i always hoped i was kind
But what if
i'm just scared
Of being alone?

i've always been told i was sweet.
But maybe
i'm just selfish
And want to be loved?

i always thought it was automatic
But maybe
i'm just programmed
To manipulate them?

i always hoped i could love.
But if not,
Then they don't deserve
The machinations of a clockwork heart.

So maybe I should let the gears
Grow rusty and break down.
At least this way, They'll see
It was just a program...
It was never actually Me.

Check - work nine-to-five, eat, sleep, draw again.
Surviving the day, nothing more, c'est bien.

Or call - easy choice for the hand you were dealt.
Just settle for average; win, lose; both unfelt.

If you need to, just quit; to accept it, just fold.
Be resigned to your fate; easy just isn't bold.

If not, you might lose; see pain, heartbreak, and death.
Bracing for blows that will knock out your breath.

So you didn't call a bluff, didn't sees players who cheat?
Or they raised you too much, now you're feeling the heat.

And life may be a *****, she deals hands unfair.
She's the muscle who beats you; detached, doesn't care.

But here's the kicker, dear life's only tell -
There's so much more out there; fight right to the bell!

'Cuz quitting the game after one bad beat?
You'd risk every win, for fear of defeat?

Not even one pair? Means no partner for life?
No falling in love, no taking the dive.

I guess if you're scared, that's a dangerous risk
Probably not worth the bet.

No three of a kind? No partners in crime?
No best friends for life, no slowing down time?

I guess that you're busy, with your job, for your cheque.
Probably not worth the bet.

And no full house? Means no family to kiss...
No building your future, no dogs, and no kids?

I guess it's hard work to lay down those bricks;
Probably not worth the bet.

No royal flush? No laughter, no tears?
No joy and no sorrow, no fun and no fears?

I guess if the bad scares you more than the good,
Probably not worth the bet.

For you, at least, that all may be fact.
You'll hold back your gambles, buy-in if you're backed.

You save up your chips for just the right hand,
And don't see that they are all equally grand.

For life may be cruel, but she gives loans for chips,
So keep playing the game until your luck flips.

So, me? Hit me, life. I'll stick out my chin.  
In this game we're playing?
Hell, I'm all in.

Rain on windows
Is seeing something...
Hearing something...
Knowing it has happened...
But it doesn't touch you.

So how can you feel it?
Should you feel it
streak down your face?

Or is that just a hallucination?
Something you want to feel, but shouldn't?

For it is not a thing you want to be a part of.
But still, it's one you really just want
To trade, that is.
So they might take your place

In the chrysalism of detachment.

Do you ever wonder
if maybe
other people
feel
just a little more than you do
?

Vague thoughts
barely identifiable feelings
if I have any

Not depressed
not sad enough

Not unhappy
that would be too strong

Dysphoric, maybe

Distant, sure

But mostly just

not


quite


there