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Oh, stupidity, where do I begin?
I always resort to cutting my skin.
Why do I do this you ask?
Well, it all started in the past.
I felt a growing pain in my brain,
A tingling sensation in my heart,
And until then,
And way back when,
Wait... I don't even know where to start.
Once again, let us begin.
I was insecure about my body and a double chin
Normal things maybe,
and I really wanted someone to call me 'baby'
I was love-drained.
Not to mention, I loved the rain.
Then came the emotions,
New ones I might add,
To hurting myself when I get yelled at by my mom, or dad.
My therapist has told them how much I hate yelling, or even loud sounds,
but they always resort to it, when I'm already feeling down.
Now my mind is filled with thoughts,
I can't even answer.
Because when I do, pain is included,
As I think, this will do it.
AUSTIN 1h
you’re running from the
hearts your breaking,
confusing
experimentation
with lust

your
demons
cannot be swallowed
like the alcohol
on your breath,
face what you have done,
address the pain
Moe 12h
the moon forgot  
how to be round tonight  
and i
i misplaced my name  
somewhere between  
your shoulder blade  
and the breath  
that almost said  
stay

(why do clocks insist  
on knowing everything  
about leaving)

i tried to write  
but the letters curled inward  
petals afraid of morning  
and the sentence  
ran away  
with the silence

you were never a person  
you were a parenthesis  
i stepped into  
and never stepped out of

the sky  
is not blue  
it’s memory  
trying to remember  
how to feel

i loved you  
a comma  
pausing before  
the thought  
that never arrived

and if i could  
unbutton the stars  
i’d fold them  
into paper cranes  
and send them  
to the version of me  
that didn’t forget  
how to feel

but i did  
and you did  
and the world  
keeps spelling itself  
wrong
Stilled by a mid-summer chill,
and soaked by pelting rain,
the starlings watch
in somber silence.

A cautious wind
shoulders dry elm leaves,
as clunking boots
crack through open air.

Dark, iridescent
wings flitter, bent upwards
while a father whispers
a silent prayer.

Soldiers carve
through narrow streets,
as power lines hiss
with growing malice.
You’re one of the good ones.
You never make a show.
But the preacher swore
they’re coming for us,
so you can guess where my ballot would go.

You’re one of the good ones.
You’re not sassy or loud.
But honestly, why call it marriage?
Your love: unnatural; your vows: untrue.
Hey, at least I voted. You should be proud.

You’re one of the good ones.
You’re not flaming at the heels.
There’s plenty of work
in the city, or out of state
But have you thought about how I feel?

You’re one of the good ones.
There’s no need to gripe.
Don’t you see, despite perception,
we are all shrouded tight
in the tarnished stars and tattered stripes.
I have grown afraid
of awareness itself—
of awakening into a moment
where I cannot speak with you,
of being alone without the ability
to reach you
whenever fear grips me.

I will go on chasing dopamine,
feeding it,
raising it higher,
just to escape.

And so,
I lose consciousness every day,
because
whenever I return to awareness,
I remember you,
and I break into relentless tears.

There is no savior from
the desire to end it all,
and no savior from the terror
of the end itself.
I miss you Daniel
How I love rainy days,
The sweet fragrance of petrichor fills the air-
So mere, yet satisfying.

Under the blankets,
The rain hums its soft lullaby,
And I sink into the tightest sleep.

Rain pulls me into thoughts
Drifting between nostalgia and what-ifs
While silence quietly dominates.
Rainy days calm me
Lily 1d
go on then, have a drink
remember how you used to think
remember how you used to ride
flying high in your fantasy
screaming, seemingly believing
'there's no way out for me'
in this sense you think you're free
on that road it's an easy dream
see the path to hell feels like heaven
that's if you want to die at twenty-seven
to love yourself an impossible feat
cause why would you want to risk it all?
why would you want to stumble and fall?
you've gotta run, you've gotta hide
you are just trying to ******* survive
give you a break it's no big deal
you don't even know whats real
smoke the days away
drink the pain away
but when will you learn
that the devils locked you in his cell
cause the road to heaven feels like hell
Inspired by the quote - 'The road to heaven feels like hell, the road to hell feels like heaven'
Just creating
another forsaken album…
A hundred so-called
passionate videos,
with poetic feelings,
lipstick, white nails
that once lured you
when you were drunk,
tears and dark days,
and hundreds of cigarettes
drenched in sorrow—

the videos and pictures
I used to take for you,
and you would confess,
when you were no longer
in your demonic haze,
that you loved my sleepy eyes,
and wished you could
fall asleep inside them.

I keep them,
let them pile up,
until you stumble back home
with your emotions,
longing to die beside me,
starving for my tenderness,
aching to devour all of me.

No fire
nor ice
could mend me
but your moody existence.
Your gentle voice
when you are drowning
in a good mood,
high,
untouchable.
I knew I held you tighter
than you ever guessed—
until I fractured into fragile glass.
And still,
you made me believe
that nothing could heal me
from your merciless game.

I am starving
to wrap you in my embrace,
to engulf you
in a tenderness
that would shield you—
even if you arrived
only to set it on fire.

What havoc
could ever be as deadly
as you letting go of my hand,
asking me to pretend
that life goes on?
So I became a woman in black—
pale,
thoughtful,
melancholic,
sipping and devouring
what poisons my mind,
what dares to shape your smile
upon strangers’ faces.

What brings you alive
through my isolation?
Whenever I want to
summon you,
I only look at the sofa
and smile,
and your imaginary
smile smiles back at me—
a hallucination so perfect,
I would die to keep it alive.

It’s not about time,
nor endings.
It’s a great starvation,
for a single milligram
of your presence.
Nothing is darker
than confessing
you are my last resort—
come,
and shed my soul away.

I am grieving—
poetically,
deadly.

But who else is here
to witness my suffering?
Who counts my tears,
only to tell you later
that Nicole
is not fleeing your memory,
not hating the dark whispers
of your name,
but craving—
yes, craving—
to weep over you,
because that is all
she has left
to prove
how violently,
how ruinously,
she loved you.

And in the end,
when all illusions fade,
when silence
devours the night,
I return to the videos
and pictures,
to my sleepy eyes
that you once loved,
wishing,
always wishing,
that you could ask me
to sleep inside them again.
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