I had no right to make you watch
whilst i toyed with my life
pushing the boundaries
desperately searching for an escape from
this confining skin

Making you watch me bleed yet refusing help
denying any wrong
taking no responsibility for the consequences of my actions

You unknowingly became a part of my game
without consent i latched onto you
dragging you down

Asking questions that had no right answer
blaming you for my thoughts
pleading for answers that you never held

I expected some outward force to save me
not recognising that i held the answers within
i possessed the antidote from the beginning
i was simply unwilling to use it

I saw my lifeless body
and yet i mocked it
letting violent
self-degrading
words and thoughts
carve into my soul
destroying my self-esteem
making myself truly believe
that i was
unlovable
worthless

I am sorry i made you watch
whilst i slowly disappeared
abusing the body
you spent 9 months carefully constructing
starving it of nutrients
becoming nothing but
hollowed out bones and translucent skin

I am sorry that i made you watch
whilst i slowly killed myself

I will not miss the way you made me feel
how my bones constantly ached, struggling to keep me upright
how exhaustion seeped from my pores
each day more of a struggle than the last
The cold penetrating through layers of clothes and thin flesh
unable to experience the warmth

I will not forget
how confusion constantly clouded my mind
experiencing the world through a thick fog
my thoughts intrusive and incessant
capable of only focusing on a singular concept

you extinguished the life in my eyes
stripping me of my identity
purging my substance
leaving only a hollow shell
unrecognisable
empty

Your words were meant to break me
taming me so that I was easier to swallow
chaining me to you
but I refused to become a slave
to yet another master
whose eyes greedily undressed women
and hands invaded lands they had no claim to

These limbs of mine
were not made to be shackled