You saw me naked.
Not without clothes, but without my wall.
The 10 foot, steel reinforced, wall around my heart.
You broke in, brick by brick.
And I let you, I let you see me vulnerable.
Forgetting what others had done to me when they saw me the same.
I wish I could say you were different.
But, you saw me naked.
And you laughed, pointed out my insecurities, and broke me so much that I rebuilt my wall.
I rebuilt it higher and stronger than before.
Protecting my heart from so called love.
You also saw me without clothes.
Burned your touch into my skin.
Whispered sweet nothings into my ear, and that's just what they meant.
Nothing.
I can't look at my body without thinking about you.
Because, you saw me naked.
Defenseless and with open arms.
I shouldn't have trusted you.
But I did anyway.
I thought that since you had a wall to we would be amazing together.
But.
I never saw you naked.

Dear dad,
I'm 18 years old,
and you've been out of my life for 17 years and 42 weeks of it.
You missed out on your little girl learning, and growing, and turning into a woman.
Someone else taught me how to ride a bike,
but I don't think that you mind missing something so important.
I don't think you mind missing recitals, and concerts and shows.
I don't think you'd even recognize me if you saw me on the street.
You don't deserve the title dad,
so for as long as I can remember, I've called you ***** donor.
Because that's all you ever given me (except for daddy issues and hereditary mental illness).
You don't deserve the title dad because you never taught me how I was supposed to be treated;
so I settled for too little, and longed to be loved.
But now, I don't even call you ***** donor,
I neglect to recognize your existance in my life,
because let's face it, you were never even a possibility.
I feel bad after all these years,
because you missed out on the joy of having a daughter,
and being a father.

To my ex.
You destroyed me like I was made of china, and you threw me at a wall.
I keep finding parts of myself that I thought were lost, but some still love you.
Not in the way that I'll ever go back or forgive you, there aren't enough pieces for that.
But in the way that I miss how you smiled, and I miss the part of my heart that I still haven't gotten back.
I miss the pieces of myself that you picked up and kept as a souvenir.
You broke me into a million pieces, but I stuck myself together with pieces of chewing gum and superglue, and I'm trying to love like I've never loved before, but it's hard when I'm not whole anymore.
I can't believe I'm even attempting to fall in love when I'm so broken and lost.
I wish I had never fallen before, because when I fell you didn't catch me, and now you can see where I'm broken.
I'm wondering how anyone can love me if I can't love myself, how they can love me with all my pieces missing and scars from where you hurt me.
I call you a boy, and not a man in the title of this poem because no man would do what you did to me.
No man would hide behind a screen when he shattered a girl beyond recognition.
I look like you were seeing me through the diamond in the ring that you bought me, the ring that obviously meant nothing.
You shattered me, broke me into a million pieces.
I wish I knew I'd be whole again one day.
But until I find myself, and get my heart back, I know I won't be.

America, the beautiful place full of obesity and intolerance,
where there’s a McDonald’s on every corner,
but a homeless veteran on every corner too.
The place where old white men are making choices about women’s reproductive rights,
refugees are turned away from a place founded by immigrants,
And racism is alive and well.
America the Beautiful doesn’t exist any more,
It’s America the polluted, America the Land of Sexism, America that would disappoint our forefathers.
America was founded by people in search of freedom, but yet our government is trying to take our freedoms away,
when our President is in favor of conversion therapy that makes LGBTQ+ people 8 times more likely to commit suicide,
it’s obvious that he doesn’t actually care about us.
America the money hungry country,
Where I can’t afford the EpiPen I need to survive,
And the top 1% says that raising the minimum wage is us being selfish.
America the Misogynist,
Because our country is directly affected by who we choose to represent it.
And I do not want to be “grabbed by the *****”.
I don’t want a ****** to be in charge when my ****** is still out living free on the streets.  
We are America the sexist because when women march for their right’s it’s seen as a whine,
not a cry for help.
America the bigot,
Where people are seen more as their melanin pigment, or their religion, and less as a person.
Where “don’t shoot” is more of a suggestion than a plea.,
Where I’m worried about my friends every single day.
America the Beautiful doesn’t exist any more.
It was made beautiful by the array of faces all different creeds, colors, and religions.
Now America is the United States of Hate.

I never remember dates, or if I have plans,
But I remember your smile,
and I remember you making me laugh so hard I snort
I never remember to eat, or to sleep,
But I remember that when I do eat,
I can eat more sushi than you,
And that I sleep so much better with you by my side.
I remember all the little things,
like how you look at me when you’re about to kiss me,,
and how it feels to hold your hand while ice skating.
I remember how my heart fluttered when you told me how you felt,
and I remember how you look in beanies,
(even though you refuse to wear them)
I forget simple things like what I ate today,
or to put out the trash on Thursdays.
I don’t remember a lot of things,
but what’s important I remember.
Every aspect of you is important,
I may not remember where we were,
or the day or even the month,
But I’ll remember how you sing in the car,
and you make my happy.
My memory is selective, and I select you.