He smelled like my Dad
Or like Old Spice and Zest
He smelled like a person working on cars
Or of the outdoors
He smelled like fresh milled wood
Or like a shirt worn with sweat
He smelled like our living room
Or like our dog named Stanley
He smelled like green trees
Or like a tavern where an un-known band plays
He smelled like an antique dresser
Or like a vintage vehicle
He smelled like warm buttered toast
Or like fresh brewed coffee
Although his smell's been gone for ages
I can still remember the way he smelled
Sometimes I can still smell him

I'm looking for signs
Blow the candle for me
But make it obvious
More than a flicker please
I might doubt it
What shall I do
With my doubt

As I **** the sweet
Vapors into my lungs
I contemplate his
Words to me
I want you to be lost
He said to my question
What do you want
I want you to go
And be lost
And never come back
And also, I hate you
I don't love you anymore
So much pain and hurt
For a boy of only four

He built an empire
I watched it crumble
Falling into ruin
He built a castle
It still stands this day
But only as a reminder
Of what once was

Faces intertwined like
Brambles in my mind
Cold lips give breath no more
Images burned behind my eyes
Much too easy to retrieve
While memories of the love
Of warmth and safety
Stay faded like stone-washed denim
A translucent curtain
Fluttering in the wind expelled
From your last words
Leave me endlessly uncertain

Enduring a season
Of beautiful sunsets
And gorgeous sunrises
Death was tragic for us
But life was not a tragedy
As the sweaty sticky
Stench of depression
Coats my body
I attempt to cleanse
Myself of it
Crushing waves of sorrow
Deliver the unspeakable
Urgency to challenge faith
Words spoken in time of need
Ailment robbing us
Of what we thought
Was to come
Leaving hollow abyss
Waiting for the flood
Waters to fill
Leaving it's depth a mystery
To unwary onlookers
Leaving us to live
Our lives without tragedy

I prayed to God.
In my prayer I asked God, "If we're so sure of You, then why do we need to grieve?"
The same day that I asked that question, my 8 year old boy saw me crying and said, "Just let it go."
Just to clarify, I asked him,"Let what go?"
He said," You know.... the reason you've been crying.... the funeral."
Then he said, "If it were me, I'd just let it go.... because it just means they're going to heaven."

Does a fat man
Require a fat wallet?
Not where I come from.

Alright,
He doesn't
Really have
Everything
Figured out.
But he thinks
He does.
And that's
Doing
All right.

Slap me
Beat me
In my mind
Using many
Words unkind
Then you
Say you
Changed
Your mind
Using words
These words
You say
So you may
Get your play
It's over now
Wait for
Another day

Is this what they call soul-searching?

Tears fall to the floor
of this empty room
No one to see my pain
No one to hide my sorrow from
Finally free to flow emotions
All these wretched feelings
Free. I let it out
Relieved that no one
needs to know

Simple Simon
Met a pie man
Sitting in a corner
Simon said
Little Boy Blue
How do you do?
He said
About as good as you

All by myself
Maintaining the beast
I'd rather have company
But hey
It's better than nothing
At least

Every dark tunnel
Has a light
Or a hope

Many hearts touched
Standing room only
The Family
The Forever Lover
The Best Friends
All The Touched
Will remember
The Man…
The Miracle
With a broken heart

If there is a place for truth in this world, I hope it is here.