i don't get so sad anymore, you know.
and sometimes i wish i could go back and do things better,
do things right,
but something in me knows it was supposed to end when it did.
you've changed, anyway.
i don't want to say that you're not the person i once knew,
because i'm sure that deep down, somewhere in there, you are,
but i'm a tired person,
and i lack the energy required
to dig down so deep through skin and bone
trying to find the worn out shards of a memory;
the last pieces of the first person to make me feel so terribly alive.
//
i hope you're happy.
i have always hoped that you would be happy.
but i don't get so sad anymore,
and i don't want to linger on the past.
(still i write poems about you, simply for the sake of writing).
//
every now and again,
i'll think about you,
you and everything and everyone else who shaped me.
and it's hard to believe it's been two years.
and it's hard to believe that i have grown,
but i have,
and the truth is that i don't need you anymore.
//
i don't get so sad anymore, you know.
things have gotten better.
you're gone and you don't care and i sometimes wonder if you ever did, but i'm telling you anyway that things have gotten better because i want to prove to myself that it was right to let you go,
that i needed to let you go to finally be free.
you made me feel alive in a way that tugged at my heart with a surprising aggression,
but i deserve better than that.
(a.m.)
for a.r., two years later.