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Sophie 3h
A prisoner’s home in my lungs,
combinations of words
I never dare imagine to speak.
The fantasy often entertains me.
I resist to entertain the fantasy,
yet my heart picks up pace
trying to get in touch with you.
I told her, I am nothing in your heart!
Couldn’t comprehend,
as you are essential to her functioning,
in a higher line than oxygen, nutrients, blood.
I feel I have a big heart,
Does that mean a lot?
Or is it something that
Somehow holds me down.
A blessing that feels like a burden.

Sometimes I hate it,
Sometimes I resent it.
Because I have no control
Over what I feel.

I overthink my brains out,
Apologizing for simply existing.
Forgiving wounds so deep,
Too easily, without much thought.
Even when it leaves me empty.

Worrying over people
Who wouldn’t flinch if I disappeared.
Draining my social battery
To the last drop where it doesn’t exist.

I feel guilty for actions
That I had no control over.
Making me rethink my past,
Where I was a name on a list,
Never a person in their story.

I stand among many,
But belong to none.
Because they never loved me,
The way I have loved them.
For all the people who overthink and are forgiving, this is something for you.
megstar 13h
i don't want it back at all
but i miss you
the way we laid together in the grass, holding onto the earth and holding onto each other
i miss the way we ran with our toes in the sand, our hands intertwined and our cares free to roam the beach and blow in the wind
i've nearly forgotten how perfectly your hair falls, flowing down your back like tears on my face
i miss how you made me feel like i was on top of the world
i miss how you would pick up when i fell
i miss knowing who you were
i miss wrapping every word that left your mouth around my pinky finger like an oath
i miss whispering my wishes to you in the dead of night, knowing only you could hear me
i miss you like a dreamer
i miss you like a prisoner
i miss your smile
i miss your frown
i miss your promises
i miss your lies
i miss the summers we made out of those cold december days
i miss you
megstar 13h
i'm not sure where i am anymore
i think i've been lost for a while
i can no longer tell the difference between up and down or right and left
i don't know how to find my way
i don't know if there is a way
perhaps i'm meant to stay here
but though i've stayed here for so long
i'm still not sure where i am
Eve 16h
breaking moans
slick as stones
force of my
savage form

dipping my fingers
in a lake of cotton and honey
a marvel, the way the moon
reflects my absolute need

it's funny, how i become
a beast when i cannot choke back
the tension

oh the tension, the retention of all
thoughts from this week
why must my ecstasy be a secret
that i have to keep?
the funny thing I realized at age fifteen,
having been abandoned by childhood dreams,
and mourning a family held together by its seams,

was that no matter how I spoke,
I'd be told to grow up or stay my words,
they were fleeting thoughts to those I'd tell,
much like the birds,

when my words become more radical,
and pushed against norms,
they suddenly held the power of a thousand storms,

they acknowledged the ugly truth that we lived in,
the veil of innocence slowly becoming thin,
suddenly they found it necessary to scrap them in a bin,

I was paid no attention then told to hush,
told that if I expressed my opinions I would be crushed,

"By whom?" I asked once, told I was naive in my bliss,
"By power," would be their reply, for they were quick to dismiss,
that our words too have power to demand change,
that systems must bow down to those that hold their chains,

it would take a while for optimism to burn,
for fate to redirect my thoughts, for them to adjourn,
to come and say perhaps they had changed,
came together and finally arranged,

but here we are now and I still do not know,
whether these thoughts were right for me to forgo.
The one time I wanted a chaotic shift
And instead I'm handed down time

Ask for a distraction and the universe will say *******
Shift 1
0000
Do I reach out and plead my case?
Or
    Let
          It
             Go...
2230
Time goes by slower

           When I'm Desperate
                        
                        To know what you're doing
1800
Aaamour 1d
late night thoughts
not allowing me to sleep
deep enough to weep
instead of water
my face is covered in blood

body tucked in warmest sweater
still I somehow feel the cold
cold air seeping through
the gaps I never noticed
they were closed when we hugged

her pictures make me a little warm
she makes blood flow in my heart
instead of poison
but am reminded about her absence
as I bleed only poison

her face was the sun, light
now covered by these clouds
I try to find solace knowing
that the sun is still shining
on someone who is fortunate

rumours about me
stab me harder than reality
their words feel like am being
cut by diamonds that never mends
my real name even I have forgot
*******, loser, ugly face
I have got used to

dreams crashing faster than light
credit card running out of it’s might
nothing in the world seems right
buy me a rope I shall hang tight

late night thoughts
not allowing me to sleep
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