I wanted to explore your mind
When all you wanted was to explore my body.  
Was it even real?

You Lured me in with your
beautiful words that made
me feel so whole. I felt so
lucky.

Then out of nowhere it
was just pure silence.
I can't tell you how many
times I would pace back
and forth constantly checking
my phone and felt sick.

You faded in and out of my life
like a ghost, messing with my
head. Filling it with empty
promises and false hope.

you brought me so much
pain and confusion. For
months I would feel
like I was getting picked
up only to get knocked
back down.

but not matter what every time
your name popped up
my stomach got butterflies.
you always knew how to make
me feel weak all over again.

When I look in the mirror
I don't recognize the
person I see. My mind
feels like it doesn't
belong in my body.
It fills my bones with
sadness. I just want
to feel at home again.

I met you when I was broken
I thought you could fix me
and pick up the pieces.

With you I went in hard
and at full speed.

I was so blind,too
blind to see what was
happening. It felt like I was
driving with my eyes closed
and crashed.

I thought you
were good for me, but really
you were a band aid covering
my wounds, at least for the
time being.

I never thought
you would be the one to make
my scars deeper. You got distant
I became too clingy. You constantly
put me down and controlled who
I was allowed to see.

Constant nights
filled with screaming and ending
with my eyes feeling waterfalls.


Your words felt like venom, poisoning
my mind.  I was just a puppet and you
were the master.
Who knew pretty boys could be so ugly.

My thoughts are like rain. They start off slowly like a drizzle, I feel the emptiness start to take its course through my body
The rain gets harder.
The terrible racing thoughts go through my brain like knives.
Being convinced I'm not good enough, That nobody wants me around, There is thunder rumbling through me. The tears start coming out of my eyes. I can't move, I can't breathe, I start to feel numb. Soon there is a hurricane going on in my head destroying everything in its path.
My confidence, my beliefs, my dreams.
Everything gets shattered.
My eyes are so filled up with water my vision is blurry
and I just want this storm to pass so I can experience the
sunshine once again.
To feel the warmth of happiness.
But every time I do the rain cloud immediately
comes and starts to pour on me and drowns me in these evil thoughts. Over and over again.
My head is pounding, I want to scream But I
feel like no one would hear me because of how
loud this storm is. This happens every night
and every day I try to get stronger to beat this rain
so I can have more sun.