The mind is a septic tank.
Either, you let the filth sit there, stinking,
Or, you get yourself *****, cleaning.

I really wanted to believe
We are enough for each other
Sometimes we peek into the future
And we become unsure
Because some nights get colder
We freeze

The thing is.. We are enough
Look back at yesterday
Look at today
Future is lust that will never be satisfied by this moment

I know sometimes
You wish you could be anything else
And I want you to fill my fate
Sit and spin
Let the sun gets old and draw the pictures for them

nothing seems right
the colors don't fit the tone
the melody doesn't fit the song
everything is spinning out and out
no end to it
no end to the constant pain
that sneaks into every little crevice it can find
and if there are no more
it'll crack and break you open
like a ******* pistachio
and seep through
ooze into every part of you
until you are nothing more than a corpse
filled with gooey black
mess and sorrow and agony and pain
oh the pain it never goes away
it shows too much
you can never keep it inside
it'll always find a way to dissipate
show itself
so prideful, tell them all that
you've been able to consume another victim
able to corrode away the inside and make it
it's new home.

That's all it ever wanted anyways.
A home;
isn't that all we ever want?

I've been trying to pull everything apart
the echo of your steps down the lonesome corridor
the soft touch of your fingers as they twirl my hair
the soft voice you used to sing in
the scent of you on my clothes
every memory in every place
everything leads to you
but no matter how hard I pull and pull
every memory comes snapping back
every time I come so close to pulling you all out
pulling pulling
all the kisses and hugs
all the scents and sounds and sorrow
can't seem to go away

You've haunted me,
left me to wail and cry
to no end
no mercy
there's nothing I can do
nothing that will ease my pain
you're gone...
you're gone...

thought it was supposed to be good to look back
blast from the past
and maybe it is
a good thing to do to look back
and remember everything
and improve as they say
but is it really o worth it
when looking back just
hurts and hurts and hurts
and aches and leaves you shaking
at 2am unable to stop crying and remembering
oh god oh god
i remember it now
all the things that i had worked so hard to make disappear
are chasing me now

so is it really so worth it?
to try to learn and do better
but to only end up never being able to even get past it?

does hamburger meat stick together because it is still searching for the ghost of it's bones?
in college, i worked in a factory.
i trudged to work every monday morning at five thirty and put on gloves
to plunge into the sticky mess of beef that i weighed and clipped and submerged in.
the meat sticks together and bleeds into the same palm, which is my own.
i am livestock.
i am a nonsensical sticky mass of fat that is being pulled apart by another.
although i am trying to pull myself back together,
the bones i clung to were yours.

she came onto the car today
head bowed, shoulders hunched
holding what looked like the world for her
as everyone looked away and barred themselves
for things they were too busy to hear,
too insignificant for their time

with a deep breath
she started
slowly gaining strength and power through her words
showing the words out of her mouth on to
the bare ***** subway floor
spreading them almost like a disease bring for sustenance
because thats what everyone thought she was
a parasite, a mere annoyance
nothing more

so when she spoke of repent
and saving i listened as she bore her eyes through me
and looked into me
and spoke of the things to be wary of
as i cast my eyes down and looked away
ashamed

bear your sins,
be free of their binding
she preached;
escape their cage, their imprisonment
and be free