The plain porcelain ***
is splatter painted,
a smoking crimson
as the yellowish ****
swims in the bowl.

The old man moans
from the agony of
an antibiotic resistant
abscess.

The nurses undress him
To find a score of bed sores
that were hiding,
open wounds deep enough
to touch bone.

Gentle hands wipe
while he softly whimpers.

The round and dimpled cheeked teen
watches, smiling warmly,
offering calm words,
emoting compassion,
and answering any questions
the dying man might be asking
in the last stages of
his drug induced delirium.

After the cleaning she holds him.
He calls her mother
and she doesn’t correct him.
Jagged breaths slow
as she hums an old
family Lullaby
and he goes
as peacefully as possible
into oblivion.

the Doctor will see you now
the nurse announces into the hallway
she doesn't shout - only raising her voice a little
louder to get my attention.
i'm nervous, it's my first serious appointment.

as i sit down the stool, She looks into my pupils
it's an eye exam, She says
lightly brushing across my face
skincare is of importance, also sleep more
your eye bags aren't a good sign

grabs my arm, pinching it lightly
muscle density isn't all that bad,
her rope of iron is hooked onto Her ears
a small disk between Her fingers
breathe in, breathe out

a stethoscope!
it presses against my chest, the palpitations almost
minuscule, yet She grabs onto my arm
Her ears almost dance at each knock
fingers tap to my rhythm

Her stethoscope presses harder down my chest
it's almost as if my ***** is pushing back
against the now warm instrument
then it sinks, i swallow it
down, down, in! she pushes lightly into my skin

why is Her warm hand in my chest?
She sinks deeper and deeper in
until she grabs the soft fruit of my Eden
She's gentle, feeling every jump in my chest
this is supposed to happen?

Her fingers caress every vein, studying it,
tracing it, she notes down the rate in her head
no good, She says, getting faster by the minute
my sweat pouring down my neck
isn't making this any easier, is it?

then Her hand slips out
i didn't realize she needed no gloves
She notes down Her measurements
in...  a blog?
be sure to be back tomorrow

i stand up, button up my shirt
i am sure to be back tomorrow.

my girl body sits in the nurse’s office
yellow room with blue cushioned seats that have arm rests that are too high
there isn’t a curtain to draw between the sick and the waiting
and I hate it ‘cause it makes me think
what is wrong with them what is wrong with me

they tell me I have to take the eye exam to prove it
but I’ve been telling them for months I am blind
and yes, I messed up bad
abandoning the boy in the woods
but I just couldn’t see him anywhere anymore
so it’s not my fault really that he died
it just happened like that