it's just a bitter pill to swallow
one that should fix my mind
one that should make me happy
one that should make me kind

it's just 150 MLs of drugs
to put you to sleep
we've prescribed these pills
so that none of your problems leak

it's just a pill case that's bursting at the seams
no problem, no sweat
these pills are supposed to make me see nothing but smiley faces
but i still feel nothing but dread

if the prescription doesn't work
should we up the dose
or should we stop
because my mental health is a budding rose
making me want to drop

the pills have stopped working
well, i guess they never did
but i don't want to concern the doctors
so it's always something i've hid

pretend i'm doing okay
say that i feel fine
they write it down in their little note pad
i hope they don't know that i'm lying
i hope they don't know that i'm crying
i hope they don't know that i'm dying
every second i'm alive

if they could read my thoughts
would they send me to the hospital for the second time?
because if they do
i'll stay silent...
like a mime

no words
just like last time
running out of rhymes
so i guess i won't speak
poetry is how i talk

She wanted to blow a hole
Inside the temple of tomorrow,
Ripping the facade of false hope,
Shattering dreams she cannot borrow.

"Tell me! Accept me! Forgive my weaknesses!"
The screams of a soul torn apart,
A monster forged in the furnace of hatred,
Their abuse painted across her heart.

Only the burn of chemicals calms the beast,
Trapped in the past, never released.
Another hit to muffle the cries,
But demons resurface as the high dies.

Death whispers with a silencer's breath,
Golden child lies in the shadow of death.
She, the unwanted, she, the broken,
Rage withdraws where words are unspoken.

He never fought them, never stood tall,
Just smiled as she crumbled, watching her fall.
"Look in the mirror, who will save you now?"
Her reflection screams, but she doesn’t know how.

Comfort carved in the lines of her flesh,
Destruction's lover, her only caress.
"Don’t leave me all alone!" she cries,
Echoes of pain through empty skies.

A child estranged, silent and cold,
Unaware of the horrors untold.
She bears the weight, the scars of despair,
A temple in ruins, no one left to care.

So she screams to the void,
To the gods of tomorrow,
Take her sorrow, take her sorrow!
But they leave her hollow.

can see it now in a stuffy auditorium
half of those students don’t give a ****
it’s hotter than a crematorium
and everyone just wants to go out to lunch

i can see her now - the principal’s crying
she can hardly get the words out
nervous laughter and everyone’s trying
whatever it is, to figure it out

i can see me too, when she breaks the news
“i regret to inform you” but i already knew
grim curiosity, we’re all wondering who
and the world liquifies when she says it’s you

silence, something switches, day to night
last night you were found dead, abandoned
and i’m saying no god, it can’t be right
cause he would have called me beforehand

Was it their fault?
Were they in the wrong?
She made her choice
Was it their responsibility?
She thought it through
Were they supposed to control that?

They did everything right
But some things are out of their control
Can they be responsible for everything?
She didn't follow in their footsteps
Instead

She turned away
She went against her upbringing
It saddened them
They tried to bring her back
Yet she would not return

'Where is justice?'
She would ask
But she'd never listen

Then she fell
Well,
She jumped
She tried to escape their loving hands
Forever
But failed
Thank goodness

It couldn't have been their fault
But they would have felt it
Nonetheless
They still feel it now
But they will
And so will she
I hope

She came to my bed last night,
and told me to pray.

"Pray for God to help with your stress in school," she said.
"Oh, but I'm not stressed"
"So pray thanks to God for that."
"Okay..."
She doesn't leave.
"Am I praying to you or to Him?"
She sighs and sits next to me.

"Repeat after me..."
Padre nuestro que estás en el cielo,
santificado sea tu Nombre;
venga a nosotros tu Reino;
hágase tu voluntad
en la tierra como en el cielo.
Danos hoy
nuestro pan de cada día;
perdona nuestras ofensas,
como también nosotros perdonamos
a los que nos ofenden;
no nos dejes caer en la tentación,
y líbranos del mal. Amén.

I do as she says. She gives me a kiss and smiles.
"I love you. You'll always be my girl."
I smile back.
"Good night."

Once she leaves, I turn in my bed to face the wall
and I cry.
I cry, "She'll never love me."
I cry, "She'll never accept me."
I cry, "She'll only ever love her."
I cry, "What is wrong with me?"

The waves of pain crash into me
It starts in my chest,
And rolls all the way to my finger tips
And out through my eyes.
It hurts so much.

I look up, and I pray,
"Why, God, have you made me like this?
Why have you made me into something that is so wrong in your eyes, in her eyes?
All I wanted was to be loved and happy.
God, please,
Why am I like this?
Why do I have to live like this?
Why have you given me a choice between two sins:
Either live as myself, my gender diverse self, my oh so sinful self
Or **** myself because I can't bear to live any other way.
Why, God?
Why won't you just let me die?"

I sob into my pillow, quietly enough so that they won't hear me from their bedroom on the opposite side of the hall.
But God hears everything, doesn't He?
Why doesn't He hear me?

This disease that plagues so many
It kills
With bridges
With pills
With knives
With guns
It seems there is no escape
It seems to affect any

But love
It breaks down walls
It saves so many
It heals
It gives hope
It stays
We could save so many
If we just love

We've all heard the quote.
We all know it's about taking that risk.
to me, that risk is the note I wrote.
The 'goodbye' video on the disc.

That risk is actually taking that leap.
and some days I regret not doing it.
those days I dig into my emotions real deep.
But i'm glad I didn't commit.