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Alexander T Sep 2018
Death says to me
Come here my boy,
I'll take you away

I think, "I can finally flee"
I am not playing coy
The pain will go away

I love the idea of living
But the pain wont go away
Just like a knife to the heart
And I dont want to live
Feeling this way
I dont want to live at all
I have no love
And nothing happy
In this thing they call life

I wish I had a friend
Girl,
If pickiness was an option
But anyone would do

I thought I would be happy,
If I could find someone good
But there is no good in site

I am suicidal
But I cant bring myself to do it
I am waiting to find someone good
Or to save another life
To help a girl
Who feels like me

I dont hate
But myself

I am giving up
Slowly these changes are coming
I want to cut deep
Deeper than ever before
Sharp and precise
Smell the iron
See the red
Feel the warmth that she could never give
Make me dead

Death
If you could
Make it easy
I don't want to hurt anymore
I want to stop feeling
Make me satisfied
Take me away
**** me

I am ready to leave
I am ready to go
Make it easy
No one needs to hurt for me
They dont deserve it
I need to leave

This is me
This may be the last
Goodbye
Four months and not much has changed. I should be happy. I have a wonderful girlfriend, good friends, a great father, but I still hate life. I have it all, but I am so empty
  Nov 2017 Alexander T
nim
I thought he was perfect.
He's got the cutest smile, a handsome face; yet not too hot so other girls would steal him.
Smart, aces the exams without studying, too.

Clever, cute, loyal to death and loves me, too.
What more could I possibly ever wish for?

The thin layer of sweat covers his body, glittering in the last dusk's breath.
Sparkles of silver are in his eyes, as if God himself got down on Earth to pour galaxies in his wooden eyes, which are prospecting me.

So, what's the missing puzzle?
You love him, don't you?

Then look at you.

Gazing at the reflection in the mirror, quietly standing.
I look at the dark circles under my eyes which are expanding, following my nose line by the parallel.

Then I look at my nose which I've always hated; the uneven line, like the messy sea in sky's rage.

Then I look at myself.

And I rage, too.

So where's the missing puzzle?
Why does he care?
Why do I?
Ah, youth - well you wore me thin,
And, by the skin of I teeth I'd almost felt something.

So there's the missing puzzle.
Me.

I even showed him how I look without makeup. I showed him my madness and my crazyness which would shoo any man away.
Why's he here?

I'm not perfect like him.
And I can't stand, oh, I can't stand the pressure.
I look at my curvy body and stretch marks, lining my legs and showing me my fight with life I'd quit from for another reason.

Why me?

And now,
The mirror's smudged with blood
And I'm sitting on a lonely chair,
A lonely soul, in a lonely room,
With a lonely mind in this lonely world.

I don't know love no more.
How could I?
I take out the mirror bits from out of my fist, silently observing.

Then I look at me.

The face of a disappointed warrior with a long past of fighting her own life,
And it might seem dramatic to you,
But I've had a lot of things on my mind
Which you wouldn't find on the normal silver plate.

I'm not perfect, nor I plan to be.
I see through the lies caused by the love veil, and I choosed to rip it off, but it's not falling down.

And I'm afraid,
I'm afraid if I stay;
When will he
Take it
Off?
A simple love story.
  Nov 2017 Alexander T
She Writes
I miss you
And you aren’t even gone yet
From experience
I know how this will end

One day you will find someone new
Meet someone funnier; prettier
You’ll slowly slip away
All while denying anything is wrong

When you look into her eyes
You will see a future
When you look in my eyes
You see lust and desire

There is no future for us here
so why do I let myself fall in love anyway?
Alexander T Nov 2017
I don't know why I feel like this
I have felt it for such a long time now
But something is changing

I feel a little different
A little happy
A little better

Its so weird
Now that she feels and looks better
I do too
  Nov 2017 Alexander T
Brieona Newman
I can still remember the time we met
you were standing there confident and proud
and i was lingering and shy
you spoke to me
so poisonously I falsely thought it was love
you trapped me for months
treating me poorly
I made excuses although
because I loved you
but the cloud is slowly lifting away
and I am realizing this is not love
this is controlling
I can still remember the time I realized
I love you
but I can no longer  
  Nov 2017 Alexander T
Miranda Mondino
Please do not ask me how I feel.
I might just go and tell you.
But the trouble with that is
The words will never come out right.
They will stumble over the bumps on my tongue
Like my heart beat when you smile in my direction.
You are sunshine and grace wrapped into a beautiful package hand crafted for anyone but me.
I am a storm cloud raging with PTSD and suicidal jokes, hand crafted for no one save the demons in my head.
You are a gentle breeze and a massive wave all at once.
I am a broken glass someone has put back together with Scotch tape.
You say I'm beautiful, but I just can't see it.
I say you're perfect, but never out loud.
You see, I have told you countless times exactly how I feel.
But only in my head.
If I try to say it out loud, the words chase each other around like a game of tag and refuse to settle down into the sentences I want them to.
They come out awkward and forced like a tomboy in a beauty pageant.
Still beautiful but not quite right.
It can be painful sometimes because I'm not quite sure how to answer.
I feel so many things that switch from one to another so quickly it's like my heart is watching television and there is nothing interesting on.
So please, do not ask how I feel.
Because I might just go and tell you.
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