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 May 2015 teriyakimandi
Pax
Unlucky
 May 2015 teriyakimandi
Pax
Lucky are those who have found love
and been loved.

Lucky are those who bear the gift of face.
   Easy is for them to find an easy case
            for their own taste
     - a goal for their own base.

Lucky are those who has an outstanding confidence.
For by it, they don’t live with a doubtful fence.
Freely as they get any wants in their existence.

I give away smiles, pieces of my lies,
        pretending not having rainy skies.
Hiding my Breathless sighs.

Sometimes I am like a rock
   too dull to feel, a surface too rough.
A sense I lost, an unreachable core,
I don’t know how to love anymore.



*© 2014 Pax
to simply say: "I am just unlucky in terms of love"


First of all I want to give my special thanks to all my friends who supports me not in my writing but the me who is inside in every piece I penned. To all of you, it let me believed that I should not give up on love, with that it is enough for me to stay positive… hopeful for someday someone will come and bring spring to my 'cold landscape', bring light to my 'unglowing star' and a home that I could finally call my own to stop being the 'passerby'...

....
 May 2015 teriyakimandi
Pax
untitled
 May 2015 teriyakimandi
Pax

I have stopped looking at the clouds
and start staring at cornered walls that surrounds me.

The clear skies that I would dream, wondering the complexities of its heights…

I often believed that the sky would make my dreams come true,
but in reality, all it takes to journey your dream is creating a stepping stone.
You can’t achieve anything without making any step.

I always like to jump into conclusion, fear of failure.
In this case, it hinders the optimism values we always have.

Diving into your deepest thoughts is just like scuba diving without oxygen.
We need to learn how to hold our breaths,  to accept everything
and process every obstacle in the depth of negativity.
For far beyond its deepness, there is light, shiny as pearls.
You’ll learn its wisdom, an insight that will guide you towards reaching any goal…


Written - 09/16/2013
Updated – 04/21/2014

I found this in my files while browsing  some old writes I have. one of my untitled piece that I never got to publish online, now i finally did.

thank you for reading.
The words keep t
                               w
                              i
                               ­  s
                                  t
                           ­     i
                                   n
                                 g

                                      in my mind
               Truths and lies
       Becoming h
                             a
                            r
                             d
                          e
                              r

  ­                               and harder to find
              Blurred together
      between h
                         o
                       l
                         l
                     o
                         w

                               and grey lines
         The differences becoming
               o
                 b
               s
                  t
              a
                 c
               l
                  e
               s

                   more difficult to define
    And life has lost all its
                                           l
                                             o
                                            v
                 ­                              e

                                                  and **rhyme
www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5
This is a difficult time for me, please check out this link.
Thanks.
When dark clouds diminished the day
and rain carved moon craters on the river
we were drenched beneath a tree.

Her hand upon mine was more than words could say
but made me once more a hardened believer
in love's miracle of bridging hearts quietly.
I actually remember how we first met
When you were too shy but feigned hate
When my hormones started and I felt so crazy
I remember you lied to me that your name was Tracy
I was sure at first sight we deserved each other
That's why I made the move to push it further
Can you believe this?
I even remember how hard it was,our first kiss
I remember we were just **** young
Teenagers when we kissed tongue to tongue
I remember when you shied from my stare
When I stroked your body from toes to hair
The times you hugged me and did it tight
With innocence that let tears when we'd fight
When we patiently tilled past every plight
Oh!I remember how it all felt so right
When we hid because we were too afraid
The messages and letters from you I read
I remember believing in happily ever after
And I still hear lovely echoes of your laughter
I remember, it couldn't be any better
Still having the fragrance, was it cocobutter?
When your arm slipped and touched my *****
And freaked you out as if it were a blast furnace
I remember when you finally learnt to look into my eyes
How happy I was ,but I think was the start of your lies
I regret the opportunities I threw away during those days
When you wanted us to make love and I told you patience pays
I remember finding our feet when we fell in the pits
Sad we triumphed for so long till you called it quits
---

Will somebody please
Slow down the train
It's going through hills
And rough terrain

I tried to be the engineer
But that didn't work
This much is clear

I can't run, I can't roam
I can't DO LIFE ON MY OWN.

I'm on a ride that I can't bear
Filled with loneliness... despair

Not knowing how, which way to turn
I will go the way I've learned.

I won't harbor hatred in my heart
I know my love and I must part

But I don't think of him as bad
We've broken up, and that is sad

But I want my family
here on this site
Know that lately
I haven't been right...

My mind is distraught
And overwrought
I can hardly follow
My train of thought

Please forgive me
I'm slipping my gears
I'm haunted by fears
Have counted years

I'm sure sorry this affects you
It seems like I'm untrue

I want all poets here on HP
To very kindly PRAY FOR ME.

SEND GOOD THOUGHTS
In your own way.

I will also be in prayer

For I have now met The Engineer


SoulSURVIVOR
5/4/2015
Because of a broken heart
My brain has been affected
Some people here know that
I am mentally handicapped.
I am dealing with a brain dysfunction
And stress causes me to disassociate

I was severely damaged as a child
I don't use this as an excuse
But as an explanation

I never know from one day to the next what my mood or even my
Personality will be.

I have friends who I have not
Talked to in a while here
I APOLOGIZE

I DO LOVE YOU ALL !!!!!!

--
The public debate
a political *******
reminds me
why I hate.

But that's Eton and Harrow not
Toxteth or Jarrow.
I leave the politics to them,
the Southern gentlemen

Up in the shires where men walk on tight wires
and dance to a different song is
where I belong,
from the Midlands to the Tyne where
they drink beer and leave the wine is
another place in time
a place for me.

And while Atlanta burns the gentlemen shall all take turns to **** upon the fire.
but when the hands of 'Ben' unlock and count the votes there'll be a shock when some old lady gets the keys to number ten,
we all remember them old days, the three day week, the hide and seek, the suss', the stop and search, the powers that interrupt, corrupt and end in a debate,
a state of the nation more infiltration, less liberation, more *******,
the public schools have fooled us all,
we're *******, but we don't know it yet
we'll get the letter in the post,
the most that we can hope for.
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