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heather leather Sep 2015
wE wOuLd DaNcE iN thE reFriGeratOr ligHts
aS iF nO oNe wAs watching and SING SONGS
NO ONE EVER KNEW AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS
WITHOUT EVER pausing to bReAtHe BECAUSE
SUFFOCATION IS NEVER A PROBLEM WHEN YOU
HAVE OXYGEN AND YOU WERE MY LIFETIME SUPPLY
WE WOULD GET H I G H OFF OF
CIGARETTE DAYDREAMS THAT WOULD NEVER BURN OUT
AND ON SNOWFLAKES THAT WOULD NEVER MELT bUT I GUESS
FOREVER ALWAYS MEANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT
TO YOU BECAUSE yOu  hAVE MET SOMEONE ELSE AND
YOU SAY SHE REMINDS YOU
OF ME BECAUSE SHE LAUGHS A CERTAIN
TYPE OF WAY AND LOVES YOU ENDLESSLY
(oops she didn't tell you that yet did she?)
AND I ALREADY KNOW YOU DON'T FEEL THE
SAME WAY BECAUSE YOU NEVER DO AND
I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT GIRL BUT IF SHE IS
ANYTHING LIKE ME LIKE YOU SO OFTEN CLAIM
THEN pLeAsE dO nOt bReAk hEr
sHe dOESN'T DESERVE IT SHE DESERVES TO BREATHE
OXYGEN NOT CARBON DIOXIDE SHE DESERVES TO
GET HIGH OFF OF HAPPINESS AND NOT AN ASHTRAY
SHE DESERVES A FOREVER and you will never be able
to give it to her, because forever will never mean
the same thing to you.

(h.L.)
i actually like this one
heather leather Sep 2015
your favorite color is not blue you lied to me, it is instead
a deep shade of grey so dark it is almost black and your middle
name is not poetry it is dececption it is let's take a break it is
not honesty instead it is cheating it turning the tables so that i think
i'm wrong when i'm not and you cannot just apologize with
the same sad smirk that you always have and think it is okay,
you cannot just turn your pain into poetry and think it's
okay because it isn't; it's not right to fake the color of roses on
your skin and then call me at midnight and talk to me as if you
were dying when you're not and you told me your star sign
was cancer but guess what you lied about that too because you
do not have a star sign you cannot be predicted by other
people who think they know how to read the signs of space because
you are an asteroid and i mean that with every sense of the
word and i do not want to be tied down by you because even
if i am a shipwreck that does not mean i need your anchor
because i don't i don't i don't so you can take your misery
and your sorry excuse for love and give it some other girl who
doesn't know any better

(h.l.)
tHIS ****** OOPS
heather leather Sep 2015
His first love should've been basketball and his second, girls
because his name was Juan and he represented the white, red
and blue bandera, Dominicano puro cien porciento del capital
entiendes compai?
understand homie?
and that label meant that he threw empty beer bottles
at abandoned houses and smoked second hand ****
because he was too broke to buy from the good dealers
and he hollered at girls with wide hips and short skirts that walked by
(oye mama tu si eres linda ven aquí!)
they would giggle and roll their eyes at him but of course
because he was one of those light skinned boys, the type
with light eyes and smooth brown hair that every girl dreamed
about, they would holler at him back the very next day
//
His first love was basketball and his second, was not
girls, his second love was words; it was the craziest ******* thing
in the world, to be a boy and not be crazy over women is one
thing, but to be Dominican and not in love with every muchacha
en el Barrio es una cosa de los maricones! as his best friend
would say as he shook his head disappointedly, muthafucka had
the finest beauties the Caribbean had to offer swooning as he
spoke, and he was in love with palabras de los gringos? but it didn’t
matter, he loved words like the junkies loved drugs and like
his best friend loved women, and while every other sin verguenza
on his block would dance to the hypnotizing beat of merengue and
bachata, he would watch by on the roof of the abandoned building
nearby and he would write it all down: how the lights of the neighborhood
had never seen more alive and how old man Victor looked youthful
dancing next to the neighborhood ***** and how his mother
looked happier than she had in a long time, swaying her body to the
calming voice of the old music she hadn't head in a while and
yes he was still the boy that threw beer bottles at abandoned windows
and smoked second hand **** because he was too broke
to afford the real stuff and he still hollered at girls who wore
shirts too low but in the shadow of all the happiness up on the roof,
he was not Juan, best basketball player on the team,
Dominicano cien porciento y no te lo olvides,
repping the white, red and blue bandera
instead he was Juan, the light skinned boy who liked the
palabras de los gringos because of the way they rolled off his tongue
and he had decided that he liked it better that way

(h.l.)
“Dude, you don't want to be dead. Take it from me. No-***** is bad. But dead is like no-***** times ten.”
― Junot Díaz, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
  Sep 2015 heather leather
ZL
Brown eyes as big
as my heart

I wanted you from the
very start

but I maintained
and stayed in my lane

but when you spoke
I never heard a word you were saying

You may have guessed,
I'm a mess, obsessed with love & ***

I'm a little weird
I might need a shrink

when I'm around you
I never even blink

even when my knees grow weak
that face of yours
is the only help I'll seek.
  Sep 2015 heather leather
unwritten
i don't get so sad anymore, you know.
and sometimes i wish i could go back and do things better,
do things right,
but something in me knows it was supposed to end when it did.

you've changed, anyway.

i don't want to say that you're not the person i once knew,
because i'm sure that deep down, somewhere in there, you are,
but i'm a tired person,
and i lack the energy required
to dig down so deep through skin and bone
trying to find the worn out shards of a memory;
the last pieces of the first person to make me feel so terribly alive.

//

i hope you're happy.
i have always hoped that you would be happy.

but i don't get so sad anymore,
and i don't want to linger on the past.

(still i write poems about you, simply for the sake of writing).

//

every now and again,
i'll think about you,
you and everything and everyone else who shaped me.

and it's hard to believe it's been two years.

and it's hard to believe that i have grown,
but i have,
and the truth is that i don't need you anymore.

//

i don't get so sad anymore, you know.
things have gotten better.
you're gone and you don't care and i sometimes wonder if you ever did, but i'm telling you anyway that things have gotten better because i want to prove to myself that it was right to let you go,
that i needed to let you go to finally be free.

you made me feel alive in a way that tugged at my heart with a surprising aggression,
but i deserve better than that.

(a.m.)
for a.r., two years later.
heather leather Sep 2015
my fingers are bleeding from writing words that i never
meant and my throat is sore from the words that i never spoke
and nothing ever seems to take up any space my mind is now
just a landscape of thoughts i never wanted to think and
flowers that seem to always wilt
//
if i were to count the scars that line my body,
that number would be sixteen
sixteen years of being misunderstood sixteen
years of not knowing the difference between bad
and good sixteen packs of cigarettes in sixteen
different months i turned sixteen last week
and a storm called insecurity was by my side
and it continues to rain
//
the cord from the phone hangs aimlessly and the kitchen
sink overflows with water that i should turn off
but there are a number of things that i should do that i
don't there are a number of things that should haunt me
but instead they choke me into believing i am okay when
i never am and i do not know if i prefer burning alive
or drowning anymore i do not know if i prefer the
suffocating sound of silence or the deathly drum of your
voice in my head anymore because either way i am
a basket case and i try to run away from things i cannot escape
so i let anxiety swallow me whole and find consolation
in being semi automatic  


(h.l.)
semi automatic by twenty one pilots
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