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Zack 54m
Today, a years-long claim got denied — again.
I have been fighting the veterans affairs office
for too much of my life.
Sitting here at a job that brings me nothing, I silently weep
inside about the battle that I have to continue fighting.
At my work bench, surrounded by strangers to my struggles
I’m transported back to my first encounter
with the hellish reality of life in the Marines.
His cries for help rip me out of my bunk.
With his arms locked, under the boys armpits and across his chest,
he drags him out from the squad bay bathroom.
We’ve been in basic training only two weeks now.
Fresh out of high school,
our friends haven’t even left for college yet.
Blood sprays from his neck.
He’s laid on the ground, and my hands, like bandages,
are around him now trying to keep his life inside of him.
I never knew how hot freshly spilled blood was.
I close my eyes, and pray someone will come save him
and me.
I was only 18
and so was he.

                                        Hands, covered in life
                              It’s lost warmth — searing my skin
                                        Save me from this hell
United States Suicide Prevention Resources
National emergency number: 911
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988
Accessible by phone or text
24/7 support in English or Spanish
24/7 support for deaf or hard-of-hearing individuals; learn more at 988lifeline.org. For TTY Users: Use your preferred relay service or dial 711 then 988
Online chat: Visit 988lifeline.org
Crisis Text Line
24/7 text support: Text HOME to 741741
Johnson Oyeniran Jun 2020
-Bad news.

Suicidal thoughts stopped by to see me today,

They promised me they can make my pain go away.
Archer 3d
I’ll be gone by morning
Leave no trace
Gone by morning
You’ll be mourning
Seth H 3d
get back up brother

men we fall, we break, we hit the ground
but what are we made of?
strength that isn't ours
get back up brother

I won't let you die this way

it doesn't matter how hard, or how many times we fall
if someone is here to pick you up or not
there is only one answer

get back up brother

-----------------------------------------------

For those
who fell and no one's around
to pull you up
every day is the sound of death
calling your name
every voice in your mind is
saying you're broken
unfixable
every word spoken to you
you're hoping to hear one bit,
"I hear you, I see you, I love you, I'm proud of you"
but instead,
"hey how long until you're done with __?"
or even
silence
the whole world rejects you
the universe set itself against you
The Creator is Set to Crush You

but with muscles tight
and clenched teeth
and flooded eyes

you say,
I
Will
Not
Die
Like
This

O Jacob
O Israel

Wrestle,
& do not
ever
let
go.
and to you sisters as well! Dearest women of resilience! Love to you as well

May we always have a friend or stranger to offer us a hand when we are down
The sun began to fall from the sky
The moon turned a blind eye
The ground crumbled beneath my feet
The trees died out when I touched their branches..
The people sought to erase my chances.
The animals whimpered and growled when we’d meet
The clouds didn't make shapes anymore, just grey, depressing things floating atop me every day.
My house fell apart by one knock on the door. I hoped and prayed it wouldn’t be too expensive.
The building fell to dust when I needed to step on the roof, away from the ensnarement of life, and its cycle of despair.
The electric wires burned out only when I thought about the rest of the world, only faint radio sounds cured my curiosity.
The knife in my hand turned dull in a pinch,
So soft my skin couldn't be pierced.
The car exploded into flames when I walked by the street,
“Poor guy” I thought, “Poor guy..”
And soon every stone with the capacity to **** me,
transformed into chalk.
Why was this happening to me? I couldn’t tell you.

Until, one day, on Fairway Road,
an old lady, in an antique dusty purple coat stopped at my feet
I laid there starving, refusing to eat.
She introduced herself as Marilyn Scott,
Who loved her earl grey and the petunias she cared for so dearly.
Mrs. Scott went on about how there was a war in Europe,
One that threatened the lives of the people in my state.
Then, again, changed the subject to her profitable farm
down the ways, in the fields.
"The freshest milk in Montana!" She'd say.
Meanwhile I remained on the cold cement, wishing for this pain to end.
But she kept on chatting, and chatting.
"My husband just passed about a month ago.." She said
"My dear son Rob just graduated from his studies" She said.
"Bread prices are down, this week." She said!
and she said, and she said, and she wouldn't stop saying.
Meanwhile my mind was rotting, decaying.
Then she finally stopped, and gave a large sigh
And looked me dead in the eye.
"Mr. Arthur" she said, point blank.
"Mr. Arthur, how have you been?"
I froze and stopped breathing.
All feelings of hunger dissipated.
The cold air, like her, was comforting to me.
I realized, she acknowledged my existence, like no one had before.
"Mrs. Scott," I nodded my head,
"I'm doing fine."
With all my energy,
I leapt up, and brushed down my chalky knees, like a gentleman would.
And finally, taking my chance, I asked her: "Say, where could I purchase the freshest milk in all of Montana?"

And she said.
This all happened in great detail within my dream. Old Marilyn Scott..
;
what does it mean to 'continue'?
;
glass 4d
WHAT AM I TO TELL YOU BUT THAT I TASTE CEMENT
IS THERE NOT BEAUTY IN A HEADSTONE POURED WITH MIRTH
SALT ON THE PAVEMENT IS IT WINTER AGAIN
BENEATH AN UNFEELING EYE WILL YOU EVER SURVIVE
WILL MY BLOOD EVER HOLD MEANING THIS NIGHT
IN STRINGS OF THE UNIVERSAL TONES
WHAT AM I TO SAY BUT BURY ME IN HASTE
I WILL BE GONE TOMORROW ANYWAY
020525
Milo 4d
I've been thinking about killing myself
It's not that I'm sad or anything
At least, I don't think I am
It's gotten harder to tell the difference these days
The hours grow shorter and shorter and every day seems to abruptly end when I open my eyes
Tell me more about yourself
About your favorite food and the homework you hate
Did you know that, while drawling on, when the light hits your eyes just right, they glimmer?
The water here is strange
Too warm or far too cold
With a weird bitter taste
Weird like the bitter-blue sky that stretches on like it does in movies
The kind of movies that you watch when you're on the road that you can never quite remember

I've been thinking of killing myself
Maybe it's because I never know what to do with my hands when I walk
Or perhaps it's that the ghosts in the walls just won't stop staring
The lights here are pretty bright, y’know?
So bright that they illuminate every pore, mole, and imperfection on people's faces
Stare too long and you can even see their sins
Every strained brow and disgruntled look in their eyes

I've been thinking about killing myself
I know that it's bad and won't solve any of my problems, but, God, I could use a break
Something to stop time for a moment
Even if that moment lasts eternity
There's this spot on my palm that won't stop itching
I scratch away endlessly but there's something deeper there
Maybe if I could just peel away the flesh, reveal the sinewy underbelly beneath my callused skin
Maybe then I'd find some meaningful part of myself

I've been thinking about killing myself
Not in an extravagant way
One that will horrify all who hear
But something gentle
Something soft
Soft as my cat's fur when she snuggles close while I cry
Soft as the blankets I cling to every morning praying for a few extra minutes
Your voice is kind of soft, too
Would you sing me a lullaby?
Just like how my mother used to when I was little
Mom will be sad again, won't she?
He tells me to just say no.
I know what he means, right?
Just say no.
No to what?
"Well, you know,
When you don't say anything they take it as a yes,
So you just have to say no."

Oh, I know now.

Lie.
He wants me to lie.
Well, maybe he wouldn't know its a lie,
He doesn't know anything.
Nobody knows
anything.

When the therapist asks you if you've been feeling depressed,
When the therapist asks you if you've thought about self-harm,
When the therapist asks you if you want to **** yourself,

Just
Say
No.

Thats okay, I know how to lie,
My life is one big lie after all.
call me when it's over,
i'd rather not watch it all from the start.
rewind to the credits,
make sure to read every single name out loud.

keep the tape rolling,
there might be a hidden message or two.
my mind is unstable,
but the state of it's got nothing to do with you.

so call me when it's over,
i've seen it a million times inside my head.
rewind to the credits,
read the names and remember that most of them are dead.
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