Outside school by the steps
leading down
I wait for Helen
I'd seen her in class

but I want to walk home
with her
as she said
Cogan pulls her hair

if I’m not there
it's dampish
the sky is grey
the sun is weak

I watch other kids
go by down the steps
and off to their homes
then she comes

sees me and smiles
her hair in two plaits
and her thick lens glasses
slightly smeared

thank you
for waiting for me
she says
Cogan said

he was going to pull
my hair and put worms
down my back
well I’m here

so he won't
I say
she looks around her
and we walk off

and down St George's Road
why is he
so horrible to me?
she asks

because he can
or thinks he can
I say
bullies are like that

he said I was a fish face
she says
as we go onward
you're pretty

I say
don't take notice
of him
am I?

she says
really pretty?
of course you are
I say

she smiles
we go under the subway
and I sing so
that my voice

echoes along the walls
she seems happier
join in
I say

I can't I’m too shy
she says
I like her simplicity
her innocent being

we come up
the other side
onto the New Kent Road
and walk by

the Trocadero cinema
what are you doing
after tea?
I ask her

have to see
what Mum says
she says
she may want me

to help her bath
the baby
ok
I say

if you can get out
I’ll be on the bomb site
off Meadow Row
she nods

and I walk her
to her home
and then walk along
Rockingham Street

to Banks house
for some tea
and see Mum
and change

and then off I go
to Meadow Row.

Who was she?
Netanya
asks Benny

who was whom?
Benny asks
sitting in

an armchair
that woman
who has just

dropped you off?
she works in
home and ware

at the store
Benny says
so why'd she

drive you home?
Netanya
enquires

moodily
I don't know
she just asked

if she could
Benny says
I bet she

fancies you
or much worse
I bet you've

been inside
her *******
Netanya says

don't be daft
she's pregnant
Benny says

is it yours?
is that why
she's friendly?

Netanya asks
are you mad?
we just work

together
at the store
Benny says

so you say
but you would
wouldn't you

Netanya says
steely faced
Benny stands

and walks off
into the
back garden

Netanya
follows him
I’m sorry

I should trust
what you say
she tells him

that's ok
he replies
he didn't

know the girl
who gave him
a lift home

a least not
in the sense
Netanya

had implied
so in that
sense Benny
hadn't lied.

At Oslo
at the camp
after a

downpour of
heavy rain
Dalya said

there's a
hole in my
canvas tent

and the rain
comes right in
and the *****

I share with
moans at me
then goes off

and shares with
that Aussie
who she likes

and leaves me
to the wet
you can share

my tent if
you don't mind
as the bloke

I shared with
shares with that
German girl

I thought she
was Polish?
Dalya said

no German
I replied
she told me

her father
drove a tank
in the war

that's why the
Polish girl
and her mum

have nothing
to do with
her in camp

O I see
Dalya said
so she slept

in my tent
but I won't
share your bed

she told me
but what she
later did

-have hot ***-
is not quite
what she said.

I can't now
recall your
first spoken

words to me
probably
mummy or

mum or words
similar
but I can

remember
your last words
that you spoke

back to me
-that Sunday
as I left

that useless
hospital-
you said so

softly -your
breathing bad-
all right or

maybe or
was Ok
after I

said I'd see
you on the
next morning

I didn't
know those would
be your last

spoken words
on parting
2 hours

after that
your heart stopped
the first time

and even
though they got
it going

on the beat
for a while
you never

spoke your words
anymore
just silence

memories
flying round
like dark birds.

Miss Pinkie
and her son
at a bar

and I was
near to them
sitting down

in a chair
and he said
things to her

as he looked
back at me
she told me

he was in
the police force
and married

and said things
back to him
looking back

towards me
and smiling
I think he's

probably
saying to her
he's too young

young enough
to be your
oldest son

and he's right
I am young
enough to

be her son
but what he
doesn't know

or maybe
doesn't want
to know is

I've shafted
his mother
to the music

of Mahler
both of us
well sauced on

Scotch whiskey
sometimes on
her blue couch

other times
on her bed
with moonlight

coming through
her bedroom
wide window

and moon glow
playing on
my naked

rising ***
Miss Pinkie
and her son

return with
all our drinks
and sit down

I watch him
wondering
what he thinks.

After ***
Abela
likes to lie

in the bed
listening
to duets

from that guy
Puccini
-I get us

some coffee
from the small
kitchenette-

isn't it so
romantic?
She asks me

from the bed
sure it is
but what are

they singing
about it's
foreign words

I reply
carrying mugs
to the bed

where she lies
**** naked
invitingly

words are words
it's the sounds
that move me

she tells me
I put mugs
on both sides

of the bed
on small side
cabinets

I climb back
into bed
Puccini's

getting her
in the mood
she eyes me

runs fingers
down my thigh
kisses me

on the lips
on the chin
on the cheek

my pecker
stirs himself
from slumber

not knowing
what hour
day or week.

Yiska slits
her thin wrist
-broken glass

in a bin
in the ward
what a find-

the blood comes
plentiful
beautiful

she reckons
sitting back
in the bath

of water
motherly
and warming

reddening
but a nurse
on duty

looking to
tell Yiska
the doctor

wanted her
finds her there
in the bath

drifting off
and blood soaked
EMERGECY

SUICIDE
the nurse yells
up the ward

-locked up ward
those who are
mentally

unstable
are caged here-
I am in

the main lounge
looking out
the window

snows falling
some robin
perches there

on a branch
Yiska said
earlier

she'd make it
out of here
one way or

the other
there's a rush
of nurses

and a quack
follows up
half way through

-I'm guessing-
his breakfast
there's egg yoke

at the side
of his mouth
poor Yiska

so depressed
no way out
she told me

but I guess
watching the
brave robin

sitting there
that there is
if you look

really hard
to get out
out somewhere.