i know that you live for loving things that will never
love you back i know that you were never afraid of swimming
because you could drown, you were always afraid of
swimming because you didn't want to float and i know that
you do not live for loving people who will love you back
and that in a month's time i'll be walking down your
street and saying i don't care and the city lights and car
sirens will be enough to drown out the truth: i love you and
i don't know if i will ever stop

(h.l.)

my meds are missing my pills are gone the
windows are closed the curtains cover them and i cannot
see the lightning but i can feel in in my bones,
i cannot feel my heart beating instead i see you in my soul
and i was supposed to go to sleep a long time ago
but the silence pumps my blood it feeds my insomnia and
gives it hope i wish i could stop thinking i wish i
could stop thinking thinking about your smile and the
way you laugh when you fall and the windows are closed
this room is soundproof but that doesn't stop me
from hearing thunder because it reminds me of you and
i'm still scared of storms and the color grey
but i'm finding out that loving you comes with the price
of living in shades of grey; the flowers in my brain they died
the day you said you loved me and stopped meaning it
(when did you stop meaning it?) so i live my
life in shades of blue each one darker than the last and
everything is blue; my tears, your ink, even the walls of my
room look like they've had their heart broken by you
and my meds are missing, my pills are gone the windows
are still closed although it doesn't matter because i
can still hear the thunder in my head, it is almost as loud
as the silence that fills my room instead

(h.l.)

you've never liked the way your nose stretches when
you grin but honey if it were up to me, you'd
never stop smiling and there's something about the
way your freckles light up your face and I know
you don't like the numbers on the scale and I could
tell you that it only means there's more of you to love
but it still wouldn't be quite enough
I'd love you all the same if you were a size two or
twenty two because at the end of the day,
our hearts still beat the same
//
you've always said you envy how skinny I am and
I tell you everyday that even if you were twice
your weight, I'll still kiss you at the end of every day
and I don't think I'm perfect I hate so many things
about myself but you still think I'm worth it so at the
very least, I have be writing this for you 'cause
I love the way you hold me in your arms when I'm cold
and everyday I'm stuck on your beauty and everyday
I'm thankful that I'm lucky enough for you to be mine
//
So at the end of the day we'll fall asleep underneath the same
sky and with your even breath next to me it
won't matter that I hate my body almost as much as
you do because at the end of the day,
our hearts still beat the same

(h.l.)

I found myself back on your street today I had
lost a part of my soul last night when left me i was crying
you were yelling and it was all too much to handle and
i came back to retrieve it but it seems to broken into
too many pieces for me to fix myself
3 AM and i'm sure my parents are wondering where i am
and i'd go back home if i only knew where i was
the pieces of me lie in the trees where
we had our first kiss and i know i shouldn't go back
to missing you like before but i still let you in when
you knock on my bedroom door and i swear to myself
that i'll change the locks on my heart but you always
seem to find the key and i'm sick of falling into an abyss
when i remember our last kiss it was on 6th street under
the lampost and i'm sorry because i remember how
it felt to love you and i hate you because i still do
you broke down my every guard and defense and
now i'm questioning if it was in all in vain 'cause i can't
bring myself to care about anything anymore
i am just a shadow of the girl you used to love and
the raindrops have stopped fall from my eyes but
the real storm lies at midnight when i sleep without you
by my side
3 AM and i'm sure my parents are wondering where i am
and i'd back home if i only knew where i was
my heart is crumbling in my chest there doesn't seem to be
an antidote for the poison you have filled me with
so i go back to your street and reminisce on what it meant
to be me and i search for the rest of the pieces of my soul
but they seem to be scattered across the globe and
if only distance could mend me then i swear i'd become
a pilot and run away from the voice in my head that
tells me you love me 'cause i know it's not true
but i can't runaway when all i see is your face so i go
to the bar drink my life away try to fill the void
in my chest, avoid the bartender 'cause i'm sure you're
still friends with him
3 AM and i'm sure my parents are wondering where i am
and i'd go back home if only i knew who i am

(h.l.)