Simulated:
The feeling's real, reality's not.

I super hate it:
I am the one left here to rot.

Participant:
Volunteered to die because life *****.

A simulated reality that never stops.

I lovingly caressed its top,
Tenderly held it in my finger,
Quickly lit its bottom,
And inhaled longingly.
Slowly, my tension receded,
As I blew rings in the air,
Puff after puff after puff.
There was a knock on the door,
Quickly, I sprayed air freshener,
Opened the windows,
Slipped a chewing gum in my mouth.
It was mum,the same nag,nag,nag ....
I smiled and listened,
The special  cigarette  had stimulated me.

My tired eyes cry
My weary body lies
And why do my tears
Think they cannot dry?

Shaky hands and nervous throat
Exhausted heart, this stimulated soul
They ridiculously wait, day after day,
For a break from sorrow, a thing called hope.

How is it that I can live, but it is the hardest thing I ever did?

© Melissa Carlson 2016