Windows to the the world through which I see
Images of shortfalls and views of perpetual inadequacies.
Shut my lids ever hoping for a change in scenery...
But only pictures of emotional chaos, mistakes and uncertainties.

Visions I can't ignore and they can't be severed;
Like a splinter that's embedded but can't be retrieved.
Reluctant at first I wish to have them captured...
Capturing all the disorder, but have the beauty all sieved.

Beauty and light engulfed by this visual turmoil
From windows to canvas, I paint but with a sombre brush.
Vicious strokes represent the feelings that roil;
Devoid of pardon; sing of pressures that crush.

This brush that I use; I've taught it all too well.
It could paint even when running on the subconscious.
It never does relent, nor never will it ever quell,
It'll keep on painting the dark side of the senses.

My canvas just lays receiving the brunt of the strokes.
It lays there quiet; accepts it all without struggle.
Like fuel to a bonfire, it provides and also it stokes;
It lays there ready to accommodate the dust and rubble.

Again the brush finishes with its last deft touches.
Producing the same painting it's painted over and over...
They will never depict meadows with the farthest of reaches
But a portrait of me; staring mournfully into forever...

As far as the eye can see
It might have been perfectly white
A beach stretching, hugging the sea
Crystal clear and blue
Palm trees dot up and down along the way

Hot sun between the toes
Burns the memory in between
Here, everything is naked
There are no reasons for clothes
All desires, primal hence untold
Eat, run, *** and fun
Addiction, anxiety, and scary fears

Scoop the sand look at it close
Each grain a memory, stored
Histories unfold, sliding between fingers
As they fall, colors come out
Spreading across the sands

For a moment, you think
A tie-dyed wonderland
But the blues, like peacocks stand
Are pain, brilliantly trimmed in golds
Walled in blacks, more blues and grays
Reds are fears, soaking blood and reds
Dipping between colors, blending to blacks

Yellows, bright, happy thoughts
Always associated, keeping turquoise
Greens, silvers and peaches and oranges bold
It's an island's life, kept secluded to stay nice
Footprints here and there maybe chasing monster tracks
Sometimes to, sometimes back
Sometimes footprints go away

But the tie-dyed beauty of the landscape stays
In the dusk or morning's stay
Along the sands you can see
A brilliance catches the eye
Something different, something fine

That among the broken
Mountains and stones
That made this beach eons ago
Diamonds glitter,
Sparkling golds
And the silver lines
All that was broken, made you shine

I stand there,
And look towards you.
You turn around,
And what do I do?
I look away,
Like such a fool.
How stupid of me,
I can never keep my cool.