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hsn 6m
(quiet, isn't it?)  

       the air holds its breath.  
               the walls do not move.  
                       the body is still—  
                                  at last, at last, at last.  

but time does not stop.  
        the clock hiccups,  
                        then keeps ticking.  
        the door stays locked,  
                        but the knocking doesn’t stop.  
        the phone keeps ringing,  
                        but no one picks up.  

       (were you expecting silence?)  

somewhere, the sun keeps rising.  
        somewhere, the city hums on.  
                but here—  
                           here, the world tilts,  
                                         the sky folds,  
                                                   the ground sinks beneath them.  

       a mother grips the doorknob,  
                      hand trembling like a faulty lightbulb.  
       a friend stares at the unread message,  
                      timestamped yesterday, 3:14 AM.  
       a lover traces the indent in the mattress,  
                      as if it were a wound that might still close.  

                     they always meant to check in.  
                     they always meant to call.  
                     they always meant to say—  

but meaning is a ghost,  
         and ghosts do not answer.  

       (are you listening?)  

   your name becomes an echo.  
                 a prayer, a question, a plea.  
   your room becomes an altar.  
                 untouched shirts, dust settling like snowfall.  
   your absence becomes a stain.  
                 not red. not blood. something paler, endless, unseen.  

       (is this what you wanted?)  

       the weight is gone,  
               but only for you.  
                     it latches onto their shoulders instead,  
                            vines curling, thick and unrelenting.  

   a sister walks slower.  
   a father speaks softer.  
   a friend laughs less.  

       (you left, but you did not leave alone.)  

       the world keeps turning,  
       the sun keeps rising,  
       the birds keep singing,  

       but for them, the light feels wrong,  
       the sky feels heavier,  
       and the music plays out of tune.  

       (quiet, isn't it?)  

              (but listen—someone is still crying.)
please know that you are not alone. there are people who love you, who will listen, who want you to stay. reach out. you are seen. you are needed. you are loved <3
i don't hear the whispers anymore
neither do I see the flashing lights.
my bed has become a graveyard,
where my blood is a fountain
and my chest opened
for the flies that drink brown liquor
and spit through rotten teeth
for the worms that deceive their own sisters
ending lives just for grinding teeth.

How have I come to hate myself?
Kaiden 1d
You're like a safety pin.
Holding onto life for me
When i no longer can.
To this one special person.
The sun still rose—did you know that?
A dull, indifferent thing,
spilling light over hollow places
that once held your shadow.

They found your coat on the chair,
your shoes by the door,
as if you meant to return.

The air was thick with silence,
the kind that hums in empty rooms,
pressing against the walls
where your voice used to be.

Someone called your name by accident.
Someone set a place at the table.
Someone swore they heard your footsteps
on the stairs.

And I—
I watched the world keep spinning,
watched birds lift into the sky
as if nothing had been lost,
as if the earth had not swallowed
a universe.

Kai 5d
Why
Why do I **** up every time
I bring trouble everywhere
No matter what
Trouble finds me
It haunts me
Always
No matter what i do
It will never change
That's how my life works
Why was i born?
Why am I here?
Do i need to stay?
Cant this pain just go away?
It's always the same
Day in and day out
It'll never change
That's how my life is
If I cut well that change anything?
No
It will cause regret
But i need to
I know it won't help but I deserve it
when nothing is left

i won't tell you what i'm about to do

forever that feeling of spent

indecisions clouded with tunnel vision, funneled down to one last thought

it boomerangs back to me.  the rest scatter, like from a catapult

locked in a blanket of fog.  a frozen state.  blood red stains

i think about fate

oh god please help me this soul is beginning to bleed

fear is spreading through me.  my mind cannot rest

paranoia follows me around,  like some kind of pest

i've fallen out of place.  i have lost all my grace

i can't remember myself.  i can be replaced

i have no good memories,  all has gone blank

A BLUE SHADE OF SICKNESS

is what causes the pain

it won't even wane,  won't go the **** away

death haunts me,  like screams from a nest

pistol in my grip, on my lip so it rests

to decide not to stay or to live in this place

it's just too hard to scream, without a face

i step into the void, to escape all of the noise

because, when it all turns to black, there is no turning back
i begin to write to settle my mind at times throughout my life. this one was the start of it all, 30+ years ago. the title has never changed but has been rewritten a few times as i grew as a writer. i actually had a lot of fun pulling this one out and giving it its final edit.
Kaiden 5d
Dot
In a million different people
Disappears a dot.
One second im alive,
The other i'm not.
not feeling too good rn
Kaiden 5d
I wrote suicide notes like love letters,
Maybe a bit too much.
Maybe a bit too often,
With those depressing words and such.

I wrote suicide notes like love letters,
Carefully chose every word.
Desperately trying to tell you,
That to me you meant the whole world.

I wrote suicide notes like love letters,
It almost felt like a crime.
Put my pen down like a weapon,
And glance at you one last time.
i wrote way too many of those
Eliana Knight Mar 24
The rumour, the lie
The teasing, I cry
The pain of the blade
My vision starts to fade
The handcuff on the hospital bed
My throbbing head
People gather around
Asking me to make a sound
But I'm stuck in my mind
When I surface I find
My family, but not one friend
Time moves slowly as I mend
The cheerful hellos
The tearful goodbyes
Still feeling like I want to die
And it all started
With a rumor & a lie.
How rumors and lies destroy lives
I searched the face of the hollow man
as I drove the dagger through his empty heart
drained by love given
but not replaced
he cried to me
conceiving his defeat
to shield his soul from the pangs of living
the blood of fleeing life
and the tears of anguish
fell in drops
to the time-worn floor of the dismal room

a light breeze eased the curtain aside
a blinking hotel sign
revealed a dead man
lying beneath a mirror
smeared with blood
dried to the image of a stretched palm
many hours later
I posted this in 2018, but I wrote it in 1974...and read it in front of the Creative Writing class. I got very strange looks afterwards. I was a very quiet teenager and this was unexpected I'm sure. The faces when I was done reading in that classroom are etched in my memory
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