Maria Land

Maria Land Oct 2018

I once thought you were the Sunshine post rain,
And I tried every day to be for you the same,
You were lost when I found you, I think you're lost still,
I wish that you felt the kind of love that I feel,
Take off your costume, take off your mask,
Show me the real you is all that I ask,
My heart would rejoice when you made my phone ring,
Now when you call all my heart does is sting,
You took my pretty heart, you took my pretty face,
All you left is pretty hurt, what a pretty waste,
Now to escape this maze I engineered inside me,
But my architecture is flawless, there are no exits to see,
I patiently wait for you to unlock this door,
I Surrender, I give up, you have won this war,
If you release me, if you set me free,
Just know all along I loved you completely!

#honey #love #hope #poetry #abusive #relationship #pure #true #raw

Maria Land Oct 2018

Melting

A few words can turn it on,
A few more can set it off,
Then all my walls are gone,
Open to your scornful scoff,
I'm a challenge not a chore,
Give me some and i want more,
Give me kisses, give me hugs,
You're the ******, I'm the drugs,
Its been awhile since I've had affection,
I'll add you to my hearts collection,
I can't explain you won't understand,
Never on purpose always unplanned,
You might be an angel sent from above,
Now you're stuck with my heart and you're stuck with my love,
I doubt my heart from time to time,
My mind tells me there's no way you'll be mine,
I'm always ready for disappointment,
I like to stay vacant plus you cant afford rent,
This all makes me happy but it makes me insane,
If you take my heart, then with you it remains!

#love #poetry #hope #new #imtrying #myheart #muhr #illbeok

Maria Land Oct 2018

Into

My mind is so full of clever tricks and I believe them to be real, so I give up and it's bullshut! I can't be your hero please don't put that heavy burden on me, it's flattering but surely not fair.
Please decode my mind even though I don't explain or share, I stare!

#into #hope #bpd #love #new #imtryingmybest #poetryhelps #muhr

Maria Land Oct 2018

Dox

I only saw four girls when I came to be,
I wish I saw a boy but the only boy was me,
A man showed up but not for long, he gave me up cause he was wrong,
My mom I love her but she left me to,
I need her more than my sisters do,
I hear people talk but the worst isn't true,
I know my mom loves me and I love her lots too,
Sometimes I remember when we smiled and play games,
I really need my mom's hugs No hugs are the same,
I cannot forget her for her love is the key,
God all I pray is one day mommy's with me!

#therapy #son #adoption #cyf #unnecessaryproblem #myson #maddox #love

Maria Land Oct 2018

White Deer

I'm Going On The Run,
Watching silos in the Sun,
Trying to find a place to hide,
From the evil that's inside,
Corn fields in the landscape,
Let's give in more take,
Thoughts they fill my head,
Try to distract them instead,
The woods are dark and baron,
So I just can't stop staring,
4 hours from my home,
I feel so all alone,
Cry myself to sleep,
For the company I keep,
I hope you enjoyed your stay,
I made it through another day!

#muhr #new #rehab #love #hope #quickdrop #peace

Maria Land Oct 2018

Chaos

Every word you say is a bullet, an arrow, a dart,
Each said with careful precision pointed directly at my heart,
I think I'm bright enough to realize this is exactly where you aim,
But do you shoot at me and angles or do you always hunt the same,
I know how this ends for me, deep sadness with depression to follow,
But until then please free refill every dark crevice, every hollow,
It's exhausting when your feelings are born in compliments and text replies,
And all future plans and happy smiles rest in anticipated when's and curious why's,
I routinely drown myself in endless thought showcasing every possible scenario,
My vulnerable reflection with calculated filters is a rare appearance few ever know,
Please know I'm only quietly complicated because that's my procedure for life,
And in the vast spaces and covert corners of my mind violence is conveniently rife,
Ultimately I'll allow your arresting eyes to win over common sense and Native wit,
Yet still loyally protest and grieve your lust when what I get is what I get!

#new #trying #frommyheart #mony #original #muhr #givemehope

Maria Land Oct 2018

Jeffrey

I have been weak for years, and you knew it,
We could have changed our lives but you blew it,
We could have ruled the world but you gave up,
Now I'm packing on armor to brave up,
I've worked so hard trying to earn your love,
Put you above all through all things and thereof,
I let you tear my esteem down and doubt my own mind,
Made me cry everyday but kept me hopeful and blind,
I'd do anything to keep you even at my expense,
You tore down all my feelings and tore down my defense,
Yet after all this my heart is still yours,
Everyday I still search for answers and cures,
Should I still try or do I give up and leave?,
Do I accept the truth or stay completely naive,
Have mercy on me please stop all of this, just assure me you care with a hug and a kiss,
Hold me once more let me remember your touch,
I know that right now I love you that much,
I have to let go I have to move on,
But only you have my heart from dusk until dawn,
Please be my red and take away all my blue,
I think I just realized your love isn't true,
Just know that mine is it always has been,
So now I know without doubt when I lose you I win!

— The End —