I have a tendency to covet broken things
Like broken hearts
And broken minds
They are like an unsolved or unwritten equation
Begging for an answer or solution
Like the riddle that has all the right pieces
But is just rearranged shards of fragmented glass
Craving a resolution to the disorder of shattering impact
That is in need of a strong glue in which to bind the razer sharp edges
Back into a semblance of order
That is the Brokens' Beauty

I had something special
Once upon a time
I held her dear
Once upon a time
I made us one
Once upon a time
And then the fight begun

Rough roads
Rocky tumbles
The split began with a tear
and one by one
The inches divided
Inches, to miles, to years

Now we pretend to be tender
We treat each other with care
But in the back of my mind
The sirens still blare
They scream away the warnings
I should have heeded long ago
No, I know more
Now then before
And I use my knowledge so clear

You're all filled up with God knows what
You wanna dump it out, just to pick it back up
A pack rat of emotion
A dealer of brokens
Be it hearts
Be it promises
Be it *****
You don't care
As long as you get to be heard

All to make it one way
So you can yearn for the alternative
Promising to make it come
But you know it's not true
Change the world
The one in your head
And demand the rest to do the same
When reality strikes
And you know you're not right
Complain
Complain
Complain

A fictional vision
Of the world you live in
What you thought it would be
Disillusionment ***** big.

why is it that i can only form words

about idiotic people making the most sense of their lives

and me hating mirrors

and me hating me.

why can’t i speak about

the way the clouds graze over my ankles when i’m laying in a field

or the way you TOUCHED my hand

and my heart fluttered like an angel

if only my innocence were that strong

and my skin that pure

i have rashes and wounds and heals and brokens

and i am not happy with any of it

but there i go again

ignoring how soft my blanket feels or the way the dust on my fan sits

even though it goes every night

to drown out my thoughts

so i have hope in falling asleep

because you know i can never sleep in silence

or with the television on

because i’m afraid of quiet and i’m afraid of loud

and i am a contradiction in every sense of the **** word

and i love it.

Was That Love In Yur Eyes I Saw
Or Merely The Reflection Of Mine?
AKA Previous Brokens Were Essentially Only Scratches
aka guess i've given up on my dreams


I met You,
  You were the mostest
    (I met the mostest!!!)
What was I supposed to do
other than Love You?
    forever and then some,
      whatever may come
        (mmm, make You ***)!

I actually believed You Loved me too,
  felt forever future was finally true.
Had i learned nothing from always being me?
  How could You feel a future being with me?
    (Yur future be being with me?)

And as much as i miss Yur kiss
  (where i could happily stay all day),
that's not what i miss most,
  not even close!

Do You know what it is i miss the most?
Do You know what memory i kiss the most?
  GGF?
  BABF?
  The nervous excitement coursing thru Clint
    when time was about to be with You spent?
  Every text, pebble, clown horn, rock n roll ring tone?
  Every time seeing the freeway sign for “our” home?
  Pulling into Yur driveway?
  Walking thru Yur doorway?
  Seeing you?
  (Z-O-E's excited hug
    yeah, i'd do that drug!!!)
  The minutes and/or hours with You?
  Our blue-eyed soul-share-stare?
  Every single second of every miracle minute?
    Yeah, that's it!!!!
      EVERYTHING!!!!

**** here far after the shatter,
none of that will ever again matter.
It's all irrelevant regardless,
  and a lot of useless less.

And despite all the times i re-journey
  the paths & places She showed me,
She ain't there,
  so i'm just nowhere.

Much too much to lose
  how do i choose
    to just play the blues
     & survive this core bruise

Noe mere heart-hurt
  the shriek-leak down my my shirt,
    spirit tears in full-on spurt,
      metaphysical face pushed in the dirt.

Was it so simple sweetie
  to leave me?
Will it be oh so easy
  to forget me?


That 1st night at the fire
(sparks flitting floating flirting higher
   and Yur personality flowed from You)
i was already aching to touch You
  (oh sweet reality
     who hath so often forsaken fooled and ****** me
        please let this be true)

And You knew
  and smiled inside
and were already wondering
  and maybe knowing
    where we were going....

And that nervous spastic excitement,
  that purring calm contentment,
    the breathless rushing rollercoaster,
      making love and then cuddling in nature...
i felt them every single solitary eternal moment!!

(and every time i see You
  or think about You
    that will still always be true)


Did you see her there?
  the ultra rare
    beyond compare
      barely even touched by the air???

My today had never promised more tomorrows
where I would smile and dance
    and nurture Yur joy
And now i've never ****** down such sorrow
  with the bile and lost balance
    of the thrown away toy
Prince of the Fair
  to King of Despair...

You saved me
gave YOU to me
and then left me
  with only me
and lone wolf
  alone wolf
    lonely wolf
      is trapped in rabid agony

You made me think
  let me think
    I had never been worthless
      now i've never been worth less

Listen closely...
  less close to me
    than i've ever been,
      can you say broken....

faded clown
  fallen down
unable to mend??
never to rise again?!

i don't know much of much anymore
  forgot how to care why i'm here for
you could **** me today
  that would be okay
    i'm basically dead anyway

but because of others
i'm not allowed to cross over
**** i HATE life without You
  *** do i do?

guess i'm gonna end up one of those spectres
  the dark abandoned spirits of despair
a glacial stink stain in the ether
  long gone **** unable to move on
locked in yesterday's eternal sorrow
  haunting with hurting forever tomorrow

oh ****
  guess i already am

he makes me so happy more than anything else ever i love him and even though he hasn't said it i can see the love in his eyes and i just know we  were made for each other.

maybe we fight a lot for a reason because most couples are like two pretty stars but were like two casanovas happening at once and when we explode we make a beautiful new universe only for me and him.

he's kinda like a roller coaster but then again no, a roller coaster is man made, a false reality of a high, this boy is real. that's why i call him a hurricane all the time.

he isn't something people comprehend easily, they think he's so destructive, broken, cold, so most people stay away and they tell me to flee as well, but i find such beauty in greyish blue clouds and rushing winds, rain is like tears because when someone loves so much all they can do is cry.

he's so incomprehensible and love it i want to be the earth and he can be the tornados tearing through me, i want to be the ocean waves and him the tides pulling me every which way to explore new places i would have never seen without him.

we work together in unity, such a beautiful sight, you know they say two brokens make a whole,
and that's exactly what happened.

there is a point where
some brokens
can't be fixed

Her soul grabbed the moon
As she tucked it inside her heart
She said from this day on
We will never part

That moon has been with her
Since birth
She doesn't remember
It holds no ones name

She called it faith
She said that moon
You refer too is not
The same one I use

Mine is of gravitational flights
High in The air
Of sleeping off daylight
Just to capture The night air

Of addicts pour and
Brokens sad state

I say The moon
Is ours
I just saved your soul

I contemplate the horizon as a broken puzzle
yet aflame the sessions of thought
Eros is singing to the raging gods
the seeds of future mixed with the atoms of the past
the layers of history unreadable
we play games with the invisible
in between thoughts transparent vibrant walls
in between you and you, some fragments
in between myself and I, fault lines and vital figments
the mirror gaze an oxymoron in the beginning
a mistery the spin of fragments
that's all I can say for now since
the soul of language is hidden inside
untraceable rhythms of silence
true passion is shattering the body of time
it brokens the one into many, it fuses the many into one
in the seed we are a cosmic creature breathes
perhaps the void of the sky is dreaming its memories
or a sweet lullaby

Memories from a Broken Soul

She wept when he left
Pieces of her died every night
She disappeared within the evening
She was gone

She was forgotten but not lost
Her soul was trying to mend
Unanswered questions
Soul is fading away

Broken things
Brokens things can’t be fixed
Or can they?
Where is she now?

She disappeared within the night
She is gone but not forgotten
Her soul is left broken
The cuts on her wrist tells her story

“Use your story. Save someone like you”

I didn’t realize it was the brokens job to save the other broken people.
I didn’t realize people born with every advantage has no responsibility for those who weren’t.

I didn’t realize that pain and trauma automatically morphed me into a savior for all.
How does a broken heart heal while still in pain?
Doesn’t it occur to you that I might cause trauma of my own?

You cannot mend what’s broken, if you are not intact.

I am a ticking time bomb.
My PTSD left me with anger and rage that I cannot satisfy.
Please don’t spill your cup. Please take off your shoes at the door.
If I have to vacuum one more ******* time.

It’s not about the dirt. It’s not about the stain.
It’s about the chaos I cannot shake.
Constant instability, and disaster.
I am unstable.

So no.
I won’t share my story with someone to save them.
Because I cannot save the broken. I will shatter what is left.

This is my first refusal. My very first no.
And it is the kindest thing I have ever done