i have been writing a lot recently,
all about the same thing.
i can't unsee your bright blue eyes
or the small gap between your two front teeth,
that you hate so much but i love so dear.
i can't forget the words you said,
and the song you named after me.
those words which are now out under a different name
for the rest of the world to hear.
the words that used to be my favorite song became the melody
i hated the most.

but,
at the same time, i'll do anything to hear your voice.
and no matter how mad i am, i can't stay that way forever.
i see you smile once and i fall all over again.
i don't think it's fair that i think about you,
when i know **** well you aren't thinking of me.

i spoke to your mom recently.
she said you've been doing just fine.
how nice.
she also mentioned how you talk about me.
why talk about me instead of talking to me?
i know you write about me too.
she told me one of your band's new songs is about me,
and i have a feeling i know which one it is.
it made me cry the first time i had heard it.

i've tried moving on.
i've tried singing it away.
i've tried writing it away.
i even tried seeing other people.
but somehow,
my mind always comes back to you.
it's always going to be you.

How could I have been so close
Yet so far away
The gap in the distance is more intense than I'd actually like to say
It feels like almost yesterday, where the smiles or frowns that came around
Never settling in the crest we call a "face"
It wasn't as fake as it was now
The warmth of your smile turned the mood around
Even if it was disappointing I couldn't help but try a bit harder for the sake of being friends
Cause that's what they do, staying true,
yes true
Not saying I've caught them in a lie
It just feels a little blue, on the other side
I wish I could hold your hand, just to adore
This, space that we once had
It's not the same years later and I know things have changed
Again this isn't a plead for help
Just my old thoughts into an expression
Takes it like the old way of written out confessions
If I had to be convicted Id be in for a long sentence
Like the, I broke a promise and left without saying a word,
Sad how we make it seem like it was the another's fault that we're this way...
Though in the end, it was selfish actions... selfish actions...selfish actions...and self-indulgence
That pushed the gap and broke the space apart
Id like to say sorry as a start in the right way
Though I don't think that would mend the nasty tear that's been every slowly gashing
We've been on the rocks thrashing about in a glass cup smashing with fruit juice and *****
I remember the sweet cheers of that kiss and the hard rocks on the bed
I understand it, I do
I lived in the misery of your happiness that shined through
I wanted to use your opening and vent without considering what your feelings meant
That this was a special event, and I wasn't just getting experience but giving it too
Where sweet words never left the heart
Where promises were meant to last
I formally apologize,
I can't take it away for what has happened
But I'll keep moving forward regardless of forgiveness
I don't expect to walk back into a life that I created so many problems for
And I understand completely if these words cannot pierce through like a sword
It's no point that way

Wait in your eyes
Looking out of window
Few minutes seem like forever

That restless walk
That slight nod of head
The noisy and the sensitive

The nearing footsteps
The wait is over
Door opens and you're in my arms

"My four legged friend
Your treats are here
And yes I love you too!"

there are so many of you
that i would love to sit down with;
maybe over a milkshake and a plate of fries;
and just talk.
i want to ask you about the boy that hurt you,
about the anger you feel deep inside
over a father who said he’d come back...
and then didn’t.
i want to run with you through pages of words and say
“oh that’s right, what a lovely metaphor.”
i want to see all your smiling faces and
thank each and every one of you for showing me kindness,
for saving my life.
i want to collaborate on novels of poetry
and laugh with you through the tears of our pasts.
so until we sip those milkshakes and eat those fries...
thank you, to
some of the most beautiful people i have never met.