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 Feb 2015 tara
Why can't I just be good enough
I can't handle failure anymore
Why does this have to be so tough
I just sit here & do nothing but mourn

I just want to feel acceptable
Is that too much to ask?
It doesn't seem to be too debatable
Is it really that much of a task?

Why do i blame myself
Why do i use pain to help that
My heart is rich in wealth
Why can't you see that?

These scars will never fade
From my mind or skin
Here with my ****** blade
Will I ever win?
 Feb 2015 tara
"I don't love you anymore," she says
as she chokes back tears.
Lying through her teeth,
trying to convince herself
that the words she says are true,
but they aren't
and they never will be.

"I can live without him," she shrugs,
as she tries to find him elsewhere
at the bottom of bottles
and bowls of herb.
Sometimes, she finds comfort
in the arms of strangers,
and for a moment she is content,
but they'll never fill the void
and she knows that all too well.

"I miss you," she texts him
in a moment of weakness,
lying on the bathroom floor
drunk off too many shots
of cheap whiskey.
She knows she shouldn't
but she sends it anyways,
thinking the regret of letting him go
is worse than the pain of loving him.

"I wish I'd never met you," she screams,
and these words are true.
Because loving a toxic person,
someone you know isn't right for you,
is the worst form of torture.
At times she'd take a bullet because it might hurt less,
but the sick side of her loves the pain
and she keeps coming back...

*She still doesn't know why.
You were the hardest to love and the hardest to let go.
 Feb 2015 tara
Carsyn Smith
I am ME
 Feb 2015 tara
Carsyn Smith
I am not lips needing paint,
I am powerful words
       screams into a void
       whispers in the crowds
       echoes that find your ear.

I am not bones in a skin sack,
I am a temple
       created from love
       shaped by something greater
       meant for more than ***.

I am not just pretty eyelashes,
I am speaking in silence
       staring down evil
       unflinching towards darkness
       learning from mistakes.

I am not waiting for someone,
I am rescuing myself
       stitching my wounds
       smiling when it hurts
       leading a fallen army.

I am a warrior
       not a damsel

I am strong
       not weak

I am fighting
        not crying

I am changing
        not complaining

I am running
        not waiting

I am not an object
             a gender
             a ***
             a stereotype

I am human
You're more than what the world claims.
 Feb 2015 tara
Carsyn Smith
 Feb 2015 tara
Carsyn Smith
They found me curled up in your old Tshirt
Old notes ripped and crumpled from a strong grip
And trembling from the withdraw

I thought I knew nothing of addiction
Until I tried 24 hours without --
Without craving you in some way.

The sound of your name is like
A sip of alcohol to an AA member

Your cologne is a shot of ******:
Exciting and gone before you know it

Your eyes are like a sniff of coke
Making my whole body shiver

Your touch is like sitting in a haze
Relaxing, familiar, amnesic…

I wish everything you did could go away,
So when I take a draw tonight,
The smoke won't have anything to cover.
I don't understand why I miss you so much, when I know you're no good for me
bending* and b r e a k i n g under your thumb
only waiting to be
tossed, turned,
even slammed in the waves
of your empty promises.
hate lives in your stomach
f l o w i n g out like lava with
lies and insults
burning into my bones.
i'm grasping
for a safety net,
only to drown in
my own tears.

how long will it take
for you to

Here is to hoping that karma actually exists.
 Feb 2015 tara
Christine Sandford
Depression suffocates it's victims.

It engulfs their thoughts with nothing less
than the repetitive deafening drumming
that have been put on display through the
art work on my wrists.

'Oh no it's my cat, he's a scratcher'.

They look at me with pity in their eyes.
Stop it.
Stop looking down at me like a lost girl who needs guidance,
like a stupid girl who needs to pop a pill to make her smile.

I'm no clown,

I don't feel the need to draw on a smile.
As if I'd believe my own pathetic excuses.
But do you truly realise what agony my own soul is feeling?
Do you know I open my skin up to release my demons?
Do you know I cry to cleanse my body of the holy water I surely do not deserve.

Skin and bones.
Scarred and fragile.

I sit in a room full of boisterous people
still feeling like part of the wallpaper.
Still feeling like the transparent vase amidst the
decorated clay pots.
The colour of my life has been stripped back to the bare
blacks and whites.
 Jan 2015 tara
your hand slithers around my thigh
I swat at you, With a sigh.

but how I wish I never did
because I am longing for that touch
that sensation you gave me
lay me down again
pull me close
whisper secrets In my ear
now lower, lower
you come back up

see the thing is I want this from you
not just anyone
I want you to touch me in ways
where ill have poems slipping from my tongue to yours
and you'll recite them as we intertwine

you'll recite these poems on every inch of my body
leaving marks that you have been there and you have told them
"where ill have poems slipping from my tongue to yours
and you'll recite them as we intertwine"
I thought this was the perfect line
 Dec 2014 tara
Ashley Kay
 Dec 2014 tara
Ashley Kay
Never have I been able
to place my finger on where
my trouble sits
deep inside my flesh
lodged in like a weary traveler
finally able to rest,

I do not know the reasons
for why he entered into my life
holding great felicity
delicately as if it were
the only precious gem in the world,

I ponder the answers to why
I will never hear another tap against
my window pane
or hear him speak the syllables
of my name,

For he is gone and the one
to never return with
jouissance dwelling in
the palm of his tired hands.
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