I still see faces like his wherever I go. It does not mean I still love him or constantly think about him, though. It means all the things I had thought was special in him could be found in anyone else; he is nowhere near irreplaceable.

"We'll figure it out."
"Please keep smiling; I like it that I make you happy."
The words that make flowers bloom, wounds heal, and passions on fire.

We are all creatures of grief and despair
Some may recognize that these cracks and fractures
Are more like patterns of colors and delights
While some will look at them as shameful scars

My heart was once whole and fully intact
It has fallen and broken and shattered into small fragments
Most I managed to retrieve from the abyss of the unknown
Yet they cannot be made into the shape that it once was

The warmth of your embrace is now dead as winter
But time betrays not the believing soul
For while I mourn for the loss of a stone-cold heart
The sun will rise again, once more, and you will heal, too, someday

If ever you loved me
Then I pray to God above
That you will wake up one night
With the memory of my voice
Echoing inside your head

If ever you loved me
Then I pray to God above
That the next time you see
A turquoise rose on display
You would remember my lips

If ever you loved me
Then I pray to God above
That the next girl you fall in love with
Can never kiss you or love you
The way I did with my soul

If ever you loved me
Then you will know
That you lost me

The worst thing is knowing that being loved by someone does not necessarily make you feel you are enough.

He loves me and yet I keep on doubting everything, believing that I will always be the one who loves more, who asks for something she barely deserves, who is not supposed to want more.

How do I make myself believe that I am, in fact, already more than enough? Only time will reveal the answer to me.

Whenever he plants a kiss on me
I find myself not knowing exactly
Whose wish is being granted at the moment

"Thank you," you whispered to me
"This," I said to you with a smile
"This is love, isn't it?"

I am used to everything being difficult. For quite a while, I have accepted that I am not like others who find it easy to find love here and there. The people that I had fallen for were so good, so electrifying, but never quite right for me. Still, falling under difficult circumstances was the only thing I knew; winning the affection and approval of someone who does not love you back felt like the only way to go.

That is why when you came into my world, it felt like a beautiful, terrifying surprise.

For the first time in a long time, there are no worries and fears. At least, there are no real fears. For the first time, I did not enter someone's life with fears of being uninvited. You reached out for me, arms stretched wide and open I was beginning to wonder if they were arms or gates to the home I had never known before. For the first time, I do not want to speak in the language of flowers filled with poetry; I am scared that immortalizing you in exaggerated love sonnets would make you only a figment of my imagination. Your laughter and jokes and the way you wrap me in your warmth are far better than any poetry I have ever read; I do not need them anymore because for the first time, what I am experiencing is real.

You are not making me fall in love with you. Falling means landing on the cold ground, bruises and wounds all over me. Instead, I feel like I am walking into you, perhaps even crawling, in a slow and careful but steady motion. You do not make me feel like I am flying; I am standing on solid ground with my heart flying into the skies and my head blissfully resting on your shoulder. You make me happy, far happier than I thought I could be, but I do not feel like I would lose myself without you.

You found me and for the first time, I am not falling. I am walking.

Stars are beautiful to look at
But the ones within our reach
Are trees and flowers
That give life to our souls
Far better from any dream
Is one you can touch and kiss
With fingers that fit yours

If only you knew
That I say your name
Over and over again
Because I want you
To be my safe haven

I think I am abusing this platform for random scribbles and musings instead of actually writing poetry but you know what? This is my page, so might as well do what I want.

Last night I had a very long chat with my platonic partner. He has been my best bro since high school and we know each other more than anyone else -- and no, we are not gonna be romantic.

We talked about our personal lives, love, mistakes, and all of that. I asked him all sorts of things and he told me everything. I related to him my stories and my current situation. What is funny is that after all this time, we both still have a Robin. Do you know what a Robin is?

A Robin is someone you love or have feelings for that you will never truly forget; someone whom you believe will make you the happiest. What I want to stress is a Robin is not real. It is born out of an infatuation, admiration that we perceive as love. A Robin is an idealized version of a partner, not a realistic one. A Robin, ultimately, is just a fantasy.

He talked about still finding his Robin very beautiful and attractive; he also admitted that he does not know his Robin very much. I am, God willing, meeting my Robin in a few days while he is in town. I still think him an interesting, attractive person, but I only understand him so much. I understand that he would have made me happy but I wouldn't have made him happy. I know the kind of person that he is and I know he won't be happy with me -- romantically.

Then, my platonic partner and I talked about feelings. About the "real deal". About how to tell if someone is in love. It is funny because he understands what it means when other people see an attachment without us having to explain anything. Something similar happened to him. When you have feelings, you look at someone differently. For me, though? When I have feelings, I start keeping his name to myself. That is why I still don't always tell my friends about his name; even the ones who already know his name will always find me referring to him with an alias or just "him". I believe in names. Name-dropping someone too much can de-value the relationship, so I want his name to be mine to say, when we are together, when I am half-asleep next to him.

I am incredibly happy. We are still learning to keep up with each other's pace and to adjust with each other's character. But you know what? It's fine. It totally is. All I want is to sing him a lullaby and fall asleep in his arms.

Far better than any fantasy
Born out of a daydream
Is one made of flesh and blood
With eyes that speak the truth

The sun would not shine upon us
But the cold of my hands was met
With the warmth of his embrace

I thought you were asleep,
He said as he played with my fingers
Little did he know that I was thinking
Somehow he found me and I am safe

He is a dream and I am his lullaby
I do not know if it was him or me
That fell deeper with each song
But this is my goodnight to him

I don't know why or how it came to be but at this very moment I find myself missing you.
I don't know what this means or what you mean to me. I don't even know what to say to you.
I don't know if you think of me the way I think of you, but I like the way you carry yourself around me.
I don't know if I could show you the less pretty side of me just yet, but I know at some point I will want to.
I don't know how you see me but I like to feel your eyes on me. I like how your gaze makes me feel.
I don't know if you are for real or not but I want to just enjoy any moment we may share.
I don't know why you treat me like this, why you keep to yourself, why your fingers fit between mine.
But I know that I wish I could see you again soon.

Let yourself be happy, even if only for a while. If it is meant to be, it will find its way. At this point you just need to let yourself be.

Hey, at least you are only physically ill. You aren't suicidal or depressed; not as much, anyway. If it makes you happy then go ahead and give it a shot.

Take your time slowly and surely, my love
Your open arms may one day be my home
Allow me some time, too, to fit into your frame
I am not used to be told that I will be safe

Sink into me deeper and ever so gently, my love
We are a hundred stories wrapped into one
I have long let go of my childhood dreams
Yet your grasp made me believe in fairy tales once more

Pull me close and take me away, my love
Today you may be a part of one sonnet in my book
Take a day, a fortnight, or a moon’s time
And may you become the word to every story

To trace the lines of your smile
And feel your skin against mine
It may have only been a while
But everything about you feels right

Perhaps I had seen you somewhere
And The Universe has a plan
Of uniting us at the intersection
Between what is past and what is to come

So let me fall into your embrace
I will admit that this terrifies me
But gently hold me close, my love
And I promise I will never let go

The feeling that I have been longing to feel
The longing that I have been feeling all this time
The arms that were meant to hold me close
The face that I have been looking for in the crowded room

It has always been you
Now I can put a name
To the dream that you were
And what you turn out to be

I can't write a poem. This is weird and surprising at the same time. And I'm happy that the reason I can't write is not because I'm utterly miserable. I am, in fact, incredibly happy.

I really should have believed it when people kept on saying that miracles take time, that God doesn't always answer your prayers exactly the moment you say them. I thank God everyday that I did not **** myself. In my darkest, most emotionally turbulent times, I thought about it again and again. I would wake up and look out the window of my room and think, "Will the fall **** me instantly or will it paralyze me?" I thank God everyday for allowing me to live and giving me this life, perhaps not perfect but ultimately a good one.

Since 2016 is about to end, I would like to say some things that otherwise I would never have said in real life to you. After all, we are two people who know each other but would never be in each other's world.

I am grateful and thankful. I loved you, genuinely. It wasn't the best of times in my life but I am glad I loved you, even with all the unexpected twists and turns. I am thankful because now I know I could love someone just as he is. With or without all the floss and glitter, I had loved you, the boy in the blue shirt, the man in the worn-out T-shirt.

And now, I do not.

Hand in hand into the sunrise
In laughter we make our way
Into your atmosphere and my air
We are bound by each other's presence
Your voice echoing inside my head
My songs playing in your ears
When the sun goes down
We fly back to our nests
Soundly asleep and only half awake
We are one, and yet we are all alone
For it is another's name we whisper into the night

Do not treat me like a princess
Though I enjoy the pretty things in life
And the joys that money can buy
I know that there is always a price to be paid

Do not treat me like a princess
I may read and write poetry in the morning
With Schubert playing in the background
But let me have a moment with my Scream Queens

Do not treat me like a princess
You may love me and think I am perfect
With all the grace and beauty in the world
But to love is to understand that perfection is a façade

And the truest love of all
Is when you love me
Without my perfection

The way your eyes light up in wonder
Mesmerized and perplexed
Ever so slowly asking questions
Mysteries of a lifetime
Hold me with all your heart
Share the joys of your life

If I could I would give you the world
I will make it your playground
Where you can find love and kindness
If justice is served then be the first to taste it
All I want is the world for you

She sings for love and excitement
Adventures and truth-or-dares
They are her playthings for the weekend
To see her is to watch a burning star

She will tell you her deepest secrets
Perhaps an hour after the happy hour
In her company you will finally understand
How to be bright and dark at the same time

For, after all, she is the moon

I could sing you a love song
About the way you say my name
Or the day you told me everything
I never knew I needed to know

There is no fun in that, though
So run your mouth all over me
Till we get lost in each other's rhythm
We have until dawn to work it out

At night before we fall asleep
He tells me he is in love
Sometimes it is easy to believe it
But lately I cannot tell
If it is with me or merely a dream

All the world's a stage
And I am your entertainment
Tell me the kind of show you want tonight
I will give you my best performance
No need to ask for encore at the end
This medley of mine will keep you alive
Nobody does it better the way I do
I will win your award
You will give me my reward
Let the curtains close
And set your wonders free

A man can talk and share stories of his yearning and mad love and heartbreak and recovery and you would applaud him for showing vulnerability. He is being human, you would say. He is showing that even the strongest could feel deeply, you would say.

A woman can talk and share her stories of longing and being in love and heartbroken and eventually moving on to find the real true love and you would call her whiny and weak. You are supposed to be strong. Your life is not supposed to be defined by a man. Be tough.

Oh, yeah. We are so weak and sad and pathetic.

Take me by the hand and show me all your secrets. I want to know every little one. Tell me a story about your childhood hero, how much you love your mother, what you think about the corrupt government. Say everything you want to say; allow me to take it all.

We can sit and talk all night long. We can hold hands and tell each other lies, absurd and silly. We can make believe that we are in love, that we are meant to be, that the night is young and so are we. After all, there are times when I think it is what we need.

If falling asleep is what you want, then so be it. We can make a fool of ourselves and we can judge each other. I can put my lipstick on while you take off your shirt -- or we can keep everything on. It's all up to you.

We are good the way we are; not perfect at all but enough for each other. We are different but some things within us are just the same. You don't yell at others while I don't throw sticks and stones. Let others do what they want and let them wonder what goes behind closed doors; we are good with the way we are. We can do everything, or nothing at all, with each other.

I don't want you to fix me
And I don't need you to tell me I'm worthy
I know that some things aren't meant to be
I'll have my own drink when I'm thirsty

You don't need to say you're sorry
When we know the fault is mine
You could ask me for a helping hand
I don't mind to give an effort to it

If you think I'm all about that glam and glitter
I think you're mistaking me for someone else
It's fun and mesmerizing but it's not everything
You know I just want you to love me enough

I don't want you to love me more than yourself
'Cause you know love's about loving you too
I don't need to be in control all the time
So long as I know you love me and it's enough

Hold me when I'm breaking but that is all
Stay when I'm feeling low but let me rise again
I don't want you to fix me like I'm broken
'Cause I'm whole enough for myself

So let me be who I need to be
I'll fix myself with you by my side
I don't ask you for anything else
I just need you to love me enough

Never thought I'd be that kind of girl but baby, you deserve everything: the good, the bad, and all the ***** laundry.

You will always rise
Fall you may, once in a while
The ground is cold and hard
So is the heart of the mountain
Unyielding but a home to thousands
Is not your heart the same, love?
How many have you kept within yours?
Have you not given them strength?
Your tears are not the ocean
But your spirit is
Come back to where you belong
The world and its circus
This is your playground, your stage
Put on your show and take a bow
All you need to do is rise

I am both a young woman with sass
And a little ******* the verge of crying
They are both who I am
If you cannot handle both
You deserve none of me

Sing her body electric
Write her love letters
Take her downtown
Bring her fresh flowers
Ride her to the seaside

Keep her awake all night long
Watch as the stars turn into her eyes
The sound of her breath growing dim
Her words, disheveled and unruly, all yours

Fall asleep next to her
Better yet, let her dream in your arms
She is the one you have chosen
So why are your fingers reaching for mine
Every night in your dreams?

I saw him and I felt something, almost like love, but it wasn't love at all.

I'd tell you every little thing I want you to do to me.
But it wouldn't be fun, no?
Let's see if you can hear it through my songs.
I bet you want to know all the ways I can sing through the weekend.
Nights, days, in bed, after coffee, everything and everywhere.

Do you listen to my songs
And hope that one day
I will sing your body electric?

Do you listen to my songs
And imagine my voice
Saying your name again and again?

Do you listen to my songs
Because my soul speaks to yours
Or am I just another one-hit wonder?

If you look at me like that
I think you should say something
Like a nice little hello from an old friend
Or a nod or a smile from an old flame
I did not ask much and you know I never did
Only a time of your day for us to be at ease
And say the things that are better left unsaid
For we would rather be regretful than left wondering
Of a time and love that could have been
But simply never meant to be
If this is the game you want to play
Then count me in and I will play by your rules
Watch me as I spin and dance in disgrace
If I fall I will rise again from the ashes
I am more than the love you had for the sun

It's funny how three weeks of not seeing him could change a lot of things. Three weeks of me focusing on other things, being with other people, seeking other opportunities. Three weeks of losing him to life.

I saw him, finally, after three weeks. He was truly someone I remember him to be. He had his passion and vision and charisma. He did what he loved. I had done whatever possible to be distracted.

I saw a side of him I had chosen to overlook for the past few months. One of the biggest reasons I knew I did not want to be with him, long before I even truly fell in love with the man that he is. His passion was like fire, burning through his veins and igniting the flames within me. His fire not only gives life but also burns too deep. One day the flames he put inside me will be the cause of my sorrow and resentment. Would I want that? No.

My love, you are loved and cherished, make no mistake. But just as you who decided to let go, I am now closer to letting go as well. You're about to lose me and I know that's exactly what you want and what I need.

I want to lay my head on your chest
As you sing to me something from your childhood
In each other's company our souls are bare
Your heart accustomed to the rhythm of mine
And your fingers messing up everything that I am
We are a dance of our own making
In sync while the world goes out of tune
Only you and me into the oblivion

At the touch of love, everyone becomes absurd and silly.

What you want is a broken girl
Whose scattered pieces you want to reassemble
So here's my task for you
Let's see if you can collect the shards
Without getting cut and bleeding here and there

If you find yourself looking for someone
To take you away from your troubles
And make you feel eternal bliss
Then here is a good warning sign above me
I am trouble in the form of an ingénue
My pink plaid shirt caught your attention, I see
What about my baby big eyes looking at you?
"I am your true love, sad and forlorn without you"
There is only me in this world who can make the boys feel like that
What do you want to say about me, baby?
A smart and pretty girl with sad eyes who longs for true love?
You bet that is what I am
And that is who I am
The question is, can you handle the nightmare that I am?
When my cherry pie gets dry and worn-out
I bet you will be the first to call it quits
I know, right?
What a deceptive-looking horror of a girl

I thought love would be tall, dark, and handsome
I thought he would wear glasses and read Sherlock Holmes
I thought he would be listening to alternative music
I thought he would wear blue Vans and play the acoustic guitar
I thought he would be driving a black sedan in the afternoon
I thought he would have the gentlest fingers

Instead, love is tall, dark, and rugged
Love wears glasses from the 90s and reads politics
Love listens to songs I had laughed at and to songs I keep close to my heart
Love owns no Vans but has plenty of worn-out faded jeans
Love rides a motorcycle and, more often than not, the public train
Love's fingers are stuffy, if that is even an accurate term

But love has a gentle heart
He speaks no sweet words but his songs are poetry
He is patient and unyielding and stubborn at times
He is funny and crude and full of life
He lives and writes his existence into my being

But love only comes to me with no intention to stay
Love passes me by without meaning to
Love gives me the chance to love, though perhaps he cannot see me as love
Love had looked me in the eyes years ago, but only now did he truly come to my life
Love came to me when I was ready to welcome him
Love arrived when my heart was full of life for him
And now, love leaves when my heart understands
Love departs with a piece of me that I have given him, willingly and wholeheartedly
Love, too, is finding his own way to let go of love
One fine day, you will find her and I will find you

Keep your eyes on me, my love
The way I always find you in the crowded room
I have come to know the way you love someone
And you have seen what breaks me apart
It is only natural that your fingers reach for mine
While my words become your safety blanket
Have you not found me waiting for you all along?
Have I not found my strength in your arms?

Gentle souls have their own way
Of recognizing each other's existence
Under the burning, unforgiving sun
Expect none from him and you may find
A thousand wonders and surprises
He is not a poet and neither are you
But none of it matters, truly
For yours is the only song he wants to sing

My depression has to stop. Temporarily, at least. For the past two days, at the peak of my depression and hopelessness, I have become incredibly stupid. I have not been using my common sense and I have been constantly forgetful and stupid.

I am used to feeling sad and crying; I am not used to being stupid.

If my depression has made me unable to function as a proper human being, that means this has to stop. I haven't been acting and feeling like the me that I know. I may not be the most intelligent, bright person in the world but I have never been the stupid one.

I have to stop this depression. I really have to. I have to go out and kick some *** and become a rational person again. I am sick and disgusted of my own stupidity.

I need to be saved by someone else, otherwise I might just die.

A rose in bloom by day
A weeping willow by night
Half is what made me love you
Half is what made you leave

Smiles
Laughter
Joy
Love
Kindness
Bliss
Warmth
Hugs
Kisses
Embrac­es
Flowers
Chocolates
Sunshine
Drizzle
Coffee
Tea
Touches
Whisper­s
Hope

There is so much for you to be grateful about.
Even if survival is your only goal today, pride yourself on that.
At the very least, you are strong enough to hold on.