i've never been
so not afraid
and so afraid
of losing
or loving
someone
before.

if i had my way,
it would all match up,
but so many variables
are in play,

and i wish
instead of having a
chess match,

we'd just throw
the king and queens,
pawns and knights,
-- rooks too---,
off the board.

100 kisses because we really like each other a lot,
and 100 smart *** comments...
because liking each other a lot scares the
**** out of each other.

our story is trying to be vulnerable,
but not too vulnerable.

i don't pray,
but i talk to god about you.

i tell him thank you
for blessing me with
you. he wouldn't have
given me such an imperfect
person like myself,
someone just as imperfect,
that sees my imperfections
as clearly as I see theirs,
but I think god has.

but i also question him.
i question him
why he brought
you into my life
because you haven't
promised me anything,
but i'm expecting a lot.

i get lost in your eyes,
your smile, the way
you like to sleep away the
day, the silly sounds
you make, and even
when our words are dark
and we aren't a sunny day,
constantly tossing each other
criticism,
negativity,
slander, and shade,
i can't help but want
us to be in love one day.

even when we don't
always agree;
i see you, me, us
as gospel. i just
really believe.

i want to know;
i need to know.

are you going to be here
for some time,
or a long time, a lifetime?

when i talk to god about you,
i ask for the latter.

but i'm a girl.
i wait for everything.
even nothing is
something i have already
imagined in my mind
where i might be the
princess, you, of course,
are the prince,
and this is a fairytale,
or at least a
love story.

so i'm waiting.
i'm waiting for it
to happen.
i'm waiting for you
to take me to where
we first met, where
we first realized
feelings were felt,
or where we went
on our first date,
somewhere,
at some point,
soon enough,
where you will
grab my two
hands,
tangle and twine your
fingers with my fingers,
and say,
"be mine."

right now,
i have something:
two hands holding mine,
a kiss on the cheek,
a kiss everywhere,
two bright blue eyes
that pull me
in faster than
an ocean's tide,
a friday night drink,
i'm making
my way up from
your parents'
basement to wake your
sleepy **** up in your
childhood bedroom,
a saturday morning
cuddle:
this is something
i keep telling myself.

but i don't want something.
i want someone.