A Loner


Some people just have to be alone,
Not all of us get to find love.
Not all of us can be happy,
Most of us will spend our lives miserable.


But I shall save you from my misery,
I won’t let you end up like me.
For I only bring peace, love and empathy;
Disguised as my love (inside is a disease).


A ball of confusion,
A web woven by the fallen;
The women of past, present and future;
All gang up to tell me I’m a loser.


So **** me please,
I beg for death.
I can’t have love,
So I would rather be dead.
Than live one more second
On this putrid Earth.


It disgusts me,
It sickens me,
I despise having to live in this world.


(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

I am strength.
My whole life I have been looking for stability and support.
Completely blind to the power that I hold.
I told myself that I needed my father.
because not having one means i'm a '*******'
A word that was meant to describe children like me.
But children like me had no choice,
we're subjected to a word because of our parents decisions.
Instead of being subjected to a word that describes ourselves.
I've made it far knowing he didn't want me,
I did this on my own.
So I will not be subjected to the word '*******'
Instead I prefer 'Strength'

Tip toe past my bed
Don’t wake the demons in my head
They only wish me a painful death
Don’t worry
I’ll pretend that they don't exist

They tell me to end it but I refuse to listen
These demons don’t leave until you're submissive

Been tying slip knots in my imagination
Creating a fantasy from my own frustration

Come a bit closer and I'll tell you a secret
These voices speak truths which shouldn't be spoken

I will wait for the day when I can see clearly
Maybe I’ll wait for eternity

My sketch pad, new, empty, unpainted in,
Was somewhere under the pile of stuff,
It’s almost lost, just like my inspiration,
I know where it is, I can point at it,
Just can’t reach it, catch it, box it up in me.

The half empty paint bottles are scattered on the floor,
Right next to the incomplete portrait,
The portrait of the real me,
Pieces missing, face devoid of emotions,
Messing me up, pushing me back into the darkness.

The rain pouring, clearing off the dirt,
On the windows and the world outside,
While I hope something similar happens,
So my insides are cleared, opening me up,
To possibility, to success and failures.

I missed out on a lot of things,
The beauty of the nature, of people,
In happiness, in helping, in kindness,
Something my irritation, frustration and annoyance,
Shielded, perfectly, keeping me out.

The day the portrait is completed,
Is the day I move on, the day I open myself,
The happiest day, the brightest day,
The beginning to my forever, that’s seems lost,
My one true dream!

I feared the unknown,
Of who’s going to pop out when,
Who’s going to **** who,
These TV shows frighten me no more.

I watch it day and night,
I see them rip out throats and hearts,
The blood gushing out from everything,
I don’t look away, but stare right into the screen.

I was scared of the dark,
The ghost behind me, under the bed,
Or someone ready to attack, misbehave,
I don’t look back anymore.

I walk alone all the time,
In a crowd and in deserted hallways,
Mind flashing glossy grave-like images,
Never fearing pain and death.

Monsters chased me,
Molesters haunted me,
Now I fear neither, instead I wonder,
Would I even cry and beg for them to spare me?

I don’t fear it, respect it, value it,
My death, my life, pain nor happiness,
I feel no joy, no tears, nothing,
Why would I want to be spared then?