How can someone just disappear,
Cease to exist?
What happens after death?
Do they really appear in our dreams? Arent dreams nothing but our desires?
What does it mean for a heart to stop?
If your heart stops beating then how can you be there for me?
How are u next to me when I don’t feel you?
Is this why I feel empty and unloved?
Because you're not there.
After death,
You cease to exist.

I'm chasing death
To find you.
To find your love again.
In this world, you left me alone.
I need your love back.
Please wait for me.
I need to know your their,
Don't let death take you.
Don't let death make it seem like you don’t exist,
You live within me,
Use my strength and come back.
Come be next to me again.
I'm lonely in this cold world
with a heavy broken heart that goes unloved.
please come back.
Or at least wait for me,
For I believe death will be upon me soon too.

My mind wants one thing
My heart wants another
And for my eyes, well they lay in the middle seeking to please them both
My mind orders my eyes to close and stay closed
But my heart orders for them to open to see you
When my heart takes over my mind gives in
When my mind takes over my heart gives in
For my heart sees nothing but unconditional love for you
But my mind sees the reality of the fact I cannot take a chance with hurt for now.
My mind will not risk letting you into my life in the fear you will hurt me
And my heart will not stop beating to be closer to you and loving you
As for my eyes, it sits, and watches this race
Heart vs mind who will win…….

My whole adolescence I had hope
But all my prayers went unanswered
All my dreams faded
Black and white
Forgotten
My childhood wasn’t an art piece
It was broken crayons on my school desk
It was fear
Hatred
Love
Tears
Blood
I had no idea what normal was
Chaotic coincidences made up my memories
Memories
They burn like having a cigarette put out on your tongue
Terrible brain connections
I hate my memories
I wish I could forget
Wake up from the nightmare of
Begging to be recognized
For forgiveness
I needed you
Needed somebody to see that I was hurting bad
But you were just like the rest
Blind of the truth
Believed the fabricated stories
Trust
It’s a word with a bitter taste
You have it, then lose it within a matter of seconds
1 second...trust is gained
2 seconds...it’s gone
Snap of a finger
Blink of an eye
My dear friend
I love you like there’s no tomorrow
I adore you
All your perfect imperfections
But love is never an easy emotion
Loving is really a bipolar feeling
Happy one second
Hateful the next
Crying one minute
Laughing the next  
But my friend let me tell you
One little secret
I’ve been thru hell and back
But that little thing called hope
It still keeps me going

I looked into the forest
An urge of wanting to run through the trees sparked through my mind.
Run without ever stopping
till it becomes the very last memory of my disappearance.
I'll go into the places men have never been
The dark places men fear
For darkness is where depression hides
I'll Watch from a distance how the absence of my existence affects the ones I love.
Life will move on.
The absence of one person doesn't make the world wait.
While I await life to move on,
I turn green with the sickening surrounding of nature,
Depression keeps me company and away from the fruits of survival(food).
The ground beneath me becomes colder by the day.
And as time comes were I am forgotten enough from the hearts of the ones I care about,
my heart becomes empty from the absence of their love.
Depression
my only friend
takes pity on me.
fills the emptiness in my heart with darkness and lead my heart to a state of tranquility
As my heart goes
Beat-beat, beat-beat
Beat-beat
Beat
And then
Silence.