Valya

Valya Oct 2021

Will it ever get easier
Can you tell me if we ever have a chance again
I still care for you so deeply
And I've tried getting rid of these feelings
More times than you could imagine
Yet each time they come back stronger
Is this what love will be for me
A path that I once found and kept
A path I once walked with you
And now a path that I will have to keep walking
But this time alone

It truly feels like you aren't affected by the breakup and it kills me to see that on so many levels i'm happy that youre doing better but I just wish you cared a bit more

#path #ex #heart #sad

Valya Oct 2021

Let Go

Why is it
That every time I try to move on
I end up liking you more again
Every time I think I've found someone else
You pop back up into my mind
Everyone's telling me to let go
And I'm TRYING
But it's so hard

Sometimes it feels like I'm going to grow up like one of those aunties that never got married cause they were stuck on their ex and now just live with their pets lol I wish that I could see the future for my love life sm

#broken #heart #love #ex

Valya Sep 2021

Grace

Can I fall with grace
Can I admit defeat like that instead
I want to flail my arms
Kick my legs
Do anything to fight back against this
But I don't think this battle
Is one for me to win
So can I end with grace

I don't think I have a chance with him again and even though I want to try so so hard I just don't think it's possible so can I just end it off in the prettiest way possible as compensation for my torn heart

#battle #lost #heart #torn

Valya Sep 2021

Who am I

I am Rain
I am unwavering
Sometimes overwhelming
I come and go as I please
I'll calm you down on dreary nights
And then I'll be gone in a glimpse
All I leave behind is a reminder
A warm rainbow to remember me by
But I am also Valya
I am struggling beyond belief
I am avoiding everyone
I cry as night comes
And I wake up with tears each morning
Yet I still smile throughout the day
I never stay in one mood
One moment I'll be as happy as can be
The next I'll be on the brink of death
Which one of these versions am I truly
Am I the one who brings joy, but leaves
Or am I the one who lives in sorrow, but pretend to be ok
Or am I both
Am I just someone who wishes to bring to others
Trying to bring them a happiness that will stay
Something I have not been able to fully achieve
Or am I something else
Because if I am what I say
Why do I hurt them by leaving
Why do I leave after I give them those memories
Why not bless them with more
Am I just afraid of ruining their day once more
I have no sense of self anymore
Only different fragments of a soul that is lost

I just wish I knew who I was better I'm so lost

#identity #loss #lost

Valya Sep 2021

Routine

Wake up
Go to school
Go home
Do homework
Go to the gym
Go to sleep
Repeat

I dont have time for anything anymore i hate it sm

#school

Valya Sep 2021

Blow Your Mind

You see me now don't you?
You see a girl who's struggling harder than ever
But you also see a girl who's the strongest she's ever been
You see a girl who has worked on herself
And is still working
Getting rid of bad habits
And replacing them with new, better ones
A girl who can set boundaries
A girl who can say no
A girl who may be struggling with death
But is still choosing to fight her hardest to stay
You didn't think I could change
But here I am
The girl of your dreams slowly emerging
Flawed, but willing to invest in herself
It's amazing isn't it?
How you never thought I could change
But here I am blowing your mind

I'm getting rid of so many bad habits and even though it was already happening it's been happening even quicker recently and I'm so proud of myself even though I still have a lot of work to do this is such a huge leap

#work #selflove #changing #improvement

Valya Sep 2021

Do you know

Do you know that I wreck my brain every day
Not because of you, but because of the people who raised me
Do you know that I've been trying to get better
Not just for you anymore, but for me too
Do you know that I like you again
Something that wasn't unexpected but is insane
Do you know that you make me so happy
Just you waving back makes me grin from side to side
Do you know that I'm confident now
I can finally look at myself in the mirror without tearing myself down
Do you know that I'm trying to be the person who makes me happy
So that you won't have the pressure of being the only one again
Do you know that even when I'm at my worst mentally
I'm still a better person than I ever was before
Do you know that you're the reason
You're the reason I started to change for the better
Do you know that I'm so thankful
You gave me the push I needed

I'm genuinely so thankful for my ex hes made me into a much better person and i hope that someday i can show this person to him

#self #love