I see you staring at me during church
And I pretend not to notice

Your sister is my best friend
And your mother and father love me like I'm their child

Your little brothers and I are close too
And yet you still resent me

I said sorry twice
And you rejected it

I want to talk face to face
And you just glare at me

Four months is a middle length of a relationship
And a year and a half is a long time for a crush

I feel no need to forgive again
And you don't deserve what you don't respect.

We met in January
                                     Seven months ago

You told me I was pretty
                                    Seven months ago

You pushed me away
                                    Six months ago

It was deep, in two places
                                    Six months ago

Green eyes, Brown hair, and a nice smile
                                    Seven months ago

You said that it was going to get better
                                    Six months ago

Vincent, you left
                                     Six months ago

I loved you
                                      Six months ago

Reader,

                                        stay alive
                                   stay alive stay a
                                live stay alive stay a
                                 live stay alive stay
                                    alive stay alive
                                        stay alive

                                        stay alive
                                   stay alive stay a
                                live stay alive stay a
                                  live stay alive stay
                                      alive stay alive
                                              stay alive
                                                stay ali
                                                ve sta
                                               y al
                                              ive
            ­                                 |-/

Stuck in a cycle
like a song on repeat
until you get bored of it.
Thinking nothing else,
nothing new
is ever gonna come.

Stuck in a cycle,
where i get better
then worse
than ever before.

Stuck in a cycle,
yearning for recovery,
but at the same time
wanting to get worse
and worse
until the cycle breaks.

Stuck in a cycle,
never knowing
if and how it will end.

Why does having food in my stomach
Feel like I failed

Ugly ugly girl
You try so hard, but it never works
You paint your face to make it clear
You wear lashes so your eyes are big
And line your lips so they look full
You even try to fix your nose
The curl in your hair is to match your face
And the hairspray so it doesn’t go away
Lastly perfume so they say you smell sweet
Yet even with the money you pay
Or the time you spend
Stroking, drawing, blending for perfection
You still seem so broken
Like you’ve always been
It never goes away no matter how hard you try to cover it
Ugly ugly girl
You try so hard but it never works
You will never stop aching to be pretty
So you can be put back together

I thought I found My Thing
The one I'm the best at.
That girl walks in,
just at day one.
She's talented,
pretty, perfect,
better.

All my years of hard work
crushed.
Within seconds.
I'm not good enough.
Ever.
Am I?

Every time I think I found My Thing,
it gets taken away from me.

I know I'm selfish but
why
only for one time,
Can't I
be the best?