I loved you but I felt hurt
I cared for you but I needed it more
I listened but instead I got angry
Your pleasures are my pain
Your friends are my enemies
Your ways are what I stand against
Your habits are my fears
So then why did I fall so deep
I know opposites attract but I feel stuck
I feel forced to be someone I'm not
I wanna be with my kind.. so that even whilst we cant be together we know the pain of being us
I wanna find my North Pole not a south

I dont know why I feel this way
I dont know what made me become this way
All I do know is that its not normal

Has life pushed me so hard I have become unrecognisable
or has life pushed and I stood strong
or was I just a different seed from the begining
Is there a difference?
Does it matter?

Im still the odd one out
The treadmill of life just got faster
and I'm really unfit after quarantine...
wonder if the mask will slip off while im running

lunar

RED RED ‘O RED’
You come too often now
I thought you died when I moved
I thought you left when I stopped reading the news
I thought I murdered you when I shut my ears
But you are back
Why did I deny your existence in the first place?
Why did I want you dead?
Knowledge is power but it is also red
I am afraid of red
When red comes it shows me how ***** the world is
But maybe it’s time to face it instead of running
Maybe I need to find a colour to drown it with
Maybe red can be power
Maybe red is misunderstood
Maybe red is the colour of standing up against oppression
What if red is the bridge to a new colour
If that is the case, I hope we all feel a minute of red
I hope we can feel the world as one
I hope red doesn’t stay
But for now,
Red is 2020s new colour

lunar

Why did you make me laugh
Why did you take care of me
Why did you make me feel
When it was never me...

Why did you give me hope
Why did you make me love myself
Why did you show me light
when it was never for me....

Why couldn't it have been me....

I can't define you
And I can't throw you
I don't think I can really use you either
You don't really talk
You don't even do
You just are
And I a doll in your game
But lol I ain't one to loose
so lets play another round

Hey..
Sorry and thank you
I have so many words but none to explain what you do to me
Or should I say did to me

Thank you for the times, I never realised how much I needed them
Thank you for being by my side, when no one else cared
Thank you for filling the gap humanity created
Thank you for the laughs, smiles, stories and long nights I awaited

I would never forget or replace these memories
But I hope time takes them away
And I hope someone else comes my way

Im sorry it didn’t go anywhere
Im sorry I never reached you like you did to me
Im sorry for overthinking

Im sorry your folder wont open again cause I don’t crave to see you
Im sorry your messages will wait cause they don’t race my heart like they used to do

Im sorry you aren’t the centre of my world anymore
Because I found me again
So thank you for making me realise who I am