I said,
if I go back,
I lose my progress.
If I don’t,
I lose nothing.

But I went back.
And now I have to ask myself—
maybe I’m learning
to stand my ground,
but I’m losing friends.
People are walking away.

I’m confused as hell.

You weren’t just an affair—
you were the child inside me
screaming,
“I want to live.”

And how did she show it?
By falling in love with you.

That’s why,
when I was with you,
something still felt incomplete.

Because it wasn’t you.
It was me.

Unfortunately—
it was me.

You were a mirror
I needed to see myself clearly.

Yes, you had your part in the story.
Whether you came from heaven
or from hell—
it’s all right.
Your purpose was fulfilled.

I didn’t choose
to marry the wrong man.
I let myself
live the marriage
in the wrong way—
unconsciously.

By showing me
I deserved more,
you weren’t necessarily saying
he was wrong for me—
but that I had been
treating myself wrong
all along.

I feel I’ve hurt many people.
All of them,
with trembling voices,
show me
I might be on the wrong path.

But as my friend said—
everyone has their own journey.

Maybe those I’ve despised
are the ones I need to make peace with.
And maybe those
who stood by my side
are the ones I’ll have to hurt.

Because it’s not about them—
it’s about me.

Not depending on anyone
but myself,
my opinion,
my belief
in what I know
to be right.

Once again,
I need to rewrite this story—
and I have to take responsibility for it.

You came back into my life
to show me
so many things were wrong
in my marriage,
and that I needed to align
with myself.

You came to show me
that I deserve more—
and not necessarily
that I have to be with you,
but that I have to love
differently.

Calm now—
the waters are still.

Until one day
they will stir again.

I need to hold myself gently,
to know for sure
it’s okay to return,
it’s okay to leave—

as long as I’m aligned
with what I want.