i can't make you love me
and it pains me to admit
no matter how many times
i pleasure you
or touch you
it couldn't possibly help
i despise how obvious it is
that i am constantly savoring
your every kiss
memorizing your lips
and how they fit mine
just right
gazing into your eyes
until everything turns hazel
stroking your rough skin
and learning the landmarks
of your exterior surface
please just stay prisoner
in my bed
just wish i could look into
your mind
to know what you truly think
of me
and us
but how can i expect you
to love me
when i can't even
love myself

My chest tightens
My breathing slows
The world stares at me
And nobody knows

I am being watched
I am being judged
I try to escape
But my efforts are not enough

I cannot move
My limbs are stuck
I feel like I’m dying
I’d rather just give up

“It will pass”
I remind myself
But for now
I can feel nothing else

**And it is crippling me

two coffees
shaking hands
racing pulse
cancelled plans

cold apartment
lonely tears
boring reruns
empty beers

quiet room
unmade bed
took all the pills
now she’s dead

As much as I hate to say:
Beautiful People
End Up
With Beautiful People.
Which means,
I'm out of luck.