As my playlist plays
The tears roll down
Picture this.
It’s dark
The bass shakes the salt from your tears
His voice calls the water from your eyes
My shirt
Soaked
You’re rolling in the feels
And he isn’t stopping you
I float
And shake
His voice pierced the waves


I’m trying to convey how this song makes me feel and how you and this song give me this same feeling but I just can’t use words to describe this, seasonal sunflower feeling.

swimming against the ocean
that doesn’t make sense we are landlocked

biking up a mountain in the wind
i hate biking

getting my license
because i forgot my ******* indicator

talking to you? about your feelings?
god forbid you actually open up to me

i can’t help anyone these days
swimming against a current
might as well
be the easiest
thing i do

Your eyes, prettier than you say I am
You got your nose pierced and it’s making you harder to resist
Your smile, brighter than our futures combined
But hey! I never would’ve met you if not for our minimum wage jobs
Your rep, worse than the instability you give me
People tell me no, that you just want me for reasons I want people to want me for
But hey
You’re cute and looking at you can’t hurt, can it?

a bucket list for the mind if you will

I picked up the key
I looked at the pencil
I glanced at the razor
I stepped on the glass
                                     And
                                               I
                                                           RESISTED
I Said No



and I lived

I wish you had time for me
I wish i wasn't forgotten


I wish you didn't worry
I wish you would mind your own business


I wish you liked me
I wish you were mine


I wish i was good
I wish you didn't judge


but most of all I wish all of you
noticed

He’s kinda weird
The way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not looking
Do you think he notices
When I do it too?
I kinda like his hair
The way it curls makes me wanna run my hand through it
it’s kinda strange
Why these feelings never came up before?
I wonder

I've been tearing around in my ******* nightgown
24/7 Sylvia Plath
Writing in blood on the walls
'Cause the ink in my pen don't work in my notepad
Don't ask if I'm happy, you know that I'm not
But at best, I can say I'm not sad
'Cause hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have
hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have...

a magnet, with little wooden posts,
and little wooden birds. they sit
stagnant  still  perfect
clay maybe, that stuff from walmart that never dries so you have to cook it in an oven
they never grow old  or weather  on my fridge
ill polish them, make them wish they could sing

My heart flutters every time your name pops up on my phone
when it doesn’t all i want is to be thrown
off the cliff you put me so high up on
why can’t I be free from you

submissive
scared
shocked
shaken
cold
alone
misunderstood
overlooked
hopeful
loved?
warm
safe
sturdy
solid
stable
heard
seen
loved.

why am I
trying to finD
the sin Of
a point iN
the uniT circle
wheN i could be
Eating my lunch
in thE hallway
with frienDs i dont have
and Munching sounds better
thAn all of this ****
That they tell us we need
in stupid matH class

Wandering in the meta verse
Finding a reason to stay awake
Crying when they don’t come
Bored of the time consumer
Tired of living in my skin
Trying a new one is out of the question
A hole is so very difficult to dig
Harder to get out of
The illusion of progress seems like a sick joke
Hating the world so I don’t have to hate myself
Hating the circumstance but not making the change
Do not take anything for granted
Time is precious no matter

I bought a new dress and it makes me look like a lost sock
it fits me well and makes me feel grown, the kind of beautiful you find in a fish with funky spots
descriptively the lost sock has the kind of pattern to make you want to take markers and draw on the wall.
the one you go crazy and see women inside of it
gilman could get lost in my dress
makes me want to hold a microphone and unplug it, so that i can let the voice in my head talk over the others.

sleeping more
eating less
seeing more
feeling less
hearing more
talking less

Soft kneads on the blanket I am under
A tender plop down should feel better
Purr exponentially rattling my mattress
pressure, comfort in presence
Eyes can see into mine
He knows everything I feel
Relentless, get off your phone, love me more
You’d like me to rub the space between your whiskers and your face
Peaceful, you close your eyes
I toss, I turn, you move to rest me
No one cares for each movement as you do
You sleep, curled into a ball
Couldn’t roll, too snug
I see you, your happiness in calm
It consoles me

.
Faint
Overwhelmed
Exhaustion
Turmoil
Somber
Stone
But when I see you
Happiness
Laughter
Desire
Smile
I can push down the rough things
And stay afloat on the feels

i think about just stopping

no apology just change
no explanation just absence
no worries be happy
don’t say, do
no care, love
no love, jump

Looking up
staring down
Heavy hearts only weigh what you feel like
The glass is only half-empty if it was full before
Loss is only a loss if you feel worse
The best thing to say is “at least”
“Well now I get to”
“It’s fine because”
Don’t worry about it
Unnecessary sadness
Think up
Not down

"be yourself"
"no wait"
"stop"
"too much"

page 1

i want a book romance
long
sweet
poetic

i want to be written about
to be described in detail

my hair told with every synonym you can find
my lips a memory you can put into words
barely
my eyes pouring onto a page so deadly staring at the words

our story told with passion and precision
each interaction a transcript to review and lavish in
to hold you and call it beautifully written
love like a story

i want a love to write about
i want a love so robust
it bring the arts out of your fingers

this is what you know, that all things die
all things should cry at some point
all things should know how to pick rocks up and throw them
they should know follow the light that shines during the day, and look under logs to the things that don't.
that all purpose cleaner couldn't be for your brain, that unfinished things chained to the ground will always be shadows up ahead.
that once a ******* your bag breaks, a new strap will be required
that you shouldn't pick wildflowers but sometimes you can't help it.
that love shouldn't come easy but it shouldn't weigh.
that when your eyes sunk into your head, it was time to fill yourself with air.

Notice me
Sit with me
Talk with me
Learn with me
Grow with me
See with me

Know everything about me
How high I like my benches
How green I like my grass
How small I like my spiders

Climb with me
Scratch with me
Fall with me
See where I put my footholds
Bleed where I do

Wash my clothes
Make me food
Finish my thoughts

There’s so few who could, who wants to.
hard to find

oh the places I’ll go
I knew I’d end up where I need
No matter if it’s where I want
No use in fighting it, that hurts
Throw yourself into the waves and teach yourself to swim
Don’t be too scared of the sharks before you’ve laid eyes on the reef
Show them you can, show them you care
Do it out of spite, do it out of hate
Find the drive, don’t crash the car
Get bit, bite back
Return stronger, taller

i want to sit at the bottom of a pool
until the water flows through my lungs and restricts the oxygen from my muscles
leaving me unable to breathe.
gasping for air where there is none
reaching for a life i would rather not return to
warm water

Piano, soft melody plays
A guitar, acoustic growth brings a heart skip
Drum set joins, I dance more noticeably
They skip, drums change rhythm and she begins to sing
It flows, getting louder
a wooden flute takes her place, she sings background,
I rest for a second to remember the words
I roll on my back letting the lyrics consume me
Sing along, talking to the music
I love this song

tais toi chienne

"stop writing like its a book"
but it is
everythings a book
a story
everything should be beautiful and detailed
should flourish with interesting words and patterns
if life was a painting I would use all the colors
if life was a dance i'd throw myself in the air
if life was a cake there would be flowers upon flowers upon garnish and taste, fillings and layers and gold edible sparkles covering it
if everything I do is not gorgeous, then why?

I actually would like some feedback on my latest poem, I spent forever on it hoping everyone would like it but ended up not going anywhere
help me out?

i wasn’t able to recall
what your kiss tasted like
until after you decided you didn’t want me
it taste like heartbreak
and peace
and fear
i wasn’t able to recall
the look on your face that day
until you never looked me in the eye again
it looks like joy
and smirky playfulness
and fun
i wish you knew
how you made me feel
and how i cry
every time i think of your kiss

All the colors have to be different
New strokes of my art say everything i cant
They are new i expect
The change is the only repetitive feature of me

Designs stay the same only because they are different
Old habits happen to be new habits wearing masks
Careening past what i thought i knew into something i know all too well
Same place, different time

Change the lightbulbs
Do your laundry
Love someone

Find disdain in the world
Say its pointless
Try not to believe it

Consume
Give and take
destroy
Cycle after cycle of frustration and grief

Continue, the worst you could do is stop
or keep going with this thought

when I talk it's never the right way
the way that I knew was right before?
when I walk it always sticks out
Did I use to fit in?
I'm in a rut and I can't crawl out
there are ducks all around me swimming smoothly
why am I paddling so hard?

as I do sit-ups,
I ask for a mat
Because my spine
Scrapes
On
The
Ground
I eat
So much
but you cant tell
you only see
The
Scrapes
On my spine
"Eating disorder"
Only if eating
more
than my whole family is a disorder
don't judge me
for my
bony arms
and my
flat ***
DONT judge me
for how hard I try
"Where does it all go?"
"Anorexic"
"Skinny *****"
who the **** gives you the authority to make fun of me
I Hate Myself
for the wrong reasons

we never talked
we never...
I knew stories
I knew...
I loved you
I loved...
I miss your voice
I miss...
the person I knew as you would never hold up in court
its been a year since you left this world
I know more than I knew when you walked with us on this dreadful earth
we never walked
we never...
Did I know you?
I knew...
I loved the way you talked
I loved...
I miss your presence
I miss you
I miss...

what i hate
is when you tell me
that you want to kiss me
and hug me
and cuddle me
right before i go to sleep
so i stay up for an extra hour because
my stomach did the little floppy thing
like i was on a roller coaster
or a trampoline
and my mind racing
as if i had nothing to lose
god.
i love you.

when she left home
she wears skirts past the knee
button-ups only if they have wooden buttons

she has these socks light blue the same shade as her eyes
look like pools at 7:00 pm

she parades around with an emerald stud at the top of her ear
just so you can only see it when you push her hair behind it

her music taste is that of a second-generation hippie with a millennial stepmom
could sit for hours if she had an iPod and a field

all she needs is the clouds and the stars to heed
it's like watching a flower grow and live through the weeds
planted wherever she thought had the nicest sunset

she was sleeping beauty
pricked her finger on a record player

i think of home whenever
i smell my shampoo
i soak in the sun
i see smoke
i am home

i don’t know what home is
home is familiarity
home is blanketed
home is safe
home is you

i feel as if
home is barefoot
home is short hair
home is bonfires
home is young
home is crushing
home is christian
home is swimming
home is family
home is smores
home is the nature club
home is loving to read
home is learning to ride a rip stick
home is painting with my neighbor
home is reading to laynie
home is warm
home is easter with everyone
home is memaw
home is october
home is cozy
home is Sebastian the cat
home is joy the cat
home is pe uniforms
home is 7th grade
home is running
home is coach lang
home is pickles for my history teacher
home is the river frio
home is camping
home is laughing
home is smiles
home is hide and go seek
home is confidence
home is childish blind love
home is not caring

home is home
home isn’t going anywhere
i would never return
home is smoke and smoke and mirrors

I wish the human holding my snow globe would shake it up a little

but what i don’t love is when i tell people about it
it’s shallow
i want everyone to know about it
because there is so much to love in the world
but we lose ourselves on the parts that don’t
and it makes no sense to me why we spend what little time we have loving the things that hurt us
we are here to feel and love and experience and hate and do
we aren’t here to judge
or to tear down
so just love
when i’m not here to say it you need to be able to

mesh days
shaking hearts
still nights but
you’re dripping
dropping
home

so much, is only that you can do
so much, is how much you love me
so much, is how much we hang out
so much, is how you talk **** about people
so much, is how much we get high
so much, is how much this poem *****.
so much is all that I can handle right now

The cars drive by
It’s cold outside
The puddles on the ground
Sterilized my ignorance
Water is water
Ocean spray or the day after blizzard
Feels the same
Imagine a space where it feels better
Be there
Be better
Do it

Sometimes it’s because I have no food
No money to go buy it
No means of transport
Sometimes it’s because I have no time to eat
High school takes up 13 hours of my day not including homework
No time
No time
No time
I’ll just sleep it off
It’s for the best

what do you tell yourself when you feel empty
you know the days
the dark cold numb days
the wide awake empty head nights
the monster inside growls for reason
i have no idea
what do you do on those days
how do you fix the feeling
how do you live when you feel dead
how do you satisfy a need you didn’t know you had
restless repetitive room
thoughts
i have no idea

When I describe the air in the current season I never have the words to Articulate This feeling
Fall
Autumn
Harvest
All hallows
A Season To Be Thankful
The corn
ready to be cut
Or perhaps molded into a maze for the little ones
Pumpkins
Full of spice and flavor for you to smell
Or maybe just to be severed for your porch
The air
Is crisp, refreshing
When you say “it’s nice outside,” this is to what you refer
Is nippy, full
On the edge of Sweaters
     On days I have time I like to lay in the center of the field after practice and breathe
      The air restores my soul, my hope
If nothing else, I love
The air

IF NOTHING ELSE I LOVE
..THE AIR
.
and maybe you:)

she stole my ability
stole my drive
my passion
crashed my car, my heart
love, please