I saw her
I saw her smile
Focus out through the sparkle
Reflecting from her danglers
And the ones in the atmosphere.
Turquoise sequinned with beige
Crackers, all around her
Our first new year
Where she took me by
My hand, entangling fingers
Lacing, when she thought she'd
Lost me,skipping between
White walls and brown floors
Finding a way out
Through the maze.

Low hung ceiling lamps.

Dragging me back through my memory doors
Remains the same
White walls and brown floors
While I wait outside.

Inside you're having your chemo.

Crackers
Inside my heart
Slithering through my mouth
I see her in between
Those flinging and swinging

Prayer flags, I recollect
Hanging them in the backyard
Of our home, you
Bargained them out
A flea market, before
That year's Diwali
You had inside of you
A life that would bless us
In three months.

A tangerine Georgette Saree
And rhyming with it,
Rani colored bangles
Sneaking up on the roof.

Crackers
White walls, wooden floors
You lie quiet, unmoved.

A skyrocket ups in a distance
As I light you up in flames.

Crackers
You'd always come back
Focusing, defocusing
My memories' pitaara
Sparkling, dangling
Skipping and lacing
Through all those crackers
Lighting me up

I'm walking to her grave
Every once in a while
Not by a will that belongs to me
But a promise I made
In the name of the Almighty
The day we wed
Me to my vows and she,
Obliging to her parents
Cheating me, fulfilling her chalice
With lust and mine with hurt and hate.
The syringes lying on the floor one noon
Petrifying our daughter, an overdose
And overflow of blood and spitting
Her heart out, she left
Bitter vows, an unfilled unholy grail
Lingering between us clouds of smoke
And even though the floor
Towards her grave
Is patterned irregular cobblestones
Stuffed with snow in the crevices
Its my heart
That feels a cold stone pavement.

I'm tired
Of counting the endless cigarette butts
That lie on the floor
Scattered
I collect them one by one
To make sure I've collected enough poison
That'll burn me down
Crush my heart into ashes
I'm tired because I don't know what I did so wrong
What I did to deserve these heinous replies
The unending smoky breaths
That cloud between us,
They're engulfing what was once beautifully ours
To keep and hold
I'm letting go off of you tonight, though
I'm letting the clouds fly you away from me
I'm letting the smog of whatever we had
**** us inside of reality
Bringing us back to where we started
Because it was better not knowing you
It felt better to breathe without this fire of hate
And love craze
Burning inside of me,
Every moment
So I'm letting you go
With the hope
That some day when we're at crossroads
You'll be full of oxygen
Helping another
To breathe again.

Sailor.
Come back
Its your boy's birthday today
They brought you boxed in a coffin day before
Was that the present he should've expected?
Laced with garlands
With a spread of the National Flag on top
Sailor
I know its been your dream
To conquer unexplored lands
Its been your fantasy
To achieve heights beyond your reach
But what about your boy
He sleeps with the fighter plane clung to his heart
You need to finish that for him
I run my fingers over his carved name
As if your hands were still at work
Sailor
Come back
Not for me, not for your parents
For him
Him, who talks to your photograph every night and morn
How do I explain to him
What exactly do I say
Sailor
Its okay
He saw your body
He's been in shock
He cannot shake the image off
Of your cold hands and face
And why you wouldn't come out
He's died somewhere in his heart
Its not okay but its okay
I hope you understand
I'll try my best to meet you
Maybe in some other lifetime.