Life's journey is hard for everyone,
but always try, as best as you can,
that it'd be a white-sailed ship
that will be awaiting you when
your odyssey comes to an end.

Przemyslaw Musialowski 10/25/2020

And sometimes it comes my way
and I smile, I feel, I shake
You showed me your own kind of fairy tale
But I am a punk and I ripped it to death
The Sun did; I just allowed him to do his sacred deed

This is life, you know
So different from what you've been taught.
It is the best, and sometimes the worse.
Full of ecstasy and pain, and ups, and downs.
A ride to not forget, for sure.
Prettier than right, righter than law.
Law written by tyrannic mores!

This is life, not what you were told
so
try your best, forget about the rest
drown in it, till you're whole
most of all, have a ball

Would you sink into the sand
or could you remain even on shaky ground?
On the elevation, could you stand?
When your hands touch the sky, can you stay earthbound?

If your entirety builds around others
are you those that you lean on?
Are your choices and mistakes yours or another's?
Are you a king or a pawn

Why do they expect me to be them,
when I want to be myself?
Why should I be another and not be mayhem?
How can you worship one and never accept yourself?

something isn't nothing

I don't like it when people consider the minute nothing
I don't like it at all
something is wrong with that belief
to consider the small unimportant
the microscopic non-existent
meaningless
purposeless...
a figment of pure imagination
a non sequitur of time
as if size itself is the only factor of what is...
dismissing reality is a fatal flaw
for when that insignificant nothing
infects you
replaces your meaningless parts with rot
turns your own body against you
discards the fabric of your meaningless existence thread by thread into the null--
when your state triggers the process of decay
slowly killing you--
while the residual effects trigger the mechanisms of the minds of those around you to start discarding your future--
while every memory becomes thinner
when you start fading
walking your own path to becoming emptiness
to become the thing you dismiss
to become dismissed
from reality
from life
but slowly enough
to realize you want to live
to have that thing you didn't believe...
existed--

you will beg for something
and receive true nothing

No, I don't know
What love is
At all.

I am wondering
And my soul
Is about to fall

What is love
Why is love
And why are we all?

Are these simply questions of a depressed mind?
Maybe.
But also of one that is trying to find

Reasons
To live and to feel and to love.
Again.
More
And more honestly than ever.

Searching is my current state.
It's rather stuck, but does vibrate
Uncomfortably under my ribs
Where the deepest of feelings should be

Instead I am mostly inhibiting my head
But I want to learn to change that
My body needs more of my attention
I need to connect
To reconnect I guess.

I noticed there is a big gap
Between my soul, my head, my body..
It is as if I am existing in parts.

Maybe it's true cause energy is divided
Maybe.

I don't really know much
My focus recently has been very shallow
I guess I lost other people's touch
The human connections with fellows

They matter. Society matters.
This is where love meets me
But rarely.

I did experience hate though
In groups.
No body came to save me

But that's over, isn't it?
Or do I still have to learn to trust?

Am I still so influenced by it?
That I'd rather deny myself
Than to accept
That someone might not like
Sth about me instead.

Why is it so bad?
How to get rid of this weird energy.
How to find a way to be finally free.
I am not even begging for materialistic freedom.
I just want to be able to decide
How my life is gonna be
Where I am gonna be
And in each and every moment
What is actually right for me?

I know I overstepped some boundaries
And I will overstep even more
There are boundaries I overstep unwillingly
And there's others that I knowingly ignore.

The girl looked through the magnifying glass
at her own hand.

That,
she thought,
will be my hand when I grow up.

She was right, you know.
Only failed to consider
the scars she would
accumulate.

Maybe living is
itself morally worse than
never being born

4:08 PM
19/5/20