bigger things to broad
the pain is large
the happiness is small
how to find love in a world full of restless people
what do you do when you cant see the beauty anymore, but you know its there
metaphor is too much for my mind
being direct keeps backfiring
i hate it all

ice frozen on the street quiet like sand
crackles of fireplaces match when she steps on the snow
she wants an escape to wonderland with alice herself
fills her days with people she loves, every second busy no space for doubt
leaving their memory of her sweeter than the last, just in case it is just that
she sits down in the street and looks up, sees the massive sky, she’s never looked at the constellations before but tonight the brisk air told her too
she loves the stars, how they are small and yet, more terrifying than any personal shortcoming
she says she loves the quiet and shivers to herself as she begins to put herself in perspective
love is the single greatest invention
she uses it to calm herself
she loves the stars

i love you
coming of age is a natural occurrence
such as riding a bike
and heartbreak
and 4 am nights
learning how to brush your teeth everyday
road trips
no one ever tells you how to deal with the emptiness
we don’t talk about how hollow it is
like a beauty mark never fading
and indescribable pain never felt so numb
because nothing ever happened
i just fell off and crashed and burned and now there’s a hole
they don’t mean to hurt you
it’s just not the same anymore
i’m lost in the woods
finding my way, in the dark
birds are chirping in the distance
but everyday the nights get longer
and everyday the tears get drier
and the bags under my eyes look best when i’m awake
there’s only so many lyrics to sing
and there only so many nights like this
and there’s only so many things to stay for
i am empty and lost in the woods
and i love you no matter what happens

a claw scratches at my throat
I'm trying to speak but it won't go
they're all staring blankly at me
"I don't know" I quivered.
"How does the theme of belonging relate to my life?"
my heart races
my fist clenches
my chest flexes
my fingers tingle
they are all staring at me
I die

a thought happens 72 thousand times a day
right before you close your eyes
the one thing on your mind
oh to be one n 72 thousand

Stopping your car in the middle of the road
Jokes that people laugh at but hate (puns/offensive jokes)
Drugs (but not alcohol)
Wrestling with animals
Eat the entire pizza in one sitting. Alone
Arguing in public
Respect (apparently)
Making your mom jokes to people with dead moms
Being louder than your dad
Existing completely out of spite (as a result of your mom)
Living with your best friend
Ordering an entire pizza and instead of eating it you just lick off the toppings
Jokes about suicide
ellen

Sanity comes with being bothered
Not caring
Not worrying
Not glancing
Checking
Hurrying
Is insane
Relaxation
Is for the psychopaths

Fast flashes fall leaves fly by
I don’t see them until I say to cry
I love my mom
But
I have good grades
I am happy but
I broke my marble

grain, world
Expansion, sudden
New love, new
Take that -nothing matters-I rule the world- I hate everyone-
Bury it
Humble yourself, cry a little, cry a lot
Get bigger, get better
Grow, learn, say everything
say anything

trace the outline of my being

trace my joys and my sorrows
trace my fear of the morrows

trace the way I sit still when you notice me

draw my feeling
draw my love

trace the passion I'm ashamed of

trace me

it's so overwhelming
the work
why do you have to make it worse
the pain
it's so hard to deal with
already
why do you feel the need to
make it worse
I try
try
try
so hard
to impress
but you are never satisfied





are you done torturing me yet

sway, step on mars
play, among the stars
she stood, fray
gay, they dance
only moving, leaves
crushed under happy feet
and so the prose ends

My snow globe of a life, shook up every time I step out of the safe confines of my room
Every word I say a small vibration in the plates of my world, shaking me without consent
I’m trying to stand up straight in the snow the clouds the trash flying all around me
Is this a snowstorm or a tornado i can’t tell if it’s temporary or if the end is close by
Oh so you have your life together? You think you balanced the snow globe just so? It’s the easiest thing for me to just? Get you all, shook up

This world of ours
Is going to break
Our sores
Are more fragile than we thought
The sorrow that we have cause to ourselves
Is our own fault
****
It's all so corrupt
The way we all think
How are we supposed to succeed
When we have to take all this crap from the peers of us
No more
Done
Stop
Stop acting like children
Like immature middle schoolers
Respect eachother

Love
Hate
maybe date me?

Flying up high
in the sky
with the flag
of our pride
don't be afraid

your cup is empty
you pour people
add some job
a little money
sprinkle little things to make it fizz
too much fizz it overflows
to many things added and it becomes a jungle
the cup needs to be washed
cleaned, sanitized, put in the cupboard for a little
open the cupboard, remember that you can make drinks again
cup care is the most important, because if dropped, filled too often
it gets damaged, frail, old
new cups are hard to come by
new cups take time to make once yours is broken
fill it, empty it, wash it, again
empty for too long, you'll get thirsty and dehydrated.
filled all of the time, you'll drown

i’m here as you fall for him
i stand as you gaze into his eyes
i watch as you drift deeper into love
it would be heartbreaking, but it’s my fault
it’s my fault i fell
deep
deep
deep
into his abyss

what if all im good at is this
what if im not even good at it
what if the only thing thats relieving is writing it down
what if i dont get any more than what i am
what if that not good enough for myself
what if im doomed to be restless
to be unhappy
to be the same

What is wrong with me?
Everything is wrong
with you
But at the same time
Everything is right

i don’t have any words
they used to fly around my head looking for a way in
flowing out of my ears
out of my eyes
seeing everything
i stopped and stood on the sidewalk watching the red light
and as i yelled it changed

well i am done
i am done with you
the way you talk
the way you don't care
about me
you *******
go die in a hole
                       l
                       am
                       done
                       with
                       you

I want to know why
I began to cry at the sound of your voice
Why you crossed my mind twice as much
Why I began to fall

when the stars collide,
maybe you'll mind your own buissness,
maybe you'll see that I don't want you intruding on my life
how I don't care if you feel as though we have fallen out
you care for me the wrong way
the way that I think is too much
mind your own business
stop creeeping into my life
stop socializing with my friends
just stop
                                                       At the same time though
                                                I miss how you hold me
                                        I miss how you touch me
                                  I miss how you look into my eyes
                         and say
                "It'll all be alright"
So maybe I don't want you to stop
maybe I just want a different love
one that isn't so tough
one that I can depend on
one that shouldn't depend on me so much


                        I Wish You'd Love Me From Farther Away

I want to know when you stopped smiling when you heard my name
When you began to not care how I was doing all the time
When I stopped crossing your mind at the end of the day
I want to know why

first time
my first love
his first girl
my first real
his first try
please
can i do it right?