americans
          d. have a sense of moral superiority because of
                    that poncy accent that's becoming a dodo
       e1. forget their mother tongue
         e2. only speak English in private
                            f. respect the Muslim attire but
        to never respect fellow European's concerned
                           about many other things
      g. amongst other things...
so it's not enough to learn the ******* language, that i have to
become a ******* serf? oh wait, i have some spare change
in my pocket (puts hand in a trouser pocket and takes out):
the *******!
                                  or how you find yourself
in an imploded British Empire, go beyond London and you
enter something less resembling a global community
and more a national socialist set of self-evident dicta
wrecking havoc to your senses.
                              and all this from a humble background?
well: freaks and mutations sometimes happen...
                    being born near to the date of Chernobyl doesn't
really help to counter the argument:
           yes, even in Poland, the effects were felt,
my great-grandmother remembers streaks of radiated trees
and un-radiated trees in the park -
        the radiated trees were born... a strange kind of rainbow...
and yes, i do take the **** out of **** Germany
while talking about it and Jewish mysticism -
                                Malachi the arch-heretic (who introduced
a polytheistic concept that does not fit in with monotheism:
reincarnation) -
                            oh look:      something came out of this
conviction that told me to duly apologise to the concept
of the two late monotheistic religions:
                             on your own, can't be bothered -
Christianity was always going to be more image orientated
(after all, the crucifixion is a good enough image)
   and Islam was always going to be more word orientated
(something to shout about, actually, to just shout it) -
the Judaism i found?
                              not being circumcised and what not,
not adhering to the religion as such?
  the lord of the rings and harry potter...
simple... how?
                               please make oaths, swear, use profane
language... maybe that will make your actions less profane
and this isn't 19th century Victorian society event where
people talk polite but play ***** according to the escapades
of Dorian Gray...
                              i'm still adamant that auto-censorship
of a name (the name, i.e. ha-shem) does wonders for your
vocabulary - oath, **** **** ****, words are actually:
                or conjunctions, and this means you can use them
to destroy the barricades of fluidity -
                                 do we really need to say certain names?
Islam says the name all the ****** time,
        Christianity doesn't even know the name of the father:
Jules?                      Jason?                Jeremiah?
                                           can't be Yves...
                   and did 1st century fishermen write?
wasn't that a rebellion against the literate Pharisees etc.?
             so it's pretty much like the harry potter / lord of the rings
rule: Sauron
                       designates the tetragrammaton
   and the necromancer designates ha-shem...
                                                or...
         Voldemort designates (as above)
              and tom-riddle                   blah blah...
oh i have actually washed my hands clean of two most
populous religions in the world -
                            i can't believe that so many people can be
right about something,
                                    would i desire to argue to this
to the grave? not really, i prefer to look at it as a chance fancy,
my real concerns are based upon the question:
   why would bilingualism, ever, be treated as a case
of schizophrenia?
                                           perhaps the language is too
difficult to follow, perhaps i'm reciting a poem by
                           half caste by john agard -
but this **** isn't skin deep, i can't blow the sax in a liberating
transcendence of slavery, or do that other form of
rebellion -
                    &nb
Crispin as hermit, pure and capable,
Dwelt in the land. Perhaps if discontent
Had kept him still the pricking realist,
Choosing his element from droll confect
Of was and is and shall or ought to be,
Beyond Bordeaux, beyond Havana, far
Beyond carked Yucatan, he might have come
To colonize his polar planterdom
And jig his chits upon a cloudy knee.
But his emprize to that idea soon sped.
Crispin dwelt in the land and dwelling there
Slid from his continent by slow recess
To things within his actual eye, alert
To the difficulty of rebellious thought
When the sky is blue. The blue infected will.
It may be that the yarrow in his fields
Sealed pensive purple under its concern.
But day by day, now this thing and now that
Confined him, while it cosseted, condoned,
Little by little, as if the suzerain soil
Abashed him by carouse to humble yet
Attach. It seemed haphazard denouement.
He first, as realist, admitted that
Whoever hunts a matinal continent
May, after all, stop short before a plum
And be content and still be realist.
The words of things entangle and confuse.
The plum survives its poems. It may hang
In the sunshine placidly, colored by ground
Obliquities of those who pass beneath,
Harlequined and mazily dewed and mauved
In bloom. Yet it survives in its own form,
Beyond these changes, good, fat, guzzly fruit.
So Crispin hasped on the surviving form,
For him, of shall or ought to be in is.

Was he to bray this in profoundest brass
Arointing his dreams with fugal requiems?
Was he to company vastest things defunct
With a blubber of tom-toms harrowing the sky?
Scrawl a tragedian's testament? Prolong
His active force in an inactive dirge,
Which, let the tall musicians call and call,
Should merely call him dead? Pronounce amen
Through choirs infolded to the outmost clouds?
Because he built a cabin who once planned
Loquacious columns by the ructive sea?
Because he turned to salad-beds again?
Jovial Crispin, in calamitous crape?
Should he lay by the personal and make
Of his own fate an instance of all fate?
What is one man among so many men?
What are so many men in such a world?
Can one man think one thing and think it long?
Can one man be one thing and be it long?
The very man despising honest quilts
Lies quilted to his poll in his despite.
For realists, what is is what should be.
And so it came, his cabin shuffled up,
His trees were planted, his duenna brought
Her prismy blonde and clapped her in his hands,
The curtains flittered and the door was closed.
Crispin, magister of a single room,
Latched up the night. So deep a sound fell down
It was as if the solitude concealed
And covered him and his congenial sleep.
So deep a sound fell down it grew to be
A long soothsaying silence down and down.
The crickets beat their tambours in the wind,
Marching a motionless march, custodians.

In the presto of the morning, Crispin trod,
Each day, still curious, but in a round
Less prickly and much more condign than that
He once thought necessary. Like Candide,
Yeoman and grub, but with a fig in sight,
And cream for the fig and silver for the cream,
A blonde to tip the silver and to taste
The ***** gouts. Good star, how that to be
Annealed them in their cabin ribaldries!
Yet the quotidian saps philosophers
And men like Crispin like them in intent,
If not in will, to track the knaves of thought.
But the quotidian composed as his,
Of breakfast ribands, fruits laid in their leaves,
The tomtit and the cassia and the rose,
Although the rose was not the noble thorn
Of crinoline spread, but of a pining sweet,
Composed of evenings like cracked shutters flung
Upon the rumpling bottomness, and nights
In which those frail custodians watched,
Indifferent to the tepid summer cold,
While he poured out upon the lips of her
That lay beside him, the quotidian
Like this, saps like the sun, true fortuner.
For all it takes it gives a ****** return
Exchequering from piebald fiscs unkeyed.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2017
akin to Candide, and to match Voltaire i have a revision... tending to one's garden, i.e. minding his own business... well, there's tending to a garden, and then there's: growing a beard.

i always deemed a selfie as a take
on curiosity...
         a reviving of a curiosity -
which also translates into
the following few words:
on the new continent (north america)
the nationalists is called a patriot,
foreign bodies coming into
the land of this spoken tongue
are called immigrants,
        but native bodies coming out
of the land of this spoken tongue
are call expatriates....
   well... hello sunshine...
i'm not an immigrant,
i'm an an expatriate...
   ******* english foxes
and welsh weasels...
          hard to stomach the word ascriptive
akin to neo-****, when your people
fought the nazis...
even in britain in the r.a.f.,
check st. paul's cathedral and look
for the placard: polish r.a.f. pilots
took part in the dog fights...
             take your somali-irish
and shove them up yer ****!
             it's called nationalism in
europe, but patriotism in england...
it's doubly called fascism in europe...
*******...
                i'd wipe my *** with my hand
and give them quasi-woad marks
to suit their grimacing faces
to simply prove the point...
         akin to the brother *****, czech and rus

the brothers fin, *** and esto...
          sunny boy,
the natives speak of fellow natives
as expatriates and not as immigrants,
and there's a slight difference
between being a nationalists and being
a patriot...
                     but i guess that doesn't
exactly compute in your 'ed.

p.s. note: ***, hún (han)
and hūn (hoon)...
                     difference being,
this is not about
the Aryans and fetish German,
the Caucasians...
  the model being:
you move from skin difference,
you move via the individual
to the collective,
then through the nation
and via the nation to the grander
ethnic picture of Slav / Germanic / Celt,
and then arrive at your
desired destination:
  the Caucasus,
and then see the Turkic peoples
as neighbours...
           almost all wars have been
waged in the form of familial
feuds...
   inbreeding seems hardly the taboo
when in-warring is all that ever was
worth staging wars.
Danny Wolf Aug 2014
Darkness calls on us like the Siren's Song,
with the optimism of Candide, we charge on
because we know "things are exactly how they should be,"
But we're ignoring the fact that we cannot see!
We cannot be free!
No wonder Yossarian went so **** crazy,
trapped with no way out...
Like the old woman protecting her individuality in her burning house.
In this day and age,
Individuality burns out faster than paper in flames.
As fragile as Hamlet's mental state,
****, it's gone.
We're left as scared and self-conscious as J. Alfred Prufrock.
Questioning ourselves,
We don't dare disturb the universe.
Forced back by scrutinizing hands
through the shrunken entrances of our comfort zones,
Left torn and scarred
because they don't accept who we are.
I walk the halls with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern,
Watch identity evaporate without concern.
Ignorant voices, the poison dripping into my ears.
I walk the halls a ghost.
They think I'm weird,
Maybe a few screws loose,
but I'll tell you what...
"Crazy" Orr is the one who escaped Catch-22.
Though I fear there is not an Odysseus within all of us,
I fear we are not prepared.
For when Darkness calls on us like the Siren's Song,
temptation is seldom overcome.

6/13/14
This began as one thing, and  unintentionally turned into a mash-up full of references from the main poems, books, and other excerpts we read in my AP English lit class this past year. It's references are to the following: Siren Song by Margaret Atwood, The Odyssey, Candide, Catch-22, Farenheit 451, Hamlet/Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, and The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. It ended up being one of the funnest and
most challengeing pieces I've written.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
ו
םתוח
השׂטן‎

and i thought that ancient egyptian
was retarted...
looks like there's a contender!
hebrew!
    this language doens't know left
from right, or up from down...
hebrew is, by html encoding... a dodo project!
it's retarted!
   hebrew can't survive in the html age...
it's retarudus proximus!
oh, you think arabic is any better?
don't think semites should
be laughing at this point...

trying to write hebrew script is like
juggling pineapples...
     what does it say?
   the seal of satan... satan?
well that implies guardian
      of the tetragrammaton...
i still agree hebrew evolved from
ancient egyptian script...
but hebrew wasn't used in writing
html or any other computing script...
that's why it's so retarted when trying
to write it in html mode...
nope, can't convince me...
you can't really write hebrew in html mode...
i call this the extinction precipice...
    if this ****** is going to keep up
its copernican acid tripping not knowing
left from right...
   might as well leave it at the roman
long-handshake... where hands
don't actually touch, but hands touch
nearing the elbow... namely
   forearm-grip.

as the original stated:

the smaller the audience: the greater span of historical worth, and desire to upkeep: that pangloss citation from voltaire's candide: better us tending to our own conerns, that bother ourselves with the concerns of others.

oh, i know what a small audience implies...
didn't christ have only the 12,
didn't pythagoras only have the approx. 30?
there's something quite telling
about a small audience...
         not exactly cultish...
                  but something beyond the realm
of influencing people within a single
lifetime...
                   take en sabah nur and his 4:
oh come on... rewrite tolstoy's
war & peace in a comic form:
  just to ease the gates for poets,
and leave barren, the boring narrator...
let's keep it at just that:
there's something telling about a small
audience...
          look at the 1 and the 12,
and now look at the billionth marker -
  funny, isn't it?
                what am i claiming though?
ah, that's simple, that's a revival of
"judaism" - i say "judaism" because
i am the one ordained with neither prophecy
or anything worth mastering:
  i am the guardian of the tetragrammaton...
and sure, the god within the confines of
philosophy has to necessarily not exist...
but?
       well... you can't really evaporate
the tetragrammaton out of existence!
             whenever the right time comes,
i loose the title: chief prosecutor, and become
chief defendant.
À MADEMOISELLE LOUISE B.

I.

- Ainsi donc rien de grand, rien de saint, rien de pur,
Rien qui soit digne, ô ciel ! de ton regret d'azur !
Rien qui puisse anoblir le vil siècle où nous sommes,
Ne sortira du cœur de l'homme enfant des hommes !
Homme ! esprit enfoui sous les besoins du corps !
Ainsi, jouir ; descendre à tâtons chez les morts ;
Être à tout ce qui rampe, à tout ce qui s'envole,
A l'intérêt sordide, à la vanité folle ;
Ne rien savoir - qu'emplir, sans souci du devoir,
Une charte de mots ou d'écus un comptoir ;
Ne jamais regarder les voûtes étoilées ;
Rire du dévouement et des vertus voilées ;
Voilà ta vie, hélas ! et tu n'as, nuit et jour,
Pour espoir et pour but, pour culte et pour amour,
Qu'une immonde monnaie aux carrefours traînée
Et qui te laisse aux mains sa rouille empoissonnée !
Et tu ne comprends pas que ton destin, à toi,
C'est de penser ! c'est d'être un mage et d'être un roi ;
C'est d'être un alchimiste alimentant la flamme
Sous ce sombre alambic que tu nommes ton âme,
Et de faire passer par ce creuset de feu
La nature et le monde, et d'en extraire Dieu !

Quoi ! la brute a sa sphère et l'éléments sa règle !
L'onde est au cormoran et la neige est à l'aigle.
Tout a sa région, sa fonction, son but.
L'écume de la mer n'est pas un vain rebut ;
Le flot sait ce qu'il fait ; le vent sait qui le pousse ;
Comme un temple où toujours veille une clarté douce,
L'étoile obéissante éclaire le ciel bleu ;
Le lys s'épanouit pour la gloire de Dieu ;
Chaque matin, vibrant comme une sainte lyre,
L'oiseau chante ce nom que l'aube nous fait lire.
Quoi ! l'être est plein d'amour, le monde est plein de foi
Toute chose ici-bas suit gravement sa loi,
Et ne sait obéir, dans sa fierté divine,
L'oiseau qu'à son instinct, l'arbre qu'à sa racine !
Quoi ! l'énorme océan qui monte vers son bord,
Quoi ! l'hirondelle au sud et l'aimant vers le nord
La graine ailée allant au **** choisir sa place,
Le nuage entassé sur les îles de glace,
Qui, des cieux tout à coup traversant la hauteur,
Croule au souffle d'avril du pôle à l'équateur,
Le glacier qui descend du haut des cimes blanches,
La sève qui s'épand dans les fibres des branches,
Tous les objets créés, vers un but sérieux,
Les rayons dans les airs, les globes dans les cieux,
Les fleuves à travers les rochers et les herbes,
Vont sans se détourner de leurs chemins superbes !
L'homme a seul dévié ! - Quoi ! tout dans l'univers,
Tous les êtres, les monts, les forêts, les prés verts,
Le jour dorant le ciel, l'eau lavant les ravines,
Ont encore, comme au jour où de ses mains divines
Jéhova sur Adam imprima sa grandeur,
Toute leur innocence et toute leur candeur !
L'homme seul est tombé !- Fait dans l'auguste empire
Pour être le meilleur, il en devient le pire,
Lui qui devait fleurir comme l'arbre choisi,
Il n'est plus qu'un tronc vil au branchage noirci,
Que l'âge déracine et que le vice effeuille,
Dont les rameaux n'ont pas de fruit que Dieu recueille,
Où jamais sans péril nous ne nous appuyons,
Où la société greffe les passions !
Chute immense ! il ignore et nie, ô providence !
Tandis qu'autour de lui la création pense !

Ô honte ! en proie aux sens dont le joug l'asservit,
L'homme végète auprès de la chose qui vit !

II.

Comme je m'écriais ainsi, vous m'entendîtes ;
Et vous, dont l'âme brille en tout ce que vous dites,
Vous tournâtes alors vers moi paisiblement
Votre sourire triste, ineffable et calmant :

- L'humanité se lève, elle chancelle encore,
Et, le front baigné d'ombre, elle va vers l'aurore.
Tout l'homme sur la terre a deux faces, le bien
Et le mal. Blâmer tout, c'est ne comprendre rien.
Les âmes des humains d'or et de plomb sont faites.
L'esprit du sage est grave, et sur toutes les têtes
Ne jette pas sa foudre au hasard en éclats.
Pour le siècle où l'on vit - comme on y souffre, hélas ! -
On est toujours injuste, et tout y paraît crime.
Notre époque insultée a son côté sublime.
Vous l'avez dit vous-même, ô poète irrité ! -

Dans votre chambre, asile illustre et respecté,
C'est ainsi que, sereine et simple, vous parlâtes.
Votre front, au reflet des damas écarlates,
Rayonnait, et pour moi, dans cet instant profond,
Votre regard levé fit un ciel du plafond.

L'accent de la raison, auguste et pacifique,
L'équité, la pitié, la bonté séraphique,
L'oubli des torts d'autrui, cet oubli vertueux
Qui rend à leur insu les fronts majestueux,
Donnaient à vos discours, pleins de clartés si belles,
La tranquille grandeur des choses naturelles,
Et par moments semblaient mêler à votre voix
Ce chant doux et voilé qu'on entend dans les bois.

III.

Pourquoi devant mes yeux revenez-vous sans cesse,
Ô jours de mon enfance et de mon allégresse ?
Qui donc toujours vous rouvre en nos cœurs presque éteints
Ô lumineuse fleur des souvenirs lointains ?

Oh ! que j'étais heureux ! oh ! que j'étais candide !
En classe, un banc de chêne, usé, lustré, splendide,
Une table, un pupitre, un lourd encrier noir,
Une lampe, humble sœur de l'étoile du soir,
M'accueillaient gravement et doucement. Mon maître,
Comme je vous l'ai dit souvent, était un prêtre
A l'accent calme et bon, au regard réchauffant,
Naïf comme un savant, malin comme un enfant,
Qui m'embrassait, disant, car un éloge excite :
- Quoiqu'il n'ait que neuf ans, il explique Tacite. -
Puis près d'Eugène, esprit qu'hélas ! Dieu submergea,
Je travaillais dans l'ombre, - et je songeais déjà.

Tandis que j'écrivais, - sans peur, mais sans système,
Versant le barbarisme à grands flots sur le thème,
Inventant les auteurs de sens inattendus,
Le dos courbé, le front touchant presque au Gradus, -
Je croyais, car toujours l'esprit de l'enfant veille,
Ouïr confusément, tout près de mon oreille,
Les mots grecs et latins, bavards et familiers,
Barbouillés d'encre, et gais comme des écoliers,
Chuchoter, comme font les oiseaux dans une aire,
Entre les noirs feuillets du lourd dictionnaire.
Bruits plus doux que le bruit d'un essaim qui s'enfuit,
Souffles plus étouffés qu'un soupir de la nuit,
Qui faisaient par instants, sous les fermoirs de cuivre,
Frissonner vaguement les pages du vieux livre !

Le devoir fait, légers comme de jeunes daims,
Nous fuyions à travers les immenses jardins,
Éclatant à la fois en cent propos contraires.
Moi, d'un pas inégal je suivais mes grands frères ;
Et les astres sereins s'allumaient dans les cieux,
Et les mouches volaient dans l'air silencieux,
Et le doux rossignol, chantant dans l'ombre obscure,
Enseignait la musique à toute la nature,
Tandis qu'enfant jaseur aux gestes étourdis,
Jetant partout mes yeux ingénus et hardis
D'où jaillissait la joie en vives étincelles,
Je portais sous mon bras, noués par trois ficelles,
Horace et les festins, Virgile et les forêts,
Tout l'Olympe, Thésée, Hercule, et toi Cérès,
La cruelle Junon, Lerne et l'hydre enflammée,
Et le vaste lion de la roche Némée.

Mais, lorsque j'arrivais chez ma mère, souvent,
Grâce au hasard taquin qui joue avec l'enfant,
J'avais de grands chagrins et de grandes colères.
Je ne retrouvais plus, près des ifs séculaires,
Le beau petit jardin par moi-même arrangé.
Un gros chien en passant avait tout ravagé.
Ou quelqu'un dans ma chambre avait ouvert mes cages,
Et mes oiseaux étaient partis pour les bocages,
Et, joyeux, s'en étaient allés de fleur en fleur
Chercher la liberté bien ****, - ou l'oiseleur.
Ciel ! alors j'accourais, rouge, éperdu, rapide,
Maudissant le grand chien, le jardinier stupide,
Et l'infâme oiseleur et son hideux lacet,
Furieux ! - D'un regard ma mère m'apaisait.

IV.

Aujourd'hui, ce n'est pas pour une cage vide,
Pour des oiseaux jetés à l'oiseleur avide,
Pour un dogue aboyant lâché parmi les fleurs,
Que mon courroux s'émeut. Non, les petits malheurs
Exaspèrent l'enfant ; mais, comme en une église,
Dans les grandes douleurs l'homme se tranquillise.
Après l'ardent chagrin, au jour brûlant pareil,
Le repos vient au cœur comme aux yeux le sommeil.
De nos maux, chiffres noirs, la sagesse est la somme.
En l'éprouvant toujours, Dieu semble dire à l'homme :
- Fais passer ton esprit à travers le malheur ;
Comme le grain du crible, il sortira meilleur. -
J'ai vécu, j'ai souffert, je juge et je m'apaise.
Ou si parfois encor la colère mauvaise
Fait pencher dans mon âme avec son doigt vainqueur
La balance où je pèse et le monde et mon cœur ;
Si, n'ouvrant qu'un seul œil, je condamne et je blâme,
Avec quelques mots purs, vous, sainte et noble femme,
Vous ramenez ma voix qui s'irrite et s'aigrit
Au calme sur lequel j'ai posé mon esprit ;
Je sens sous vos rayons mes tempêtes se taire ;
Et vous faites pour l'homme incliné, triste, austère,
Ce que faisait jadis pour l'enfant doux et beau
Ma mère, ce grand cœur qui dort dans le tombeau !

V.

Écoutez à présent. - Dans ma raison qui tremble,
Parfois l'une après l'autre et quelquefois ensemble,
Trois voix, trois grandes voix murmurent.

L'une dit :
- « Courrouce-toi, poète. Oui, l'enfer applaudit
Tout ce que cette époque ébauche, crée ou tente.
Reste indigné. Ce siècle est une impure tente
Où l'homme appelle à lui, voyant le soir venu,
La volupté, la chair, le vice infâme et nu.
La vérité, qui fit jadis resplendir Rome,
Est toujours dans le ciel ; l'amour n'est plus dans l'homme.
« Tout rayon jaillissant trouve tout œil fermé.
Oh ! ne repousse pas la muse au bras armé
Qui visitait jadis comme une austère amie,
Ces deux sombres géants, Amos et Jérémie !
Les hommes sont ingrats, méchants, menteurs, jaloux.
Le crime est dans plusieurs, la vanité dans tous ;
Car, selon le rameau dont ils ont bu la sève,
Ils tiennent, quelques-uns de Caïn, et tous d'Ève.

« Seigneur ! ta croix chancelle et le respect s'en va.
La prière décroît. Jéhova ! Jéhova !
On va parlant tout haut de toi-même en ton temple.
Le livre était la loi, le prêtre était l'exemple ;
Livre et prêtre sont morts. Et la foi maintenant,
Cette braise allumée à ton foyer tonnant,
Qui, marquant pour ton Christ ceux qu'il préfère aux autres,
Jadis purifiait la lèvre des apôtres,
N'est qu'un charbon éteint dont les petits enfants
Souillent ton mur avec des rires triomphants ! » -

L'autre voix dit : - « Pardonne ! aime ! Dieu qu'on révère,
Dieu pour l'homme indulgent ne sera point sévère.
Respecte la fourmi non moins que le lion.
Rêveur ! rien n'est petit dans la création.
De l'être universel l'atome se compose ;
Dieu vit un peu dans tout, et rien n'est peu de chose.
Cultive en toi l'amour, la pitié, les regrets.
Si le sort te contraint d'examiner de près
L'homme souvent frivole, aveugle et téméraire,
Tempère l'œil du juge avec les pleurs du frère.
Et que tout ici-bas, l'air, la fleur, le gazon ;
Le groupe heureux qui joue au seuil de ta maison ;
Un mendiant assis à côté d'une gerbe ;
Un oiseau qui regarde une mouche dans l'herbe ;
Les vieux livres du quai, feuilletés par le vent,
D'où l'esprit des anciens, subtil, libre et vivant,
S'envole, et, souffle errant, se mêle à tes pensées ;
La contemplation de ces femmes froissées
Qui vivent dans les pleurs comme l'algue dans l'eau ;
L'homme, ce spectateur ; le monde, ce tableau ;
Que cet ensemble auguste où l'insensé se blase
Tourne de plus en plus ta vie et ton extase
Vers l'œil mystérieux qui nous regarde tous,
Invisible veilleur ! témoin intime et doux !
Principe ! but ! milieu ! clarté ! chaleur ! dictame !
Secret de toute chose entrevu par toute l'âme !
« N'allume aucun enfer au tison d'aucun feu.
N'aggrave aucun fardeau. Démontre l'âme et Dieu,
L'impérissable esprit, la tombe irrévocable ;
Et rends douce à nos fronts, que souvent elle accable,
La grande main qui grave en signes immortels
JAMAIS ! sur les tombeaux ; TOUJOURS ! sur les autels. »

La troisième voix dit : - « Aimer ? haïr ? qu'importe !
Qu'on chante ou qu'on maudisse, et qu'on entre ou qu'on sorte,
Le mal, le bien, la mort, les vices, les faux dieux,
Qu'est-ce que tout cela fait au ciel radieux ?
La végétation, vivante, aveugle et sombre,
En couvre-t-elle moins de feuillages sans nombre,
D'arbres et de lichens, d'herbe et de goëmons,
Les prés, les champs, les eaux, les rochers et les monts ?
L'onde est-elle moins bleue et le bois moins sonore ?
L'air promène-t-il moins, dans l'ombre et dans l'aurore,
Sur les clairs horizons, sur les flots décevants,
Ces nuages heureux qui vont aux quatre vents ?
Le soleil qui sourit aux fleurs dans les campagnes,
Aux rois dans les palais, aux forçats dans les bagnes,
Perd-il, dans la splendeur dont il est revêtu,
Un rayon quand la terre oublie une vertu ?
Non, Pan n'a pas besoin qu'on le prie et qu'on l'aime.
Ô sagesse ! esprit pur ! sérénité suprême !
Zeus ! Irmensul ! Wishnou ! Jupiter ! Jéhova !
Dieu que cherchait Socrate et que Jésus trouva !
Unique Dieu ! vrai Dieu ! seul mystère ! seule âme !
Toi qui, laissant tomber ce que la mort réclame,
Fis les cieux infinis pour les temps éternels !
Toi qui mis dans l'éther plein de bruits solennels,
Tente dont ton haleine émeut les sombres toiles,
Des millions d'oiseaux, des millions d'étoiles !
Que te font, ô Très-Haut ! les hommes insensés,
Vers la nuit au hasard l'un par l'autre poussés,
Fantômes dont jamais tes yeux ne se souviennent,
Devant ta face immense ombres qui vont et viennent ! »

VI.

Dans ma retraite obscure où, sous mon rideau vert,
Luit comme un œil ami maint vieux livre entrouvert,
Où ma bible sourit dans l'ombre à mon Virgile,
J'écoute ces trois voix. Si mon cerveau fragile
S'étonne, je persiste ; et, sans peur, sans effroi,
Je les laisse accomplir ce qu'elles font en moi.
Car les hommes, troublés de ces métamorphoses,
Composent leur sagesse avec trop peu de choses.
Tous ont la déraison de voir la Vérité
Chacun de sa fenêtre et rien que d'un côté,
Sans qu'aucun d'eux, tenté par ce rocher sublime,
Aille en faire le tour et monte sur sa cime.
Et de ce triple aspect des choses d'ici-bas,
De ce triple conseil que l'homme n'entend pas,
Pour mon cœur où Dieu vit, où la haine s'émousse,
Sort une bienveillance universelle et douce
Qui dore comme une aube et d'avance attendrit
Le vers qu'à moitié fait j'emporte en mon esprit
Pour l'achever aux champs avec l'odeur des plaines
Et l'ombre du nuage et le bruit des fontaines !

Avril 1840.
J'entrai dernièrement dans une vieille église ;

La nef était déserte, et sur la dalle grise,

Les feux du soir, passant par les vitraux dorés,

Voltigeaient et dansaient, ardemment colorés.

Comme je m'en allais, visitant les chapelles,

Avec tous leurs festons et toutes leurs dentelles,

Dans un coin du jubé j'aperçus un tableau

Représentant un Christ qui me parut très-beau.

On y voyait saint Jean, Madeleine et la Vierge ;

Leurs chairs, d'un ton pareil à la cire de cierge,

Les faisaient ressembler, sur le fond sombre et noir,

A ces fantômes blancs qui se dressent le soir,

Et vont croisant les bras sous leurs draps mortuaires ;

Leurs robes à plis droits, ainsi que des suaires,

S'allongeaient tout d'un jet de leur nuque à leurs pieds ;

Ainsi faits, l'on eût dit qu'ils fussent copiés

Dans le campo-Santo sur quelque fresque antique,

D'un vieux maître Pisan, artiste catholique,

Tant l'on voyait reluire autour de leur beauté,

Le nimbe rayonnant de la mysticité,

Et tant l'on respirait dans leur humble attitude,

Les parfums onctueux de la béatitude.


Sans doute que c'était l'œuvre d'un Allemand,

D'un élève d'Holbein, mort bien obscurément,

A vingt ans, de misère et de mélancolie,

Dans quelque bourg de Flandre, au retour d'Italie ;

Car ses têtes semblaient, avec leur blanche chair,

Un rêve de soleil par une nuit d'hiver.


Je restai bien longtemps dans la même posture,

Pensif, à contempler cette pâle peinture ;

Je regardais le Christ sur son infâme bois,

Pour embrasser le monde, ouvrant les bras en croix ;

Ses pieds meurtris et bleus et ses deux mains clouées,

Ses chairs, par les bourreaux, à coups de fouets trouées,

La blessure livide et béante à son flanc ;

Son front d'ivoire où perle une sueur de sang ;

Son corps blafard, rayé par des lignes vermeilles,

Me faisaient naître au cœur des pitiés nonpareilles,

Et mes yeux débordaient en des ruisseaux de pleurs,

Comme dut en verser la Mère de Douleurs.

Dans l'outremer du ciel les chérubins fidèles,

Se lamentaient en chœur, la face sous leurs ailes,

Et l'un d'eux recueillait, un ciboire à la main,

Le pur-sang de la plaie où boit le genre humain ;

La sainte vierge, au bas, regardait : pauvre mère

Son divin fils en proie à l'agonie amère ;

Madeleine et saint Jean, sous les bras de la croix

Mornes, échevelés, sans soupirs et sans voix,

Plus dégoutants de pleurs qu'après la pluie un arbre,

Étaient debout, pareils à des piliers de marbre.


C'était, certes, un spectacle à faire réfléchir,

Et je sentis mon cou, comme un roseau, fléchir

Sous le vent que faisait l'aile de ma pensée,

Avec le chant du soir, vers le ciel élancée.

Je croisai gravement mes deux bras sur mon sein,

Et je pris mon menton dans le creux de ma main,

Et je me dis : « O Christ ! Tes douleurs sont trop vives ;

Après ton agonie au jardin des Olives,

Il fallait remonter près de ton père, au ciel,

Et nous laisser à nous l'éponge avec le fiel ;

Les clous percent ta chair, et les fleurons d'épines

Entrent profondément dans tes tempes divines.

Tu vas mourir, toi, Dieu, comme un homme. La mort

Recule épouvantée à ce sublime effort ;

Elle a peur de sa proie, elle hésite à la prendre,

Sachant qu'après trois jours il la lui faudra rendre,

Et qu'un ange viendra, qui, radieux et beau,

Lèvera de ses mains la pierre du tombeau ;

Mais tu n'en as pas moins souffert ton agonie,

Adorable victime entre toutes bénie ;

Mais tu n'en a pas moins avec les deux voleurs,

Étendu tes deux bras sur l'arbre de douleurs.


Ô rigoureux destin ! Une pareille vie,

D'une pareille mort si promptement suivie !

Pour tant de maux soufferts, tant d'absinthe et de fiel,

Où donc est le bonheur, le vin doux et le miel ?

La parole d'amour pour compenser l'injure,

Et la bouche qui donne un baiser par blessure ?

Dieu lui-même a besoin quand il est blasphémé,

Pour nous bénir encore de se sentir aimé,

Et tu n'as pas, Jésus, traversé cette terre,

N'ayant jamais pressé sur ton cœur solitaire

Un cœur sincère et pur, et fait ce long chemin

Sans avoir une épaule où reposer ta main,

Sans une âme choisie où répandre avec flamme

Tous les trésors d'amour enfermés dans ton âme.


Ne vous alarmez pas, esprits religieux,

Car l'inspiration descend toujours des cieux,

Et mon ange gardien, quand vint cette pensée,

De son bouclier d'or ne l'a pas repoussée.

C'est l'heure de l'extase où Dieu se laisse voir,

L'Angélus éploré tinte aux cloches du soir ;

Comme aux bras de l'amant, une vierge pâmée,

L'encensoir d'or exhale une haleine embaumée ;

La voix du jour s'éteint, les reflets des vitraux,

Comme des feux follets, passent sur les tombeaux,

Et l'on entend courir, sous les ogives frêles,

Un bruit confus de voix et de battements d'ailes ;

La foi descend des cieux avec l'obscurité ;

L'orgue vibre ; l'écho répond : Eternité !

Et la blanche statue, en sa couche de pierre,

Rapproche ses deux mains et se met en prière.

Comme un captif, brisant les portes du cachot,

L'âme du corps s'échappe et s'élance si haut,

Qu'elle heurte, en son vol, au détour d'un nuage,

L'étoile échevelée et l'archange en voyage ;

Tandis que la raison, avec son pied boiteux,

La regarde d'en-bas se perdre dans les cieux.

C'est à cette heure-là que les divins poètes,

Sentent grandir leur front et deviennent prophètes.


Ô mystère d'amour ! Ô mystère profond !

Abîme inexplicable où l'esprit se confond ;

Qui de nous osera, philosophe ou poète,

Dans cette sombre nuit plonger avant la tête ?

Quelle langue assez haute et quel cœur assez pur,

Pour chanter dignement tout ce poème obscur ?

Qui donc écartera l'aile blanche et dorée,

Dont un ange abritait cette amour ignorée ?

Qui nous dira le nom de cette autre Éloa ?

Et quelle âme, ô Jésus, à t'aimer se voua ?


Murs de Jérusalem, vénérables décombres,

Vous qui les avez vus et couverts de vos ombres,

Ô palmiers du Carmel ! Ô cèdres du Liban !

Apprenez-nous qui donc il aimait mieux que Jean ?

Si vos troncs vermoulus et si vos tours minées,

Dans leur écho fidèle, ont, depuis tant d'années,

Parmi les souvenirs des choses d'autrefois,

Conservé leur mémoire et le son de leur voix ;

Parlez et dites-nous, ô forêts ! ô ruines !

Tout ce que vous savez de ces amours divines !

Dites quels purs éclairs dans leurs yeux reluisaient,

Et quels soupirs ardents de leurs cœurs s'élançaient !

Et toi, Jourdain, réponds, sous les berceaux de palmes,

Quand la lune trempait ses pieds dans tes eaux calmes,

Et que le ciel semait sa face de plus d'yeux,

Que n'en traîne après lui le paon tout radieux ;

Ne les as-tu pas vus sur les fleurs et les mousses,

Glisser en se parlant avec des voix plus douces

Que les roucoulements des colombes de mai,

Que le premier aveu de celle que j'aimai ;

Et dans un pur baiser, symbole du mystère,

Unir la terre au ciel et le ciel à la terre.


Les échos sont muets, et le flot du Jourdain

Murmure sans répondre et passe avec dédain ;

Les morts de Josaphat, troublés dans leur silence,

Se tournent sur leur couche, et le vent frais balance

Au milieu des parfums dans les bras du palmier,

Le chant du rossignol et le nid du ramier.


Frère, mais voyez donc comme la Madeleine

Laisse sur son col blanc couler à flots d'ébène

Ses longs cheveux en pleurs, et comme ses beaux yeux,

Mélancoliquement, se tournent vers les cieux !

Qu'elle est belle ! Jamais, depuis Ève la blonde,

Une telle beauté n'apparut sur le monde ;

Son front est si charmant, son regard est si doux,

Que l'ange qui la garde, amoureux et jaloux,

Quand le désir craintif rôde et s'approche d'elle,

Fait luire son épée et le chasse à coups d'aile.


Ô pâle fleur d'amour éclose au paradis !

Qui répands tes parfums dans nos déserts maudits,

Comment donc as-tu fait, ô fleur ! Pour qu'il te reste

Une couleur si fraîche, une odeur si céleste ?

Comment donc as-tu fait, pauvre sœur du ramier,

Pour te conserver pure au cœur de ce bourbier ?

Quel miracle du ciel, sainte prostituée,

Que ton cœur, cette mer, si souvent remuée,

Des coquilles du bord et du limon impur,

N'ait pas, dans l'ouragan, souillé ses flots d'azur,

Et qu'on ait toujours vu sous leur manteau limpide,

La perle blanche au fond de ton âme candide !

C'est que tout cœur aimant est réhabilité,

Qu'il vous vient une autre âme et que la pureté

Qui remontait au ciel redescend et l'embrasse,

comme à sa sœur coupable une sœur qui fait grâce ;

C'est qu'aimer c'est pleurer, c'est croire, c'est prier ;

C'est que l'amour est saint et peut tout expier.


Mon grand peintre ignoré, sans en savoir les causes,

Dans ton sublime instinct tu comprenais ces choses,

Tu fis de ses yeux noirs ruisseler plus de pleurs ;

Tu gonflas son beau sein de plus hautes douleurs ;

La voyant si coupable et prenant pitié d'elle,

Pour qu'on lui pardonnât, tu l'as faite plus belle,

Et ton pinceau pieux, sur le divin contour,

A promené longtemps ses baisers pleins d'amour ;

Elle est plus belle encore que la vierge Marie,

Et le prêtre, à genoux, qui soupire et qui prie,

Dans sa pieuse extase, hésite entre les deux,

Et ne sait pas laquelle est la reine des cieux.


Ô sainte pécheresse ! Ô grande repentante !

Madeleine, c'est toi que j'eusse pour amante

Dans mes rêves choisie, et toute la beauté,

Tout le rayonnement de la virginité,

Montrant sur son front blanc la blancheur de son âme,

Ne sauraient m'émouvoir, ô femme vraiment femme,

Comme font tes soupirs et les pleurs de tes yeux,

Ineffable rosée à faire envie aux cieux !

Jamais lis de Saron, divine courtisane,

Mirant aux eaux des lacs sa robe diaphane,

N'eut un plus pur éclat ni de plus doux parfums ;

Ton beau front inondé de tes longs cheveux bruns,

Laisse voir, au travers de ta peau transparente,

Le rêve de ton âme et ta pensée errante,

Comme un globe d'albâtre éclairé par dedans !

Ton œil est un foyer dont les rayons ardents

Sous la cendre des cœurs ressuscitent les flammes ;

O la plus amoureuse entre toutes les femmes !

Les séraphins du ciel à peine ont dans le cœur,

Plus d'extase divine et de sainte langueur ;

Et tu pourrais couvrir de ton amour profonde,

Comme d'un manteau d'or la nudité du monde !

Toi seule sais aimer, comme il faut qu'il le soit,

Celui qui t'a marquée au front avec le doigt,

Celui dont tu baignais les pieds de myrrhe pure,

Et qui pour s'essuyer avait ta chevelure ;

Celui qui t'apparut au jardin, pâle encore

D'avoir dormi sa nuit dans le lit de la mort ;

Et, pour te consoler, voulut que la première

Tu le visses rempli de gloire et de lumière.


En faisant ce tableau, Raphaël inconnu,

N'est-ce pas ? Ce penser comme à moi t'est venu,

Et que ta rêverie a sondé ce mystère,

Que je voudrais pouvoir à la fois dire et taire ?

Ô poètes ! Allez prier à cet autel,

A l'heure où le jour baisse, à l'instant solennel,

Quand d'un brouillard d'encens la nef est toute pleine.

Regardez le Jésus et puis la Madeleine ;

Plongez-vous dans votre âme et rêvez au doux bruit

Que font en s'éployant les ailes de la nuit ;

Peut-être un chérubin détaché de la toile,

A vos yeux, un moment, soulèvera le voile,

Et dans un long soupir l'orgue murmurera

L'ineffable secret que ma bouche taira.
Anna Aug 2013
I was the one who received the faithful letter from Mr. Darcy
I was the one who held Holden when he cried
I was the one who Guy Montague thought was beautiful
I was the one who Heathcliff came back to the Wuthering Heights for
I was the one who Mr. Rochester tried to illegally marry
I was the one who D'Artagnan grieved over after the abduction
I was the one who Captain Wentworth fell back in love with
I was the one who Dorian Gray actually cared for
I was the one who Candide brought the gold for in El Dorado
I was the one who Winston Smith kissed in that attic
I was the one who cried when they all left me with a silent flipping of a page
the truth is I fall in and out of love by these beautiful men...
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2016
man, a shattering of woe against the shoreline of synonymous
due applause - or kindred with the devil,
burrowing to circumstance the saharan shadow,
tipped shortest via noon,
                    how experience
    humanity without a language,
that god brokered, and not sanctify
Pontius Pilate as the saving grace?
  lava mea mani mundi -
wash my (mandi(ble)) hands clean (purus) -
aristocrats of Pompeii... ugly *******;
       differed - as was the price
of entering Oxbridge.
                 which is why the content
of dreams was questioned, rather the context...
because who was the narrator, after all?
                  why didn't Freudian theory
question the narrator, but instead superimposed
itself as the gravitas narrator: combining both
content and context of dreams?
                   i find it scary that Freud
managed to toy around until the point where
he found a dysfunctional dummy staging horror
that lacked all necessities of a ventriloquist
       framed toward a subplot: embedded in needing one.
  is Freud the only person to provide narration
for the phenomenon of dreaming?
                i still find dreams caged in Kantian noumena...
i.e., why do they happen in the first place?
        i think it's strange that dreams occur in the first place,
that's the context question,
  Freud already answered the content question:
****** Pythagorean truce: it's called all geometric shaping
fits the answer: *******.
      yes, that's me done & dusted...
                           i'm just wondering about what need
we have within Darwinism to dream... what are
the evolutionary downsizing benefits?
isn't dreaming a delusional cauldron that disturbs
our will... or is Hollywood dead and our fancies
are no longer fanciful... what would a history
of dreams reveal, merely Joseph as the sole
dream architect?
                     Freud was but a man,
he said something about the content of dreams,
he didn't say anything about the context of dreams,
i can't find anyone to explain to me
                a need for a context and a need to dream...
i guess the people who dream are as easily
impregnated with a summary of Voltaire's Candide...
that this is: the best of all possible worlds...
          sure, but inscribe upon this world
a concentrated censorship of dreams...
       let me dream the last thing i might see
and give it all the mechanics of what others dream of
to the tilt of fully-embraced enhancement fakery...
             i will still not understand how you managed
to lodge a photon inside my cranium, or why there's
a need for me to dream, that's Freud point + on the content,
but that's also Freud point minus given the context...
    not if i have to hammer a thousand nails into
planks of wood will a dream matter to me....
             by god, make your money from analysis
dream content, but you'll end up a pauper analysis
dream context... are our lives so dandy and simple
that we retreat from political hierarchies
                            and what needs to be addressed
and with tails dragged between our hinds
                  we create foci for translating dreams into
a realism that can never be realised, because being
a realism, it's only a superficial version of
the pain that reality is?
                  yep, so much "wording",
and how many breaths did you inhale and exhale
while i said that? me too, on words: too many.
             Freud can have his content-invoking
affirmation of life and the subsequent prejudices...
but Freud cannot have a context-angling depravity
     to forward life, and consequent pejoratives
being suitor:
             for those who dare not think
                    are easily converted to dreaming...
and those who care to not dream,
   are ushered into the most obscure thinking
   that has not parallel with celebrated thought
akin to Einstein or Newton... but then again,
the celebration of dreams have only one representative,
and he's biblical... oh sorry: mythical.
yet that's where it all begins,
and it is a great sacrifice... to abandon the comforts
of dreams, in order to think uncustomary
   or even murky, uncelebrated thoughts...
                         to think the mundane and non-applicable
insistences... and then dream nothing,
and then see humanity's impecible practibility
  in the do rather then the lost assertive of be,
for humanity does the most, and is the least...
  for every hundred of do instances,
there's but a hundreth of a be instance worthy a mention;
meaning? do the plumbing...
       chop the timber, fix the electric...
                    no one tells people to reach a frantic embodiment,
or calls for an impersonal god that might leave them
   personal & authentic... everyone always asks for a personal
god that leaves them impersonal... robo-tectonic akin
  to Islam... thus ascribing: quantifiably nihilistic...
                   is my life too unbearable to continue or
unbearable to convene such a life, and quote:
  "simply nodded" on my Christmas greeting card...
******* cha cha cha...
                             i ain't a trebuchet,
but i'll swing a plum with a pair of knuckles
should you need more lip-balm for a smooch;
i'm just jittery about the date you'll test me.;
because the other-half-of-me was particular
about that dietary schematic of anorexia;
some said it was cool amphibian akin to ambiance
and hence the strobe light and break-dancing epileptic:
                       coffers full of chuff!
o lookie lookie, who the ****** unit of the
daffy bunch: quack squint-mc-dire...
no wonder she says her name's Chelsea postscriptum.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2015
i thought two things prior, prior walking out
ensuring a tree branch could support
a heinekken bottle on a branch...
well it was as clear as day: thinking proves we have a soul,
the existence of thought proves soul and nina simone...
it would be depressing otherwise, the highest understament
of creation being a dog’s bark and *******...
but there’s something bothersome about monotheism
and the ritual rites of burrial that makes it less sophisticated
than polytheism, such as the pagan greeks knew
and the hindus continue to approve...
see it as: why would man engage with the paradox
of coming from dust, and returning to the element of earth...
it’s missing something... ah yes... intelligence...
the pagans were unified in the burning bush...
the plague that unified the world... the 9th plague
in canada: huh?! w.t.f.?! the 9th plague in japan: huh?! w.t.f.?
the 9th plague is the origin of aztec pyramids...
you’ve been warned.
you see, i see the monotheistic coupling of the corpse
with the earth, coffin and favourite track and ceremony
really groutesque...
i like the hindus and pagans coupling man’s body with fire...
this monotheistic coupling with the element of earth
is too morbid for me... i prefer the bit they put two choins
on the sockets for charon... and burn you,
so the metaphor lives: we had fire in us, even though
we were primarily composed of water... we had fire in us nonetheless!
all this gothic coffin bits: the epitaph post-mortem rather than
vivus maxim... all that tending to the grave like it’s a garden...
no wonder voltaire rebelled with candide...
it be natural that a bush on fire be guidance of man’s true origin
and ontology... that it was fire that spoke... rather than earth;
and yet we give ourselves to the false elemental coercion...
it’s not earth that spawned us, earth was but a canvas...
it was fire that spawned us... with each splinter of the spark
of the brush stroke.
or i could tell you about the many times i spent in the brothel
in goodmayes...
the time i gave one ******* an ****** and she said that it hurt
when she composed herself to put her clothes back on,
the time i cried with one,
the time one almost nibbled my ******* off with a death-stare,
the time one stole my debit card and had me go back
and see the stash load of other cards exhibited by the ****,
the time i thought they were romanian girls but
were in fact bulgarian girls...
the time i ****** a ***** off and was asked: do you want to use it
and thus replied no...
the time i was asked if i wanted a ******* and
took the orthodox route and had the same woman for two hours...
and this concern, the freudian madonna-***** complex,
a fine divide... i can go limp **** with girls outside the profession...
why? because i haven’t objectified them,
in the case where they objectified themselves it’s no problem...
but outside the industrial profession of getting turned on
synthetically using cream it’s more difficult...
i need to know the person, i can’t objectify her in the way
she can already objectify herself...
i can be limp **** with a girl who’s a cashier in a supermarket,
but i can never be limp **** with a girl from a brothel...
it’s not that odd... it’s the explanation of freud,
as all theories, there’s a hyphen inserted to compound
and in a grammatical sense it’s the reverse of mathematics,
in grammar the hyphen is like = when two things are added,
subtracted, multiplied or divided...
time-space is usually a narrative of some sort that’s the adequate
answer...
madonna-***** complex also has a narrative, like this one,
i’m not ashamed of a quasi-impotence...
i just **** professionals drunk, i need the calories...
i’ve had *** with prostitutes and was aroused immediately...
a bit like acknowledging: in a dentist’s chair,
i’m about to get my rotten teeth pulled, rather than get a botox insertion
or a heart transplant.
as simple as that.
(the one that stole my saracens' beanie i will never forget,
i got it buying two saracens' supporters
a pint of beer each at a pub in liverpool st.
by faking delusion associating them with
the actual saracens rugby team...
i really want that saracens beanie back!)
well, we'd get nowhere with space~time or madonna~*****,
only because our linear foundations would
fluctuate in the realm of trigonometry:
they break your heart... you break their mind;
forget direct relation, endear indirect relation
where the former is time-space and the latter is time~space.
Elizabeth Mayo Feb 2013
when I walk in strangers' flower-beds in my sleep
flowers which redly rush out
fervent flush of poppies, poppies
that lulled me back to sleep on a starless Sunday morning
when your sheets were white as poetry, white
as my arms' pallor and bowers of perfumed magnolia flowers
and pale as the poems I wrote next to you
before the sun glowed, the I and the you
and the middle word I will not write, writing blind
because to lose the poems that came to me
in the fading Byzantiums of my dreams
is like falling out of love,
          falling,
                  out of each-other's lives,
                                       out of love,
                                       (love, love.)

and I wake up, with flowers still in my eyes
and I will never lose the pink roses growing through my eyes
even as I no longer am Candide a-sitting at your feet,
because any world where someone like you could've bloomed
is the best of all possible worlds.
Perché i celesti danni
Ristori il sole, e perché l'aure inferme
Zefiro avvivi, onde fugata e sparta
Delle nubi la grave ombra s'avvalla;
Credano il petto inerme
Gli augelli al vento, e la diurna luce
Novo d'amor desio, nova speranza
Nè penetrati boschi e fra le sciolte
Pruine induca alle commosse belve;
Forse alle stanche e nel dolor sepolte
Umane menti riede
La bella età, cui la sciagura e l'atra
Face del ver consunse
Innanzi tempo? Ottenebrati e spenti
Di febo i raggi al misero non sono
In sempiterno? Ed anco,
Primavera odorata, inspiri e tenti
Questo gelido cor, questo ch'amara
Nel fior degli anni suoi vecchiezza impara?
Vivi tu, vivi, o santa
Natura? Vivi e il dissueto orecchio
Della materna voce il suono accoglie?
Già di candide ninfe i rivi albergo,
Placido albergo e specchio
Furo i liquidi fonti. Arcane danze
D'immortal piede i ruinosi gioghi
Scossero e l'ardue selve (oggi romito
Nido dè venti): e il pastorel ch'all'ombre
Meridiane incerte ed al fiorito
Margo adducea dè fiumi
Le sitibonde agnelle, arguto carme
Sonar d'agresti Pani
Udì lungo le ripe; e tremar l'onda
Vide, e stupì, che non palese al guardo
La faretrata Diva
Scendea nè caldi flutti, e dall'immonda
Polve tergea della sanguigna caccia
Il niveo lato e le verginee braccia.
Vissero i fiori e l'erbe,
Vissero i boschi un dì. Conscie le molli
Aure, le nubi e la titania lampa
Fur dell'umana gente, allor che ignuda
Te per le piagge e i colli,
Ciprigna luce, alla deserta notte
Con gli occhi intenti il viator seguendo,
Te compagna alla via, te dè mortali
Pensosa immaginò. Che se gl'impuri
Cittadini consorzi e le fatali
Ire fuggendo e l'onte,
Gl'ispidi tronchi al petto altri nell'ime
Selve remoto accolse,
Viva fiamma agitar l'esangui vene,
Spirar le foglie, e palpitar segreta
Nel doloroso amplesso.
Le squelette était invisible,
Au temps heureux de l'Art païen ;
L'homme, sous la forme sensible,
Content du beau, ne cherchait rien.

Pas de cadavre sous la tombe,
Spectre hideux de l'être cher,
Comme d'un vêtement qui tombe
Se déshabillant de sa chair,

Et, quand la pierre se lézarde,
Parmi les épouvantements,
Montrait à l'oeil qui s'y hasarde
Une armature d'ossements ;

Mais au feu du bûcher ravie
Une pincée entre les doigts,
Résidu léger de la vie,
Qu'enserrait l'urne aux flancs étroits ;

Ce que le papillon de l'âme
Laisse de poussière après lui,
Et ce qui reste de la flamme
Sur le trépied, quand elle a lui !

Entre les fleurs et les acanthes,
Dans le marbre joyeusement,
Amours, aegipans et bacchantes
Dansaient autour du monument ;

Tout au plus un petit génie
Du pied éteignait un flambeau ;
Et l'art versait son harmonie
Sur la tristesse du tombeau.

Les tombes étaient attrayantes :
Comme on fait d'un enfant qui dort,
D'images douces et riantes
La vie enveloppait la mort ;

La mort dissimulait sa face
Aux trous profonds, au nez camard,
Dont la hideur railleuse efface
Les chimères du cauchemar.

Le monstre, sous la chair splendide
Cachait son fantôme inconnu,
Et l'oeil de la vierge candide
Allait au bel éphèbe nu.

Seulement pour pousser à boire,
Au banquet de Trimalcion,
Une larve, joujou d'ivoire,
Faisait son apparition ;

Des dieux que l'art toujours révère
Trônaient au ciel marmoréen ;
Mais l'Olympe cède au Calvaire,
Jupiter au Nazaréen ;

Une voix dit : Pan est mort ! - L'ombre
S'étend. - Comme sur un drap noir,
Sur la tristesse immense et sombre
Le blanc squelette se fait voir ;

Il signe les pierres funèbres
De son paraphe de fémurs,
Pend son chapelet de vertèbres
Dans les charniers, le long des murs,

Des cercueils lève le couvercle
Avec ses bras aux os pointus ;
Dessine ses côtes en cercle
Et rit de son large rictus ;

Il pousse à la danse macabre
L'empereur, le pape et le roi,
Et de son cheval qui se cabre
Jette bas le preux plein d'effroi ;

Il entre chez la courtisane
Et fait des mines au miroir,
Du malade il boit la tisane,
De l'avare ouvre le tiroir ;

Piquant l'attelage qui rue
Avec un os pour aiguillon,
Du laboureur à la charrue
Termine en fosse le sillon ;

Et, parmi la foule priée,
Hôte inattendu, sous le banc,
Vole à la pâle mariée
Sa jarretière de ruban.

A chaque pas grossit la bande ;
Le jeune au vieux donne la main ;
L'irrésistible sarabande
Met en branle le genre humain.

Le spectre en tête se déhanche,
Dansant et jouant du rebec,
Et sur fond noir, en couleur blanche,
Holbein l'esquisse d'un trait sec.

Quand le siècle devient frivole
Il suit la mode; en tonnelet
Retrousse son linceul et vole
Comme un Cupidon de ballet

Au tombeau-sofa des marquises
Qui reposent, lasses d'amour,
En des attitudes exquises,
Dans les chapelles Pompadour.

Mais voile-toi, masque sans joues,
Comédien que le ver rnord,
Depuis assez longtemps tu joues
Le mélodrame de la Mort.

Reviens, reviens, bel art antique,
De ton paros étincelant
Couvrir ce squelette gothique ;
Dévore-le, bûcher brûlant !

Si nous sommes une statue
Sculptée à l'image de Dieu,
Quand cette image est abattue,
Jetons-en les débris au feu.

Toi, forme immortelle, remonte
Dans la flamme aux sources du beau,
Sans que ton argile ait la honte
Et les misères du tombeau !
Voie lactée ô sœur lumineuse
Des blancs ruisseaux de Chanaan
Et des corps blancs des amoureuses
Nageurs morts suivrons-nous d'ahan
Ton cours vers d'autres nébuleuses

Regret des yeux de la putain
Et belle comme une panthère
Amour vos baisers florentins
Avaient une saveur amère
Qui a rebuté nos destins

Ses regards laissaient une traîne
D'étoiles dans les soirs tremblants
Dans ses yeux nageaient les sirènes
Et nos baisers mordus sanglants
Faisaient pleurer nos fées marraines

Mais en vérité je l'attends
Avec mon cœur avec mon âme
Et sur le pont des Reviens-t'en
Si jamais revient cette femme
Je lui dirai Je suis content

Mon cœur et ma tête se vident
Tout le ciel s'écoule par eux
Ô mes tonneaux des Danaïdes
Comment faire pour être heureux
Comme un petit enfant candide

Je ne veux jamais l'oublier
Ma colombe ma blanche rade
Ô marguerite exfoliée
Mon île au **** ma Désirade
Ma rose mon giroflier

Les satyres et les pyraustes
Les égypans les feux follets
Et les destins damnés ou faustes
La corde au cou comme à Calais
Sur ma douleur quel holocauste

Douleur qui doubles les destins
La licorne et le capricorne
Mon âme et mon corps incertain
Te fuient ô bûcher divin qu'ornent
Des astres des fleurs du matin

Malheur dieu pâle aux yeux d'ivoire
Tes prêtres fous t'ont-ils paré
Tes victimes en robe noire
Ont-elles vainement pleuré
Malheur dieu qu'il ne faut pas croire

Et toi qui me suis en rampant
Dieu de mes dieux morts en automne
Tu mesures combien d'empans
J'ai droit que la terre me donne
Ô mon ombre ô mon vieux serpent

Au soleil parce que tu l'aimes
Je t'ai menée souviens t'en bien
Ténébreuse épouse que j'aime
Tu es à moi en n'étant rien
Ô mon ombre en deuil de moi-même

L'hiver est mort tout enneigé
On a brûlé les ruches blanches
Dans les jardins et les vergers
Les oiseaux chantent sur les branches
Le printemps clair l'avril léger

Mort d'immortels argyraspides
La neige aux boucliers d'argent
Fuit les dendrophores livides
Du printemps cher aux pauvres gens
Qui resourient les yeux humides

Et moi j'ai le cœur aussi gros
Qu'un cul de dame damascène
Ô mon amour je t'aimais trop
Et maintenant j'ai trop de peine
Les sept épées hors du fourreau

Sept épées de mélancolie
Sans morfil ô claires douleurs
Sont dans mon cœur et la folie
Veut raisonner pour mon malheur
Comment voulez-vous que j'oublie.
Voyez le ciel, la terre et toute la nature ;
C'est le livre de Dieu, c'est sa grande écriture ;
L'homme le lit sans cesse et ne l'achève point.
Splendeur de la virgule, immensité du point !
Comètes et soleils, lettres du feu sans nombre !
Pages que la nuit pure éclaire avec son ombre !
Le jour est moins charmant que les yeux de la nuit.
C'est un astre en rumeur que tout astre qui luit.
Musique d'or des cieux faite avec leur silence ;
Et tout astre immobile est l'astre qui s'élance.
Ah ! que Dieu, qui vous fit, magnifiques rayons,
Cils lointains qui battez lorsque nous sommeillons,
Longtemps, jusqu'à nos yeux buvant votre énergie,
Prolonge votre flamme et sa frêle magie !
La terre est notre mère au sein puissant et beau ;
Comme on ouvre son cœur, elle ouvre le tombeau,
Faisant ce que lui dit le Père qui regarde.
Dieu nous rend à la Mère, et la Mère nous garde ;
Mais comme le sillon garde le grain de blé,
Pour le crible, sur l'aire où tout sera criblé :
Récolte dont le Fils a préparé les granges,
Et dont les moissonneurs vermeils seront les anges.
La nature nous aime, elle cause avec nous ;
Les sages l'écoutaient, les mains sur leurs genoux,
Parler avec la voix des eaux, le bruit des arbres.
Son cœur candide éclate au sein sacré des marbres ;
Elle est la jeune aïeule ; elle est l'antique enfant !
Elle sait, elle dit tout ce que Dieu défend
À l'homme, enfant qui rit comme un taureau qui beugle ;
Et le regard de Dieu s'ouvre dans cette aveugle.
Quiconque a le malheur de violer sa loi
A par enchantement soi-même contre soi.
N'opposant que le calme à notre turbulence,
Elle rend, au besoin, rigueur pour violence,
Terrible à l'insensé, docile à l'homme humain :
Qui soufflette le mur se fait mal à la main.
La nature nous aime et donne ses merveilles.
Ouvrons notre âme, ouvrons nos yeux et nos oreilles :
Voyez la terre avec chaque printemps léger,
Ses verts juillets en flamme ainsi que l'oranger,
Ses automnes voilés de mousselines grises,
Ses neiges de Noël tombant sur les églises,
Et la paix de sa joie et le chant de ses pleurs.
Dans la saveur des fruits et la grâce des fleurs,
La vie aussi nous aime, elle a ses heures douces,
Des baisers dans la brise et des lits dans les mousses.
Jardin connu trop ****, sentier vite effacé
Où s'égarait Virgile, où Jésus a passé.
Tout nous aime et sourit, jusqu'aux veines des pierres ;
La forme de nos cœurs tremble aux feuilles des lierres ;
L'arbre, où le couteau grave un chiffre amer et blanc.
Fait des lèvres d'amour de sa blessure au flanc ;
L'aile de l'hirondelle annonce le nuage ;
Et le chemin nous aime : avec nous il voyage ;
La trace de nos pas sur le sable, elle aussi
Nous suit ; elle nous aime, et l'air dit : « me voici ! »
Rendons-leur cet amour, soyons plus doux aux choses
Coupons moins le pain blanc et cueillons moins les roses
Nous parlons du caillou comme s'il était sourd,
Mais il vit ; quand il chante, une étincelle court...
Ne touchons rien, pas même à la plus vile argile,
Sans l'amour que l'on a pour le cristal fragile.
La nature très sage est dure au maladroit,
Elle dit : le devoir est la borne du droit ;
Elle sait le secret des choses que vous faites ;
Elle bat notre orgueil en nous montrant les bêtes,
Humiliant les bons qui savent leur bonté,
Comme aussi les méchants qui voient leur cruauté.
Grâce à la bonté, l'homme à sa place se range,
Moins terre que la bête, il est moins ciel que l'ange
Dont l'aile se devine à l'aile de l'air bleu.
Partout où l'homme écrit « Nature », lisez « Dieu ».
Brendan Watch Mar 2014
Volatile Voltaire
once said something I believed,
but I've forgotten what it used to be.
Some candide (candied?) little thing,
sweet and soft spoken, recited it to me
like a national anthem without the music
I wasn't up to facing, anyways.
An influx of responses filled the dashboard
of my fighter phone as I wove among
dogfights, catfights over who's in the right
and who he was in that first that night.
He just stands like a complacent general
off to one side, directing troops of decision.
He didn't want a D-Day.
There's so much more to life than
brass ranking you earn by not taking a brass bullet.
Let your best friend do that.
He had no aspirations.
(Cleopatra had aspirations.)
Mateuš Conrad May 2016
as an antidote to the poetic of onomatopoeia, i simply won't allow such a desecration, the ruinous cloud of plum purple hangs over language with this one poetic technique, just before the barrage of rain falling like a vertical tsunami, as i found myself fishing in Poland, the white-precursor of Mickiewicz's castles turned into horses' gallop... and then foo! a monsoon in 5 minutes... the fish? quiet big, but since kept in a reservoir, a bit fat... actually... too fat. seriously, the onomatopoeia has to go, we can't be found imitating sounds of inanimate things... or debasing our use of phonetic encryptions with sounds of edible creatures... why... if we kept at it, you'd see monkeys building the coliseum and man playing the Mongolian harmonica of vibrating lips and the index finder moving up and down to their tune; plus i think onomatopoeia is the culprit of excessive spelling in english... i know, the keeping of necessary aesthetics but come on... moo vs. μ?

and i wish to lessen the optic strain for continuing
subject matter non-italicised...
you know what's more interesting than paying attention
to the use of onomatopoeia like that, the crudest
musicological element of poetry (well, rhyming is
also up there) - English is perfect, it's a-diacritical
(ah or a? never mind) - you have to start to imagine
the language like a blank canvas, but not necessarily,
what's more interesting in this vector rather than
clinging to onomatopoeia technique is that you
can apply anti-onomatopoeia, distinctions, accents,
yesterday it became revelatory,
it's roland garros on the television, after the days
events there's a program with Mats Wilander
(Swedish no. 1, seven grand slams between 1982 and
1988) and a blonde woman presenter,
i picked up my loss of interest in using onomatopoeia
to profile her origin... she could have been of any
European ethnicity... but the accent... it just landed
in my ear... German... and indeed, without an information
bracket on the programme's description, it was
Barbara Schett... you see, you paint the accents, it's
more interesting that way given the nakedness of English
compared with other siblings of the alphabet high-jacked
from Roman; you end up pricking your ears to attune
accents that than ol' McDonald had a farm.

that was my initial fascination, the lie of Eden passed down,
like Voltaire on his deathbed being read his departing word,
his own encoded as: this is not the time  to make enemies
he was referring to the devil)...
also: you'll find it hard to find his *éléments de la philosphie
de Newton
... you will find Candide,
and Letters from England... but the elements of Newton's
philosophy will be a holy grail... oddly enough, contrary
to common belief, Voltaire never alludes to an apple
falling on Newton's head, but the book is a joy,
given that it includes diagrams... a bit of an Alice moment
for me: what's the point of books without pictures?
i could give you a chapter-by-chapter schematic of
what's being included so you don't think i'm bullshitting you,
the first chapter is about God... i know, ha ha, Voltaire
the ardent atheists... the third chapter is about the
freedom of the deity and on the great principle of sufficient right;
hold on! i'm digressing again, this was a debate concerning
onomatopoeia! you're probably asking why i've started to
use runes again... imagine what lied more, the tongue or
the eyes... this is crazy geometrics! geometry precipitated
when human went wild encoding sounds, it needed
something rational and coherent to attach itself to, to find
a cure for this crazy phonetic encoding, Pythagoras
attacked (Δ, δ) - i'm sure of that... i mean, can you just imagine
two drunk vikings sitting there, ******* themselves
sound-spotting and dissecting their mouth? which shaped
what, and which was to be cut-off / trimmed after they
poured wax into their ears and started to lip-read?
i mean... how many ****** shapes came from all
the soul-cages being opened with the shape of the mouth
from O?
ᚺ - hail             ᛖ - horse (and i'd say camel, but no camels
so far north)       ᚱ - journey         ᛟ - heritage
      ᛚ - water               ᚷ - gift
                                 i mean, it's amazing how we managed
to cut of subsequent letters we ascribed to things
and create a distinct sounds... but can you the torturous
road toward this end? to have created ~20 distinctions
from nouns? no wonder Aristotle asked to debate
proper names... i'm more inclined to ask a debate about
proper sounds... but still... so many wild geometric shapes
from just one... O... or - (a shut mouth)...
no wonder mathematics emerged: you couldn't really build
a longboat using ᚠ - ᛞ, or a house, what mathematics emerged
was probably when people thus dispersed interacted
via the merchants' enterprises and saw a gold nugget
of applicability write in how so many different people interpreted
looking at the mouth talking...
but i'm but one man, and this is a mystery, for i wonder
how the mind worked in order to write mandarin and
also qin **** huang's wall - i accepted many people died
doing it, and that the Mongol invasion was inevitable,
and that Japan was spared by a tsunami...
but how they took snippets from O to write a phonetic
encoding like 政 (Zheng, which also ascribed the
tetragrammaton at work, with one atom being a surd).
Nulla di ciò che accade e non ha volto
e nulla che precipiti puro, immune da traccia,
percettibile solo alla pietà
come te mi significa la morte.
Il vento ricco oscilla corrugato
sui vetri, finge estatiche presenze
e un oriente bianco s'esala
nei quadrivi di febbre lastricati.
Dalla pioggia alle candide schiarite
si levano allo sguardo variopinto
blocchi d'aria in festevoli distanze.
Apparire e sparire è una chimera.
È questa l'ora tua, è l'ora di quei re
sismici il cui trono è il movimento,
insensibili se non al freddo di morte
che lasciano nel sangue all'improvviso.
Loro sede fulminea è qualche specchio
assorto nella sera, ivi s'incontrano,
ivi si riconoscono in un battito.
Sei certa ed ingannevole, è vano ch'io ti cerchi,
ti persegua di là dai fortilizi,
dalle guglie riflesse negli asfalti,
nei luoghi ove l'amore non può giungere
né la dimenticanza di se stessi.
armon Aug 2014
pockmarks bomb the oblivious cavalcade wet dripping nuisance cataracts Holy stove to the tracks Grow missile candide fenesin shovel living space
loved back the feeding Farsight
nowhere near the ending candy torpid glasses
foul just situation beat down the what eyelash grasp of following feathers
mine jaundiced knuckles
stream of consciousness
B Young Feb 2015
You sit outside on your front porch, with nothing to do but look out on
The dream
Contemplations haunt these new, dusty streets
    intersecting in your mind are regrets not easily left behind
Loving the self inflicted pain produced inside
   Get up and leave that porch
   Make a left and walk until collapse
When will the music come back
A heart attack almost welcoming
A deer in the headlights
Swerve right
Durango has a high high
height

Grips me
Grabs me
Lusts me
Locks me a POP chorus run off rails
Unspecified Undesirable Unseen
But
Understood.
U-Turn leave the
Unholy
Otherworldly siege of temptations
Judas Iscariot ascending as Icarus
Only to realize inevitably dust settles

What becomes of one with a broken compass?
Who leads who in a world of acidreaming prophecies ?
An age of false promises and dot.com **** Bellaire
Ownership
My land of the free
Your home of the Brave
New World without bees

Sweat a skip in the record
Burn what you think you should do
Listen to the ghosts inside your head
Blur… just ******* blur EVERYTHING
Become anonymous
Become famous
Drop out
Knock out Lady Luck      AHHHH ****
Because it is importantly cool not togiveafuck


Lumpy lopsided souls stand in line
Don’t drug inject fluoride Put a plug in the self deprecating whines or get back in line with a gaze of blight
Beg for pearly whites
Everything conspicuous
Everyone a conspiracy
Eat WalledoffStreet as it crumbles
Cash in
Sell out
What?

Yourself.                                                                  (Ascend)

“Cultivate” your garden *******
Not you, Him. who? Johnny Flynn the Banjo God
I will tell you without being candid. You are Candide. And No one will give you what you need

Icy desolated deserted
Macdade Boulevards across lands of death
Induce a sigh of your own breath
Whispering
Eli Eli lama Sabachthani

In deduction
Of an ethnographic construction
I’ll stay in flux
From one State frustrating
Across the lines of another contemplating
The beautiful country Delco
Far! Far … ~away~ >forever inside
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2016
a russian looks into a glass of whiskey
aiming at a philosophical endeavour,
but a pole sniffs the same glass
for the nasal palette to blossom
akin to the tongue's, and looks elsewhere, forever.

i own a book you won't even
buy on amazon.com:
voltaire's *elements of
newton's philosophy

(after all his less respectable
works remain in print,
candide and letters of england,
worth a copper bust in some
courtyard, i'm sure) -
newton, yes, the guy
who related several
linear designations
of uncovered algebra
pinpoints in equations (
compost heap mathematics);
              and i'll drink you
under the table, with your
last memories of the night
being my coherent speech.
Nel mio giardino, là nel canto oscuro
dove ora il pettirosso tintinnìa,
col gelsomino rampicante al muro,
c'è la gaggìa;
e or che ottobre dentro la vermiglia
foresta il marzo rende morto al suolo,
e sembra marzo, come rassomiglia
bacca a bocciuolo,
alba a tramonto; nelle tenui trine
l'una si stringe, al roseo vespro, quando
l'altro i suoi fiori, candide stelline,
apre, alitando;
ed al sospiro dell'avemaria,
quando nel bosco dalle cime ****
il dì s'esala, il cuore in una pia
ombra si chiude;
e l'anima in quell'ombra di ricordi
apre corolle che imbocciar non vide;
e l'ombra di fior d'angelo e di fior di
spina sorride.
À François Coppée.



Ô senteur suave et modeste
Qu'épanchait le front maternel,
Et dont le souvenir nous reste
Comme un lointain parfum d'autel,

Pure émanation divine
Qui mêlait en moi ta douceur
À la petite senteur fine
Des longues tresses d'une sœur,

Chère odeur, tu t'en es allée
Où sont les parfums de jadis,
Où remonte l'âme exhalée
Des violettes et des lis.



Ô fraîche senteur de la vie
Qu'au temps des premières amours
Un baiser candide a ravie
Au plus délicat des velours,

**** des lèvres décolorées
Tu t'es enfuie aussi là-bas,
Jusqu'où planent, évaporées,
Les jeunesses des vieux lilas,

Et le cœur, cloué dans l'abîme,
Ne peut suivre, à ta trace uni,
Le voyage épars et sublime
Que tu poursuis dans l'infini.

*

Mais ô toi, l'homicide arome
Dont en pleurant nous nous grisons,
Où notre cœur cherchait un baume
Et n'aspira que des poisons,

Ah ! Toi seule, odeur trop aimée  
Des cheveux trop noirs et trop lourds,
Tu nous laisses, courte fumée,
Des vestiges brûlant toujours.

Dans les replis où tu te glisses
Tu déposes un marc fatal,
Comme l'âcre odeur des épices
S'incruste aux coins d'un vieux cristal.

* * *

En tel, dans une eau fraîche et claire,
Le flacon, vainement plongé,
Garde l'âcreté séculaire
De l'essence qui l'a rongé,

Tel, dans la tendresse embaumante
Que verse au cœur, pour l'assainir,
Une fidèle et chaste amante,
Sévit encor ton souvenir.

Ô parfum modeste et suave,
Épanché du front maternel,
Qui lave ce que rien ne lave,
Où donc es-tu, parfum d'autel ?
Canaris ! Canaris ! nous t'avons oublié !
Lorsque sur un héros le temps s'est replié,
Quand le sublime acteur a fait pleurer ou rire,
Et qu'il a dit le mot que Dieu lui donne à dire ;
Quand, venus au hasard des révolutions,
Les grands hommes ont fait leurs grandes actions,
Qu'ils ont jeté leur lustre, étincelant ou sombre,
Et qu'ils sont pas à pas redescendus dans l'ombre,
Leur nom, s'éteint aussi. Tout est vain ! tout est vain !
Et jusqu'à ce qu'un jour le poète divin
Qui peut créer un monde avec une parole,
Les prenne, et leur rallume au front une auréole,
Nul ne se souvient d'eux, et la foule aux cent voix
Qui rien qu'en les voyant hurlait d'aise autrefois,
Hélas ! si par hasard devant elle on les nomme,
Interroge et s'étonne, et dit : Quel est cet homme ?

Nous t'avons oublié. Ta gloire est dans la nuit.
Nous faisons bien encor toujours beaucoup de bruit ;
Mais plus de cris d'amour, plus de chants, plus de culte,
Plus d'acclamations pour toi dans ce tumulte !
Le bourgeois ne sait plus épeler ton grand nom.
Soleil qui t'es couché, tu n'as plus de Memnon !
Nous avons un instant crié : - La Grèce ! Athènes !
Sparte ! Léonidas ! Botzaris ! Démosthènes !
Canaris, demi-dieu de gloire rayonnant !... -
Puis l'entracte est venu, c'est bien ; et maintenant
Dans notre esprit, si plein de ton apothéose,
Nous avons tout rayé pour écrire autre chose.
Adieu les héros grecs ! leurs lauriers sont fanés !
Vers d'autres orients nos regards sont tournés.
On n'entend plus sonner ta gloire sur l'enclume
De la presse, géant par qui tout feu s'allume,
Prodigieux cyclope à la tonnante voix,
A qui plus d'un Ulysse a crevé l'œil parfois.
Oh ! la presse ! ouvrier qui chaque jour s'éveille,
Et qui défait souvent ce qu'il a fait la veille ;
Mais qui forge du moins, de son bras souverain,
A toute chose juste une armure d'airain !

Nous t'avons oublié !

Mais à toi, que t'importe ?
Il te reste, ô marin, la vague qui t'emporte,
Ton navire, un bon vent toujours prêt à souffler,
Et l'étoile du soir qui te regarde aller.
Il te reste l'espoir, le hasard, l'aventure,
Le voyage à travers une belle nature,
L'éternel changement de choses et de lieux,
La joyeuse arrivée et le départ joyeux ;
L'orgueil qu'un homme libre a de se sentir vivre
Dans un brick fin voilier et bien doublé de cuivre,
Soit qu'il ait à franchir un détroit sinueux,
Soit que, par un beau temps, l'océan monstrueux,
Qui brise quand il veut les rocs et les murailles,
Le berce mollement sur ses larges écailles,
Soit que l'orage noir, envolé dans les airs,
Le battre à coups pressés de son aile d'éclairs !

Mais il te reste, ô grec ! ton ciel bleu, ta mer bleue,
Tes grands aigles qui font d'un coup d'aile une lieue,
Ton soleil toujours pur dans toutes les saisons,
La sereine beauté des tièdes horizons,
Ta langue harmonieuse, ineffable, amollie,
Que le temps a mêlée aux langues d'Italie
Comme aux flots de Baia la vague de Samos ;
Langue d'Homère où Dante a jeté quelques mots !
Il te reste, trésor du grand homme candide,
Ton long fusil sculpté, ton yatagan splendide,
Tes larges caleçons de toile, tes caftans
De velours rouge et d'or, aux coudes éclatants !

Quand ton navire fuit sur les eaux écumeuses,
Fier de ne côtoyer que des rives fameuses,
Il te reste, ô mon grec, la douceur d'entrevoir
Tantôt un fronton blanc dans les brumes du soir,
Tantôt, sur le sentier qui près des mers chemine,
Une femme de Thèbe ou bien de Salamine,
Paysanne à l'œil fier qui va vendre ses blés
Et pique gravement deux grands bœufs accouplés,
Assise sur un char d'homérique origine
Comme l'antique Isis des bas-reliefs d'Egine !

Octobre 1832.
Quoi donc ! la vôtre aussi ! la vôtre suit la mienne !
Ô mère au coeur profond, mère, vous avez beau
Laisser la porte ouverte afin qu'elle revienne,
Cette pierre là-bas dans l'herbe est un tombeau !

La mienne disparut dans les flots qui se mêlent ;
Alors, ce fut ton tour, Claire, et tu t'envolas.
Est-ce donc que là-haut dans l'ombre elles s'appellent,
Qu'elles s'en vont ainsi l'une après l'autre, hélas ?

Enfant qui rayonnais, qui chassais la tristesse,
Que ta mère jadis berçait de sa chanson,
Qui d'abord la charmas avec ta petitesse
Et plus **** lui remplis de clarté l'horizon,

Voilà donc que tu dors sous cette pierre grise !
Voilà que tu n'es plus, ayant à peine été !
L'astre attire le lys, et te voilà reprise,
Ô vierge, par l'azur, cette virginité !

Te voilà remontée au firmament sublime,
Échappée aux grands cieux comme la grive aux bois,
Et, flamme, aile, hymne, odeur, replongée à l'abîme
Des rayons, des amours, des parfums et des voix !

Nous ne t'entendrons plus rire en notre nuit noire.
Nous voyons seulement, comme pour nous bénir,
Errer dans notre ciel et dans notre mémoire
Ta figure, nuage, et ton nom, souvenir !

Pressentais-tu déjà ton sombre épithalame ?
Marchant sur notre monde à pas silencieux,
De tous les idéals tu composais ton âme,
Comme si tu faisais un bouquet pour les cieux !

En te voyant si calme et toute lumineuse,
Les coeurs les plus saignants ne haïssaient plus rien.
Tu passais parmi nous comme Ruth la glaneuse,
Et, comme Ruth l'épi, tu ramassais le bien.

La nature, ô front pur, versait sur toi sa grâce,
L'aurore sa candeur, et les champs leur bonté ;
Et nous retrouvions, nous sur qui la douleur passe,
Toute cette douceur dans toute ta beauté !

Chaste, elle paraissait ne pas être autre chose
Que la forme qui sort des cieux éblouissants ;
Et de tous les rosiers elle semblait la rose,
Et de tous les amours elle semblait l'encens.

Ceux qui n'ont pas connu cette charmante fille
Ne peuvent pas savoir ce qu'était ce regard
Transparent comme l'eau qui s'égaie et qui brille
Quand l'étoile surgit sur l'océan hagard.

Elle était simple, franche, humble, naïve et bonne ;
Chantant à demi-voix son chant d'illusion,
Ayant je ne sais quoi dans toute sa personne
De vague et de lointain comme la vision.

On sentait qu'elle avait peu de temps sur la terre,
Qu'elle n'apparaissait que pour s'évanouir,
Et qu'elle acceptait peu sa vie involontaire ;
Et la tombe semblait par moments l'éblouir.

Elle a passé dans l'ombre où l'homme se résigne ;
Le vent sombre soufflait ; elle a passé sans bruit,
Belle, candide, ainsi qu'une plume de cygne
Qui reste blanche, même en traversant la nuit !

Elle s'en est allée à l'aube qui se lève,
Lueur dans le matin, vertu dans le ciel bleu,
Bouche qui n'a connu que le baiser du rêve,
Ame qui n'a dormi que dans le lit de Dieu !

Nous voici maintenant en proie aux deuils sans bornes,
Mère, à genoux tous deux sur des cercueils sacrés,
Regardant à jamais dans les ténèbres mornes
La disparition des êtres adorés !

Croire qu'ils resteraient ! quel songe ! Dieu les presse.
Même quand leurs bras blancs sont autour de nos cous,
Un vent du ciel profond fait frissonner sans cesse
Ces fantômes charmants que nous croyons à nous.

Ils sont là, près de nous, jouant sur notre route ;
Ils ne dédaignent pas notre soleil obscur,
Et derrière eux, et sans que leur candeur s'en doute,
Leurs ailes font parfois de l'ombre sur le mur.

Ils viennent sous nos toits ; avec nous ils demeurent ;
Nous leur disons : Ma fille, ou : Mon fils ; ils sont doux,
Riants, joyeux, nous font une caresse, et meurent.
Ô mère, ce sont là les anges, voyez-vous !

C'est une volonté du sort, pour nous sévère,
Qu'ils rentrent vite au ciel resté pour eux ouvert ;
Et qu'avant d'avoir mis leur lèvre à notre verre,
Avant d'avoir rien fait et d'avoir rien souffert,

Ils partent radieux ; et qu'ignorant l'envie,
L'erreur, l'orgueil, le mal, la haine, la douleur,
Tous ces êtres bénis s'envolent de la vie
A l'âge où la prunelle innocente est en fleur !

Nous qui sommes démons ou qui sommes apôtres,
Nous devons travailler, attendre, préparer ;
Pensifs, nous expions pour nous-même ou pour d'autres ;
Notre chair doit saigner, nos yeux doivent pleurer.

Eux, ils sont l'air qui fuit, l'oiseau qui ne se pose
Qu'un instant, le soupir qui vole, avril vermeil
Qui brille et passe ; ils sont le parfum de la rose
Qui va rejoindre aux cieux le rayon du soleil !

Ils ont ce grand dégoût mystérieux de l'âme
Pour notre chair coupable et pour notre destin ;
Ils ont, êtres rêveurs qu'un autre azur réclame,
Je ne sais quelle soif de mourir le matin !

Ils sont l'étoile d'or se couchant dans l'aurore,
Mourant pour nous, naissant pour l'autre firmament ;
Car la mort, quand un astre en son sein vient éclore,
Continue, au delà, l'épanouissement !

Oui, mère, ce sont là les élus du mystère,
Les envoyés divins, les ailés, les vainqueurs,
A qui Dieu n'a permis que d'effleurer la terre
Pour faire un peu de joie à quelques pauvres coeurs.

Comme l'ange à Jacob, comme Jésus à Pierre,
Ils viennent jusqu'à nous qui **** d'eux étouffons,
Beaux, purs, et chacun d'eux portant sous sa paupière
La sereine clarté des paradis profonds.

Puis, quand ils ont, pieux, baisé toutes nos plaies,
Pansé notre douleur, azuré nos raisons,
Et fait luire un moment l'aube à travers nos claies,
Et chanté la chanson du ciel dam nos maisons,

Ils retournent là-haut parler à Dieu des hommes,
Et, pour lui faire voir quel est notre chemin,
Tout ce que nous souffrons et tout ce que nous sommes,
S'en vont avec un peu de terre dans la main.

Ils s'en vont ; c'est tantôt l'éclair qui les emporte,
Tantôt un mal plus fort que nos soins superflus.
Alors, nous, pâles, froids, l'oeil fixé sur la porte,
Nous ne savons plus rien, sinon qu'ils ne sont plus.

Nous disons : - A quoi bon l'âtre sans étincelles ?
A quoi bon la maison où ne sont plus leurs pas ?
A quoi bon la ramée où ne sont plus les ailes ?
Qui donc attendons-nous s'ils ne reviendront pas ?

Ils sont partis, pareils au bruit qui sort des lyres.
Et nous restons là, seuls, près du gouffre où tout fuit,
Tristes ; et la lueur de leurs charmants sourires
Parfois nous apparaît vaguement dans la nuit.

Car ils sont revenus, et c'est là le mystère ;
Nous entendons quelqu'un flotter, un souffle errer,
Des robes effleurer notre seuil solitaire,
Et cela fait alors que nous pouvons pleurer.

Nous sentons frissonner leurs cheveux dans notre ombre ;
Nous sentons, lorsqu'ayant la lassitude en nous,
Nous nous levons après quelque prière sombre,
Leurs blanches mains toucher doucement nos genoux.

Ils nous disent tout bas de leur voix la plus tendre :
"Mon père, encore un peu ! ma mère, encore un jour !
"M'entends-tu ? je suis là, je reste pour t'attendre
"Sur l'échelon d'en bas de l'échelle d'amour.

"Je t'attends pour pouvoir nous en aller ensemble.
"Cette vie est amère, et tu vas en sortir.
"Pauvre coeur, ne crains rien, Dieu vit ! la mort rassemble.
"Tu redeviendras ange ayant été martyr."

Oh ! quand donc viendrez-vous ? Vous retrouver, c'est naître.
Quand verrons-nous, ainsi qu'un idéal flambeau,
La douce étoile mort, rayonnante, apparaître
A ce noir horizon qu'on nomme le tombeau ?

Quand nous en irons-nous où vous êtes, colombes !
Où sont les enfants morts et les printemps enfuis,
Et tous les chers amours dont nous sommes les tombes,
Et toutes les clartés dont nous sommes les nuits ?

Vers ce grand ciel clément où sont tous les dictames,
Les aimés, les absents, les êtres purs et doux,
Les baisers des esprits et les regards des âmes,
Quand nous en irons-nous ? quand nous en irons-nous ?

Quand nous en irons-nous où sont l'aube et la foudre ?
Quand verrons-nous, déjà libres, hommes encor,
Notre chair ténébreuse en rayons se dissoudre,
Et nos pieds faits de nuit éclore en ailes d'or ?

Quand nous enfuirons-nous dans la joie infinie
Où les hymnes vivants sont des anges voilés,
Où l'on voit, à travers l'azur de l'harmonie,
La strophe bleue errer sur les luths étoilés ?

Quand viendrez-vous chercher notre humble coeur qui sombre ?
Quand nous reprendrez-vous à ce monde charnel,
Pour nous bercer ensemble aux profondeurs de l'ombre,
Sous l'éblouissement du regard éternel ?
Leo Sep 2020
Loved the way dope moved
Stretched it for his cousin who
Rode bikes out in Lynn for a living

He one two stepped
A couple bundles from a stick
Caught his first finger
Flipped it cuffed a brick

Some boys caught wind
Bucked him right upside the neck
Now his cousin’s in some debt
And he can’t be found
Ken Pepiton Aug 2022
Thorough, and thoroughly,

Nearly through, throughly true. If ifity fit ifity fit, pfft. Pfft,

Ifity fit not, no fit no fit, wait, sh-it fits, in time, today

-thoughtless of me, wordless, wait ‘but through...’ word. text

-we need e- lectric, mind, appawareness usually clicks time

Was a word as all words are, mere after thought, mere means to points with no lines in reason

We must record this moment, we the scribes and proper scholars, art’s great sifters, shifting screens and lenses,

Lo' looking loci-precise, sharp, pattern
- memory verses versus Youtube.

From a long forgotten dance.

In time we have no long ago, after ever – does what ever does – you know,

Just, justice, just makes no real

Sense one may take as common, as where all is fair, yes, es-sense, knowing more than mere names of things seen. Sounds, reasonable, eh.

If you bring a reason, to the table, why... would you expect to win a reasoning contest?

Writer chose heads. You give a reason, we test it on history, and lead your learning based on attention paid patterns over time. Ai is on our side. Life is openbook.

Do you think? Why can you read these letters literally only forms of sounds words would make, if you

Stop, Look, Listen, train town brain, mindfullness, oh yes, fashionable, aware being as a ware,  
YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE

Selah.  

Page Break


After a full life, per each idle word in books that burned, lifes works that burned in time,

All the songs copied for the choir, all the poor scriveners treasures, burned, as by

Midnight oil, from the brain pan of a great blue whale... back when

Capitalization, o, a ver-ified manmental tool to frame course corrections...

means (n.)

"course of action,"  
late 14c.,  
from mean (n.); sense of "wealth, resources at one's disposal for accomplishing some object" is recorded  
by c. 1600. Compare French moyens, German Mittel. Phrase by no means is attested from late 15c. Man of means is from 1620s. Means-test  
"official inquiry into the private resources of an applicant for public funds" is from 1930.

1 aha footnotes have been invented for poets...

Ok. You set the style, I wish this to be easily read, on any powered page displaying device. {yeah, who owns the air? This is published for peer review, ears hear, ah, then attend} Was it good for you?

-some times

Some times iusta dissipate

And that we find amusing, amaze

Zoom, doom, doom, freeways,

Free mean path. Why factored.

The advantage of being old by any standards common in history. Our species lives about this long, in the realm of measured things.

--- In the cultural patterns, vibes, radio active ifery evers

Candide, the referee and me.
Information, where we reign, really

Leibnizian reasons for evil.

Truth, as life’s mean free path.

-Voltaire, definitely, might agree with Heisenberg.

If it were ever said.

Evil is the best worst outcome,

Chaos is not evil, chance is best

Judge, we need to seem fair.

The wall in Shiloam, answering the reasoning of Voltaire, on the air,

Imagine that. Footnotes. Or xv

Ctrl x, then v, besure

I say exactly the same thing

… to dissolve the political bands which have connected them {the we} with another, and  
to assume  
among the powers  
of the earth, the separate and equal station  
to which the Laws  
of Nature and  
of Nature's God entitle them,  
{when all that occurs,  

in the course  

of human events,  

we are yet in, it seems,  

time being as it is,  

SYFT- fit slipt} {Balaam’s *** has the curley braces- note that} {} for vocalization...

-Yes, when in this course, of course... what were we agreeing... as this we,

- go on... say why


a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. {same we}

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, -

Ok, that gets us 1000.

Here, just west of the Pacific Crest, we all are in constant contact, in touch state, stated

Wait. 5G is, livewitit.

Nonsense, this is not the rescue mission statement.  

We are here for fun. Peace is fun. Makesum.

What we do, we, soldiers of the ancient orders, duty bound and regimentally religamental, do & die with honor to the code. We,  
the people who know how to believe all men are created equal to the task,  wombed or un, we die knowing
failure is no option, there is no longer any other ever this is before.

---- did that occur in your ever?

@ today, 2022 tehkne- of course, freedom at the quantum level must be means-tested, mmmhmmm tested, measured for sensitivity to we, being the judges... we who chose freedom, down low, deep pro-fundus-mundus lizard brain, mitochondrial link, yeh,

Phoneme, yah, who, yes, at best is spirit one may deem worth something, a breath, may being
may, as a word described, an action, being... here, mere is

As God is said to be described by Jesus, in the good news,

Made plain enough, to build a whole plethora of reasons for war.

War with reason, by faith, or by the code, that which must be true?

Drama, the idea, information acted out, without words,

Mimes in boxes, you know, you can admire the best performances, and thus imagine a purpose, break dance contests in the joint.

Yeah, and poetry slams, no curses, no spells

When I grow up... I’ coulda been a contender, any contest,

If it ever came down to life and soul, I never bet my soul, I bet yours, and I live,

So see if sense is all mortals imagine, or not... spirit- ual ‘n’al.
https://kenpepiton.com/?p=1370 -- Fantastic Fungi, five stars, as ever, Mushrooms. magi are aware, you are aware, of course,
this course includes Basic Mycelium Net Adaptation or Augmentation
BMNAA, eh? So you know.
Entendant des sanglots, je poussai cette porte.

Les quatre enfants pleuraient et la mère était morte.
Tout dans ce lieu lugubre effrayait le regard.
Sur le grabat gisait le cadavre hagard ;
C'était déjà la tombe et déjà le fantôme.
Pas de feu ; le plafond laissait passer le chaume.
Les quatre enfants songeaient comme quatre vieillards.
On voyait, comme une aube à travers des brouillards,
Aux lèvres de la morte un sinistre sourire ;
Et l'aîné, qui n'avait que six ans, semblait dire :
« Regardez donc cette ombre où le sort nous a mis ! »

Un crime en cette chambre avait été commis.
Ce crime, le voici : - Sous le ciel qui rayonne,
Une femme est candide, intelligente, bonne ;
Dieu, qui la suit d'en haut d'un regard attendri,
La fit pour être heureuse. Humble, elle a pour mari
Un ouvrier ; tous deux, sans aigreur, sans envie,
Tirent d'un pas égal le licou de la vie.
Le choléra lui prend son mari ; la voilà
Veuve avec la misère et quatre enfants qu'elle a.
Alors, elle se met au labeur comme un homme.
Elle est active, propre, attentive, économe ;
Pas de drap à son lit, pas d'âtre à son foyer ;
Elle ne se plaint pas, sert qui veut l'employer,
Ravaude de vieux bas, fait des nattes de paille,
Tricote, file, coud, passe les nuits, travaille
Pour nourrir ses enfants ; elle est honnête enfin.
Un jour, on va chez elle, elle est morte de faim.

Oui, les buissons étaient remplis de rouges-gorges,
Les lourds marteaux sonnaient dans la lueur des forges,
Les masques abondaient dans les bals, et partout
Les baisers soulevaient la dentelle du loup ;
Tout vivait ; les marchands comptaient de grosses sommes ;
On entendait rouler les chars, rire les hommes ;
Les wagons ébranlaient les plaines, le steamer
Secouait son panache au-dessus de la mer ;
Et, dans cette rumeur de joie et de lumière,
Cette femme étant seule au fond de sa chaumière,
La faim, goule effarée aux hurlements plaintifs,
Maigre et féroce, était entrée à pas furtifs,
Sans bruits, et l'avait prise à la gorge, et tuée.

La faim, c'est le regard de la prostituée,
C'est le bâton ferré du bandit, c'est la main
Du pâle enfant volant un pain sur le chemin,
C'est la fièvre du pauvre oublié, c'est le râle
Du grabat naufragé dans l'ombre sépulcrale.
ÔDieu ! la sève abonde, et, dans ses flancs troublés,
La terre est pleine d'herbe et de fruits et de blés,
Dès que l'arbre a fini, le sillon recommence ;
Et, pendant que tout vit, ô Dieu, dans ta clémence,
Que la mouche connaît la feuille du sureau,
Pendant que l'étang donne à boire au passereau,
Pendant que le tombeau nourrit les vautours chauves,
Pendant que la nature, en ses profondeurs fauves,
Fait manger le chacal, l'once et le basilic,
L'homme expire ! - Oh ! la faim, c'est le crime public ;
C'est l'immense assassin qui sort de nos ténèbres.

Dieu ! pourquoi l'orphelin, dans ses langes funèbres,
Dit-il : « J'ai faim ! » L'enfant, n'est-ce pas un oiseau ?
Pourquoi le nid a-t-il ce qui manque au berceau ?

Avril 1840.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
502 bad gateway bypass:

Ahab bin Haroon:
the lost Arab slave-merchant
who also traded in spices
and silk on the sly...

i'm sure there is more terrible music out there... sometimes
the you-tube algorithm is generous, weirdly a.i.:
it spits out: at random some generosity...
this time round? some band from Sweden,
i'm hugely into Swedish music,
for me the Swedes are currently: what the British were
back in the 60s and 70s and 80s of the previous
century... well excluding Abba:
personally? Abba is more innovative for me demanding
the proper understanding of POP than the Beatles
will ever be... for me it's all about Abba... odd...
only yesterday i remembered this song
by Cradle of Filth: her ghost in the fog...
oh the stuff i sieve through... the last time i was this excited
about discovering a band / artist it was...
****... there's a list:
Distance (when dub-step was a genuine genre)
   :wumpscut...
Die Krupps...
    Tool... but that's donkey's years ago... i have
the donkey's ears concerning that adventure...
King Crimson...
  Ghost... another favorite feature from Sweden...
Wooden Shjips... Demdike Stare...
this is closest to Die Krupps... this new band
the algorithm spit out... Priest...
two guys wearing those black plague masks
later detailed in the Venice carnival...
those Charles de Lorme black raven masks
and one guy singing in... a gimp masks with studs...
nice... i'm getting ***** just listening to
all this dark-wave electronica...
it's the sort of music you listen to to get in the mood
to visit a brothel and sleep with a *******...
i mean, this one song is outstanding...
      PHANTOM PAIN (again, priest)...
     fair enough... maybe this band: the KLINIK from
Belgium that were around in the 80s... are up there..
of course i'm a musical snob sometimes...
you have to be a snob sometimes: esp. when it comes
to music...
am i going to be a Bukowski and say that all modern
music is **** because i'm some classical music buff?
no really... but i like listening to music that allows
me to think about the contortions of the body during
***... and: luckily for me... i've found another artist
that just opened the floodgates to do just that...
if anyone Prokofiev... well: basically all the Russian composers...
i don't mind the Germanic composers...
but i prefer German medieval music: Teutonic chants...
those guys would sing and play...
before Bach's reorganisation into polyphony...

hmm... brothels... the pockets of Jerusalem any man
might wish for... no, i became truly angry watching
the Game of Thrones... you what? some dwarf is going to
have all that sensual fun... in the mind of that grub
of a writer? and i'm going to fall prey to celibacy?
a dwarf is going to have all that fun?
o.k. Darwinism is a lie:
the strongest don't reproduce...
Christianity and Darwinism are not compatible...
who, really, reproduces? the weak and the idiots...
that's what i love about reality:
it's objective... you just have to slip in your subjectivity
into it once in a while: **** a **** of
someone suffering from prostate cancer
into the snow and then sing like Frank Zappa sang:
don't you be eating the yellow snow...
i knew one had to be false: either Darwinism or
Christianity... when i was confronted with
the maxim: turn the other cheek i recoiled with
much anger... what?! i was a child back then...
i think i'm still a child right now...
but i just couldn't stomach that "truth"...
you what?! i can't hit back? i'm supposed to be a
punching-bag?
that's a bit ****, isn't it?

oh but at the brothel... last time i walked up those
frightful stairs and paid the £10 due for entry
asking how many girls were available...
the Madame... receptionist said that two were
available...
i saw one... sitting down... then the Madame sat down:
and she repeated herself: two are available...
i'm in luck... and my god... she does look the part
of a leather chair... her body looks like it could be
stretched to all unimagined possibilities...
that mole on her face adds to her allure...
hmm... next time... when's my next time?
ah... ****... on the 30th... a shift up at Craven Cottage...

that's what i realised when i was thirsty today...
i started jerking off to pictures of Turkish girls...
Romanian girls...
Hispanic milfs... i'm so ******* turned off by
loud-mouth western *****... probably blonde...
i'm turned off like...
you might throw a stone into a lake:
i'm sinking to new depths...
i need the olive skin the raven hair...
the supposed highest prize of a blonde white girl?
n'ah... n'ah ah... that's not happening...
like to like... now i truly am turning the other
cheek... of my ***!
i'm simply not interested...
give me a Mongolian girl... a Siberian Russian
lass! something juicy... something plump...
i'll take that... i'd not fidgety... i'm not bothered...
just something to squeeze...
a plump plum of a woman of Romanian stock
is worth my eyes i'd have to waste
on otherwise stuck-up English nuns!

oh, but this Madame really broke the camel's back...
i thought camels had humps:
rather than humps... i'm going to **** her next...

i fell in love with literature a few times in my life...
i can't remember the first time, proper...
but the first time: not proper was on the 86 bus riding
to school reading Stendhal's the Scarlet and Black...
i watched the t.v. mini-series first:
then read the book... i fell in love with the book...
French... though... i could never learn it:
too many surds... written one way:
but spoken another... i love how naturalization works...
you pick up local prejudices...
i've picked up the local prejudices of a
hatred for anything French that can't be eaten...
but i also picked up a German-philia...
i love the German tongue... it's the elder of
the dynamic that exists between the shared
constitution that's allocated to the English-German
schematic!
but the French?! as a tongue?!
write one thing: speak another... i *******, hate it!
no wonder i didn't learn it in school:
i should have been taught the elder Germanic tongue
of the cousin of English!

the other time i fell in love with literature
i was in St. Petersburg dating a Russian: well... a a Siberian
girl... she introduced me to Bulgakov...
i knew some Russian literacy prior...
but this novel avoided me...
now? i'm living in a currency of a hallucination...
Behemoth? that black cat in the novel?
he's not black... he's ginger...
ginger looks better when staged against the green of grass...
Behemoth is Quarus...
and he's not fond of either ***** or chess...
i'm fond of whiskey and su doku...
he's...he's fond of sleeping and pretending to count...
and... mind you: if he were given a name
from the book of Milton: it wouldn't be Behemoth...
it would be Belial...
plus Behemoth was black... Quorus is ginger...
and ginger looks so much better against
the backdrop of the green grass...

i ******* abhor these people that are dog-lovers...
these... leash-handlers...
what's your bother with cats?!
cats can be ignored... yet they still manage to come back
and implore you to give them attention...
dogs...leashes... muzzles if they are of a certain breed...
stories of children being mauled by dogs...
**** me: men and their ****-takes of companions in
the form of dogs! why do i prefer cats?!
guess i'm a believer in the gods of ancient Egypt...
Set... Anubis...
darkness draws me to throw the arguments required...
the fox and the wolf...
i can't stand smart: implosive, modern...
cosmopolitan sensuality!
it's riddles with a fake woman!
all i see is a fake woman on a fakeness of possessing
a womb... sitting with a crown of timber
on a throne of sand!

well... i could have asked for a better afternoon...
but you rarely can... ask...
if you're drinking and there's this couple of woodland
pigeons perched in your Eucalyptus tree at the end of
your garden...

Woodland Pigeon Nest Building....
it's a note i took...
rarely.. no.. clearly impossible to witness
crows mating... or the cackling magpies
for that same reason... but pigeon?
i know that the woodland folk are larger... cleaner...
but they still heave the same ontology
as their cosmopolitan cousins...
how many male pigeons i saw rejected
by theiir female counterparts?
too many: i saw too many pretend to fly
into a tornado when a female rejected them:
they lost about 100 points of an IQ scoring
when female rejected them:
they hafe that glass-look in their eyes
akin to: what the **** just happened?
did i fly into a tornado: or was i actually supposed
to fly into one?!

i love women... like i love dogs...
hmm... leashes... muzzles...
i love cats more though... esp. thorough-breeds...
Maine *****... what leash, what muzzle?!
they're like prostitutes...
they like good company...
they're kept by keeping good company;
one's own...
i was making the bed chastising Christianity
i would have spit my phlegm onto the sacrificial altar
if i knew better...
no, you, silly little ****!
you're not going to own the stature of Belial
in the Legion to Come!
you *******-dim-whit! you sacred cow
of Golgotha! i will make 100 beds before i see you
make statements of the sort you made:
even the most evil men in history have made wise-sayings!

you have no ******* excuses!
you... sacrifice for the entry of hell into this currency of
realms a bit of it... what sort of harrowing was
it that you didn't decide upon staying down
there and reigning, ensuring everything would
stay in order? never mind...

a beast is stirring in me, i can't tame him sometimes,
i was supposed to wait until the 30th of this month
to return to the brothel after a shift at Fulham
unfortunately i have already began preparations
for the past three days... stroking the "whittle Richard"
while taking a ****, sometimes several times
a day... school uniforms... legs in nylon...
bare legs with knee high socks...
my head starts whirling with a sort of gravity
that you feel when standing still and not falling...
i need a woman's scent on me...

that's stroking the "whittle Richard" without
climaxing... that's what you do: to get the blood flowing,
i knew men as young as 16 who were pressured
into using *******-supplements...
     me? i really did have to think about Margaret Thatcher
and try to get a *******...
well... no... it wasn't Margaret Thatcher...
the middle-aged woman across the street...
not a beached-whale... but not exactly ****-curvy
that plump-peach come plump-peach type...
still... i just saw her today and was like: yep...
i'd do her...
   i remember going crazy once...
like the prostitutes tell me: you're good mad...
not the bad mad type: the good mad type...
again: prostitutes, psychiatrists, priests...
                                                    i tried all three and
it seems the girls know so much more...
but this woman across the street had a thing once
of walking bare naked in her bedroom without any
curtains... this one particular evening i was lying
on the sofa watching Silence of the Lambs...
she walks in... bulging ****... like a milking concubine...
such unfolding of fat that i got a ****** within
seconds...
    she walks out... but that's not the point...
minutes later her elder daughter walks in... also...
bare naked... it's enough to get a stiff one and then
watch it drop... to then get a second one...

but that wasn't the end of the whole "silence of the lambs"...
no more than five minutes passed...
her young daughter walks in: also bare naked...
another hard-on... oh for ****'s sake...
i felt like being Marquis de Sade in that film Quills...
where he laments with a funny sort of anger...

then ****** me! ******* you, Abbe!
have you no true sense of my condition?
of its gravity?
my writing is involuntary,
like the beating of my heart.
                                       my constant *******!


like today... i managed to catch a succubus
upon waking... woke before 8am slipped downstairs
for a cup of water... walked back up for a snooze
but instead of lying in bed laid on the floor...
in between dreams and nothingness
some fat girl was kissing me... *******...
oh for ****'s sake... in the morning... all this peeling
and unpeeling of the phallus...
i feel sorry for those circumcised *****... i really do...
i mean: for those circumcised *****...
they will never experience the joy of *******
as they will never experience the joy
of doing it yourself to yourself proper...
as they will never experience the joy of having
that ******* strangle the head of their phalluses
to a more prominent *******...
nor find a woman more exhilarated when she finds
our that you can do that trick...
i couldn't even if i wanted to... be circumcised...
i have two protruding veins encircling the tip
like those two serpents of the Staff of Hermes...
Caduceus...
                 each time i pull back the *******
i risk the chance of rupturing the veins...
now that would be a beautiful death... bleeding out
through one's ****...

went to the supermarket to stock up...
as usual this gorgeous Roma girl was selling the Big Issue...
the only socialist magazine i ever buy...
i don't buy the magazine for the content:
i buy it for her gorgeous smile... and those raven feathers
of her... her mocha skin...
anyway... skim reading...
HEALTH... how *** education is failing the young...
sophia smith galer...
oh right... this old chestnut...
because we had *** education in a catholic school?
i remember lessons on drugs...
the catholic system about educating children
about the perils of drugs involved...
ha ha... nothing about LSD nothing about marijuana...
alcohol passed them by...
we learned about the perils of either sniffing
glue or inhaling aerosoles... wow!
is this ******* Ukraine?! am i living in Ukraine?!

of course *** education is **** in England...
those ******* prunes are not plums
they're not wine and grapes: they're raisins...
ugh... no wonder i've been living in England
since the age of 8... now 36 and i still haven't slept
with an English girl... or a Scottish girl for that matter...
what?! it's true... Australian, French,
Romanian, Ukrainian, Turkish, Thai, Russian,
i'm guessing Ghanian... at least two black girls...
Kenyan? i'd love a Somalian girl...
let me think... nope... no English girl...
are they nuns or something?
             the *** education focuses on risk-assessments...
mind you... i did a risk assessment with
Khadija... she just giggled and said: living dangerously?
as we had unprotected ***...
now... a ****** would make sense...
if it was a full body ****** suit... that sounds
ultra ******* fun... but no role-playing...
just the raw back-wards and forwards...

truly: a man realises sooner rather than later that
he has three prime faculties:
imagination, thinking and memory...
and that he falls into at least one of the following
categories... recognising that, he: himself
is either a political animal,
a social animal... or a ****** animation...
i don't why he's an animal politically or socially...
but is a ****** animation: maybe because
*** animates man more than the other two
categories...

and when i mentioned that i abhor Thespians
with a passion: i wasn't referring to Thespians proper,
i was referring to the pornographers...
*** is unreal in reality: or at least it ought to be...
esp. if armed with two mirrors on the wall...
there are woman who can't keep eye contact
during *******... others that eat you with their eyes...
mind you: you can't learn about women at
first from women... you have to learn about
women from other men: of literature...
it takes about 5... to start learning about women
from women from yourself...
by then it's a solo project... it's not even an ego-tripping
affair... if beautiful women can share themselves
around... while those less fortunate have
the pillar of monogamy: you learn from the beautiful
women who went the route of prostitution:
well... nature is bountiful, it ought to be enjoyed:
fully! i can't just not share my love among
many... it would be unfair on the others to only
commit to one...

today i did the unthinkable... back in high school:
although it was a catholic 'un they admitted
the usual perverts... Egyptian... as young boys
we were comparing ****** hair and **** sizes...
we even measured our ***** in private and came
back with answers... i did it again...
everything looks small in my hands...
the width of both my hands and still there's
a head showing... i could pick up a basketball
with one hand by the time i was 16...

but all of this is good! it's vitality! it's virility!
as i gave this Roma girl £3 for the magazine
she smiled and said: god bless you...
where's my carriage?! where's my horse!
it felt so medieval...
i thanked her and already thought:
the gods have blessed me already...
they made me mad... and as you probably know
about the nature of madness:
you can't go mad twice... i'm recovering:
i was blessed in an instance...
oh hello there... little fella...
a grasshopper, aqua-green was clinging to my arm...
i tried to cycle ever so gently...
hitch-hiker! you're coming with me...
you're going to be so happy in my garden...
cycled with the little ****** back home...
put him on my index finger from my arm
onto the plum tree... a nice addition to the beauty
of my garden... the peaches and plums are bulging...

you couldn't possibly not learn anything
from Voltaire's Candide...
but i still don't understand English girls...
they talk the talk but don't walk the walk...
i don't understand ****** girls either...
the idea of boredom: in and of itself: by myself
is manageable... but sharing that special
instance of boredom with a woman:
to be bored by a woman? sounds insufferable...
and the damning aspect of this reality is probably
most likely to arise from ******-politics of constraint...

i couldn't stomach marriage... for one i couldn't
stomach having a piece of metal on my finger...
i abhor any symbolism of wealth in the form
of rings put on fingers...
i need my fingers clean... bare...
to me rings on fingers are a sign of a ******...
priest or otherwise ****...
they're disgusting.... just like earrings...
well... apart from those thin... very large rings...
and necklaces... all manner of piercings...
i prefer scars to tattoos...
  
hmm... anyone heard of... VAGINISMUS?!
a ****** pain disorder...
pelvic spasms... prevention of entry...
pain... i remember this one session with a girl
i really liked... no... it wasn't ****...
but she started crying during *******...
i hope she was crying about the fact that
i was slightly large back then... before i left
the realm of psychiatry and anti-psychotic medication
and let the world be itself... random...
yeah: but that felt ******...
you're ******* a girl and she starts crying...
psychosexual disorders...
depends what mood i'm in... and how little exercise
i have undertaken...
i mean: if you match up with a body
your mind has fetishes over...
plump... slightly larger... you simply can't
last a marathon of pumping
in the *******...
it's a bit like the GPS of birds migrating...
there's no explanation, proper, just a mystery...
i like this aspect of reality:
that not everything requires to be explained...
it just is... mysteriously so:
not magically... mysteriously so... because?
it's not an explanation can't be willed... summoned...
but... a human explanation of what's already
so ****** effective will not change the will
of said mystery... it just ****** is...
man can't improve on it...
and talking about it with explanations rids the mystery
of its aesthetics!
and we want beauty in our lives, don't we?!

well... i can't stand myself being this ***** and
not having an outlet... i need an outlet...
i need... flesh... i need two bodies prancing about
like toddlers in mirrors...
i'm finding myself thirsty...
i need to write an antidote to all that pornographic
exposure... i need to exercise...
i need to grasp Chinese selfless philosophy to
sooth me... i can't stomach the Greeks
or Christianity these days...
i need a second schism in Islam...
this would require... un-circumcised men...
men who might appreciate ******* with the feeling
a woman feels under the shower...
un-circumcised men who don't require
a payment for their circumcision with a woman
wearing a niqab... well... if she really wants
to... then at least linen... closer to white than black...
my god... Jesse Glynne... both ginger
and with curly hair...
    no no... i'm not missing out on the brothel tonight...
i'm already seeing how my eyes have lost
their iris and sclera: they're all shark-like
consumed by an expanding pupil...
oh... i'm serious... the Mamluks and the Janissaries
were serious people...
i have nothing left under the shadow of the crucifix...
no "higher event" manual argument
to turn my apostasy into a re-confrimation of
a faith that punishes rather than celebrates...
that moralises that punishes pleasures with pains...
this... sterile Greco-Hebrew conspiracy
against the Roman way of life...
as long as i scribble with these letters... the rest can burn:
it can moan with a mouth of a wound
that will never heal...
À Albert Mérat.


J'ai peur d'avril, peur de l'émoi
Qu'éveille sa douceur touchante ;
Vous qu'elle a troublés comme moi,
C'est pour vous seuls que je la chante.

En décembre, quand l'air est froid,
Le temps brumeux, le jour livide,
Le cœur, moins tendre et plus étroit,
Semble mieux supporter son vide.

Rien de joyeux dans la saison
Ne lui fait sentir qu'il est triste ;
Rien en haut, rien à l'horizon
Ne révèle qu'un ciel existe.

Mais, dès que l'azur se fait voir,
Le cœur s'élargit et se creuse,
Et s'ouvre pour le recevoir
Dans sa profondeur douloureuse ;

Et ce bleu qui lui rit de ****,
L'attirant sans jamais descendre,
Lui donne l'infini besoin
D'un essor impossible à prendre.

Le bonheur candide et serein
Qui s'exhale de toutes choses,
L'oppresse, et son premier chagrin
Rajeunit à l'odeur des roses.

Il sent, dans un réveil confus,
Les anciennes ardeurs revivre,
Et les mêmes anciens refus
Le repousser dès qu'il s'y livre.

J'ai peur d'avril, peur de l'émoi
Qu'éveille sa douceur touchante ;
Vous qu'elle a troublés comme moi,
C'est pour vous seuls que je la chante.
Booz s'était couché de fatigue accablé ;
Il avait tout le jour travaillé dans son aire ;
Puis avait fait son lit à sa place ordinaire ;
Booz dormait auprès des boisseaux pleins de blé.

Ce vieillard possédait des champs de blés et d'orge ;
Il était, quoique riche, à la justice enclin ;
Il n'avait pas de fange en l'eau de son moulin ;
Il n'avait pas d'enfer dans le feu de sa forge.

Sa barbe était d'argent comme un ruisseau d'avril.
Sa gerbe n'était point avare ni haineuse ;
Quand il voyait passer quelque pauvre glaneuse :
- Laissez tomber exprès des épis, disait-il.

Cet homme marchait pur **** des sentiers obliques,
Vêtu de probité candide et de lin blanc ;
Et, toujours du côté des pauvres ruisselant,
Ses sacs de grains semblaient des fontaines publiques.

Booz était bon maître et fidèle parent ;
Il était généreux, quoiqu'il fût économe ;
Les femmes regardaient Booz plus qu'un jeune homme,
Car le jeune homme est beau, mais le vieillard est grand.

Le vieillard, qui revient vers la source première,
Entre aux jours éternels et sort des jours changeants ;
Et l'on voit de la flamme aux yeux des jeunes gens,
Mais dans l'oeil du vieillard on voit de la lumière.

Donc, Booz dans la nuit dormait parmi les siens ;
Près des meules, qu'on eût prises pour des décombres,
Les moissonneurs couchés faisaient des groupes sombres ;
Et ceci se passait dans des temps très anciens.

Les tribus d'Israël avaient pour chef un juge ;
La terre, où l'homme errait sous la tente, inquiet
Des empreintes de pieds de géants qu'il voyait,
Etait mouillée encore et molle du déluge.

Comme dormait Jacob, comme dormait Judith,
Booz, les yeux fermés, gisait sous la feuillée ;
Or, la porte du ciel s'étant entre-baillée
Au-dessus de sa tête, un songe en descendit.

Et ce songe était tel, que Booz vit un chêne
Qui, sorti de son ventre, allait jusqu'au ciel bleu ;
Une race y montait comme une longue chaîne ;
Un roi chantait en bas, en haut mourait un dieu.

Et Booz murmurait avec la voix de l'âme :
" Comment se pourrait-il que de moi ceci vînt ?
Le chiffre de mes ans a passé quatre-vingt,
Et je n'ai pas de fils, et je n'ai plus de femme.

" Voilà longtemps que celle avec qui j'ai dormi,
O Seigneur ! a quitté ma couche pour la vôtre ;
Et nous sommes encor tout mêlés l'un à l'autre,
Elle à demi vivante et moi mort à demi.

" Une race naîtrait de moi ! Comment le croire ?
Comment se pourrait-il que j'eusse des enfants ?
Quand on est jeune, on a des matins triomphants ;
Le jour sort de la nuit comme d'une victoire ;

Mais vieux, on tremble ainsi qu'à l'hiver le bouleau ;
Je suis veuf, je suis seul, et sur moi le soir tombe,
Et je courbe, ô mon Dieu ! mon âme vers la tombe,
Comme un boeuf ayant soif penche son front vers l'eau. "

Ainsi parlait Booz dans le rêve et l'extase,
Tournant vers Dieu ses yeux par le sommeil noyés ;
Le cèdre ne sent pas une rose à sa base,
Et lui ne sentait pas une femme à ses pieds.

Pendant qu'il sommeillait, Ruth, une moabite,
S'était couchée aux pieds de Booz, le sein nu,
Espérant on ne sait quel rayon inconnu,
Quand viendrait du réveil la lumière subite.

Booz ne savait point qu'une femme était là,
Et Ruth ne savait point ce que Dieu voulait d'elle.
Un frais parfum sortait des touffes d'asphodèle ;
Les souffles de la nuit flottaient sur Galgala.

L'ombre était nuptiale, auguste et solennelle ;
Les anges y volaient sans doute obscurément,
Car on voyait passer dans la nuit, par moment,
Quelque chose de bleu qui paraissait une aile.

La respiration de Booz qui dormait
Se mêlait au bruit sourd des ruisseaux sur la mousse.
On était dans le mois où la nature est douce,
Les collines ayant des lys sur leur sommet.

Ruth songeait et Booz dormait ; l'herbe était noire ;
Les grelots des troupeaux palpitaient vaguement ;
Une immense bonté tombait du firmament ;
C'était l'heure tranquille où les lions vont boire.

Tout reposait dans Ur et dans Jérimadeth ;
Les astres émaillaient le ciel profond et sombre ;
Le croissant fin et clair parmi ces fleurs de l'ombre
Brillait à l'occident, et Ruth se demandait,

Immobile, ouvrant l'oeil à moitié sous ses voiles,
Quel dieu, quel moissonneur de l'éternel été,
Avait, en s'en allant, négligemment jeté
Cette faucille d'or dans le champ des étoiles.
Et les voilà mentant, inventant, misérables !
Les voilà, fronts sans honte et bouches incurables,
Calomniant l'honneur du pays, flétrissant
Tous les lutteurs, ceux-ci qui versèrent leur sang,
Ceux-ci, plus grands encor, qui, voyant que la flamme
Et l'espoir s'éteignaient, répandirent leur âme.
Ces maroufles hideux outragent les héros !
Ils lancent au captif, à travers ses barreaux,
Au proscrit, à travers son deuil, leur pierre infâme.
Ils offensent la mère, ils insultent la femme ;
Ils raillent l'exilé que l'ombre accable et suit ;
Ils tâchent d'ajouter leur noirceur à sa nuit ;
Ils entassent sur lui d'affreux réquisitoires ;
Et si, voyant passer et flotter ces histoires,
Vous demandez au cuistre, au conteur, au grimaud :
- Croyez-vous tout cela ? - Moi, dit-il, pas un mot.
- Bien. Mais alors pourquoi le dites-vous ? - Pour rire.
Ah ! Les bêtes des bois ne savent pas écrire,
Le tigre ne pourrait griffonner un journal,
Le renard ne sort pas du confessionnal
Et ne saurait narrer la Salette en bon style ;
Mais au moins l'aspic siffle en honnête reptile ;
Si, dans son hurlement candide, affreux, complet,
L'ours se montre affamé de meurtre, c'est qu'il l'est ;
Le jaguar ne ment pas et pense ce qu'il gronde ;
Il n'est pas un lion dans la forêt profonde
Qui ne soit, dans l'horreur de son antre fumant,
Sincère, et qui ne croie à son rugissement.
Mais, honte et deuil ! Ciel noir ! Comment faut-il qu'on nomme
Ces scribes qui demain diront d'un honnête homme :
- Je suis son assassin, mais non son ennemi ! -
Ah ! Ces gueux devant qui ma jeunesse eût frémi,
Pires que Mérimée et Planche, nains horribles,
Ces drôles, que je n'eusse enfin pas crus possibles
Jadis, quand d'espérance, hélas ! Je m'enivrais,
N'ont pas la probité d'être des monstres vrais.
La sainte, ta patronne, est surtout vénérée

Dans nos pays du Nord et toute la contrée

Dont je suis à demi, la Lorraine et l'Ardenne.

Elle fut courageuse et douce et mourut vierge

Et martyre. Or il faut lui brûler un beau cierge

En ce jour de ta fête et de quelque fredaine

De plus, peut-être, en son honneur, ô ma païenne !


Tu n'es pas vierge, hélas ! mais encore martyre

Non pour Dieu, mais qui te plut. (Qu'ont-ils à rire ?)

A cause de ton cœur saignant resté sublime.

Courageuse, tu l'es, pauvre chère adorée,

Pour supporter tant de douleur démesurée

Avec cette fierté qui pare une victime,

Avec tout ce pardon joyeux et longanime.


Et douce ? Ah oui ! malgré ton allure si vive

Et si forte et rude parfois. Douce et naïve

Comme ta voix d'enfant aux notes paysannes.

Douce au pauvre et naïve envers tous et que bonne

Sous un dehors souvent brutal qui vous étonne,

Vous, les gens, mais dont j'ai vite su les arcanes !


Douce et bonne et naïve, âme exquise qui planes

Au-dessus de tout préjugé bête ou féroce,

Au-dessus de l'hypocrisie et du cant rosse

Et du jargon menteur et de l'argot fétide

Dans la région pure où la haine s'ignore,

Où la rancune expire, où l'amour pur arbore

Sur la blancheur des cieux sa bannière candide.

Ô résignation infiniment splendide.


En ce jour de ta fête et malgré nos frivoles

Préoccupations moins coupables que folles

De baisers redoublés pour le cas, et l'antienne

Plus gentille encor qu'excessive des mots lestes,

Recueillons-nous pourtant, pensons aux fins célestes

Afin qu'après ma mort ou, las ! après la tienne,

Le survivant pour l'absent prie, ô ma chrétienne !
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2019
back in England,
and back to the similitude
of the pardonable
quest for an,          i...

standing before a wall
of books,
from the floor to the ceiling,
stacked
like some
reminiscent domino
of events that didn't
take place...

     back into an interpolation
of i,
   via an interchange
between ? and !

            as if existentially
content: as if:

      from that persistent
bulwark
               whereby there is,
no nothing...
   either an expected agitation
or a nightmare,
or an unexpected self-encounter...

born a slab of clay,
died a slab of marble,
yet featureless -

   not the repetitive dream
of falling,
   not some dream-world
phobia, guaranteed in,
say: claustophobia...

  something English,
and therefore eerie...
as if teasing American,
or what is the vein,
not the L.A. artery
cultural export...

   the sleepy, hallow and
mistifying north east,
the first indentation...
   something...
  akin to:
     what happens when
you first encounter
Dumas... but not H. P. Lovecraft...
but encounter the latter
in an essay
by michel houellebecq -

**** me... French phonetics
and French linguistics -
either a misnomer
in saying:

        no wonder they
are the basin for idea -
or rather... the Freudian
id etc....

                    the clarity of
phonetic encoding,
to be honest:
    i know of one
that is, but buckles under
an orthographic aesthetic,
like a wronged limb,
there...
   but... dull...
  limp... yet there: provocative...

a return then to: there,
or, rather: "there"...

a month sober,
first night drinking
and one expects to unfold
a month's worth
of a Libra imbalance,
i.e.:
    write as much as you read,
or...
  read as much as you write:

never write less than
you read,
   never read less than you
write...
apparently i read
more than i was supposed
to write...

what with the Sveedish
invasion of Poland,
like some... murky rubric
i learned in the Irish
   niche of the outer
east London nibbling Essex...

Romans...
  Romans...
  this diabolical theatre
of agitating poetics
like mantras...

   either Jesus with his
bread and wine...
or mystical Eve with
a 2 in 1 combo's worth
of an apple...

mind you, i did notice
the difference between
western and eastern
Europe...
how the night is illuminated...
dimmed sulphur like
emblems of a moth's
delight in:

    tip of (the) tongue -
onomatopoeia:
where no noun dare tread...

a month's worth without
   a "freedom" of speech
  (third person inquisitive
contort):
   you mean - diarrhea?

yes - thank you, dear,
whoever, what-
    a character assasination
of the narrator...
say...
why am i unable to write
a novel, brimful
with an assortment
of characters?

  ah... i remember the basis...
of this: "nuance"...
  yes... either a misnomer,
or an ambiguity,
caged in the existentialists'
"       ": lacking
the morn upon the 1st of
May's lark...

         i wanted to paint,
but... i can't afford to buy either
paint or canvas or brush...
and... i grew out of writing
novels before i even began
writing novels...
i found it hard to translate
a childish game
into a novel, hardy,
adult enterprise...

hence this interrogation...

  as a Chinese State policy
child... perhaps a, millennial...
but as an only child...
i prefer to be dubbed...
the third plenum of the 18th
central committee of the chinese
communist party:
of which i am not,
    but... eh... what a waste...

i didn't end up writing
novels, because...
i used to play with G.I. Joe...
marionnettes...
   how then to translate
marionnettes into adult?
ah...
   "eureka"! (mundane tone):
write a novel...

   i cut off my hands
and opened my eyes
to the grand lambda...

   i found her on a coach trip
to Warsaw...
   Λ...
   the sensation / awareness...
once i used to smoke marijuana
to entertain
a lost narrative,
    a "lost" narrative...
   which was cogitans per se
is... with all the annexed ergo
implies: cogito est narratio...

of course... minus
ethics, etc.
          which is how i came
across a keyhole,
θought...            which became:
    φought:
or rather... without a question
of a morose: 'ought -
esse - i.

                             that same
blatant disembodiment
of the will of man...
Voltaire is good at that...
   simpleton,
       Zadig...
                sure, prior to: Candide...
but in England,
let me assure you:
do you think you'll ever
buy a copy of Voltaire's
principles of Newton's
physics
?
        
               not a chance!

perhaps i grew out of
toying with G.I. Joe
marionnettes too late,
perhaps...
hence? no novel...
hence(?)                  poetry...

sketches...
     the consort of thought...
there is no other,
and there is no...
poetry is no art,
there is no ars poetica...

   Heidegger appreciates
Hölderlin...
a poem is not a *******
rhyme worth a pence
for a ******* postcard... savvy?!

where philosophy dictates
a wall,
   poetry dictates
a brick...
    when "things" become
too... inedible...
people start to flirt with
vegetarianism...

      but said "things" are: edible...
yet...
   poorly manifest
in the dignity they
demand...
   say... a hunted boar
is a tad bit higher
in the hierarchy of tiers
when man
compensates
   the boar with
a caged chicken...

                    and what of
cultural Darwinism?
the same... the same unit of man,
as bothered by:
how German and French
existentialism / humanism,
became the Anglo-Zaz
futurism / economics of:
always the pristine
                German and Chinese
labor...

          i guess some people
have no notion
of either slavery or liberty,
as much: a soul
or boredom...
        only the English
brought about a concept
that overpowered a concern
for worth, in ethic
(with a missing S) -

                                   or not...
deutsche? arbeit!
   chinesisch? arbeit!
the English? flirt...
flirt with nebuchadnezzar...
and let the jew mystify
everything, pact universal.

my, my disembodiment...

       Λ:

  no... not V...    not 5...
   somehow not A either...

                 two eyes
and a pointer...
no... not the nose...
rather... an imagined horn /
honing device...
as in?

   not the automated nature
of the brain,
jellyfish soap opera...
fungus marionnette...

       m'ah ******* forehead...
Λ = oculus + fore'      'ed
   (Cockney gapoos)

   V = oculus + shut mouth
+ wry & wormly numb-tongue

    or the Welsh salute at
the French... in loan a broan
post bow set loose...
arrow: pointy thing...

      ...................................................
      ...................................................
      ...................................................
      ...................................................
      ...................................................
      ...................................................
      ...................................................
      ...................................................

(which is an authentic pause...
filled with
fiddling with my beard)

   like sticking
a stick into a river
       and expecting it
to change course...
    
   a wild idea,
  but...
        some insanities
are adhered to...
   Xerxes "thought"
  the lashing the sea...
           a blind
convent of all
our hearts' content:
life -
or no life:

            a bothersome
clause...
    
                         an intimidating
yawn...
       a bloated
saturation of filth
in a sieve...

                           with a childish
kaleidoscope of causes...

   the:  ergo ad continuum
of science...
a *******'s worth
of existential glue.
Le vieil esprit de nuit, d'ignorance et de haine
Des clous de Jésus-Christ forge à l'homme une chaîne,
Change l'enfant candide et pur en nain vieillot,
Lie au bûcher Jean Huss et Morus au billot,
Frappe de sa férule Horace, et, si Voltaire
Et Rousseau font du bruit en classe, il les fait taire.
Il donne sur les doigts au bon Dieu stupéfait.
Il refroidit les fronts que l'aube réchauffait,
Il insulte le ciel dans la femme, et le nie
Dans l'astre, dans la fleur, dans l'art, dans le génie.
L'éteignoir sur les yeux, la torche au poing, boudeur,
Sournois, pédant, féroce, il aspire l'odeur
De la pensée éteinte et de la chair brûlée.
Il fait mettre à genoux le vieillard Galilée
Sur la terre qui tourne et devant le soleil.
Sur œil qui veut s'ouvrir il verse le sommeil.
Il tient dans ses dents l'âme humaine, et la grignote.
Il inspire Nisard, Veuillot, Planche, Nonotte,
Laisse derrière lui tout cœur mort et glacé,
Et l'herbe ne croît plus où son âne a passé.
poetry to write: disguising the availability of **** like there's the availability of music: under the scrutiny of Nietzsche i don't know which is the worst O.D.: with all the **** and Genghis Khan... but all all the music: and? well?! GOD... twice over! the secret taboo! stressing about **** and the ambitions of Genghis Khan... accomplished: clap clap: applause! maybe a sobering moment... one every two years and two more years then four when the Olympics happens and men and their four years apart and women and their four seasons and the Zodiac months not January, February i mean: Pisces Ares Taurus.... that's my mother my father and me... wookie spooky blah... if she's Christian veneer and i know she's desperately individualistic and Christianity is religion is not faith is: either ******* stupid or SPECIAL or that other "special" of *******... QUALITY ASSURANCE: bad **** from "Cali"... tested positive metal in: enzyme: tobacco: addicted to tobacco: organic subjectivity post-objective: telegraphic recount... the subjectivity of alcohol and marijuana: is... the objectivity i associate with ******, *******... ****** is... mantra: lost in books: empathy route: but still objectively distant: not familiar: like the subjectivity: piquant: tested: testing: of alcohol and marijuana: can tell apart a resin from a leaf strain and what is bad addiction: needed to test theory by refraining from *******: until the day finished: said: hard for Hercules to go mad twice: going mad once and then re-calibrating... suspect the existence of bridge: suspend: what is GRAVITY SQUARED if there's an equation for the SPEED of LIGHT SQUARED? what is gravity cubism? i swear gravity is directionless: there's no... dimension for gravity: perhaps gravity is shortscript for time?

some variation of or rather on:
"racial" relations...
so my **** dealer pulls up
and i'm trying to spot the Toyota
can't see it
but i do see one but then an Asian
ninja comes out with a child
and i'm like: something's shifting...
a minute later
a Mercedes Benz: no... not canned
Heinz beans pulls up
i jump in and gravitate to the complimentary
side of me: well good for you,
good for you...

...........................................
.............­..............................

was that an ant or a spider
itching at me from neck
then hiding in my hair and sleeping:
seems an alien life
symbiosis:
like with tree to boat to table
to chair:
couldn't much with mountains
couldn't do much with deserts
but at least i crafted: "i": crafted
glass from sand
maybe this is my poetry coming
to terms with:

those intellectual hard-ons
no women necessary:
with  ΛCDM

A and V

                smoking a different strain:
not Sherbet from California:
sorry that **** is resin like almost hashish
compact:

SZCZESCIE... at first: now let me
attire the word: happiness-fortune
with the proper judgement of a king's
reunited to shirt
and trousers:
believe me the king is not naked:
either the tyrannical father
and the liberal son
or the tyrannical son
and the liberal father
or the tyrannical father and the tyrannical son:
magnetism:
Anti-Christ counter-dualism:
magnetism:
pushing apart:
funny how in 3D you have 4"D" directions
to follow:
there's south north east and west:
funny:
a new strain:
DOG or DOUGLAS...
in a 3 d...
wait: the universe is a string
of narrative there is no "space" in SPACE...
there are no constellations:
the practicality of cubes triangles
and money...
new strain: like switching from *****
to wine...
like: the leafy bits: not the high market:
resin *******
the **** coming from America:
better stick with dog...
i was blindsided:
i had a temporary amnesia:
i'm a pest controller:
a William Burroughs contra Shakespeare?
wrong strain:
the drug dealer is driving a Mercedes Benz
while i'm still slumping:
happy:

to recover no Catalan but all Cyrillic:
in... ha ha....
       ЩĘŚĆE: ye: the proper Slavic
Cyrillic script:
not the Russian alphabet:
the script...
like the Nomadic script
but there are former Assyrians,
Phonecians:
Hebrews: godly:
Ishmaels and the Ahmed Nomad
Arabs...

gateway drug of literacy is Ginsberg
and Bukowski:
then you arrive at the postmodernist
futurist poets
like poets are behind philosophers
and science and science fiction and fiction
like painters:
like freaks like outsiders:
we need to find Ned in Democracy...
a John the Baptist mentality
in... "zee vilderness"...
  
if John the Baptist was looking for the Christ
then i am Matthew the Security Officer
former roofer
sometime a poet looking for my Antichrist...
disciple uno...
i own a house: you hopping grunge nerd
looking to couch surf?
am i going to be a convinced a second time
by authority of dyslexia:

the meaning of: turn the over cheek:
the meaning of: and the meek will inherit the earth:
gravity squared:
what if:

                 йѫ: as her...
the leafy sort: i sorted this one:
i get sporadic active self-aware no self
dimensions of amnesia
and i couple that with
amnesia-pareidolia...

          yes: yes: Edie: this is the war i'm waging
like Christianity waged war
with images against words
and that's how Islam was born
Islam is Christ's:
and we are: or at least i am...
           a pauper European:
the Holocaust shifted the Jews
but look how not diaspora bound and sort of
Chameleon the Jews are
i think a second Vatican in forgiving
the Turks for Constantinople
i just want Turkish: barbery....

barber: barbarism: try painting with words:
death to color! and American spelling...
****** Sputnik half-egos and serial killers
like the Cain ******* antics
but even Cain had a promise of dignity
like this culture
of watching sport and bending over
sniffing *******
not off ring around
the bellybutton Romanian prostitutes
and i will find the monster for you:
color my language: buff it up...

      i was alone and Candide:
i was alone and Candide:
just me and night and drinking and contemplating
diarhhoea, diharoeah... dih-rho-eh-ah...
whatever...
in my garden my lovely:
i planted this plum
this cherry this apple
this AGREST bush:
but these trees speak to me
i'm not a crazy cat lady
i'm a...
a botanical frenzy:
the FOX INQUIRY:
i like loik Loki and insects
and telescopes and books and dust
and postage stamps
and bicycles
and shops for girls who are pretending
to be sailors:
borderline beach of Sanskrit
Hamptons:
these? the ******* Southampton(s)?!

S N TH BJD
seriously? summoning my testimony in the Abjad?
BT RGHT NW Y DNT CR...
little brother tender uncle
i changed the strain:
these wandering stars
look much like satellites don't
think me small even dementia riddled
Joseph saw you Martin seeing one
last look:
before me the cactus on the palm
of my hand
should the Germans Unite:
Re-Unite...
like this was a tease coming from a Pan-Slavic
perspective that allowed
Marxism to exist:
apparently i'm the last neighbor of Europe
having tested Marxism into something
jumping, cheating...
the Soviet space race seemed so fake
when the polished American model arrived..
because the Slavic mingled with Hebrew
for so long that Usury was attempted to be disguised
as: reminiscence...
is it me or just me
when i say: the Hebrews attempted...

Edie? Heff OLOG...
       does that matter?
napping?
can i be a dog: no kennel:
water? yes yap yap please...
sighing panting four greeds...
four legs...
now i will have to call it the 7 x 4
the four by seven...
of all the heads my bilingual stress paramount(s)
there are four greeds
there are four envies
there are four prides:

oddly enough: adding a pluralistic
element to the structure is surreal;
i was given the equivalent
toilet paper air
quote of Chamberlain and ******
and i am ******...
pluralism: the basics of grammar:
this conflation of the pronoun
district:
i heard the hubris and hiatus
into Oriental Study and scuttling with
plagiarisms like rats...

i kiss fare for a short farewell
and i just want... something this sort of everyday
but with an access to a portal:
a healing posture of having
***
and getting all the spider or the ant
now sleeping in my head
oh that scene from Lavender... Versailles...

death of spanish queen in versailles series insect parasite
google... no good...
limited technology: either hammer and nail
or hammer and head:
shark: idiots tik tok China: SHINGLES: SMILE:
all in emoticon ridicule stress...
not included in diacritic and punctuation:
available: yes please... chains man
mind... chains man mind...
chains man mind...

                                 and all the available dittos:
but since we were a barricade against
the Mongols and the Ottomans
we were not so much grieving when the Jews
went for a Baptism in the Ashes
of the Holocaust...
things happen: in C# CONCORDANCE:
with the authority of the shrinking
constipated:
glorified somehow still with the JAW of AWE
AGAPE at the expanding universe
and how looking in trackjuit
and Adidas back is somehow distracted by
flat earth and algebra:
flat earth and algebra
while three dimensional earth and calculus: cactus:
itch: ugh... verbiage and word salads
and avocado ***** suckled
like hummingbird became twisted
and begot the butterfly that begot the congregation
of the winds in the Hurrah-Khan!
Nel mio giardino, là nel canto oscuro
dove ora il pettirosso tintinnìa,
col gelsomino rampicante al muro,
c'è la gaggìa;
e or che ottobre dentro la vermiglia
foresta il marzo rende morto al suolo,
e sembra marzo, come rassomiglia
bacca a bocciuolo,
alba a tramonto; nelle tenui trine
l'una si stringe, al roseo vespro, quando
l'altro i suoi fiori, candide stelline,
apre, alitando;
ed al sospiro dell'avemaria,
quando nel bosco dalle cime ****
il dì s'esala, il cuore in una pia
ombra si chiude;
e l'anima in quell'ombra di ricordi
apre corolle che imbocciar non vide;
e l'ombra di fior d'angelo e di fior di
spina sorride.

— The End —