hello
it’s been a few days
since we last talked
so excuse me for not knowing
if you’d look my way
you must have been busy
so i’ll just say
it’s fine
how many times
must i say it’s fine
until it becomes true?
or until i finally convince myself
it’s a lie?
hello
i just got off work
and thought maybe
you would want to talk
yes, of course, i understand
so i’ll just say goodbye
hello
it’s just now evening
and i supposed maybe
you’d be ready to talk about today
but perhaps you’d rather
i just go away
hello
how many times
must i play this part
until this scene
simply dies?

a hurricane is a natural disaster
full of destruction and terror and fear
but bringing people closer together
the lucky ones who survive
in new orleans, they rejoice in the streets
celebrating their survival
they have hurricane picnics and hurricane barbeques
because they have hope things will get better
some days, i wonder if i’m on the verge of a hurricane
if, perhaps, i break these walls down for one more person
the walls will break completely
and the floodgates will open, sending in their tempest
because the last person they lowered for
caused me to dare to hope to someday knock them down
but then i ended up having to rebuild them after all
and build them up so much stronger
i’m scared, so scared to knock them down again
because i’m afraid of what will come rushing out
but maybe
just maybe
i’ll hope for a hurricane picnic.

You saw inside me
And you did not turn away
You knew me
And yet you stayed
I cannot accurately describe
The way in which you saw inside
You opened up my chest
Found the story I was writing inside
But instead of reading it through your eyes
You found a way to read through mine
And feel every emotion I had put
Into the pages, feeling with me
And you read through the depths
Studied each page
But you did not turn away
You said you wanted to stay
And read the rest
As I wrote it.
    ~O

You’re beautiful in the way you hurt me
In the way that I’ll slander your name
But willingly fall into your arms in the cover of darkness
I can’t remember when you first fell for me
Only the look in your eye that said you wanted me
I fell for you at first
You, with your pretty words and promises
And by the time you showed me your true colors
A piece of me had fallen in love with that, too
I kept telling myself that someday I’d walk away
And break free of your grasp
But that grasp has arms that hold me
Arms that, when I’m lonely in a sea of people
Are at once my lifeboat and the chain around my leg
Your kisses were beautiful, pure life flooding through me
Red hot and sweet and painful
But they left marks when your lips left my skin
Rivers of red that remind me of your affections
How is it that you were my death and my revival?
    ~O

Sometimes I just need to feel something
Like when you’re ten feet underwater
And you realize you’re drowning, but
Everyone around you is breathing, and
You’ll do just about anything to take a breath, anything
To get rid of the numbness around you, of the ache that holds your heart
And it doesn’t matter if you end up even deeper
Not anymore, because
For a few glorious moments, you feel something
And you learn to welcome pain and its warm embrace
And that somehow becomes beautiful, too
Even if it’s a weight, it’s safe and
Sometimes it’s all I know
It’s the only form that I can always keep my hands on, and
We’re all addicts to something, well
I’m a drinker and I get drunk on control
Welcoming pain as an old friend and elation at his touch
My skin isn’t worth a **** anymore
It’s beaten and torn, bruised and scarred
And I’d sell it to anyone who asked nicely enough
Because perhaps I’ll always be depression’s *****
And I’ll always be ten feet under.
    ~O

I’m sorry
The words sound feeble
And they simply hang there
In the air
An ordinary piece of clothing
That so many people
Slip into
With their hearts
Far from genuine
But I promise
That when I slide you over me
Your sheer, blue fabric
As it hugs my skin
Wet and soaked through
With tears
You will plainly reveal
My heart, aching
Though it may be, but
Painfully honest.
    ~O