You know what’s worse than being rejected?
Never being denied entirely, yet never being accepted.
Meaning enough to someone for them to keep you around, yet never meaning enough for them to pick you up when you’re down.
Meaning enough for them to tell you their deepest, darkest thoughts in the middle of the night, yet never meaning enough for them to love you in the light.
Meaning enough for them to appreciate you when they’re all alone, yet never meaning enough when they’ve found a new home.
Meaning enough for them to talk to you on Monday, and how desperately you wished that would last until Sunday.
But every Tuesday they turn away, they seem to deny you, and you think they’ve finally gone away.
You tell yourself you’re done, you’ll distance yourself and run.
Inevitably, this cycle of pain always seems to remain.
“Oh yeah I’m happy for you, she must be great”, you blankly say, as you feel your heart breaking, for it has, yet again, led you astray.
“But it’s okay, I don’t really care”, you say to yourself, as you begin to fade
You try to be happy, so you paint on a smile, thinking it will only have to be fake for a short while.
Though pain is the victor of this ****** battle, it’s all you feel, it’s all you see, and from it, you never do really seem to flee.
But, then they come back, as though nothing had happened, you think you're going insane like you’re lost with no map and...
They push you away, yet ask why you never want to stay.
You’re weak for them and you don’t know why.
Why must you endure this perpetual cycle for them, why?
This cycle you endure has torn you apart, you don’t know where you’re at and you don’t understand how this even began to start.
They say they never promised you anything, so to them, you’re the bad guy.
You’re the one who left; you’re the one who committed this unforgivable theft.
You never know what you mean; your head is so cloudy you think you’re lost in a dream.
One day they tell you they love you, they tell you they care.
Do they really think you’re that stupid and so blatantly unaware?
Yet they convince you again, time after time, you really think you’ve actually ******* lost your mind.
But you let yourself fall again, knowing they won’t catch you, convincing yourself the pain can’t grow worse, yet when..
you think you’ve reached that point, they fade away.
One day they’re here, yet they’ve packed up the next, they’re never here to remain with you, nor do they stay to rest.
You’ve decided you’re done this time.
It’s time to end this senseless rhyme.
Though not in your life and with you, a part of them will always remain in you.
They were never truly yours, yet you still feel this ******* pain as your relationship has faded in the distance, so much so you must strain.
The emptiness and hole left because they’re now gone, forever a constant reminder of what you had at stake:
Time, energy, love, and care, so much invested,
So you hold onto that sliver of fate, and patiently, oh so patiently, yet again, you wait.
Yet you know that the day will never come when they will love you back and the damage from this cycle will not yet again be done.
