I feared the unknown,
Of who’s going to pop out when,
Who’s going to **** who,
These TV shows frighten me no more.

I watch it day and night,
I see them rip out throats and hearts,
The blood gushing out from everything,
I don’t look away, but stare right into the screen.

I was scared of the dark,
The ghost behind me, under the bed,
Or someone ready to attack, misbehave,
I don’t look back anymore.

I walk alone all the time,
In a crowd and in deserted hallways,
Mind flashing glossy grave-like images,
Never fearing pain and death.

Monsters chased me,
Molesters haunted me,
Now I fear neither, instead I wonder,
Would I even cry and beg for them to spare me?

I don’t fear it, respect it, value it,
My death, my life, pain nor happiness,
I feel no joy, no tears, nothing,
Why would I want to be spared then?

I walked into a church today,
One I wanted to visit for days,
I passed by it, saw the huge doors open
Inviting me in daily, but I just didn’t go in.

I’m a Hindu by religion,
Indian by birth,
I have an older sister,
My mom and my dad obviously.

Why am I telling you this?
Well because I’m everything but
Happy, calm and sorted,
Just angry, irritated and anxious.

They fight, my mom and dad,
They love each other, or maybe they don’t,
But they fight and argue,
They don’t hold back on concern either.

They talk a lot, my sister and him,
The guy she’s seeing but not dating,
The guy she’s serious about but hasn’t met,
She’s always on the phone, sharing every bit of her life.

I entered the church,
Felt nothing, felt the same as usual,
No excitement, disappointment, nothing,
Temples don’t help either.

I love my family, they love me back,
They care and support me, a lot!
I don’t want it most of the times,
It both keeps me alive and suffocates me.

They are always there,
Standing right by me,
If not in person, then by spirit,
Always a call away.

I talk to them every day, thrice,
Twice at least, message my whereabouts,
It’s a habit, a want, a need
To let them know everything about me.

They are fighting now,
I got an email this time,
Not a phone call, nor message,
Mom lied, that she’s got her migraine.

Dad’s left the family WhatsApp group,
Blamed it on the work stress,
But I know better, we all do,
I may be the youngest, but I’m 20.

My sister’s fed up with me,
Well she’s not the only one,
I shout, scream, screech rudely,
Loudly, with no sane reason.

I know I need help,
We all do, for anger,
To love and feel loved,
But it’s never going to happen.

I am a psychology student,
I want to let the world know,
With my research that depression and anxiety,
Can’t be beat with medicines nor by expressing.

My sister’s a Human Rights student,
Who wants to help people,
Support and care for them,
You can’t, nothing will end human suffering.

We are the sole cause of it,
Human suffering, the ones with fuel,
The ones with the extinguisher,
Yet, each time we choose poorly.

My family is broken, ******* up,
It’s surviving on a thin string,
But it won’t break, ever,
We’ll all just drift apart.

I go to sleep every night,
Promising to make tomorrow better,
To do all that I want to
Better myself and my life,
And allow myself to be happy.


I wake up each morning,
Once again, making the same
Hollow promises as last night,
To make everything right tomorrow,
Each time failing to act on it.


Every afternoon following,
Leaves me drained,
Irritated and frustrated,
Begging and praying to the God,
I don’t seem to believe in anymore.

Every sip of my evening coffee,
Brings through my head,
Ideas to express myself,
To know my self and help,
Baseless promise with it.

Her heart swelled, gut wrenched
A splitting head ache took over her worried mind,
Eyes burning with unshed tears,
It was happening again,
The same feeling she felt,
Like getting lost alone in a desert,
Or stuck alone anywhere,
Alone but among strangers,
All because she felt over-looked,
Again, for the hundredth time this month,
By friends, family and even strangers.

Her hands shivered,
Legs wobbled, Knees almost giving out,
As she carefully walked out,
Away from the celebrations and cheers,
The same that felt utterly lonely,
The one that felt panicky,
She was lost, On her way to recovery,
She got lost again in the darkness, the jealousies,
The feeling of being forgotten, drew her away from
All the brights in her life, straight into the black,
She strayed from the dream to live peacefully.

She fell in love for the first time,
With the guy who shared her mother-tongue,
She felt every emotion towards him,
The way the leads of the Romantic movies felt,
She got lost in his conversations,
Over thinked everything,
She got up, thinking of him,
Slept, dreaming about him.

Her fragile heart cracked,
When her best friend confessed to liking him,
The friend who made a card for valentines,
While she forgot, lost in her thoughts,
Her best friend, who had a the courage to,
Confess her feelings to his face,
Holding out the card hopefully,
While she stood rooted, broken.

She felt her heart break for the first time,
Just like the female lead did,
When he accepted her best friends card,
And kissed her cheek with a toothy grin,
All while they were happy and she was sad,
As if nothing happened, she gave a smile,
Joining into the group.

They say your heart is the size of your fist,
But I don’t understand how such a small thing,
Can bear to stand a million thoughts,
And a million more secrets,
Always stuck inside, without a way out.

They never told me how big my mind would be,
But it’s the same as my heart,
Brimmed with secrets and guilts,
Embarrassments, unshed tears and
Everything I never could appraise.

They never knew about the thousands,
Of unfinished diary entries,
Each time, the same,
Somehow seeming impossible,
To write my mind out.

They didn’t care about the tears,
Which just wouldn’t fall,
No matter how hard I hurt myself,
No matter how much my heart ached,
Leaving me emotionally detached.

They overlooked my wounds,
Those bleeds that never seemed to seize,
Leaving scars in their wake,
Those that never let me forget,
The life I wanted to leave but failed.