𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 //
  𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝𝐬
𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬
  𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝
𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬
  𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬
𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬

𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞'𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮.


~ eli.

I don't want to go to heaven
If i am going to be identified
there by my caste, color and religion.

Bethink of times I hurt for you
I weeped for you
Because it made a difference that I loved you
For to love it's to hurt and now
I don't cry
I don't hurt and I don't love, not the way I did before
Tragic to me
Because no one will ever have that part of me
It's inside of you forever
Tangled up with your own bluebird
And they're keeping each other warm while you lock them up
Caged and beaten like what we had
But you keep them close
Because you know
They make you come alive and when I come back around, you can't control that because
You want to be alive
My saddest story, my endless poem
Beautiful in animation
Ceasessly blind to nature's creation
But oh, you see it
You know what you are
That's why you hide yourself
You hurt me because you were sad and afraid
And now you're just sad and afraid inside of yourself
By yourself
And you will be this forever
Where ever you are, whoever you're with
You're alone
But I am still here and I can still make someones sun beam
You keep those birds
Abuse the hell out of them and yourself until the end of time
I still have my heart in all the rain and shine
A wise person might say, forgiveness could be be divine
But they never played your game
I'll always miss you because
I have a heart
More than anything, you have my deepest sympathies
You're so sad it makes me want to hurt for you
To cry for you
But I don't cry
I don't hurt and I don't feel for you...
Not the way I used to

there are so many of you
that i would love to sit down with;
maybe over a milkshake and a plate of fries;
and just talk.
i want to ask you about the boy that hurt you,
about the anger you feel deep inside
over a father who said he’d come back...
and then didn’t.
i want to run with you through pages of words and say
“oh that’s right, what a lovely metaphor.”
i want to see all your smiling faces and
thank each and every one of you for showing me kindness,
for saving my life.
i want to collaborate on novels of poetry
and laugh with you through the tears of our pasts.
so until we sip those milkshakes and eat those fries...
thank you, to
some of the most beautiful people i have never met.

your burden to bury
in a casket of gray.
your heart is wary
since that autumn day.

your vow was spoken
under silver moon.
your promise, broken
unexpectedly, too soon.

your farewell has come
before a given chance.
til death do us part.
you may have the first dance.

-- r.s.